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I have also been sexually harassed by male netizens
Text/Yan Lingyang
I myself have been sexually harassed many times by male netizens.
They sexually harassed me with words and in the air.
This kind of men, one by one, are especially chicken thieves and obscene.
They decided for no reason: they don't need to be responsible for dating a divorced woman. You don't have to give money, you don't have to get married, you can enjoy the pleasure of sex purely.
It is as if divorced women are sexually hungry and hungry just like them.
Married women, so "famous flowers have masters", lewd men will be a little jealous of the "mysterious power" behind them.
In fact, what mysterious power can there be? It's just that in their subconscious, men are the controllers of resources, and "their women" had better not move or provoke.
In their eyes, divorced women are cheap and worthless, so if a married woman resists the lewd men's lewd jokes at the wine table, she is likely to be reprimanded, "What kind of innocence are you pretending", in other words, "You have been used by others, how expensive can you be".
If you refuse politely, in their eyes, you are "wanting to refuse and welcome", you are "shy", and you are "embarrassed to express your needs"; if you refuse harshly, you are ignorant of lifting, ignorant of things, and have low emotional intelligence.
I'm not the only one in this situation.
A long time ago, I received a private message like this:
"Sister Yangyang, I'm also divorced. After the divorce, although life was hard, my body and mind were much more comfortable than before the divorce. I think divorce is the right choice for me, but what bothers me a lot is that I have to endure some men's harassment.
Among them, some are my leaders, colleagues, friends, old classmates, but most of them are married men. After my divorce, they always called me from time to time, sent me a WeChat message, asked me to go out and sit down, and said that he was waiting for me alone. And some people, just ask me, aren't you lonely? Don't you have sexual needs?
Seriously, the hardest thing to feel after a divorce is not the difficulty of getting out of the shadow of divorce, but the endless sexual harassment. I'm good-looking, and I don't have any children, but just because I'm divorced, do these people think I'm empty, lonely, cold, sexually hungry, and need them to save me from my misery?"
One reality is that divorced women are sometimes more likely to be harassed by some married scumbags than unmarried and single women.
These married scumbags are more or less worried about unmarried, single women and married women.
The former, they are afraid that they will not be able to get rid of it after they get involved, and they are afraid that they will get into trouble for themselves.
The latter, they are afraid of being detected by the other party's husband, and then they will be beaten fat.
And for divorced women, they will have fewer concerns.
They will think that women at this time are better off getting started, because they need comfort, because they are. Moreover, they do not need them to be responsible, and they will not pester them to get married.
Also, most of the married scumbags who attack divorced women feel that "divorced women are worthless second-hand goods", so they regard divorced women as more cheap than other women.
If a woman has a child, they feel that the value of this type of single mother is very low.
Subconsciously, they even think: "You are a divorced woman with children, and someone is willing to flirt with you, so you should quickly thank Dade and kneel down to thank you? It's your blessing that you can be looked at. ”
Every time I meet such people, I feel like I see flies, and I really want to crush them and burn their shoes.
Hey, against their backdrop, I think the cockroaches in the gutter are all majestic.
There's an online debate about men seeing women as "pits".
Roughly speaking, some men want to occupy a woman when they see that she is not occupied by another man, ignoring the woman's true wishes (for example, she just wants to remain single). This type of man would rather respect his own kind than the woman he harassed and himself would not respect.
In real life, there is indeed such a phenomenon: some men seem to be particularly easy to regard a certain woman as "a certain man's", once they find that she is "ownerless", they want to occupy her as if they are "ownerless", regardless of whether she is willing to or not - it is difficult for them to realize that women are independent individuals and have autonomy.
But on another level, I think this is also a tacit "tacit understanding" and "alliance" between men under the patriarchal system. There is a saying in the male world that "brothers and wives should not be bullied". It is true that the number of "male juniors" is much smaller than that of "female juniors". Many men see that a woman already has a boyfriend and husband, so it is easier to stop. They are also not morally virtuous, but they are afraid of offending another man.
In contrast, it is indeed difficult for the "female junior" to produce this kind of awareness. They know that a man has a girlfriend and a wife, and they may still approach that man with such and such purposes, and they don't think that the man may also be "a master", but want to compete with another woman to compete for this man, and they are not afraid of offending another woman at all.
So, at the end of the day, it comes back to the question of strength and weakness. If you are weak, you can easily be regarded as "owner" or "ownerless". Weak woman, no matter what status you have, people don't respect your sovereignty.
Why is the word "finding a home" generally only used to describe a woman's choice of mate?
When it comes to men, people don't usually say things like "I hope you can find a good home."
If you really say this kind of thing, then the "destination" in this sentence generally only refers to occupations, or even cemeteries.
In ancient times, once a woman was born, she could not have a name in her family of origin. Her biggest task in the first half of her life was to find a home, and her greatest achievement in this life was to find a good home.
The destination corresponds to the state of wandering, the state of lonely souls and wild ghosts.
A woman who has not found a so-called "home" is similar to having no clothes on, and will be humiliated.
This kind of thinking about women as "looking for the main thing" is still very popular today.
Therefore, I have always had the view that if a formulation, a theory or doctrine, or a moral precept is only used to describe, explain, and restrain women's words and deeds, then you can treat it as a fart.
The truth that we should really endorse is for admonishing all people, men and women.
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Author: Yan Lingyang, born in the 80s, emotional columnist, author of new feminism, member of the Chinese Writers Association. He is the author of the best-selling books "Those That Make You Miserable, One Day You Will Say It with a Smile", "May You Let Go of the Past and Be Worthy of the Future", "May You Have a Journey and a Way Out", "I'm Divorced", "With Your Rivers and Lakes Are Not Lonely - An Alternative Interpretation of Jin Yong's Martial Arts Novels" and the children's picture book "Mom's House, Dad's House". With 13 years of experience in financial industry (management), he is currently the founder of a cultural information consulting company in Guangzhou and the co-founder of a cultural media company. Born in Lijiang, Yunnan Province, he now lives in Guangzhou.
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