The most hated woman in "The Legend of Zhen Huan" made me empathize with me fiercely today!

Love and hate, is the word I most want to use to summarize the relationship between Tao Xinran's mother and daughter, seeing the relationship between the two of them on the variety show "Is a Daughter is a Mother", I thought that this is not the mode of getting along with my mother, and it may also be a portrayal of the real mother-daughter relationship in many families.

The name Tao Xinran may be a little unfamiliar, but when it comes to An Lingrong in "The Legend of Zhen Huan", everyone must be very familiar with it, she recently returned to work and took her mother to a mother reality show.

At the beginning, the program team asked the mother and daughter to write down 5 requirements for each other, and the two wrote words full of caring for each other, the mother hoped that her daughter would "eat well" and "exercise well", and the daughter hoped that her mother would "not be in a hurry (so as not to cause physical illness)......

However, the picture of the mother's love and filial piety did not last long, and the scars in the mother-daughter relationship began to emerge.

Tao Xinran recalled that when he was a child, he was beaten with a score of 98 and beaten in the fourth place, which was really a lot of beatings.

It's so depressing! Some netizens said that they finally understood why she was able to play An Lingrong so well, it turned out that she was also a poor child who was often suppressed and rarely affirmed since she was a child.

In "The Legend of Zhen Huan", Tao Xinran accurately understood An Lingrong's sensitive mind and inner inferiority complex, and vividly interpreted her erratic and unconfident eyes, excessive interpretation and internal friction of other people's conversations, and her inferiority complex and cowardice that was always suppressed.

Speaking of the show, when Tao Xinran's mother saw her daughter sad, she couldn't help but break her defense, but in words, she still defended herself vigorously:

"That test with a score of 98 will hit you, I think these two points, if you don't master it well, I can teach you again, but if you are careless, then it shouldn't be, I need to make you remember it longer. ”

Tao Xinran is also very tough in her bones, she silently resisted in a silent way, since junior high school, she does not plan to be admitted to a key high school, but to go to an art school where she can live on campus, so that she can get out of her mother's control as soon as possible.

And after she had a daughter, she secretly swore in her heart that she would never educate her daughter in the way her mother educated her.

Tao Xinran compared the relationship between her and her mother to a war, in which no one loses or wins, only an incomparably lingering competition with each other along the way.

01

Childhood is like a devil's training camp for Tao Xinran, practicing and learning every day.

Mother Tao Yuedi's discipline is strict and strong, and beating her daughter Tao Xinran is a stick education, and every time she takes off her pants and beats her with that kind of thin bamboo pole.

For example, when her daughter was quite satisfied with the fourth place in the exam, Tao Yuedi beat her up in order to defeat her "prestige".

Of course, Tao Yuedi also admitted frankly that in addition to worrying that she would miss the key opportunity to grow up, she also had her own vanity at work, her own profession is a teacher, and the children of teachers should have innate "advantages" to achieve better results. "How can a teacher's child not be at the top of the class?"

But obviously, Tao Xinran was still sad when he mentioned this matter at the age of 39, which shows how much pressure his young heart was silently undergoing at that time.

So her adolescence is also very long, and the relationship between the two has always been, her mother said to the east, and Tao Xinran stubbornly wanted to go west.

When Tao Xinran became popular because of "The Legend of Zhen Huan", many people praised Tao Yuedi for teaching her son, but Tao Xinran said negatively: "Mom, I can have today's achievements, not because of the success of your education, but because of myself." ”

said this in a public interview for nothing else, just to make my mother sad and sad when she heard it.

02

Later, Tao Xinran got married, and Tao Yuedi came to Beijing to help her take care of the baby, and the two also had constant differences in the education philosophy of the next generation.

In order to encourage her daughter to be successful in painting, Tao Xinran decided to reward her with a gift, but the children picked and chose in the supermarket and couldn't make up their minds.

Grandma Tao Yuedi watched it on the side, and she was anxious to help the children get ideas. She picked up a copy of "Decomposition and Composition within Ten Years" and said to her granddaughter: "You see this is good. Of course, the little granddaughter reluctantly refused.

Immediately after it was almost time to cook, Tao Yuedi became more and more anxious, and began to constantly "pressure" her granddaughter to urge her to finish picking and leaving quickly, and her granddaughter was even more at a loss.

Tao Xinran felt that she had to respect her daughter and encouraged her to slowly choose a favorite gift.

At this moment, the atmosphere between the mother and daughter is simply needle-to-wheat.

At dinner, the mother and daughter chatted about it, Tao Yuedi still thinks that it is necessary to cultivate the habit of "planning" for children, and it is impossible to procrastinate in doing things.

Tao Xinran thinks that since she promised to give the child a reward, she must give her the time and freedom to choose, and she can't act in order to complete this action, otherwise the child will not be really happy.

This is also a common difference in educational philosophy between the two generations, Tao Xinran is relatively loose in disciplining children and attaches more importance to the impact on children, while Tao Yuedi is more inclined to discipline strictly.

03

But despite the countless "discords" between mother and daughter, they actually have strong feelings for each other.

Tao Yuedi gave up her rich life in order to help her daughter take care of her children.

She has been a teacher for half her life, and she is often a respected "Tao teacher" in her hometown of Anhua, Hunan, she also has a wide range of interests, likes photography, has opened a photo studio, likes to dance, once led a dance team, and learned saxophone at the age of 40, and has a good life.

She also has a lot of plans for her retirement life, learning a driver's license at the age of 50 and planning to travel around the world to realize her "photography dream".

But in the end, in order to help her daughter, she gave up all plans and came to Beijing to take care of her granddaughter. The ability to drive has become an essential skill for her to pick up and drop off her granddaughter, and she has no familiar friends in Beijing, so she can only go to the park alone.

In order not to make her daughter feel indebted, she said optimistically: "I like Beijing, and there are people in Beijing that I care about the most." ”

And Tao Xinran is also a very filial person, in the three years of the epidemic, her mother Tao Yuedi had two serious illnesses, once with four stents in her heart, and once with a sudden cerebral infarction, the left half of her body was almost paralyzed.

Tao Xinran, who had just returned to work from a three-year full-time mother, bravely decided to take care of her sick mother full-time again, and her mother blamed herself for helping, but Tao Xinran comforted her: "It is a rare opportunity to accompany my mother."

In fact, Tao Yuedi said that she is a very observant person, but she did not feel any dislike from her daughter during her bed illness, recalling that time, she would always be moved to say: "It was my daughter's persistence that pulled me back from the brink of paralysis."

Tao Xinran wiped the wind oil essence for her mother, and found that her mother had white hair and her physical strength was weak, and her emotions suddenly went up, and her eyes were full of tears, but her mouth was tightly closed, and she didn't dare to cry:

"I'm not going to let her see my side, what is she going to do if I break down. Tao Xinran only dared to hide in the bathroom and cry, and turned on the faucet to cover up the sound.

Tao Xinran said, "When I became a mother myself, my resentment towards my mother disappeared in an instant. In fact, my mother was only 24 years old when she gave birth to me, and she herself was still at a stage where she needed to grow and mature, and she didn't have any experience to learn from. ”

When Tao Xinran gave birth to her daughter, she was 32 years old, had life experience and was prepared mentally, physically and financially in advance.

She is more mature in her approach to parenting, no longer trapped by making her child score high and becoming the so-called excellent, and her educational goal is that in the future, the child can still live well and be herself freely in the time and space without a mother.

originally thought that people would not change much when they got older, but Tao's mother also began to make adjustments, and she positioned herself as only an assistant to her daughter, although she had her own deep-rooted educational philosophy, but she would not dominate.

She also began to learn to show weakness, know how to protect the child's edges and corners, learn that love needs respect, and find ways to encourage her little granddaughter, and use interesting methods to help her homework so that she should not be discouraged.

04

Tao Xinran's childhood story makes everyone angry, but there is another group of guests in the show: Fu Juan (Ouyang Nana's mother) and her daughter's way of getting along, but it makes me feel relaxed and healing.

When the program team asked the three sisters of the Ouyang family, "Who does mom love the most?", their answers were different.

Sister Ouyang Nini pointed to the third sister Ouyang Didi, she felt that her sister was the youngest, and she had just become an adult, and it was very reasonable for her mother to spend a little more effort on the third sister.

Ouyang Nana pointed to herself, and she said: "Mom spends the most time and energy on me, how can I not feel that my mother loves me the most when my mother has paid so much, which is unfair to my sister and sister." ”

Mom pointed to herself: "I love all three of them, I can't tell them, I want to tell myself that I want to love myself the most from today on." ”

Nini puts herself in the shoes of her mother and sister.

Nana pretended her mother's dedication and her sisters' surrender.

After paying, the mother "quit" in a chic way, and changed to another attitude to love, that is, to love herself and take care of herself, so as not to burden her daughters.

So when she said, "I'm telling my daughters now, the first thing you do now is to love yourself, you don't need to love me", I think Tao Xinran's heart must be super touched, and so am I!