Author: Insight Girl with a Grip on the Book
The winner is powerful, and the self-winner is strong.
Writer Yao Huafei said:
"The biggest opponent in life is oneself, and if you defeat yourself, life will be a flat river; if you are defeated by yourself, life will become a barren mountain." ”
When I was young, I thought that I was strong when I won others.
After half a life, I have fought with all kinds of people, and fought with the ups and downs of life, only to suddenly realize that the opponent is actually only myself.
It is better to overcome others with all your strength, than to overcome yourself with a calm heart.
01
Overcome your own desires
Sigmund Freud once said, "Man is an animal full of desires and driven by desires." ”
Desire is a double-edged sword, moderate desire urges people to forge ahead, but excessive desire erodes the heart.
In the TV series "Tokyo Women's Illustrated Guide", the protagonist Aya only wants to pursue a good enough material life.
Since the age of 20, she has been ambitious and has gone straight to the metropolis of Tokyo to chase the prosperity and fame she has in mind.
It took twenty years for Aya to finally live the life she wanted.
However, even with the most expensive bag on her back, living in the most exclusive room, and driving the most luxurious car, she is still not satisfied.
One day, Aya met her former lover, watching each other's family of three happy, although the days were ordinary, but they were very happy, Aya suddenly felt envious in her heart.
In the past, she felt that such happiness was too small, so she didn't pay attention to it at all.
Now that she is over forty years old, she suddenly realizes that this seemingly ordinary and subtle happiness is actually a certain happiness.
He has long been reduced to a slave of materialism, and he has lost himself in the prosperity and impetuousness of the lights and the temptation of fame and fortune.
There are too many people like Aya in this world, enslaved by material desires, thinking that the more you have, the happier you will be, so they desperately pursue and bury themselves in filling the black hole of desire.
When I get older and more experienced, I finally wake up to the fact that if my heart is not satisfied, even if I have more, I will not feel happy.
Lao Tzu said: There is no greater misfortune than discontentment, and there is no greater blame than desire.
If you are greedy excessively, you will inevitably become a disaster, and if you are overpowered, you will be eaten back.
Grasp the scale of the heart, moderation is good, contentment is the most important.
In the second half of life, you don't have to be overly greedy for external things, what is more important than blindly chasing what you have not gotten is always to cherish what you have in the moment.
02
Overcome your temper
In the book of Proverbs, it is said, "He who is not quick to anger is better than a warrior." He who subdues his own heart is better than taking the city.
Everyone in this world has a temper, it is instinct to take it out, and it is the ability to suppress it.
Once upon a time, there was a man named Atiba, who used to run around his land and house three times whenever he was angry.
Many years passed, and Edisba's house grew bigger and bigger, and the land increased, but his habit never changed.
Someone was curious and couldn't help but ask him why he did it.
"When I was young and I was angry about something, I ran around the house and thought, 'My house is so small and the land is so small, how can I devote my time and energy to arguing with people's needle-to-needle Maimangs,' said Edeba.
Later, as I got more and more land and bigger houses, I told myself that I was already so rich and had no worries about life, so why should I lose my temper over a little thing?
As long as I think about it, my anger quickly dissipates. ”
Because he can always resolve his anger and control his emotions in time, this makes him less useless arguments and entanglements.
In many cases, it is often the temper that determines the direction of many things in life.
In the movie "Prison in the Air", when the soldier Cameron came to the tavern where his wife worked after a training session, several thugs suddenly appeared and harassed his wife.
Cameron was instantly furious and angrily rushed over to teach the thugs a lesson.
Even if his wife tried his best to dissuade him, he still couldn't suppress the anger in his heart.
In the chaos, he snatched the dagger from the thug's hand and stabbed the opponent in the chest, causing the opponent to be killed instantly.
In the end, he was sentenced to 8 years in prison for manslaughter.
When he was arrested, looking at his wife who was crying profusely, Cameron regretted tears and tears, but unfortunately the disaster had already happened, and it would be useless to regret it.
Grumpy animals can break canine teeth, and grumpy tempers can destroy lives.
All the bad temper of a person, in the end it is himself who pays for it.
In the second half of life, don't get angry about inconspicuous things, and don't change color because of unimportant trivial things.
Only by controlling your temper can you gather blessings for yourself.
03
Conquer your own arrogance
Zeng Guofan said: The word defeat is either arrogant or lazy.
Pride and complacency are a sharp secret weapon, hurting others and harming oneself, and overcoming arrogance is a "compulsory course" on the road of life.
There was a famous man named You Heng in the Eastern Han Dynasty, who was talented, but he had an arrogant temperament and always looked down on others.
His friend Kong Rong admired his talent, recommended him to the court many times, and often praised him in front of Cao Cao.
So Cao Cao wanted to see You Heng very much, but You Heng, who had always been empty-eyed, didn't take Cao Cao in his eyes at all, not only claiming that he was crazy and refused to see him, but also arrogantly said a lot of slanderous words to Cao Cao.
Although Cao Cao was angry, he couldn't bear to kill him because he had talent.
However, instead of putting away his arrogance, You Heng became more and more arrogant, repeatedly insulting Cao Cao and his subordinates, and was finally killed by Huangzu of Eastern Wu.
Although arrogance and arrogance can get a momentary quick tongue, in the end it can only lift a stone to shoot oneself in the foot and reap the consequences.
A netizen in Zhihu said that after entering middle age, because he had experienced a lot and understood a lot, he unconsciously gave birth to a sense of superiority.
When he encounters different opinions, he always has to talk a few words endlessly, and at the end he has to make some boastful and arrogant arguments.
Once someone asks him for advice, he can't stop the car, and he makes all kinds of long speeches, like an omniscient "life coach".
However, those who were often lectured by him, instead of being grateful to him, gradually distanced themselves from him.
At that time, he realized that everyone has a different experience, and self-righteousness to educate others with the great truth of his so-called "people who have come over" will only arouse disgust in the end.
After understanding this, he changed his previous arrogant habits, was low-key, humble, and his interpersonal relationships were much more harmonious, and his life was much smoother.
Full of losses, humble benefits.
Arrogance will only lead to disaster, and humility is the only way to achieve success.
In the second half of life, learning to restrain one's arrogance is the top self-discipline of middle-aged people.
04
Conquer your own pattern
I've read a saying: the smaller the pattern, the more broken things there are.
If a person's height is not enough, all he sees is a problem, the pattern is too small, and all the tangled things are trivial.
Dale Carnegie wrote the story of a woman.
The woman was restless, irritable, and depressed all day long over trivial matters.
When someone accidentally stepped on her new shoes in the bus crowd, she had to give birth to the first half of the weather when she came home;
When a friend joked with her about something she didn't like to hear, she lingered on for days on end;
When her husband forgot her birthday, she got angry and quarreled with him and was depressed for a long time.
Because she is easily stimulated by many small things, her life is very fast.
In life, everyone will encounter all kinds of unsatisfactory little things like this woman.
If the realm is low-minded and narrow-minded, and everything is tangled and calculated, it is easy to be entangled in trivial matters, which will only add a lot of unnecessary troubles.
Only by cultivating the state of mind and enlarging the pattern will people stay away from broken things.
There is a Zen master who has a deep practice, named Bai Yin, whether the clouds are light and the wind is light, or the waves are stormy, he can always be calm and calm, and the wind and rain are not alarmed.
Once, someone slandered his innocence, saying that he had an affair with a woman.
Because of this, he was ridiculed and scolded by people, and the disciples around him couldn't stand it, so they persuaded him to find a rumor-monger theory.
Bai Yin smiled indifferently: "It's okay, it's okay, it's not enough to worry about untruths." ”
Many turmoil was quietly extinguished in his ignorance.
Yu Qiuyu said: The volume of the heart is very small, but the pattern of the heart can be infinitely broad.
When you enlarge your mind, you will not be troubled by meaningless things, and when you open up the pattern, you will naturally not be consumed by unimportant people.
In the second half of life, relax your heart, take things lightly, have a big picture in your heart, and live a good life.
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In the Tao Te Ching, it is said that those who win are powerful, and those who win themselves are strong.
Winning others is just wonderful, and winning yourself is life.
In the second half of his life, he took his mind back to himself, constantly surpassed, defeated himself, and lived a quality life.