The greatest sorrow of a family: the parents borrow luck from their children

Life is a chicken feather, and everyone needs the channel to pour out the negative energy squeezed in their hearts.

It's just that, for parents, this channel should not be a child, nor can it be a child.

Author | Maple

Li Xue, a well-known psychologist, once shared a case.

There is a boy who has had an enlarged glandular gland since he was 4 years old, and for a year he has to cough in the middle of the night, cough up thick phlegm, and be allergic to dust, and get sick at every turn.

The parents took the boy to various major hospitals for treatment, but to no avail, so they had no choice but to take the child to have his tonsils removed.

But the boy was still sick and depressed.

Parents are heartbroken, but they are helpless.

In their eyes, the boy was a debt collector who was born too weak.

But Li Xue made a different discovery after understanding the situation:

The boy's father was demanding, often beating and scolding, belittling, and denying the boy.

Every time, the boy was scolded so much that he could only hang his head, feeling from the bottom of his heart that he was nothing.

And the father, who stood on the moral high ground, held his head high and was full of energy.

In this process, the vitality is transferred from the child to the adult, the child's meridians are gradually blocked, the body loses the immune protection it should have, and natural diseases are riddled with diseases.

And this, in fact, is that parents are borrowing from their children.

Borrowed parents, because of their own lack of energy, can not ignite hope for life, so they forcibly transfer their anger, anxiety, fear, and grievances to their children, and recharge themselves by absorbing their children's energy.

I watched a video before, the father complained to his daughter, saying that he could only sleep 4 hours a day in a big car and eat one meal a day, and he was reluctant to rest, just to give his daughter a better life.

The more the father spoke, the more energetic he became, but every word was like a stone pressing on his daughter, she lowered her head heavily, her eyes were full of tears, full of guilt.

There is also a girl who finally scored 95 points in the test, and when she excitedly reported the good news to her mother, her mother was angry with her daughter because of her work:

"What's there to be happy about? Everyone takes the double hundred, and you are embarrassed to score 95 points?"

At that moment, the girl was like being poured a basin of cold water, and there was no happiness at all, only a face full of grievances and sadness.

Writer Liu Jirong also said that she once broadcast the "Grievance Women's Broadcast" live in front of her son every day for more than a year, complaining about the difficulties of small staff and the tiredness of part-time housewives.

After she finished speaking, she felt much better, but her son became negative and pessimistic at a young age, and once sighed: "I can't laugh, life is too bitter!"

Parents complain, complain, and anger are like "pain transfer techniques", parents who vent their negative energy are relaxed, but innocent children are full of pain and depression in their hearts.

When you think about it, it's sad.

As adults, when we encounter someone who poisons us and sucks our energy, we can quickly stay away.

But what can the child do?

They can only silently swallow emotional garbage, act as a "energy container" for parents, and lose the spirit that their children should have little by little.

And a child without spirit will naturally not see the slightest bit of sunshine, and it will be insulated from good luck.

Everyone's energy is limited.

If parents allow their own out-of-control behavior, suck their children's energy, and borrow their children's luck, their children's growth will often be particularly difficult.

Psychological counselor Chen Yu once interviewed a girl named Zhaolan, who was well-behaved and sensible since she was a child, with excellent grades, and was what many people called "someone else's child".

is as good as her, but she bluntly said that she is a "hollow person", living like a walking corpse every day, with no interest, no motivation, and no feelings.

When asked "Is there anything in the world that makes you nostalgic", she blurted out:

"Nope. ”

"If only I had died one day. ”

After some detailed conversation, Chen Yu found that the reason why girls are negative and misanthropic is because in the process of growing up, their energy has been drained by their parents little by little.

Her parents are emotionally unstable people, and they start to roar and accuse her at every turn, and she has to spend a lot of energy every day to observe words and emotions and please her parents;

Parents also like to deny her, even if she behaves well, her parents will deliberately say some hitting words to make her feel frustrated;

Not only that, but her parents often quarreled in front of her, angering her, making her feel breathless.

The negative energy of her parents, like a black hole, constantly devours and consumes her energy, so that she is originally confident and cheerful, and she no longer has vitality and vitality.

A child's state of energy is the state of his life.

Children in a low-energy state are like low-powered mobile phones, and they simply don't have the extra mental energy to maintain their daily mental and physical activities.

American psychologist David Hawkins has a 30-year-long study that found:

If a person is in a lower energy level for a long time, it will lead to some mental illness.

Projected onto the child, depression, anxiety, coldness, decadence and other phenomena will appear.

Thinking of Zhihu netizen @小A, who was forced to be the savior of her mother's failed life since she was a child, she said:

"As soon as I finished talking to my mother, I felt that my body was hollowed out, and my mood sank to the bottom. ”

Her mother, since the divorce, has constantly complained to her about her father's wrongs, told her about the hardships of raising children alone, and the difficulty of making money.

She was not yet 10 years old, and she had to comfort her parents through her own actions, trying to save her mother from negative emotions.

Therefore, she never dared to cause trouble, she did not dare to be willful, she could only study hard and please her mother.

But in the end, she is still a child, and she can't bear the heavy negative energy that her mother can't digest herself.

Over time, she gradually became negative and misanthropic, feeling worthless and hopeless for the future.

When it was serious, he also thought about suicide.

There is nothing more terrifying about a family than this.

Parents not only fail to provide the nutrients their children need to grow, but continue to absorb their children's vitality, forcing their children to become a source of energy for their parents.

insisted on pulling the child who should be positive, sunny and upward into the same situation as himself, so that his life was shrouded in darkness and swallowed by misfortune.

I believe that every parent wants their children to thrive.

But if the parents are not stable in their core, no amount of education will be in vain.

Only by guarding their own energy field, self-storage, and empowering their children can parents bring positive influence to their children and inject a steady stream of motivation into their children's growth.

In the picture book "Can You Stay at Home Without Working", there is a very warm dialogue.

The child asked, "Mom, is it because of me that you work so hard?"

Mom replied, "No, baby." The work is hard because the work is hard, and whoever does it will be hard. Just like lemons are sour, whoever takes a bite will feel sour. ”

It is undeniable that the adult world is always full of exhaustion, pressure, and helplessness, and it is understandable that parents occasionally show various emotions under the burden.

But no matter how difficult it is, please don't pour negative energy on your child.

Remember Chris, the black dad in the movie "Happiness Knocks on the Door"?

Even if he suffered successive career failures, his wife left, and he was kicked out by the landlord, he always kept a smile in front of his son.

Even, when he was so embarrassed that he could only take his son to spend the night in the subway public toilet, he didn't want to make his son sad, he compared the toilet to a cave, telling him that it was to avoid dinosaurs.

It wasn't until his son fell asleep that he dared to release his long-suppressed negative emotions.

He doesn't complain because he knows that this is a subject of his life and he doesn't need children to carry it.

He does not complain because he understands that emotions can only contag emotions and will not help to change the predicament at all.

Learning to isolate bad emotions is to guard your energy field.

My best friend Lin Xue has told me many times that she is not a good mother.

When she is in a bad mood and doesn't want to cook, she takes her son out for a casual meal.

When she is tired with her children and wants to rest, she will put her son at her grandmother's house and go shopping, watch movies, do spa, and enjoy alone time.

Later, because it was too hard to take care of the baby full-time, he fled back to the workplace.

Obviously, she is not a good mother in the traditional sense, but because of her high energy and emotional stability, she has become a friend with her son who talks about everything.

Psychologist Winnicott said, "Love becomes nourishment when there is energy and then love." ”

Only by paying attention to themselves first, healing themselves, and recharging themselves from time to time, parents will not wear themselves out in the ordinary days of chicken feathers.

It will not satisfy its own needs by belittling children and sucking children's energy.

Settling down your heart first is self-accumulation.

There is a very popular video on the Internet.

The boy capsized on a certain question, did it 13 times in a row and didn't get it right, and finally got it right the 14th time.

Mom hurriedly affirmed:

"For the 14th time, it's amazing, you've finally done it right!"

Immediately afterward, the mother excitedly told the family that the boy had done the right thing.

The boy who was praised had the corners of his mouth upturned and his eyes sparkling with pride.

Netizens in the comment area said that children are willing to do the questions 14 times, which is more than most children.

Yes, he did the questions over and over again, without discouragement or discouragement, because his mother around him has been giving him strength.

This mother is actually the mother of the "roasted sweet potato boy" that exploded 2 years ago.

At that time, the boy and his mother were discussing their plans for growing up.

He said, "What if I am admitted to Tsinghua University or Peking University in the future?" and his mother replied with a smile: "Then my mother is very proud of you!"

"And what about me roasting sweet potatoes?"

"If you roast sweet potatoes to be fragrant and soft, sweet and delicious, I think you can do it and I will be proud of you. ”

The child is full of energy and sunshine, because there are parents behind him to be his strong gas station.

So, educate your children, don't use your energy to worry, deny, and fight, but use your energy to believe, encourage, and manifest.

To convey the positive side to your child is to empower your child.

Writer Liu Na once wrote in an article:

"We're all first-time parents, but we're not parents for the first day.

We can always make mistakes for a period of time and always do not do well enough, but we can't live in a vicious circle for the rest of our lives, hurting our children repeatedly. ”

Growing up is not easy, no matter what, please don't use your home as a "garbage dump" for your emotions and let your children live in the "garbage heap".

The meaning of parents to their children should not be consumption, but nourishment.

Take good care of yourself and empower your children, so that your children can keep their good luck and reap the life they want.

Give it a thumbs up, and may every child be treated gently and live better and better.