At what age do children sleep in separate rooms?

Text丨Fish Dad Image source: Meisu Gallery

Written on the front: Recently, several mothers have been asking about sleeping separately from their children, and they feel very entangled.

So I share this article that I have posted before, I hope it helps.

In the matter of sleeping in separate rooms, the environment of each family is different, and the psychological development of children is different, please don't worry, learn more about your children, make proper arrangements, and don't be too entangled.

I think the best time is when your child is ready.

Another small suggestion is not to try to sleep in separate rooms in winter, because children are prone to colds, after all, if the child has a cold, it will take more effort.

1

Some time ago, my mother asked me, how old did Xiao Xiaoyu sleep in separate beds?

This question really gives me a lot to say.

If you ask us about the process of sleeping with our children, does it go well or not?

The answer is that the process was not smooth, and it was full of sadness.

Because a long time ago, the little fish succeeded in falling asleep, but because of the mistake we made, he ran back again

When we were more than 3 years old, we tried to sleep separately, and Little Fish agreed, but every time we needed to be put to sleep before we could walk.

As a result, it was winter, and my mother was afraid that the child would freeze, and I was also worried, so I pulled him back to our bed and said to wait.

When I was more than 4 years old, I had successfully slept for more than a month, but my grandmother came to live, and there was not enough room at home, so she asked him to sleep with us.

As a result, when the grandmother came home, the little one refused to go back to his room.

When he was more than 5 years old, I thought I would have to let him sleep in separate beds, so I mentioned it to him.

At first, he was very resolute, but he refused.

Wait, and finally we agreed to wait another 30 days.

As a result, after waiting for a month, I told him that I reluctantly agreed.

But he came running that night.

No way, at first, we had to accept him and let him have a transition.

But I still wondered what to do?

Is he insecure?

No, I'm absolutely sure of that.

Is he underaged?

In fact, he has no problem with his self-care ability, and he can get up and drink the water toilet completely by himself.

And it's been successful before, but the problem is that we made mistakes halfway through and didn't pay attention to it.

As a result, over the course of three years, both adults and children have suffered a lot.

So, the problem is not with the child, but with our approach.

The key is to find a way.

It is consoling that it is still successful in sleeping separately.

Just share my experience and don't make mistakes like ours.

2

When is the best age to sleep apart?

The general recommendation is for 4-6 years old.

Don't rush to sleep too early, such as before the age of 3.

Because the age of 3 is the key for children to enter kindergarten (group life).

It would be much better to wait until they have adapted to the group life and gone through this psychological separation before talking about sleeping.

Psychologist Winnicott said: "I think that in terms of maturity, individuals should not mature too early, and should not be established as an individual while they are still at an age of relative dependence. ”

I agree with this statement, so I started to prepare and try this sleep sharing after I turned 4 years old.

Moreover, most children enter the "sexual bud stage" at the age of 4~6.

Attentive parents will find that the child's sexual behavior is relatively active during this period, such as touching the genitals, clamping the thighs, etc., and the child begins to realize the sexual differences between men and women, and begins to have curiosity and preliminary cognition of the gender of men and women.

Parents should consciously educate their children about sexuality.

And at this stage, you can consider sleeping in separate rooms according to the actual situation of the child.

Of course, it's not too late, it's best to complete the split sleep before the age of 7, at least be able to sleep in separate beds independently.

Because the older the child, the harder it is to separate.

3

If you are ready to sleep in a separate room with your child, you must be mentally prepared first.

If you want to sleep separately for the sake of sharing sleep, and hurt your child's sense of security, then this is the least worthwhile.

So, don't rush to sleep when your child isn't ready.

And in the process of sleeping separately, in the face of the child's resistance, asking for help, and crying, it is necessary to pay attention to it and achieve psychological care.

I think when the child's self-care ability is reached, you can first tentatively ask the child whether he is ready to sleep.

Parents can encourage their children when they are hesitant.

Even material rewards can be given.

For example, if you do it, you can get a gift prepared by your parents and reward you for your courage.

One day, before going to bed, I showed Xiao Xiaoyu a picture of one of his favorite toy guns.

Said that when he succeeded in sleeping for 1 month, he would be rewarded.

At that time he happily accepted the offer.

But two days later, he said to me, "Dad, I don't think I can do it." ”

"Don't you want to win that cool gun?"

"I don't want it anymore!" he said in frustration.

Truth be told, that's the last thing I want to see.

Sometimes, however, children choose to give up on challenges and at the same time give up on their goals.

What to do?

I wasn't in a hurry at the time, and said to him, "Then let's try again, keep the prize first, and when you do it one day, Dad will reward you." Dad believes you can do it. ”

What else can be done?

I was on my way back from school to pick him up and think about it.

Talk to him about courage.

Let's start with my own lack of bravery when I was a child.

Then he talked about my split sleep and told him I couldn't do it at first.

I said to him, "Do you know what the darkness is about?"

"It's our fear, and the more we fear, the more the darkness rejoices and bullies us. ”

"When you have courage, drive away the fear, and the darkness will run away!"

He talked to me for a long time about this topic.

We talk a little bit every day, like a story.

But his heart was already thinking.

Before sleeping separately, the actual combat training of sleeping independently is particularly important.

If your child is afraid to sleep apart, be sure to find the reason first.

So, he told me that I didn't dare to sleep because I was afraid of the dark.

After I gave him psychological encouragement, I tried to find a way to give the child a convenient night light, such as the one that can be lit by touching it.

If the child is afraid to go to the toilet and drink water.

That can tell the child that Mom and Dad's room is not locked, and if you are really scared, you can come to us.

Then you can do some training for the child, such as which light can be turned on, and do a scenario simulation so that he is not afraid when he wakes up at night and knows what to do.

He also told me that he was afraid of the horrific images he saw on TV.

One day I patiently listened to him describe the scene he was afraid of.

Then explain them to him one by one, so that he doesn't feel terrible.

There's one detail that's interesting to remember.

He said he once saw a little baby crawling and crawling in a dark room, but he didn't see anyone.

I know what he's afraid of.

So he asked him what else he had, and he said no.

I made the story through and told him that the child's mom and dad were in the next room and would be coming to see him soon.

In fact, he was afraid of not being around us, and felt like the child in the image.

There is always a reason for a child's resistance.

Parents should patiently interpret the inner world of their children.

can really help them.

4

Remember to compensate for your child's intimate time after sleeping separately

In fact, children don't want to sleep separately, and the biggest reason is that they don't want to be separated from their parents.

And that's one of the reasons why we want to split our children's sleep.

Because at the age of 0-3, we give the child intimate love, but after the child is 3 years old, we need to start to move towards independence, and we have to learn to let go.

So, when the child is in the process of sleeping separately, or after sleeping separately.

Remember to make your child feel loved.

For example, remember to say goodnight to your child and give a bedtime kiss: Mom and Dad will always love you and will always protect you.

It would be great if you could tell your child a sweet story before bedtime.

Let the child sleep with a sweet story in his heart.

Be sure not to push your child away until he's ready.

You can try to start by sleeping under a quilt.

When the child is older, if possible, add a small bed to the room and start sleeping in separate beds.

Then transition to sleeping in separate rooms.

Of course, in the process of sleeping apart, there will also be repetitions.

The child, who had already slept successfully, came to you in the middle of the night.

What to do?

We soothe the child and take him back to his own bed to sleep.

Then you can talk to your child the next day, what is the reason?

Continue to encourage him.

Then one day, the child is really ready inside.

Able to sleep independently and bravely.

Throughout the process, don't lose your temper easily, use punishment sparingly, and it's best not to use it.

Even if you want to use it, it is enough to use it at most once.

Because love is more important than that.

And be patient enough to be gentle and firm.

Gentleness will give children love and courage.

And firmness will allow children to make decisions and learn to persevere.

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