Couples often quarrel, but do you deliberately avoid arguing in front of your children? Think about what your child is doing when you have an argument with your partner, and may choose to hide in their room, may try to protect both parents from each other, and the following are some of the common thoughts they have.
When parents quarrel, what is the child thinking?
1. Worried about what will happen at home? Worried that parents will be separated.
2. I want to leave for a while.
The child will want to get away and hide in a place where he feels safe and wait for the argument to end until the sound dies down. Paradoxically, though, he would want to hear the argument because it's better than not knowing what's going on, which makes people more anxious.
3. Feeling scared.
This is often the main feeling of a young child, who may not understand the content of his parents' arguments, and because of this, he is more afraid.
4. Which side should I be on?
5. I hate people who don't respect their spouses.
Older children notice whether their parents' behavior is worthy of respect or if their behavior is destructive. He will begin to have a negative view of the one of his parents who he feels is wrong.
6. I have to stop them from continuing to argue.
The quarrels discussed here are not occasional and are often accompanied by yelling, name-calling, cursing, violence (as well as throwing things and slamming doors), threats to leave each other, and even the police coming to the door to be concerned.
Parents quarrel for a long time, and children will have psychological trauma
If this has become the case, your marital conflict can already be seen as an abusive act towards the child. If you have experienced this kind of conflict with your parents as a child, do you have any of the following situations now?
● Frustration
● Anxiety
● Post-traumatic stress syndrome
● Intimate relationship conflicts
● Inability to love oneself
● Trust issues
Will unhappy marriages be passed down from generation to generation?
A person who experienced severe marital discord with his parents as a child can influence how he chooses a partner later in life, and it is difficult for him to understand that not all marriages have serious conflicts, so he will ignore the root cause of conflict with his spouse. This is why marital conflicts are passed down from generation to generation.
I believe that these parents who can't avoid quarrels in front of their children actually have no intention of harming their children. When you see your child fearful, cowering, or crying because of this, you will often tell yourself that it's nothing, it's just an adult argument that you might even make up for in other ways. However, the truth is that there is no way to compensate for the damage caused by a child's constant life with stress and anxiety.
If you don't want your child to grow up in the same situation as you, on the contrary, you should have enough courage and self-awareness to end this vicious cycle. If there is a heated argument or even violence in front of the children, it is time to consider whether the marriage is necessary to continue. Don't use children as a reason not to divorce, the adverse effects on them will be more serious if you see your parents quarrel for a long time.