I'm a person with a severe "fear of communicating", and in most cases, it kills me when I am asked to communicate with other people.
The sources of fear are often varied –
Image Credit: Manchester by the Sea
Roll call in college class, I would be nervous. Especially when I hear the name being called closer and closer, I can't help but think:
What if my son is dumb when it comes to me?
What if I make a very strange sound? Wouldn't it be humiliating?
When I go on stage to speak, I get scared. Sometimes he is so nervous that he can't control the tremor of his voice, and it sounds like he is sobbing and talking. And the surprised eyes of the people in the audience will make me even more embarrassed.
When I meet someone I know on the road, I get nervous. Especially when two people are looking at each other from a long distance. Should you pretend you didn't see it and say hello when you get closer?
If you say hello now, do you still say hello when you pass by?
Should I just bow my head and play with my phone, pretending I didn't see her at all?
But will she feel that I have an opinion about her?
When I need to shout to the driver, "Master, stop here", I am afraid......
What if I call out to the driver and don't hear me?
Will others think I'm annoying if I shout too loudly?
I can only comfort myself, "Let's go down again, take a stop, it's not far."
When I go to a new cafeteria, gym, classroom by myself, I will be afraid. I always feel that I don't have enough communication skills to face the situations that may happen in the new environment.
I dread going to a friend's party, visiting a relative's house, or having dinner with someone I don't know well (especially if it's more than two people).
On these occasions, my brain usually goes down and becomes mute that can only keep smiling......
The only thing that makes me glad is that there seem to be many people who suffer from severe "communication phobia" like me, and it has even become a difficult subject worldwide:
A woman in Spain has been blind for 28 years in order not to greet people, and about 74% of people in the United States have varying degrees of fear of communication......
Actor Jerry Seinfeld famously has a line to describe this:
"According to most studies, people's biggest fear is public speaking. The second is death. This means that for the average person, if you go to a funeral, you are better off lying in a coffin than reciting a eulogy. ”
Why are we so afraid of communicating with others?
01
Excessive self-attention
People who are afraid of communication tend to focus too much on what they say and do when communicating, rather than on the content of the communication.
For example, as mentioned earlier, when I meet someone I know on the road, my focus is not so much on the ability to "say hello" as on how do I do it, is it appropriate for me to do so, and what does she think of me? And when I'm constantly imagining what is going to happen to me and denying what I could have said naturally, I'm actually setting limits for myself. And, more often than not, you can't focus on two things at the same time. This means that when you focus too much on what others think of you and your own shortcomings, you can't focus on solving problems and how to get along with others. Of course, that doesn't mean we shouldn't focus on ourselves when communicating. In fact, it's natural to think about ourselves. But it also means that everyone else thinks of themselves naturally. Perhaps, when you are struggling because you don't know what to say, your communication partner is also annoyed that you have thrown out the topic of "cold field".
Image source: "Nobody Knows"
02
Negative assumptions about the results of the exchange
What scares us is often not just the communication itself, but more of the negative consequences of our own assumptions and communication failures. For example, when you go on stage to give a speech, you are likely to envision many disastrous negative consequences: suddenly forgetting words, not being able to say a word, and finally running off the stage in disgrace, making a fool of yourself on stage, being ridiculed by the audience, or even just not speaking fluently and well....... And when these negative thoughts arise uncontrollably, you can try to challenge these thoughts with the following questions: ◍ How would my friends judge my thoughts?Does he think this will really happen?◍ What evidence do I have that this is true?◍ What evidence do I have that this is not true?◍ Did the terrible consequences I envisioned actually happen?How many times have they happened?◍ Are my thoughts based on my feelings and not on facts? At the same time, you can also ask yourself what the worst outcome will be. There's a good chance that the worst you expect to happen isn't that bad either.
Regardless of how the exchange is conducted, in most cases it will not have absolute, irreversible, and devastating consequences. You won't lose your job, and not a single mistake will ruin your life or health. If you do "make a fool" of a speech or a conversation with someone, in fact, they may quickly forget what happened and will not make any crucial and irreversible bad judgments about you based on this small mistake. We present some of the causes and mitigation strategies for communicating fear. To help you explore your communication fears in depth, we have developed the "Comprehensive Assessment of Your Communication Fears" assessment, which analyzes communication fears from four dimensions: public speaking, authoritative communication, unfamiliar communication, and general communication. At the same time, we will also develop a dedicated growth guide for you to help you improve your control over communication in different situations.
"Test your level of fear of communication"
👆 Scan the QR code to receive the assessment immediately
-You will receive-1.Your communicative fear level scores2.Mapping your fear structure3.Your customized personal growth report -Who is it for-1.Want to determine the extent to which you have communicative fear2.Want to explore the reasons for your fear of communicating3.Want to know how well you are communicating with people4.Want advice on how you can improve your communicative fear
参考文献————————Boal, H.L., Christensen, B.K., & Goodhew, S.C. (2018) Social anxiety and attentional biases: A top-down contribution?. Atten Percept Psychophys 80, 42–53 . https://doi.org/10.3758/s13414-017-1415-5Bunnell B. E., Joseph D. L., & Beidel D. C. (2013) Measurement invariance of the Social Phobia and Anxiety Inventory. Journal of Anxiety Disorders. 27(1):84-91. DOI: 10.1016/j.janxdis.2012.09.001.Hugh-Jones, S., Beckett, S., &Tumelty, E. (2020) Indicated prevention interventions for anxiety in children and adolescents: a review and meta-analysis of school-based programs. Eur Child Adolesc Psychiatry . https://doi.org/10.1007/s00787-020-01564-xTurner, S. M., Beidel, D. C., Dancu, C. V., & Stanley, M. A. (1989). An empirically derived inventory to measure social fears and anxiety: The Social Phobia and Anxiety Inventory. Psychological Assessment：A Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology,1(1),35-40.https://doi.org/10.1037/1040-3590.1.1.35
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Test your level of fear of communication