More than 2,000 years ago, in the Book of Songs, there was a metaphor for the relationship between husband and wife, in the family, women are a vine climbing on a big tree, relying on the big tree to explore the farther sky.
In such a dependency relationship, the value of women is reduced to a single age dimension. With the passage of time, people have become more and more convinced of the inference that old age is inevitable, even if they are as talented as Li Qingzhao, they have to sigh "Now haggard, windy and frosty, afraid to go out at night."
The contemporary poetess Shu Ting once wrote in a poem: "I must be a kapok near you, standing with you as the image of a tree." "Today, more and more women are trying to break through stereotypes and challenge age and even gender restrictions. When the self and the world collide, the value of time is gradually revealed.
This spring, Southern Weekly and Ping An Life launched a special project called "Time Is Worth It for You", which tells the story of four women who broke free from prejudice and grew into trees, encouraging more women to go out into the wilderness and get closer to themselves.
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"Hoe, Wind and Rain, Marriage"
When Han Shimei mentions poetry, she often grins like a child. So if you've only heard her laughter, it's hard to imagine that the first half of her life can only be reduced to a sentence of "living with the wall / I don't know how much it hurts".
Han Shimei lives in Xuegang Village, Xichuan County, Henan Province, and everywhere she walks, the background is always endless fields. In the first half of her life, she couldn't get out of this field.
When she was born, Han Shimei fell to the ground on her stomach, which was considered a symbol of unfilial piety, and she was almost drowned in a urine bucket by her mother.
In the second year of junior high school, because her family could not afford to pay the tuition fee of 18 yuan, Han Shimei dropped out of school early.
At the age of 19, Han Shimei was taken on a blind date by her mother and met her current husband. Han Shimei was reluctant to marry the man in front of her, but was suppressed by her mother. Of the 3,000 yuan bride price, the mother's family spent 1,000 yuan to build a house.
Han Shimei dragged on and on, and after nearly three years, she finally had to marry and became a "mother" in Xuegang Village. This is the local uniform term for all married women, even if she is only 22 years old.
After marriage, due to the debts caused by her husband's gambling, Han Shimei did a lot of odd jobs, lifted steel bars and drove piles in the construction site where men were piled up, and when she was most tired, she was carrying a child to weed in the sesame field, unable to stand, and could only kneel on the ground on one leg.
The suffering of 30 years was blocked in the field and could not flow, so Han Shimei wrote poetry. Poetry carved out a hidden path in the impermeable field, and she could take a breath by walking out along the path.
Han Shimei is reading a poem she wrote (provided by the interviewee/photo)
In the poem, she wrote: Since I was born / My identity is destined to be remarked / The old man, the in-laws, the children / I just want to use my kindness / Give this changed air / Pick a rose / Give them romance as well / However / I have never found / My own place.
In April 2020, at the suggestion of her son, Han Shimei began to post poems she wrote online. With only a primary school diploma, she writes five-character and seven-character poems, as well as modern poems, with a simple picture, and publishes them as a video.
The world opened a gap and poured fresh air.
The Internet's recommendation algorithm feeds her back to more strange poetry friends on the Internet, people praise her for her good poetry, and more people resonate with her in the poems and confide in her, and some people give her WeChat voice calls, confiding in the pain of their lives, and chatting for more than an hour.
"There are many people who understand you and understand you, and feel that they have found the coordinates of life and the motivation to move forward. Han Shimei said, "Turn all the suffering into the driving force to move forward." ”
Han Shimei and her poems (provided by the interviewee/photo)
Han Shimei's poems and the life behind the poems have set off waves in people's hearts. The media came one after another, which aroused the vigilance of Han Shimei's husband and obstructed it in various ways.
Han Shimei longed for a strong acquaintance and love, so she filed a divorce lawsuit, and the villagers heard about it and said that she was "crazy and nervous".
In a later collection of poems, Han Shimei wrote in the preface: "When I grew up, my sense of touch seemed to fail, and the hoe, wind and rain, and marriage only felt cold nothingness. ”
Han Shimei standing on the edge of the field (provided by the interviewee/photo)
"I am no longer asleep, the waves have lifted me"
But Han Shimei still keeps writing poems.
"When I came home, the old man kept chattering, and when I remembered a poem, he stopped chattering. ”
In order to be quiet, Han Shimei once used the dormitory of the factory as her own room. The room was only 10 square metres in size and furnished with a simple table, chairs and cabinets, but it was as Woolf called for: independent, quiet and dignified. Every day, Han Shimei goes to the factory two kilometers away from Xuegang Village to cook and clean, and she does not go home during labor breaks, rests in the dormitory, and writes poems in her notebook from time to time.
Su Min, 59, has read Han Shimei's poems. "She was able to write such beautiful poems in that life, and I saw in her that we had something in common. Su Min said, "We all don't succumb to life and let ourselves live better." ”
Su Min can't write poetry, her poetry is to go to distant places.
Su Min with her grandchildren (provided by the interviewee/photo)
In 2020, Su Min swiped a video of people traveling by car on the Internet, and she yearned for it. At that time, Su Min and her husband helped their daughter take care of the twin children.
Prior to this, the husband and wife had been living in separate rooms for more than 20 years, and the expenses remained AA system. In addition, no matter how big or small, Su Min is often criticized by her husband. Over time, Su Min gradually doubted that he was useless, and "began to feel that there was really no need for people to live in the world."
Taking care of grandchildren makes the two have to face each other day and night. When he was most depressed, Su Min even stabbed himself with a knife.
She wanted to catch her breath.
Su Min has a Polo car at home, and after her daughter paid a down payment, Su Min paid it in installments for two years. In the past two years, because she has to take care of her children, Su Min rarely has the opportunity to use a car. It is often the husband who travels by car.
When the Chinese New Year was approaching in 2020, because the twins would return to her mother-in-law's house with their daughters for the New Year, Su Min had the opportunity to spare and wanted to travel by car, but was vetoed by her husband: "You still have to clean up the house and wash clothes, how can you have time to go out and play?" The next day, the husband drove the car away.
This gave Su Min a sense of urgency. After getting the support of her daughter, Su Min began to purchase luggage. In September, the twin children began to go to kindergarten, and after the daughter's family got used to it, Su Min didn't even pack her luggage neatly, threw it into the car, plugged in the key, lit the light, stepped on the accelerator, and didn't look back.
"At that time, I didn't think about what I would encounter on the road, only what I would get by leaving this house. ”
When you are in the abyss, you go out, and you go up in any direction. Su Min didn't have a specific destination, and just wanted to drive the car far. I didn't expect it to be a few years away.
Su Min drove herself in a Polo car, and on the roof of the car was the tent where she slept (provided by the interviewee/photo)
Many people have questioned her irresponsibility for "abandoning her husband and daughter", and she is still tossing at the age of nearly 60.
"It's impossible to live in someone else's world for the rest of my life, and I would like to live in my own world for a limited time. Su Min later recalled, "Do everything you wanted to do when you were young, what you didn't dare to do, and what you can do now, and leave no regrets." ”
This polo car became Su Min's room, and after traveling 60,000 kilometers, Su Min saved enough money to change to an RV, and unknowingly drove another 15,000 kilometers. As of March 2024, Su Min, who is nearly 60 years old, has traveled to more than 230 cities in China.
Su Min and her RV (provided by the interviewee/photo)
Su Min, who travels alone, rarely needs to worry about herself, even when she runs out of cash shortly after her trip.
She's very capable of working. She first worked in a fertilizer factory, and within ten years, the factory closed down, and the laid-off Su Min did "a lot of things that are not done by women" in addition to housework: sweeping the streets, "turning the mud and building sections", cooking for the construction site, delivering newspapers, working as a supermarket salesman, and repairing the light bulbs and blocked water pipes at home.
Time has given Su Min the confidence to redefine her own value. She learned things quickly, learned to set up tents, learned to surf, and with the help of reporters who came to cover the news, she knew how to operate a drone in two days.
Su Min learns to surf in Hainan (provided by the interviewee/photo)
When Su Min chooses to embrace the world, there are always good people on the road. Once, the tires of the RV were cut by gravel. The off-road tires were very heavy, and the Tibetan boys came to help her when they saw her repairing the car alone. Also in Tibet, Su Min once used his car to tie a tow rope to pull a young man on a motorcycle out of a ditch.
"I feel like I can be friends with everybody on the road. Su Min said.
After two years of driving, Su Min returned home to visit her mother and daughter. When her husband saw her, he habitually said, "Do you still know that you are coming back?
In fact, Su Min, who was on the road, had already welcomed the spring breeze of the new world. Before leaving, Su Min always nervously cooperated with the family's schedule, and got up at six o'clock every morning to cook for the children. Now on the road, she wakes up naturally and thinks about what to do today. A few days before the interview, she woke up at six o'clock. What is different from the past is that this time I got up early to photograph the sunrise of the 17-arch bridge with a drone.
She laughed at the fact that people always imagined life on the road as "like business": "I'm living now, not rushing." ”
Su Min sits in her RV, which is the corner where she spends the most time (provided by the interviewee/photo)
"Running in the snow, I'm constantly looking for spring. ”
In a long article on Su Min's personal homepage, she called "Kim Ji-young born in '82" "how modern women strive to reach the upper line of equal rights", and she herself "is the bottom line of traditional women's patience".
A new generation of women is more daring to look beyond the conventions of gender roles and age requirements to find the room that Woolf describes: "to live in reality, to live in a life full of vitality". What remains unchanged is that the workplace and hobbies are always important windows.
Wu Huiyun, 44 years old this year, has worked for more than 20 years and has experienced many "reboots".
In the first job, Wu Huiyun took the initiative to change jobs and became the only female project manager in the company's telecommunications operation system engineering at that time; Later, because of staying up late for a long time to cut over the system, she resigned and studied for two years of full-time MBA master's degree.
After graduating with an MBA, Wu Huiyun entered investment banking. When she was in charge of the due diligence of the IPO of a company to be listed, she and her colleagues gathered in a hotel on Beijing's Financial Street, checking and revising the wording, data, and legal opinions in the application materials day and night. Intertwined with this are complex interpersonal relationships. Wu Huiyun knew that she was physically and mentally exhausted.
"Women need to talk to themselves often and ask if this is what I want. ”
When the red light came on for physical and mental health, Wu Huiyun decided to leave the investment bank. She was 30 years old at the time, and had just given birth. The double pressure of work and parenting made Wu Huiyun fall into postpartum depression. The experience of 30 years has become the key to crossing himself. She started her business again after learning about nutrition, conditioning her body and restoring her mental health, and began her career as a dietitian for more than ten years.
Lin Huiting also chose to devote herself to a new industry after giving birth at the age of 30.
Prior to that, Lin Huiting worked as a supervisor at a foreign bank, and because of the restrictions on career development, Lin Huiting once tried to start a business. The start-up stage was complicated, and she also had to deal with many tricky interpersonal communication issues, and when she was most anxious, she was afraid to return to the company every day.
During this period, Lin Huiting met her current husband, and after getting married and pregnant, because of the strong reaction to morning sickness, Lin Huiting could not take care of both, so she could only end her business and become a full-time mother.
At the beginning, Lin Huiting was taken care of by a confinement lady at home, which was much more leisurely than starting a business. But when the confinement sister-in-law left her job, Lin Huiting, who took over the childcare affairs, noticed that something was wrong in her life.
"I feel like I can't get out of all kinds of things, and my status at home has become different, and I may not talk to you about many things, such as work. Sometimes I don't have the financial freedom to buy things on my own. Lin Huiting recalled, "When chatting with classmates, I will find that my thinking begins to keep up with the changes in the market, I was only 30 years old that year, but I feel that I have been out of touch with society for several years in a year." ”
Lin Huiting is determined to return to the workplace and find a job that is convenient for taking care of her children and has enough income to hire a nanny.
Lin Huiting (first from left) and her family (provided by the interviewee/photo)
In 2016, Lin Huiting ended her status as a stay-at-home mother and became an insurance agent. This job is a bit "self-inflicted" in the eyes of her parents, but Lin Huiting feels the "fate" with the industry: it can not only ensure that she can flexibly arrange her time to take care of the family, but also allow herself to give full play to the advantages of her high education and provide customers with more reasonable analysis and judgment.
In this job, facing rejection is a must. In the eyes of her colleagues, Lin Huiting seems to be doing well and is always optimistic. "On the other hand, I didn't have difficulties because I had a good mentality. Lin Huiting explained that she also encountered a time when she failed to make a deal for a month or two. But she always focuses on how to solve the problem and doesn't think about it. "Do the right thing, and good results will come naturally. ”
As a newcomer, Lin Huiting encountered a case of death compensation half a year after entering the industry. The profession takes on more meaning when I see that my advice has helped families in distress. Lin Huiting has established a belief in her profession. "The most important thing is that I have created opportunities to spread this knowledge to those in need. ”
Lin Huiting is sharing knowledge of asset allocation (photo provided by the interviewee/photo)
Later, Lin Huiting's husband also jumped ship to join her team. In this team, in addition to Lin Huiting, there are many women like her, who have converted from other identities to insurance agents.
"In fact, the biggest prejudice is self-inflicted. Lin Huiting said, "If you want to build self-confidence, you also need the support and trust of people around you, and they will slowly have the confidence to go out." ”
Lin Huiting and the team discuss the work (provided by the interviewee/photo)
After crossing the age and stepping out of the small family, women welcome a broader world.
"I'm no longer a prop of time"
In 2020, Wu Huiyun started the fourth "restart".
At that time, she spent most of her time focusing on raising children, running around various interest classes for her children all day long, and the pressure of raising children alone caused her career to be almost ruined, and she felt that life was boring and "felt like she had no self".
The idea of change was born again. The beautiful figure in ballet has become Wu Huiyun's new ideal.
Once, Wu Huiyun saw the recruitment of zero-based adult ballet courses when she was swiping the official account, and immediately signed up. Before this, Wu Huiyun had never even seen dancing shoes.
"I thought, isn't this the opportunity I've always dreamed of, and even if I can't go down this path, I don't have any regrets about trying. ”
Wu Huiyun in practice (provided by the interviewee/photo)
Ballet requires a lot of flexibility and strength, so most of the time in class is about opening the hips, pressing the legs, and repeating the training. Because the bones of adults have been set, after a class, Wu Huiyun is always sweating profusely, and sometimes she will shed tears when her crotch hurts, but she is not tired of it. "Ballet allows me to find myself, like a beacon, and life has an outlet. ”
In the third year of study, Wu Huiyun was finally able to stand on her toes like a ballet dancer. She passed the ballet teaching examination of Beijing Dance Academy, and in 2024, she will also appear on the stage of Jiangsu Satellite TV's Spring Festival Gala with the dance team.
"When you crave something enough, you get it one day without noticing. She said, "On the road of life, you can continue to find surprises." ”
Wu Huiyun dances (provided by the interviewee/photo)
In 2021, on the International Day for the Elimination of Violence against Women on November 25, Han Shimei was specially invited by UN Women to speak on stage, on stage, she said: "Women should dare to pursue their own happiness, and on the way to pursue happiness, I hope that more people can respect us, see us, and support us." ”
In this speech, another line of poetry began to become known: "I am no longer asleep, the waves have lifted me." ”
In the view of book planner Zhang Pan, this sentence belongs to Han Shimei. In 2022, he contacted Han Shimei and said that he hoped to publish a poetry collection for her. Han Shimei herself did not have confidence, Zhang Pan encouraged her: "Don't be arrogant, you write beautifully, ordinary people can't write it." ”
In an interview with the media, Zhang Pan said: "More importantly, I feel that she can give me unlimited strength...... As men, when we read such poems when we are confused, we will also be hit hard. ”
In 2023, Han Shimei will have her first personal poetry collection.
Han Shimei's personal poetry collection (provided by the interviewee/picture)
On the day she received the physical book, Han Shimei was full of joy and sorrow, holding her dream of coming true in her hands, and her heart was surging with the scenes of years she had fought against to write poems. "If I hadn't insisted at the beginning, I would have stayed in that little Xue Gang forever and couldn't get out. ”
She was embarrassed to show the book to her children, but she read it three times by herself.
After the publication of the poetry collection, more media contacted Han Shimei, and she had more opportunities to get out of the continuous fields: "Heaven and earth are more joyful, not sad." ”
At the same time, Su Min is still on the road, Wu Huiyun is still practicing ballet, and Lin Huiting's husband has jumped to her team under her leadership to recommend suitable and reasonable products for more people. They all carved out a room of their own in their own lives.
"I sometimes think about it, my hair is gray, why do I think what is childish?" Han Shimei said, "I feel like I am experiencing a youth that I haven't experienced before." ”
Scientists have yet to master the technology to reverse age, and this group of ordinary women, who are from 30 to 50 years old, have already found a way to break the shackles of time. They are all mothers, wives, and daughters, but in the cosmic dimension, these identities are only a moment in the long river of time. When they choose to return to themselves and fulfill themselves, the value of time begins to accumulate.
Han Shimei at the beach (provided by the interviewee/photo)
The value of time is not only reflected in spiritual abundance and tenacity, but also in creating space for women's practical freedom, so that every woman can always be brave and calm in the face of decisions related to happiness and in the face of unknown new worlds. Therefore, Woolf cried out that women should have their own rooms, because financial independence brings freedom of mind. Just as a big tree has its own root system, it can nourish its branches and leaves, and it is not afraid of wind and rain.
Insurance is one of those tools. Ping An Life's "Golden Annuity 24 Insurance Product Plan" allows you to flexibly choose the way you receive annuities according to your own needs, and on the one hand, long-term and stable annuity payments accompany people to grow together and give more value to each period of effort, and on the other hand, it meets the needs of different life stages, responds to risks, provides financial security to adjust your life direction and start anew, and supports you to make brave decisions.
When people embrace the rich experience brought by the years, Jinyue Annuity 24 is also using data to portray the value of time and nurture the next starting point. This is an inevitable value revolution in society: the increase in life expectancy is not only a numerical change, but should also give it new value, provide new opportunities and expectations.
As Han Shimei declared in the poetry collection: I am no longer a prop of time, and the universe will have my scratches.
Resources:
- Southern People Weekly. Han Shimei, a woman who wrote poetry: "Sacrificed" half of her life.https://www.infzm.com/contents/207351
- Qilu Evening News. Han Shimei, a "peasant woman poet" who once appeared on the United Nations podium: Don't toss, this is fate. https://www.thepaper.cn/newsDetail_forward_17790363
- Plateau. Return visit|Han Shimei, a peasant woman who wrote poems: I had dinner with my idol Yu Xiuhua, and I hope someone loves me. https://www.thepaper.cn/newsDetail_forward_16484938
- Thoughtful to Shanghai. Interview | The peasant woman poet "Han Shimei: A collection of poems that were "killed" 14 times in a year was finally published.https://new.qq.com/rain/a/20230913A04QCQ00
- @北京青年x壹次访谈录. Episode 12: The first half of the life of a 50-year-old self-driving aunt: I quarreled with my husband and gradually wondered if I was really useless. https://v.douyin.com/iFHGxhhQ
- The Paper. Su Min: After escaping. https://www.thepaper.cn/newsDetail_forward_26507491
- Polar Day Studio. Su Min on the road with her husband who stayed in Zhengzhou. https://mp.weixin.qq.com/s/r6n3hKvWoQd2BLCN06uHMg
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