01. Difficult growth environment
At that time, the people in the village were generally poor, and it was common for them to have insufficient food and clothing. The author has as many as 6 brothers and sisters in his family, and his parents run a large family, so life is naturally poor.
The author's father had 4 daughters and 2 sons, and although the number of children was considerable, he attached great importance to the sons who passed on the lineage. My sisters have been arranged to do farm work in the fields since they were young, and they sweat during the day, and it is difficult to have the opportunity to study. The father was also very strict with them, teaching his daughter to "take up the burden of the family" as soon as possible.
In contrast, the two sons were flattered. The father always told them to eat a good meal first, and when the sons were full, the rest was distributed to the sisters. When the family sat around the case, the father also blatantly favored his son. In the eyes of her mother, although she can't be publicized, she has a lot of complaints in her heart. The sisters have grown up in this environment since they were children, and they have shouldered a lot more work and grievances than their sons for no reason, and it is doubtful whether they will be able to get out of the haze in the future.
02. Mothers choose the best sons-in-law for their daughters
In that conservative era, the mother was very concerned about her daughter's marriage. She knows that this is about the entire future fate of her daughters, and once she marries the wrong person, she will have to suffer enough. Therefore, the mother's only hope is for the sisters to marry into a good family and live a free life.
What the mother values is not the wealth of her in-laws, but the amiable nature of her in-laws and the kindness and integrity of her husband. In her opinion, this is an important foundation for a happy marriage. Regardless of the rich or poor for the time being, as long as the daughters are not wronged in the future.
In order to find a good husband for her daughters, the mother can be said to have tried her best. Back then, blind dates were not as convenient as they are now, and they all relied on matchmakers to lobby in the countryside. There are only two old women in the village who are matchmakers, and in order to please them, the mother buys a lot of things and gives favors. Whenever she heard that there were boys of school age in a particular family, the mother would do everything possible to arrange for her daughters to meet.
Sometimes, the matchmaker brings family affairs that are not wealthy and in average conditions, and the mother readily agrees without twisting, as long as the other party has a good character. She firmly remembered that only by marrying her daughters into a good family could she ensure that they would be protected from bullying and grievances in the future.
03. Life after marriage
Thanks to his mother's hard work, the author finally married into an honest family. The husband and mother-in-law are both clean people in the countryside, have an excellent reputation in the village, and never do anything wrong.
After marriage, life was very smooth and healthy. Although the in-laws' family background is only average, the in-laws never put all the work of the family on the author. The farm work in the field is always done together; They will also take the initiative to discuss with the author about family affairs. Watching the author become more and more prosperous year by year, relatives and friends all praised her for marrying the right family.
The most commendable thing is that the author has never separated his daughter and daughter-in-law from each other. She is pure and kind-hearted, and loves her daughter-in-law as if she were her own daughter. Whether it is daily life and food, or holiday gifts, daughters-in-law and daughters are treated equally in the eyes of the author.
When the daughter-in-law was pregnant, the author welcomed the daughter's marriage with the same share of dowry. The people in the village were also amazed at the author's approach, praising her for being kind and fair, without the slightest selfishness of favoring her son.
During the New Year's dinner of an old snack, the author and his wife sat in the courtyard and watched the children laugh and play, and their hearts were happy. The daughter-in-law and son toasted them, and the daughter and son-in-law were respectful and polite, and for a time the room was filled with a peaceful scene of joy. Passers-by passed by the author's house, and they heard bursts of lively laughter inside, and couldn't help but praise "good fortune" from the bottom of their hearts. Looking at this harmonious scene, the reader also feels that the author's mother's hard work has finally come to a happy end, which is really blessed.
04. The days after the death of the husband
In the spring three years after her husband's death, a serious illness struck the author. In retrospect, the loss of her husband, who had been by her side since childhood, suddenly lost the center of gravity in the author's life, and the once warm and lively home became deserted.
In the days of helplessness, the daughter-in-law is doubly precious. She gave up her livelihood to concentrate on taking care of her dying mother-in-law at home. In order to let the author recuperate well, the daughter-in-law worked tirelessly and waited meticulously. From washing to cooking, from wiping to basking in the sun, she does everything herself. After the daughter-in-law was busy, she was sweating profusely when she was dizzy, and the author felt guilty in her eyes. However, the daughter-in-law did not care, but earnestly comforted her mother-in-law to live a few more years and be filial to her.
In stark contrast to this, it is his own flesh and blood daughter. Although she temporarily returned to her parents' house for a few days, her daughter always regarded herself as a guest and did not care about the author's illness. Sometimes the daughter-in-law is busy serving, and the daughter never takes the initiative to help. When the neighbor praised her daughter for her filial piety, she even accepted it.
What is even more distressing is that the daughter is full of impatience when she changes the clothes of her sick mother. The author asked her to help change her clothes, but she scolded her harshly, "Are you old and confused?" Seeing that the daughter-in-law has changed the author's washing many times without complaint, but the daughter is so disgusted with her mother's illness, it is particularly dazzling in comparison.
The daughter's words were undoubtedly like a hammer, hitting the author's heart hard. Compared with the daughter-in-law's wholehearted filial piety and care, the daughter's behavior is simply ruthless, and the author is heartbroken, and can't help but reflect on whether he is biased in his treatment of the two?
05. A change in attitude towards daughters and daughters-in-law
After a serious illness, the author's attitude towards his daughter and daughter-in-law changed. She began to realize that although she had never intentionally treated the two differently, there was a world of difference in their behavior towards her mother-in-law.
The daughter-in-law always remembers her duty as a daughter-in-law and serves her elderly mother-in-law wholeheartedly. Even though she was exhausted and sweaty, she still worked tirelessly to keep everything organized. Watching his daughter-in-law's filial piety to herself, the author was very pleased.
On the contrary, the daughter has abandoned her responsibilities and obligations to her mother. She regarded herself as a complete outsider, ignoring her mother-in-law's illness, and even blaming her mother-in-law for causing her trouble. The daughter's pampered and arrogant behavior made the author stunned, and he reflected on whether he was taking sides?
In this way, from the different attitudes of daughters and daughters-in-law towards their mothers, the author truly realizes that there is a fundamental gap between them. The author realizes that he is indeed too simple to treat everyone equally, but ignores the natural boundary between his own children and daughters-in-law.
So, the author decided to change his mind. She no longer rests on her laurels with her children, but learns to take care of her body. After all, she is also entering the twilight of her life, and she doesn't know how long she will live. The author knows that filial piety to parents is the intention of her children, and she no longer demands who is more filial. As long as you live frugally and don't cause trouble to your children, it is the greatest filial piety.
06. Parents' expectations of their children
The author's life was full of vicissitudes and hardships, but she finally ushered in the quiet time of her old age. Looking back, the author's expectations for his children are actually very simple: he does not want to be rich and rich, he just wants them to be healthy and not bullied.
For most of her life, the author has fulfilled the responsibilities of a mother. She regards her children and daughters-in-law as equal relatives and takes care of their daily life meticulously. It's a pity that the good times didn't last long, and after the death of her husband, the author felt lonely and helpless. Fortunately, with his daughter-in-law by his side at all times, the author was able to get through those difficult years.
The daughter-in-law offered all her filial piety without reservation. During the days when the author was sick in bed, she temporarily put aside her livelihood and served her mother-in-law wholeheartedly. Laundry, cooking, wiping and basking in the sun, the daughter-in-law is dedicated and diligent. Her tireless dedication in exchange for the author's personal touch.
On the other hand, her daughter's behavior is ridiculous. Although she nominally returned to her parents' home, her daughter didn't even look at the responsibility of taking care of her mother. What is even more ridiculous is that when her mother needs the most basic help, she sees it in disgust as "causing trouble". Seeing that her daughter-in-law has no regrets, her daughter's indifference is really suffocating.
However, the author does not linger on this. She realized that human nature is indeed different from her own daughter-in-law and daughter-in-law. So the author let go of too many expectations, hoping that he would live a long and healthy life and cause less trouble to his children. Reading this, the author's generosity is admirable, and her tolerance and wisdom are enough to become a model in life. Perhaps, when people live to their twilight years, the most important thing is to know how to be happy, and what is the rest of the grievances and unsatisfactory?
epilogue
In life, no one will inevitably encounter such setbacks and grievances. But as this farmer's mother-in-law did, facing it with a broad mind and a positive and optimistic attitude is the best choice.
In her life, she experienced poverty, the bad habits of male superiority and inferiority, the loss of her husband's death, and the pain of her children's filial piety to her. These are enough to make her depressed, desperate, and angry. But instead of giving up, she armed herself with surprisingly tolerant wisdom.
She realized that human nature is natural, and that children and daughters-in-law have different responsibilities, and it is futile to force others. So she learned to let go of her expectations and turn her attention to her own life. She understands that as long as she lives frugally and causes less trouble to her children, it is the supreme filial piety.
This kind of open-mindedness and generosity is the spiritual pillar of her through the difficult years. She did not huddle in grievances and pain, but faced reality and looked for a way out of change. This optimistic and positive attitude towards life is a model for us to learn from and emulate.
After all, life is not bright every day, and it is inevitable that there will be gloom. But as long as you are like her, you will always have hope and courage in life, and you will definitely be able to break through the clouds and embrace a better tomorrow.
"Cause less trouble to her children" is her last entrustment and blessing to her children. This simple and unpretentious sentence is full of a mother's selfless love for her children. Reading this, we can't help but feel a burst of warmth in our hearts, and we are in awe of this kind and upright mother-in-law.
Yes, although the journey of life is bumpy, as long as you have good intentions and hope, you will definitely be able to write an extraordinary and wonderful chapter. Let's be like this farmer's mother-in-law, face the challenges of life with a positive attitude towards life, and move forward steadfastly!