Orderly when busy, fun when free.
It's not easy to do it in four simple words. It is a great test of a person's mental strength and self-consistency.
But when you are busy and irritable, you can move forward steadfastly, which is a kind of courage and an ability.
Steven, the founder of ACT, mentioned that the superpower of "mental flexibility" is the ability to dissociate from bad moods.
Surviving the most difficult things and doing every little thing at the moment is a kind of ability to withdraw and dissociate without understanding.
Yesterday, when I read this book, I suddenly thought that the process of Brother Han's sleep distress and emotional internal time spent in the previous period and slowly came out is the process of acceptance, dissociation, and reconstruction advocated in ACT.
Therefore, when reading "The Mind at Ease", my mind was pulled back to what happened a few weeks ago, and when I related what happened to the theory in the book, I was miraculously surprised to find that Brother Han was so powerful that he ran the entire closed loop of ACT in just a few weeks.
However, the child also said to me: the process is quite painful, but it seems that now I am a little clearer and know how to cope and transform when emotions arise.
Isn't this the same as having completed the acceptance and awareness of ACT, and focusing on coping with and focusing on the important and small things of the moment?
I am very happy that my child has made great progress and coping skills in just a few weeks, which makes me more confident to integrate mindfulness and ACT into practice.
During this time, it is really not easy for children, especially during the acceptance stage.
Acceptance means opening up first, speaking out all your joys and sorrows and inner unbearability, acknowledging your inner inferiority, and facing your own avoidance, pretending not to care about all the painful memories.
When you face the humility and discomfort in your deepest heart, the suffering will be more painful than the discomfort you experience, and you will fall into more "I'm not good enough, I can't do it" frustration.
You also have to admit that you are a coward, and you pretend not to care about what you want, and pretend that you don't want anything at all. Obviously he is very uncomfortable, but he has to pretend that everything is calm.
I don't know how the child did it, but it must have been extremely tormenting, hopeless and helpless.
Although I felt sorry for the child, he had to walk the road alone. I can only guide and guide him in one direction, the experience can only rely on himself, and he can only rely on his own courage and firmness to come out.
What makes me happy is that the child not only comes out of the emotion, but also has the ability to perceive and trace himself in the midst of the bad mood.
Although it is only a superficial tracing and awareness, I obviously feel that the child has rarely had emotional internal friction recently, and even in the occasional ups and downs, he knows how to withdraw.
And from the child's emotional diary, I saw the change of the whole process of the child from suffering to withdrawal and then remodeling, sometimes tears in distress, sometimes the corners of the mouth rose, and sometimes praised: Wow, this is amazing.
It's really not easy to do every little thing well. Don't focus on internal friction and self-blame, and do what you need to be busy with. Brother Han practiced this very well, and did the little things every day very well:
Three meals a day, go to the restaurant every day to eat on time, no matter how busy you are, you have to eat well;
Write your homework carefully every day, write it again when you see the questions you don't know, and ask questions if you don't understand;
I listened well to every class, and when I was really sleepy, I took the initiative to stand at the back of the classroom;
Sleep well every night, and when you really don't feel sleepy, you don't force yourself to fall asleep, and you don't panic;
When you feel too tired, you take a break, and you don't ask yourself to run every night, slow down, and look at the scenery of the campus.
This is a child I am extremely proud of, with strong learning ability and self-consistency, especially the ability to draw inferences and logical thinking.
It's nice to be able to come out of the most painful moment. I don't have the anxiety and worry of the previous few weeks, I just have the determination to continue learning, and I also want to learn synchronously and keep pace with my children.
Focus on what you want to do today, focus on what needs to be done right now. Instead of doing one thing, thinking about another thing and messing around.
The more upset you are, the more you have to be calm, and the more busy you are, the more you have to stop and stabilize your mind.
Everyone has their own flowering period, and everyone has their own silent time, and this time process is called "rooting".
Root deep enough, root firmly enough, have fun, don't care what happens to others, and manage yourself is the biggest thing.
It's really hard to walk uphill. But my brother Han is so resilient, adjust his heart well, conserve his physical strength from time to time when walking a long way, and leave enough rest for himself to recharge, so as to be harmonious and self-consistent.
I remembered the debate tournament held by my child's school yesterday, and I saw a topic that was: in the face of anxiety, whether to push yourself or let yourself go.
Although Brother Han did not participate in the debate, he entered the game with his bow and handed in a perfect answer. I am proud to have such a child, and I don't leave regrets for myself, which is youth.
The seasons change, and everything changes. There will be too many accidents or no setbacks in life, but the experience has its tenderness and cuteness.
If you are wrong, correct it, and if you are right, continue to walk. Be clear about yourself and keep your life renewed.
A good enough life is a degree of relaxation. Focus when you're busy, get the job at hand, don't stress when you're relaxed, and make yourself as happy as possible.
Procrastination and inertia are not laziness, but just "recharging" yourself in the busyness, knowing why you are not happy, and knowing that you make yourself happy again, isn't this the best choice?