Written by / First Psychology Writers
Editor / Tommy
They have few social activities, few friends, few relatives around them, and seemingly a cold relationship with their families.
Mr. Nan Huaijin once analyzed that if someone has few friends and has an indifferent relationship with his family, it is likely to be these three types of people:
1. I was hurt by family affection
For example, Xiao Li in the office always volunteers to stay on duty before the Chinese New Year every year.
In the past, colleagues might have asked her why she didn't go home. But after several years of understanding, everyone has become accustomed to the reason why Xiao Li is reluctant to go home. In fact, it's not that Xiao Li can't go home, but that she chooses not to go back.
Xiao Li was born in a traditional northern family, the family is not well-off, and he has an older brother who is in college.
When Xiao Li was in high school, her parents wanted her to drop out of school and work as soon as possible to contribute to her family. Xiao Li was unwilling, she didn't understand why her brother could continue to study, but she had to give up education to work.
Since then, Xiao Li has gradually distanced himself from his family. She used her vacation time to work to earn her own living expenses and tuition. After graduating from college, although his classmates enjoyed a pleasant college life, Xiao Li had to study while working part-time, and life was hard.
Eventually, Li graduated and got a good job.
However, when her parents, who were not in contact with her, learned that she had a job, they began to try to ask her for living expenses. Although Xiao Li was disappointed in her parents, she was still filial and chose to sponsor them.
However, when she went home for the Chinese New Year, she found that her parents not only did not care about her suffering for many years, but also treated her and her brother badly.
In that home, Xiao Li felt more like an outsider, a tool to be used. Since then, she has cut off contact with her family and has not returned home for several years.
心理学权威阿德勒（Alfred Adler）曾言，
A happy childhood can heal a lifetime, while an unhappy childhood takes a lifetime to heal.
We often hear that a parent's love for their children is unconditional.
However, Wu Zhihong believes that this is just a common lie from parents.
From a psychological point of view, the influence of parents on their children is profound.
Sigmund Freud, the founder of the psychoanalytic school, believed that
A person's personality is mostly formed before the age of five, and the behavior after that is mostly a repetition of childhood experiences.
Therefore, the damage inflicted by parents during a child's childhood is long-term and irreparable.
Many parents have problems that can affect their children when they are not aware of their problems, making them afraid to form intimate relationships. Not only does this make them indifferent to family feelings, but it can also cause them to deliberately distance themselves from others.
2. People with clear goals
According to a study, only 20% of young people have a clear purpose in life, which means that most young people are in a period of confusion in life.
In the past two years, as more and more people choose to take the postgraduate or public entrance examination, there are many people who are anxious about the difficulty of employment or uncertainty about the future.
When I was young, I had an uncle whom I deeply admired, who came from a poor family in the countryside, and who was diligent and inquisitive since he was a child, and loved to read.
My father once said that when the snow fell in the winter, most of the local students chose to stay at home, but my uncle insisted on walking several kilometers to school, and he aspired to be a brilliant scholar from an early age.
Because of his outstanding academic performance, the uncle was directly sent to a university in the provincial capital to study philosophy, and was admitted to graduate school with his own ability.
Knowing that he had to get the support and recommendation of his supervisor if he wanted to continue his doctoral studies, he began to help his supervisor substitute for teaching, which not only improved his personal ability, but also won the appreciation of his supervisor.
During his more than ten years of study, he hardly socialized with anyone or fell in love, and devoted all his energy to his studies and future goals.
After three years of doctoral study, he successfully stayed in school to become a doctoral supervisor, and he has already shown academic achievements at a young age.
My father mentioned that although my uncle did not have a close relationship with his parents, he was extremely filial to his parents, and after work, he used his savings to buy a house for his parents in the county.
Often, people with clear goals are not bound by affection or love, they see their personal goals as the most important thing, and resist external temptations to focus on achieving them.
There is a concept in the world of psychology called "flow" that is common among those who have a clear goal.
Flow refers to a state of mind that occurs when people focus on an action, where they are completely focused on what is happening in front of them and are not disturbed by the outside world.
In modern society, socialization is no longer necessary, and excessive social activities can consume mental energy. A few confidants are sufficient, but spending too much time on social interactions can lead to a loss of personal attention or even self-esteem.
3. People with high IQs
People with high IQs often think very differently from the average person, and it is the saying that describes this situation.
Wei Dongyi of Peking University has an IQ of more than 160 and is recognized as a mathematical prodigy.
Although he is only 32 years old this year, he has been hired as an assistant professor at the age of 28 and has been nicknamed "Wei Shen" by many netizens.
However, this math genius is not good at socializing, and unlike other professors, he does not pay attention to dressing up and is always casual and simple. He is almost not interested in anything other than mathematics and is extremely introverted.
There have been girls who openly pursue him, but he doesn't seem to be interested, which makes many people lament that the life of a genius is very different from ordinary people.
For these highly intelligent people, their thinking patterns are already different from ordinary people.
In their childhood, they are often seen as outliers by their peers because they are different. Their remarks are often misunderstood by their classmates or family members, and the concerns of those around them are not attractive to them.
Because of this incomprehension, they often feel lonely.
They are not socially adept and do not want to waste time on things that they think are meaningless.
One study showed that geniuses generally have low emotional intelligence, and psychologists believe that because they are more self-focused, paying too much attention to other people's emotions can hinder self-development, and as a result, geniuses are often not good at interacting with people.
The End -
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Keywords in this article: personal psychology, psychology
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