An unfortunate childhood experience made Wang Yuan have a strange obsession with high heels. In the face of pain, only high heels can make him temporarily forget everything in reality and gain happiness. He understands that such a habit is difficult for the public to accept, but instead of suppressing his emotions too much, he hopes to be able to realize his hobby in a reasonable and legal way.
1
Wang Yuan opened the bedroom wardrobe with a "bang", and a whole wall of dense high-heeled shoes of different colors appeared in front of him, with the heel facing outwards and the upper facing inward, and a strange smell came to his face.
He closed his eyes and inhaled deeply, with a relaxed and happy expression on his face, and after a few seconds of stagnant breathing, he squeezed the air in his lungs completely out with a "whew", looked sideways at me and said, "Don't count, there are 96 pairs in it, each pair is bought, and it is different from those on the Internet who go to rob and steal." I'll admit that I have a shoe fetish, but there's no shame in that, everyone has their own dependencies, it can be coffee, it can be a stuffed animal, I'm heels, that's all. ”
Wang Yuan now works in the government department, 173 tall, medium build, likes to wear Muji and Uniqlo brand clothes on his days off, likes white the most, and shows a shy and gentle smile when he sees people, but he has not had a girlfriend because of his shoe fetish, "I am afraid that the girl will know and think it is disgusting."
Wang Yuan recalled his special feelings for shoes and admitted that everything originated from a domestic violence.
In Wang Yuan's family, his father's profession needs to be constantly verified, sometimes he is a taxi driver, sometimes he goes to work as a broker for others, and sometimes he disappears for a month or two, saying that he is going to go outside to make a lot of money, and the only thing that remains unchanged is excessive drinking, as soon as he finishes drinking, he will vent his "anger at fate's injustice to himself" on his family, and he often says that "if there was no little rabbit cub for you, Lao Tzu would have followed Lao Chen to Shenzhen at the beginning, and now where would he still be trapped in this birdcage".
My mother made a living by playing mahjong, often playing all night. When Wang Yuan was in elementary school, he often waited for his mother to finish the last three laps and fell asleep on the sofa in the private room of the chess and card room.
When I woke up, I was dazed to see the smoke and fire in the room, the shrill laughter of girls, the sound of mahjong tiles hitting each other, and my mother stretched out her right hand from the card table with her back to her, and her fingers painted with scarlet nail polish grabbed a melon seed and peanut from the fruit bowl on the stool next to her. My mother couldn't see herself.
The origin of everything is in the fourth grade of primary school, when Wang Yuan was training in pairs in physical education class, he was disgusted by his school classmates for having a bad smell of smoke, which caused no one to want to be with him. Of course, this is only superficial rhetoric, and the discrimination between children is naked, the brand of shoes they wear, where they go on the weekends, whether the snacks they can share in PE class are rare imports or dime straw candy...... Children have not yet learned the hypocritical "low-key" of truly and honestly excluding the weak.
Wang Yuan was a little precocious, vaguely understanding that this kind of discrimination was related to the family as a whole and could not be changed, and he had anger towards his parents from the heart, but he was tormented by the "selfless love of parents for their children" in education.
He decided not to go to the card room today, at least now he didn't want to see his mother.
Deliberately shook the children near the school for an extra hour to envy the free arrangement, and opened the door with the key hanging on the back of the school badge around his neck, and the smell of liquor in the house reminded him that his father was actually at home.
2
Wang Yuan walked in on tiptoe, his father sat at the dining table with his back to the window, his hands rested on a white plastic bag and peeled the salted peanuts inside to eat, the plastic bottle of Master Kong's iced black tea was on the right hand, the bottle cap was put aside, and the bottle contained most of the clear liquid, Wang Yuan knew that it was the bulk liquor in the vegetable market, and he had bought it for his father.
Wang Yuan shouted at his father: "Dad, you're back." ”
The father was already a little drunk, and his voice seemed to rush straight out of his throat: "Where's your mother?"
"Mom is playing cards with someone. ”
The father suddenly slapped the table and stood up, stared at Wang Yuan and walked over, walked up to Wang Yuan, stared at Wang Yuan with scarlet eyes and said, "Is there someone outside your mother?"
Wang Yuan knew that he was close to his mother and Uncle He, and he had once bumped into his mother and Uncle He entering the clothing store of "Women's Street" together, but he could not determine whether that meant his mother's infidelity.
Wang Yuan is still reminiscing, but his father sees this silence as his son's betrayal of him.
The father slapped Wang Yuan hard. At that time, Wang Yuan's eyes were dark, and his brain was buzzing. When he reacted, he was already facing the floor, with his back to the sky, his father grabbed his hands with one hand and cut them behind him, and pressed Wang Yuan's head against the ground with the other hand to rub it, almost desperately screaming for his son to admit his wife's infidelity.
As long as Wang Yuan struggled, he would be kicked a few times in the waist, which hurt more than pressing his head. His father was still pressing, but the pain itself made him unable to speak, which was a habit developed by his father's domestic violence for a long time, and his mother told him the secret, "The more you refute your old man, the harder he beats, remember to observe, observe that when he has no strength, he suddenly breaks free, and then runs! Run out of the door! Run to a crowded place!"
As long as the pain does not intensify, people will become numb, Wang Yuan felt pain all over his body, and prayed that the feeling of more pain would come, and he would end it all quickly.
At this time, there was a crisp key sound at the door, Wang Yuan looked up and wanted to look, but found that he couldn't lift it up at all, his head was pressed to the ground by his father, and he could only see that the door was opened, and a pair of scarlet sequin high heels came out from behind the door.
Mother is approaching, the red of the red high heels is getting bigger and bigger in the field of vision, the leather of the pointed part of the front of the shoes is worn a little, the red surface is as light and sticky as the skin of a garlic clove, the red is not red but similar to blood red, the sound of the heel is very crisp, after a long time, Wang Yuan collected a lot of high heels, learned a lot of high heels production process, only to understand that the special sound comes from the empty heel.
The red high heels disappeared from view, and the strength behind Wang Yuan suddenly loosened, and his mother's scolding and fighting sounded in his ears. Wang Yuan turned his head and saw that his mother was slapped on the ground by his father, the iced tea bottle on the dining table was poured, the liquor in the bottle was bubbling down the dining table, the wine was poured on his mother's struggling feet, and the scarlet leather shoes were stained with water and shining.
Many experiences in the past made Wang Yuan understand that pounced now would only make his father even angrier. His mother was crying, his father was screaming, Wang Yuan wanted to ignore it as much as he could, he concentrated on the blood-red leather shoes, and tried his best to observe its flow, its heel shape, its color, until the world was left with only those high heels and his eyes.
After that time, Wang Yuan learned a truth, as long as he tried to look at the high heels, the pain would disappear.
3
One day during the summer vacation of the fifth grade of primary school, his mother kissed Wang Yuan and told him that he was going to go out to make money, Wang Yuan asked how long it would take, and his mother said that he didn't know. That day, she walked out of Wang Yuan's life in those red high heels and never came back.
The father was very angry about this, and scolded Wang Yuan from time to time, he thought that his wife must have told the child something, only he didn't know, he took out the belt to vent his hatred for his wife on his son. Wang Yuan recalled that he felt that the pain was beyond the child's body to bear, and he could only stare at the high heels that were kicked under the cabinet at the door to relieve the pain.
If he can't see, he will also imagine a pair of high heels in his mind, and his favorite is the red shoes, the pair that his mother wore when she ran to him, which means that his mother feels saved or loved.
His father scolded Wang Yuan for a week, and then sent Wang Yuan to his mother, and he wanted to go out to make money.
The distance of the bus is 5 dimes, and the grandmother patted her thigh and cried after knowing the reason, and then accompanied Wang Yuan back to his father's house to pack up his things.
Books, clothes, towels, quilts, Wang Yuan asked to take away his mother's shoes in front of his grandmother, grandma asked why, Wang Yuan said I miss my mother, grandma sighed without speaking, and said that there can only be one pair, Wang Yuan took away a pair of purple high heels, only this pair of red and red ones is a brand and a streamline.
"That's probably where I'm luckier than other shoe fetish, the first time I got a shoe I was allowed to be approved by my family. ”
Wang Yuan had his first pair of high heels, which were often placed under Wang Yuan's bed at his grandmother's house. The old man went to bed early, and Wang Yuan often waited for the old man to go to sleep, then took his shoes into the quilt and carefully examined them through the moonlight peeking out of the red-painted window. At this time, Wang Yuancai finally noticed that the smell of the shoes themselves was more fascinating than the appearance of the shoes, and he buried his head in the high heels, inhaled deeply, and his mother's body odor with the smell of perfume was still inside. Wang Yuan felt that he was "peeing his pants" when he took his shoes out of his face - it was the boy's first sperm loss, and a boy's sexual fetish went off the beaten path on the most ordinary night, and no one found out.
Sexual desire collides with adolescence and everything gets out of hand.
Wang Yuan is not only crazy obsessed with the high heels left by his mother at home, but the sound of every pair of high heels hitting the ground from the way to school to school is incredibly beautiful.
Instead of being isolated by his classmates, he enjoys drawing a map of his high heels in his head: the proprietress of the second shop on the left hand side of the elementary school entrance likes to wear a pair of silver heels with short, thin heels, like daggers. The Chinese teacher has a pair of black round-toed block-heeled high heels, and the sound of hitting the ground is extraordinarily loud, like the drum beat of a warrior. Lin Xiaowei's mother, a classmate, has a lot of high heels, among which a pair of bright yellow is the most beautiful, with high heels, and the curvature of the forefoot and thin heel on the side of the heels is like the entrance to a valley, mysterious and beautiful.
Wang Yuan's gaze at the high heels attracted the attention and ridicule of his classmates, aggravating Wang Yuan's isolation, but Wang Yuan didn't care about this, the happiness brought by the high heels supported his soul, and the ridicule of his classmates was nothing compared to it.
4
During the high school entrance examination, Wang Yuan was admitted to the best high school in the city and won a scholarship, considering that if he lived at his grandmother's house, he spent nearly an hour and a half on the way to and from school every day, so Wang Yuan chose to live on campus.
When he was packing, he wanted to put his high heels in his luggage several times, but he gritted his teeth and gave up - at this time, Wang Yuan had already understood that boys liked to see and smell girls' high heels, which was something that would be made fun of, almost ashamed.
He has not had friends for a long time, and he really hopes that high school will not be known about all dirty things, and everything will start from scratch. He tried to overcome his love of high heels and stopped paying attention to anything about them.
But libido is more difficult to overcome than you think.
I don't know when Wang Yuan used to holding physical high heels and smelling the smell of high heels masturbating, and his imagination could no longer satisfy him. He listened to what his roommate was saying to him, but his libido was like a membrane separating his nerves and ears, everything was foggy, his roommate was still talking, he suddenly got up and ran into the bathroom in the dormitory, dropped the lock, cried and masturbated, but it didn't work.
Sexual desire tormented him, that was the first time Wang Yuan pretended to be sick, he called his grandmother and said that he was wronged and wanted to go home for a day, just one day. He cried on the phone, and his grandmother immediately cooperated with Wang Yuan to call the teacher to ask for leave, on the grounds that he was not feeling well and wanted his grandson to come back, and the teacher agreed.
In the last row of the swaying bus, Wang Yuan looked out the window, his lower body was still stiff, he understood that he was finished, and he was controlled by high heels to the point of unreasonableness, but what to do, no one knew.
He went back to his grandmother's house, grandma was cooking in the kitchen, he ran to his bed, squatted down, took out the purple high heels from the bedside, and when he turned around, his grandmother was behind him with a steaming plate, there was shock and fear in her eyes, Wang Yuan was full of blood, he was trembling with fear, and for the first time realized that his obsession with high heels would cause such a big consequence.
The air was silent, and Wang Yuan was about to say something, but grandma turned her head away and walked to the back room, saying, "Hurry up and wash your hands and eat." ”
Wang Yuan looked at the high heels, gritted his teeth, pinched it, and ran into the toilet.
In the beauty of high heels, Wang Yuan ejaculated.
At the dinner table, Wang Yuan explained this to his grandmother in a thin voice, saying that it was because he missed his mother.
Grandma said that she knew, and gave Wang Yuan a chicken leg, saying that your life is hard, but fortunately, God has the eyes to study well, and it will be good to finish college.
In order to alleviate the physical pain and not affect his studies, Wang Yuan still took his high heels to school. He made a hole in the cotton wool so that the surface could not see the undulations, and then slept in the dream of high heels every night, waiting for college to come.
5
Wang Yuan originally filled in the provincial university to facilitate his return to his grandmother's house, but unfortunately slipped to his second choice, so he came to Wuhan.
When I was a freshman, I watched porn together in the whole dormitory, and my roommate said that he liked big breasts and the like, and Wang Yuan said that he liked high heels.
He immediately regretted it when he said it, but he didn't expect his roommate to pat him on the shoulder: "Not bad, we have the same preferences and have a level of appreciation." ”
Wang Yuan knew that his roommate had probably misunderstood, but the happiness of being understood and being able to speak openly was real.
He confessed that he had seen the girl's discarded high heels trying to pick them up next to the garbage heap, and his hand was stretched out almost uncontrollably.
But in the end, he was still under control, he was afraid of being known or bumped into by the people around him, and his grandmother's eyes still made him regret it to this day, which was the starting point for him to be accepted, but it was contrary to common sense for the old man to swallow cruelly.
There were also constant rumors on the Internet at that time, shoe fetish, sweeping the building and glue and the like, love high heels are always easy to be associated with perversion, stealing, robbing, Wang Yuan didn't want to be like that, he wanted to love shoes without harm.
Wang Yuan endured it until his senior year of internship, and he finally rented a small house of his own, a place where no one could peep at will, and he was able to use the money he had saved for a long time in college to buy second-hand shoes in large quantities.
The price is cheaper than expected, ranging from 30 yuan to 80 yuan a pair, which is different from ordinary goods, the longer you wear the shoes, the more expensive they are, and the dirtier the outside and the inside, the more expensive they are. Wang Yuan admitted that the most expensive pair he bought was as high as 160 yuan, which was Belle and sent from Shanghai.
Unlike many shoe lovers, Wang Yuan has no desire to peep at the shoe owner, and the other party's beauty, ugliness and fat have no effect on him, as for many shoe fetishists who hope that the shoe owner is a flight attendant, nurse, teacher and other professions, Wang Yuan has no feeling at all.
When Wang Yuan buys second-hand shoes on Xianyu, he never harasses, he always looks at the picture and takes it directly, he hopes that he is considered just a normal buyer, he is afraid that the other party will scold him for being perverted, and he is even more afraid that the other party is afraid of himself, which is like confirming that he is abnormal.
Compared with Xianyu, Wang Yuan prefers to go to the thrift market to buy shoes, where the shoes are clearly old goods, and they have the meaning of open trading. He often buys an underground shopping mall behind Jianghan Road, a second-hand shoe store hidden in old clothes and bags, and the owner is a middle-aged man, 41 years old, surnamed Chen.
Wang Yuan often buys shoes here, and Boss Chen smiles and never asks more. Finally, there were only two people in the store, Boss Chen and Wang Yuan, and Wang Yuan asked Boss Chen if there were not many men who bought women's shoes from him.
Boss Chen said, yes, it's only three or four.
They chatted along the topic.
Boss Chen gave Wang Yuan a lot of encouragement, Boss Chen admitted that he did this business because he liked the taste of old shoes, he had also been discriminated against by other shopkeepers, what do big men do not sell old shoes, but "what's wrong with selling old shoes, I am happy to be with them every day, not stealing, not robbing, not breaking the law, no matter what others think." ”
Wang Yuan drew strength from Boss Chen, his long-cherished wish of normal shoe love is being practiced, and he must also work hard to love shoes in a reasonable and legal way, and don't let the people around him label him as "perverted" when they mention shoes.
In 2020, due to the fact that there was nothing to do due to the epidemic, Wang Yuan created a shoe fetish group on Douban, posted popular science fetishes and causes of shoe fetishes, and sorted out many celebrities in history who love shoes to reduce their inferiority complex. "Many shoe fetishists do illegal and criminal things because they are not understood, and they are too repressive and lead to destructive behaviors", he called on shoe fetishes on the Internet to love shoes legally and reasonably, and received hundreds of private messages in a month.
In 2021, he created a WeChat public account to allow shoe fetishists to tell their stories, either anonymously or with their real names. Anyone who thought it was a dark corner became warm because of his companions, and the number of reads of his most recent WeChat public account was 1892 and 23 messages.
Someone once admitted to Wang Yuan in an email that after reading his WeChat public account, he was encouraged, and he didn't steal anymore, and he also faced up to the fact that he was just different from others, not a pervert, and all of this was thanks to Wang Yuan.
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