In my hometown, there is a saying: "The family of two parents who set rice and beans harvest rice and pick beans." ”
During the farming years, in order to increase the family income, the land was used to the best possible extent.
稻田里有禾苗，田埂上点黄豆。
When the rice is ripe, every household is busy. As an in-law, once you are done, you will go to the other party's house to help cut the rice.
After harvesting the rice, it will enter the late autumn, and the in-laws will gather together, find soybeans, grind tofu, and make moldy tofu, tofu skin, etc. This life is bitter, but also fireworks, and human touch.
The in-laws help each other, and everything will be fine. This is our conventional thinking.
With the passage of time, the relationship between in-laws has also quietly changed, and the mode of getting along is no longer picking and planting together.
There is an ancient saying: When good deeds are done, there will be disaster.
blindly talked about human feelings, forced himself to suffer, and in the end hurt himself, and the relationship was not kept. It's better to do good deeds, leave room for mesaic, and plain is true.
01
Keep one hand on your lips, and don't say three things.
Many old people have a mantra: "I'm all for your good." ”
Yes, in order to make each other's life better, we often dig out our hearts, give the best advice, and also give guidance and discuss with a pleasant face.
But too much is lost, and it's irritating.
Smart people know how to "shut up properly" and do not say three things.
First, the lives of other children in the in-laws are not guided.
There are several children in the in-laws' family, only one child is married to your children, and the other children are very ordinary relatives.
Think about it, between relatives, you have to give you guidance on life, this will not be adopted. Your suggestion is good, but it also represents your own ideas, and you don't have to push yourself and others.
If you say a few more words, you are a good teacher, but you have ruined your own image.
Second, the financial arrangements of the in-laws are not recommended.
Which child the in-laws give their family wealth to, you will think that it should be given to your "daughter-in-law and son-in-law". People are selfish.
When you make a suggestion, your in-laws will think that you are too selfish. Even if you are selfless and hope that your "son-in-law and daughter-in-law" will get less, you will be misunderstood, and your children may not agree.
Third, the shortcomings of the in-laws are not clear.
There is no perfect person in the world, your in-laws have a pension, a house, and a lot of savings, but there are also many shortcomings. For example, the in-laws are a second-married family, and they have some hearts, and they have also done things that lack morality, and even have been imprisoned.
The shortcomings exist objectively, and they cannot be changed, they are already old and stubborn. Why should you be kind enough to help change? turn a blind eye and let it develop naturally.
If you say good things, you will be misunderstood, and if you talk endlessly, you will be treated as a crow's mouth, don't believe it.
02
Keep a hand in your hand, and the money and gifts should be distinguished.
There is a kind of human nature called: "Brothers hope to be poor, and relatives hope to be rich." ”
What is the family background of your brothers and sisters, it has little to do with you, they are poor, and you will not empathize.
But the life of your in-laws is very poor, and you are not happy.
After all, when the in-laws are rich, the children will get benefits, which is a disguised help to the children.
Adopting many methods to make the in-laws rich is also a favor and a comprehensive economy.
But you find that no, once the in-laws and families are not clear, the economy and property are not clear, but create contradictions, and your contribution is equal to zero.
My great uncle, in his fifties, burned a lot of red bricks to build a new house.
However, the children of the eldest uncle have all gone to the city, so the move to build a new house has not been implemented for a long time.
The eldest uncle's in-laws (daughter-in-law's maiden family) were in the next village, and took the opportunity of building a pigpen to hire a tractor to pull away more than 1,000 red bricks from the eldest uncle's house.
Many years later, the eldest uncle's daughter asked, did you give money for this red brick?
Now, the eldest uncle can't tell whether the red brick is sold to his in-laws, or is it a gift, or is it half sold and half sent?
Fortunately, the daughter-in-law was cheeky and asked her mother's family to give her a few hundred yuan and put it in the hands of the eldest uncle, and the matter subsided.
As the saying goes: "Brothers, settle accounts." "This in-law should also refer to this, don't be too careless.
Specifically, gifts, borrowing money, giving things, and calculating interest should be clearly explained in advance, and children should also be informed to avoid trouble in the future.
Especially when it comes to money, don't become a fool.
In addition, if your in-laws are in difficulty, don't help all the time, especially those who are lazy and have a very poor character, if you help, he will rely on you.
03
Keep a hand on your feet and don't get too close.
It has been said, "If people get too close to each other, it is a disaster." ”
When I have nothing to do, I go to visit my in-laws, eat together, drink together, do farm work together, play ball together, and travel together...... Things that seem beautiful will end up being confusing.
The self-media person "Jade Rabbit" said a troublesome thing.
After retiring, he invited his in-laws to travel with him. It was agreed that each person would pay 5,000, and someone would take care of the accounts.
When he arrived at the scenic spot, he wanted to buy water, but his mother stopped him and said, "You can't drink cold water, go to the water dispenser to get warm water."
But when I went around and didn't see the water dispenser, everyone complained to each other.
Unexpectedly, a trip was lost to a bottle of water.
In fact, what they lost to was not water, but the difference in people's three views.
It seems that the two families with the right family have different views, and their life experiences are even more different. Some thoughts, even more difficult to ponder.
It's too close, and trivial things are not easy to deal with.
Once there is a conflict, one's daughter and son-in-law, son and son, are caught in it, and the left and right are not people.
04
In the "New Book of Rongjing", it is said: "It is too much, and there is more than enough." ”
Once the relationship is too good, it means that "when the moon is full, it will be lost, and when the water is full, it will overflow", so we need to keep a positive appearance, but not to the extreme.
The best relationship between in-laws and families is not to meet every day, help everything, and discuss everything, but to keep a distance, help appropriately when you are in trouble, and be okay when you are happy.
During the New Year's holidays, under the auspices of the children, we have a meal together, and at the wedding banquet, we are guests together.
The distance is far away, the favor is light, and the mood is better.
Author: Cloth Clothes Coarse Food.
Follow my words and go into your heart.
The pictures in the article come from the Internet.