New Year: Free-range children, free-range partners, rich yourself

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 | May

8080th In-depth Good Essay: 3033 Words | 8 min read

Mindset

When I saw a sentence, I felt the same way:

"When you reach a certain age, you will understand that what really determines the quality of your life is not gold and silver geometry or worldly achievements, but family. ”

When people reach middle age, they always understand the importance of family more and more, and they also understand more profoundly: happiness will not fall from the sky, and can only be managed with heart.

The key to business is to straighten out your mentality and correct your relationship with your family.

In the new year, you might as well try

Free-range children

, Raise your partner, enrich yourself, and when you live well, the family will naturally be smooth.

1. Free-range children

It is said that being a Chinese-style parent is really tiring, and the hardships are difficult to describe if you don't experience it yourself.

As a parent, everyone hopes to do their best to support their children's lives and give them meticulous care.

Unfortunately, this will only backfire.

You insist on waking up your child and making breakfast for your child despite being unwell, but in exchange you turn a blind eye and let him think that your contribution is just a matter of course;

Even if you don't have the skills, you don't forget to urge your child to study and check your child's homework, but what you get is rebellion and confrontation, which makes him feel that you are too controlling.

So much so that when we find that we have given everything we have, but still can't teach our children well, we will have a strong sense of frustration.

In fact, the process of parenting is destined to be a practice, but it is not the way of discipline that is cultivated, but the wisdom of the parents themselves.

The writer Lao She has adopted an attitude of inaction towards his three children.

He never asked about his children's grades, nor did he force his children to inherit their father's business and be like himself.

The only principle is to let children grow up healthily in an equal, relaxed and happy environment.

In life, he regarded the children as good friends and took them to the teahouse and bathhouse.

Before making any decision, you must explain the situation to your child and ask for his or her views and opinions.

When Shu Yi was 15 years old, Lao She came back from lecturing in the United States and saw that his son had grown much taller, and his first reaction was to reach out and shake hands with him.

It is also this fatherly love with restraint and respect in the kindness that makes Shu Yi suddenly feel that he has grown up.

Later facts proved that Lao She's free-range education not only did not delay the children, but instead cultivated them to be very independent and excellent.

As the saying goes, the love of parents for their children is far-reaching.

If you're used to giving in a big way, try to change your strategy at the beginning of this new year.

The first is to stop arranging and let children do what they can.

Cultivate the habit of self-reliance from an early age, or involve them in family matters by asking them for help.

Only when children experience the difficulty of parents in running the family can they learn to be grateful in their growth.

The second is to be appropriately invisible and give children the space to grow freely.

Many times, the reason why you feel that your child is disobedient and difficult to discipline is rooted in your being

Acting on behalf of others

Excessive interference.

Children are never an accessory to their parents, and learning to respect their individuality and needs is always a prerequisite for you to win your child's trust.

The third is to correct the mentality and reduce the high expectations for children.

It's important to remember that your child is not obligated to meet any of your expectations.

Smart parents are waiting for the flowers to bloom, and real education can only start from you facing up to and accepting your children's imperfections.

2. Stocking mates

Companion is the only person in this world who is not related by blood but is extremely close.

Perhaps we all thought that caring about a person means caring about the other person in every detail, and we must hold it tightly in the palm of our hands.

However, you will gradually find that too much attention will only bring pain, not happiness.

Always pay attention to your partner's words and deeds, as long as he doesn't reply to messages, you start to think crankily, and have all kinds of suspicions and worries.

Eager to be deeply involved in your partner's life, if they are negligent, you feel devastated and deeply disappointed.

Two years ago, a friend had a big fight because his husband forgot his wedding anniversary because he went to work and socialize.

chose the Cold War and waited for the other side to coax himself.

Unexpectedly, since that day, the other party seems to have changed as a person, neither taking the initiative to back down, but also expressing that he is tired of her vexatious trouble.

Later, my husband worked overtime later and later every day, and it was useless to let her cry and be sad again.

In order not to become depressed, my friend had to find a way to divert his attention.

After much consideration, she decided to pick up her younger hobby and sign up for a writing training course.

As a result, it took only a few months to draft on many platforms, and I found a long-lost sense of achievement.

What's more, writing has also allowed her to make a bunch of like-minded friends.

Then something magical happened, when she was too busy to think about feelings, her husband was willing to take the initiative to communicate with her.

Not long ago, the couple happily celebrated their twelfth wedding anniversary.

Zhou Guoping wrote: A good marriage has the necessary tension, this kind of love is firm, but not rigid, lingering, but not sticky.

If you love too much, you will only have the opposite.

It is better to cultivate the wisdom of a free-range partner from now on, so that each other can become more stretched in marriage, rather than depressed.

The first is to build a sense of mutual trust.

The best tacit understanding between husband and wife is tacit understanding, and the deepest support is mutual trust.

Don't suffer from gains and losses because you are afraid of losing, relax your heart, and the people who really love you will accompany you to the end.

The second is to keep a reasonable sense of boundaries.

The more intimate you are, the more you need to get along with each other, and don't always interfere with each other's social interactions or try to control each other's lives in the name of love.

Leave freedom for each other and space for yourself, so that you can manage your marriage appropriately.

The third is to maintain a moderate sense of mystery.

Where does the enduring attraction between the sexes come from?

The answer is: to put an end to aesthetic fatigue and create a sense of mystery.

Learn new skills, try new hobbies, and stimulate the other person's desire to explore you, and the spark of love will not fade over time

Scatter.

3. Enrich yourself

"There is an age when you can't fall, you can't get sick, and you don't dare to rest, which is called middle age. ”

This sentence can be said to express the hearts of countless people.

In order to be able to shoulder the responsibility, we can only be exhausted, exhausted, eager to grow three heads and six arms to balance all aspects.

But always take care of others, and it is yourself who is wronged.

You devote yourself to your family, always unable to find time to study and improve, but in the end you become a useless middle-aged woman in the eyes of your family;

You are desperately overdrawing your energy to do things, always not taking time to rest and maintain, and in the end, your body is riddled with illness.

In the face of these circumstances, people naturally feel very tired and even prone to resentment.

In fact, the root of the problem is not elsewhere, but precisely in your excessive neglect and consumption of yourself.

On Zhihu, I saw a middle-aged mother telling her growth story.

used to be very busy every day, but her life was like chicken feathers, her daughter was rebellious and difficult to teach, and she got along with her husband more and more coldly.

Later, in order to conceive a second child, she chose to give up her job as a sales supervisor, thinking that she could better manage the family, but she did not expect that disputes and troubles continued.

After feeling that she was starting to have depressive tendencies, she came into contact with psychology, which also opened a window into the gloomy life.

In the study group, although she is the oldest, she is the most enthusiastic about learning, and finally with her hard work, she was able to successfully obtain the outstanding student certificate.

More importantly, because she studied psychology, she has a more mature understanding of parent-child education and intimate relationships.

In the past, she was always afraid that she would not be good enough, but now she understands that it is just right to be a mother with 60 points and a wife with 60 points, and the remaining 40 points are reserved for herself.

Today, she has become a professional psychological listener, and she is sunny and confident on the road of helping others to help themselves.

Even if a person reaches middle age, even if he is burdened with responsibilities and trivial matters, it is not enough to become a reason for a person to give up on himself.

In the new year, we should also put ourselves in the first place in life, and devote more time and energy to enriching ourselves and treating ourselves.

One is to quit anxiety and take care of your emotions.

If you don't take it seriously, it's not a thing.

Whether it is business relations or dealing with contradictions, you will be much happier if you are less entangled and competitive, and more open-minded and casual.

The second is to invest in learning and enrich your mind.

It is a terrible idea for people to take a break when they reach middle age. On the contrary, the older you are, the more important it is to pay attention to the investment in learning.

By recharging the brain and constantly optimizing one's knowledge system and cognitive concepts, one can live a sober self-knowledge in the midst of the chaos of the world.

The third is to adjust habits and take care of your health.

A good body is raised by yourself.

Get rid of bad routines, maintain balanced nutrition and moderate exercise, insist on regular physical examinations, and be responsible for health is responsible for life.

Fourth, write at the end

I like a sentence written by the writer Light White:

"In adulthood, it is no longer the responsibility of others to live happily, but to oneself. ”

Children and partners are the most important people in our lives, but even a family has its own independent destiny.

A transparent way of living, return yourself to yourself, and return others to others.

No matter what stage of life we are in, we should not forget that we are the protagonists of our lives.

It is only when we truly learn to love ourselves that we have the ability to love our family better.

In 2024, start with free-range children, free-range partners, and enrich yourself, unload excess burdens, and empty useless worries.

Be a light and free middle-aged person, ask for less, and be happier.

*The article is the author's independent view and does not represent the position of Noteman.

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