Someone asked me today: My boyfriend has had a relationship with someone else, but he has always asked for my forgiveness, saying that he didn't mean it, saying that he doesn't love that woman, only loves me alone, and doesn't want to break up with me, should I believe his words, should I forgive him?
Every time I encounter this kind of problem, I really feel a little uncomfortable, because I have also experienced some emotional setbacks, so I can especially understand the mood of the girl who asked me, she may not be able to let go, and I don't know how to forgive, very tangled, very contradictory, so I will seek answers.
But I also know deeply that some people, love is wrong, no matter how beautiful you first met at that time, how affectionate he was when he said he wanted to be with you, how serious he was when he swore to give you a lifetime of happiness, he didn't do it.
No matter how much you believed in him at the time, how much you longed for you to go on for the rest of your life, and how much you loved him in your heart, you were all wrong about your feelings.
Of course, for a person who takes his feelings very seriously, these words are a bit cruel, and they can't accept them for a while, so they want to find all kinds of reasons to prove that this man is really wrong, that he really wants to continue to be with him, and that he really can't do without himself.
But are you really just not able to accept reality?
There are some things that are clear if you think about it from another perspective, you love your boyfriend so much, would you do something unfaithful to him?
If you can't, you know that the reason why he did it, after all, is because he doesn't love you that much, so even though he knows that it will cause you some harm, he still does it. Or he doesn't care if it hurts you at all, he does what he wants. After doing it, he thinks that you love him, as long as he pretends to be pitiful and desperately begs you for forgiveness, you will most likely be reluctant and will not break up.
So, do you want to continue to believe in him and give him another chance to hurt you?
You might say that people make mistakes, so you should give the other person a chance, what if he does change? That's the root of your struggle, if you know he's never going to change, then you're left with pain.
Some things can be forgiven, but some things can not be forgiven, unless you feel that you don't care about whether there is affection between you in the future, only other things.
Moreover, not every man will do these things, and there are many men who will not, so you don't overbelieve the saying that men will cheat. These words are just an excuse for men who want to cheat, or men who have already cheated.
At this time, you must know that since your boyfriend has betrayed you, then he really doesn't love you, I don't believe that a person who loves you will take the initiative to have a relationship with other women at the same time.
Because he loves you, he will inevitably feel distressed, and once he is distressed, he can't bear to do anything that makes you sad.
In the book "The Road Less Traveled", a good answer is given about what a married man should do when he falls in love with another woman, and this is the performance of a man who truly loves someone.
"I may meet a woman I love and I would love her, but to do so would ruin my marriage and jeopardize my family, so I will suppress the idea and say: I would love you, but I will not do it because I have made a commitment to my wife and family," the author said. ”
Because in the author's view: the feeling of love may be infinite, and the flame of love may be ignited in the heart at any time, but the love we can give is limited, and we cannot choose the object of love at will. A person who truly loves cannot act on the feeling of love alone. True love comes from the will of both hearts, not on the spur of the moment. True love is an autonomous choice, with emotion and wisdom to be given regardless of whether the feeling of love is present or not. It is true that there is a feeling of love at all times, but whether love lasts depends on whether we have the will to love and whether we have the spirit of dedication.
So, do you still believe that a man who chooses to cheat loves you?
Women are always used to deceiving themselves, and they always find all kinds of reasons for men, but do they work? You find so many reasons, does the man you are with change it? Will it be better for you?
Or, whether he changed it or not, whether it was better for you or not, do you really not think of these things when you see him? Can you continue to talk and laugh with him as if nothing had happened, and imagine a better future?
I can't do it, and if someone is unfaithful to me, I know I can't forgive.
Let me tell you about the behavior you may have after you forgive this time: you don't trust him anymore, he comes home late, or he is slow to reply to your messages, you will start to suspect him, and even you will check his mobile phone, you will send him video calls from time to time, you will suspect that he can't stand you, and actively choose to leave you.
So, do you still need to forgive him?
You're just tying yourself up to him and making the hurt between you even more.
So, why bother? Wasting your time for a man like that.
You may think that if you leave him, you will never find love again, and you will never meet the person you like again.
Have you ever thought that even if you don't leave, you will be miserable, you have lost love, and you and he will no longer be people who like each other. A man who genuinely likes you will not betray you, and no one will like a man who betrays him for a long time.
So, separate as soon as possible, reduce further damage, what's the big deal about leaving him, you're just leaving someone who doesn't deserve you. As long as you love yourself, as long as you yourself are a person worthy of love, then there will always be someone who will take the initiative to come to you.
At the end of the day, if a man really loves you, he won't do anything unfaithful to you, he knows that he is responsible for you, he will have a sense of boundaries, and if he does, then he is that you don't love you. There is no doubt about this.
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