I like a sentence very much: "The best appearance of a family is that the father has great wisdom and the mother can live a small life." ”
Yes, it is not spring to stand alone, but to contend.
In a family, everyone plays their role and complements each other, and they can thrive.
The tragedy is that some mothers are too strong, not only controlling everything from their father, but also disciplining their children in the best way they think is best, and the children cannot resist at all.
The ancients said: "If there is a circle without a square, it will not stand, and if there is a square without a circle, it will hit a wall." ”
If the mother is too "square", it will become a wall, which will only teach the children who encounter walls everywhere and need to reflect.
01
The mother, who has always been "busy", took care of her career and forgot about her children.
Lin Zi, a psychological counseling teacher and writer, wrote an article about a girl who met a botanist mother.
Mom is devoted to her work and is not lagging behind anywhere.
In the girl's impression, the mother is always busy and has no time to take care of the trivial matters of the family.
When the girl had a need, as soon as she spoke, her mother pushed back: "I'm busy, you have to be sensible." ”
One day, the girl went to her mother's office and found that her mother was carefully observing the flowers and plants, and there was too much love in her eyes. And the girl, unable to hold back any longer, was full of tears - she really wished that she was those flowers and plants.
If a mother wants to become a strong person in her career, she naturally lacks care for her family. And the children were left out in the cold because of this.
One of my female colleagues, in order to achieve better performance and get the opportunity to be promoted, went home with takeout almost every day, never looked at her children's homework, and always participated in the entertainment of the unit, resulting in returning home late at night.
No matter how the family complained, the female colleague didn't think so, and said, "If I hadn't worked so hard, how would you have any future?"
In the workplace, there is a "cactus effect", that is, a person who is angular and dares to speak up for himself will avoid workplace bullying and the salary will be 15% higher than that of ordinary employees.
But it has also been discovered that cacti are isolated because of their sharp edges, so they can only live in deserts that are inaccessible.
There are pros and cons to everything. A woman wants to go to work and make money, but she can't take care of the workplace and forget about her family.
If you are so busy that you forget your child, no matter how successful you are, if your child has no income, and the family business cannot be continued, it will be a pity.
02
The mother who has been "fighting" suppresses others, and things will be opposed.
Quarrel with your neighbors and get an inch of land, a path, a tree, etc.
quarrels with siblings, concubines also have to fight, and they all want to get more money from the big family. Especially after the death of their parents, they all want to get all the inheritance, and women play a "very unreasonable" role.
For a period of time, the topic of "women don't let 6-year-old boys go to the women's toilet and be scolded" has attracted the attention of countless netizens.
In the Harbin subway, a mother walked into the women's toilet with a six-year-old boy. Another woman said that boys were not allowed to enter the women's restroom.
The mother listened to the lady's words and immediately retorted: "Who said that such a child should not enter the women's bathroom?"
Next, the mode of verbal war was turned on.
The child's mother emphasized: "Apologize, I have no other requirements, apologize to the child, and obtain his forgiveness, or none of us will be allowed to leave." ”
What is outrageous is that the child's parents scolded the lady angrily for 30 minutes.
Netizens left a message: "I am in the first grade at the age of six, and when I go to kindergarten, I know that there is a difference between men and women......"
Obviously, everyone thinks that this mother is vexatious and too fond of fighting.
In physics, we know "action and reaction forces", but whatever force you emit will come back to you.
If a woman is strong with outsiders, it will cause conflicts between the family and the outside world, and if a woman is aggressive with her family, it will cause family conflicts. If the husband is forced to be anxious and divorced, the most harmful thing is the children.
Don't take others to let you as the fantasy of "you are the best in the world".
If you are not careful, what the mother fights for is what the child loses. It is not surprising that the scourge of the previous generation is left to the next.
03
The mother who has always been "in charge" controls her children and acts as a substitute.
The first words the child says are taught by the mother, the first day of school is sent by the mother, and the mother helps the child to get up when he falls......
Mother's love is like water, all the time. It seems that this is great love, but it is different when a mother controls the life of her children.
Writer Xu Yahui said such a thing: a little girl wanted to eat chocolate, and watched other companions buy it. The mother said fiercely, "I don't have the money to buy it."
Then, the mother dragged the girl away and told her a lot about the harm that chocolate could do to her body. Mother's reasoning is all wishful thinking, but she doesn't notice it at all.
What books the child reads must be in the order arranged by the mother; all the conditions for the child to find a partner are set by the mother; if the child wants to get married, the bride price is also requested by the mother; the child wants to go to university, and the major is fixed by the mother. Think about it, with such a mother, what is the future of the children?
A good mother will definitely give up her desire to control and know how to let go in time.
04
Good mother, round on the outside and square on the inside.
The ancestors made copper coins, the inside is square, and the outside is round.
Ji Xiaolan, a scholar of the Qing Dynasty, explained to the copper coins: "Smooth in life, upright in heart, different from the flow of dirt and modesty." ”
Mothers need to remember that "if there is a circle without a square, it will not stand, and if there is a square without a circle, it will be the same."
If it's too square, it will hurt the children, and if it's too round, it will condone the children, only by grasping the scale is the best.
How to operate the "Fangyuan Law"?
First, when the child is young, the mother must learn to love and protect the child. Slightly weaker in career, more focused on family.
Second, get along with outsiders, be harmonious, give children a good example, let children know how to advance and retreat, and be polite.
Third, love your family well, be kind to your brothers and sisters, tolerate your husband's difficulties and shortcomings, help your husband start a business and get rich, and form a warm family atmosphere.
Fourth, when the child grows up, the mother must learn to let go, and don't ask the child to do it according to his own position. Respect your child's choices and make suggestions, not hard demands.
Women are weak, but mothers are strong.
The mother is strong and well-rounded.
Author: Cloth Clothes Coarse Food.
Follow my words and go into your heart.
The pictures in the article come from the Internet.