It is said that "the eldest is raised by reading books, and the second is raised by pigs".
But to the surprise of the mothers, the second child who "raised as a pig" seems to be much better than the eldest one......
- Tiger Mom
_Parents with two babies often find that the second child seems to be more shrewd than the eldest!
Why?
Let's not talk about anything else, let's talk about my family.
The eldest brother is the eldest brother and the second is the younger sister.
In the morning, it is also a few commonplace things such as getting up, washing your face, brushing your teeth, and eating, and the second child completes it more easily than the eldest one.
To the boss, I have to issue very specific instructions:
"Please come to Mommy's feet, please straighten up, please put on your shirt, please wear pants, please brush your teeth, wash your face, please don't read, please put down your book, sit on the stool, eat ......"
The boss is like a robot.
If you just tell him, "Wake up, you're going to be late, it's five minutes away!"
He's basically unresponsive!
Only when you break up the bed into countless small instructions, put the clock in front of him, and ask on the spot: "Xiao Ming wants to go out at 7:30, and it is 7:20 now, how long can Xiao Ming stay at home?"
Only then will the boss understand, ah, Xiao Ming still has ten minutes to go, and Xiao Ming is going to be late!
As for the second child, it's another story!
Wake up, wash her face, brush her teeth, she can basically do it smoothly, even if she is greedy to play from time to time, and does not come to eat on time, but as long as you dial a little, the second child's behavior can get back on track.
Sometimes, I really have to admit:
Oops, the boss is stupid, the second is good!
Is it a gender factor?
Perhaps, you think, it's a gender factor, right?
Girls are sensible early, boys wake up late, girls' brain circuits develop quickly, and they can connect things early on, while boys will be much slower.
But not necessarily!
The difference in gender and brain circuits is of course an important reason for the different performance of children.
But the impact of birth order on children does not seem to be negligible!
Once, my brother was playing in the neighborhood and ran into a boy of the same age.
The children got together and soon mingled.
It wasn't long before I discovered the characteristics of this strange boy:
First, he was unattended, but he had no fear at all!
It can be seen that although he is only six or seven years old, it is already commonplace for him to come out to play alone.
Second, this kid is very good at entertaining himself!
When a large group of children get together to play, he seems to have a lot of ideas, what to play and what not to play, and sometimes others do not agree with his plan, he will turn his head and walk away, playing his own without the slightest sense of loneliness of being excluded.
After playing for a while, he rejoined the group, his mood was very calm, and he connected seamlessly with the rest of the group!
Third, this kid is quite self-conscious!
The game was almost as good as the game went, and the child raised his arm to look at the phone and watch, and immediately rode home.
As for the other children, they have to be persuaded by adults to be called home.
The moment the child passed by me, I stopped him: "Little friend, do you have any brothers and sisters?"
The child replied heartily: "An older brother! three years older than me!"
Yes, the characteristics of the second child, almost like a label attached to this boy!
Independence.
Self-consistent.
Clever.
But why is it often the second child who gets these characteristics?
I think, outside of genes, there are several important reasons!
Characteristics of the second child: independence
Compared with the eldest child, the second child is more likely to "obtain" independence.
Why?
Let's take an example first, the second child of my friend A's family will eat alone in about eight months.
Sounds incredible!
When many children are five or six years old and still need to be fed, an eight-month-old child can actually raise a spoon and scoop the complementary food into his mouth almost accurately!
But the cultivation of skills is really unexpected.
The gap between the eldest and the second child of family A is relatively small, only one year and nine months, and after the second child was born, the eldest did not enter the park.
Helplessly, A often takes care of the second child and can't take care of the boss.
Once, when the second child was about to eat, the eldest happened to ask for poop.
Mom was in a hurry, so she could only put down her job and wait for the boss to go to the toilet.
But when she came out after she was done, her mother was surprised to find that the second child was holding the spoon alone and sending something to his mouth!
The first attempt, it was miserable.
Grab a small spoon in your little hand and sprinkle it all over the place......
But where can the mother care about cleaning, and there is another child sitting on the toilet and calling for his mother!
So, the second child ate by himself, and when his mother didn't care about it, it happened naturally.
After a week, the second child's ability to grasp the spoon has improved rapidly, and he can almost feed it to his mouth!
In this way, the child gained the ability to eat independently, and the premise of his ability was that his mother did not have time to feed.
Therefore, the independence of the second child is more like an unexpected joy!
The independence of the boss often has to be surrounded by a group of people and deliberately isolate the space for exercise in order to grow slowly.
And the independence of the second child is that when people can't take care of him, it naturally appears!
The characteristics of the second child: self-entertainment
Another obvious characteristic of the second child is self-consistency, in short, it is self-entertainment!
It is easy for them to develop a self-consistent ability to play with themselves when their family members are unable to take care of him.
Let's talk about the example of friend B.
Once, when our family went out to play together, the second child of my friend B's family was ostracized by his brother and couldn't play games.
It stands to reason that the child should cry in protest, but the three-year-old sat alone on the grass, sat sullenly for a few minutes, and then moved to sit on his mother's lap, without protesting or crying.
The adults chatted enthusiastically, and they couldn't take care of this angry child.
After a while, she retreated from her mother's lap, found a hula hoop on her own, and played on the grass.
During the whole process, she didn't cry, and although she was angry, her coping methods were very "mature"
- Since the older kids don't play with me, I'll have fun alone!
What this child represents is the spirit of the second child's self-entertainment!
When you are a child, you can't wait for the whole family to play with you, and the whole family will come to be your little friend.
But when it comes to having many children, it is difficult for anyone to revolve around one child again, so the children imitate and entertain each other, and at the same time bear the pressure from siblings.
This pressure translates into positive resilience
- Since I can't change the environment, and no one will help me change it, I just adapt to it and be happy by myself, how good!
Characteristics of the second child: Smart
Of course, maybe you will say it too.
The second child is also not independent and doesn't know how to entertain himself!
Why?
Then let me give you another example, the second child of my friend C's family.
The two children of the C family are twelve years apart, and as soon as the second child was born, he was not only surrounded by his parents and grandparents, but also his sister, who was almost like a little mother.
Such a child grows up not to be a second child, but more like a second-child version of the "only child".
C tried to supply the second child with everything that the boss didn't enjoy back then.
As for the eldest child, because the age difference is really big, the competition with the second child is not fierce.
Therefore, this child has become the center of the whole family, surrounded by the attention circle of his parents, and even his sister, of course, there is someone to help and pay attention at any time, so he is naturally squeamish, lacking the characteristics of independence and self-entertainment.
Although each second child is different, sometimes, not being independent and not self-consistent, just reflects another outstanding characteristic of the second child - smart or shrewd!
Continuing with the above example of the C family.
The second child of the C family, unlike the average only child, is selective!
For example, for a period of time, when my sister was preparing for the high school entrance examination, my parents' attention shifted and they paid more attention to my sister's daily study.
During this time, C was very pleased to say that although the second child was only two years old, he hardly made noise when his sister was studying!
However, the second child was not so well-behaved from the beginning.
At the beginning, he once tried to break into his sister's study, making noise in his sister's room, and after being seriously reprimanded by his parents, the second child immediately became well-behaved, even if he was only two years old, he also understood that there was something more important in his sister's room.
Look at how shrewd this second is!
Coquettishness is a weapon to compete for attention.
And quietness is the key to getting pampered.
It is precisely because of the relatively complex family environment that the second child often behaves more shrewdly than the eldest one!
This is not because they are really congenitally smarter, but because the second child has his own mission of adapting to the environment, and his fate and treatment rely not only on his parents, but also on his siblings.
It is difficult for him to get the full attention of adults, but he needs to fight for it.
It is difficult for him to live in an environment that actively adapts to him, but instead needs to adapt to the environment keenly.
Under such a daily routine, how can the second child not be "fine"?
The characteristics of the second child are shaped by the boss
Finally, the second child also has a very interesting trait, which is that they are not only shaped by the family, but also by the boss!
Whether it's independent, shrewd, or entertaining yourself, the important driving force behind these traits is - the boss!
With the growth of the second child, the role played by the eldest is irreplaceable by adults!
The eldest is the second:
siblings, friends, rivals, allies, teachers, students......
For example, the ABC family that appeared in the article just now.
In the first one, the eldest and second have a small age gap and the same gender, and the brothers love and kill each other.
At home, sometimes the two of them fight to the point that the six relatives don't recognize each other, but on the contrary, the second child only likes to play with children older than him, and he is almost not interested in the children of the same age in the early education class.
When I went out, I saw a child who was about the same age as my brother, and I naturally got close.
第二家,总受到哥哥排挤的妹妹。
After my sister entered the kindergarten, she became the head of the kindergarten child. She is good at organizing children, to the extent that teachers have to come forward to contact parents, on the one hand, praise the child's leadership ability, on the other hand, also ask parents to pay attention, "This child is too good to make friends, but be careful not to exclude other children, not to engage in small circles"!
The third family, a family with an age gap of more than ten years between sister and brother.
The younger brother showed a clear tendency to be "precocious", and his concentration and reading ability developed earlier than his peers. In the eyes of the outside world, this child is blessed with the same meticulous care as an only child, and has a big sister who can be imitated and followed, and has the benefits of a family with many children.
The boss's shaping of the second child is so pervasive in the process of the second child's growth!
Whether they mean it or not, they are the most important "life coaches" of siblings, quietly shaping each other's friendship styles, behavior patterns, and learning styles.
They and their siblings may have completely different personalities and genders, but as long as they grow up under one roof, they unconsciously carve each other's appearances.
So, if you appreciate the smart, shrewd and cute of children, don't forget about the big child who may be "stupid" or "stupid"!
- Without the presence of older children, it is difficult for young children to get the letting go of their parents and achieve independent development.
- Without competition from older children, it is difficult for young children to accept constant exercise and develop a spirit of self-consistency.
- If there is no big child as a personal "personal trainer", how can the little one show special "intelligence"?
Conversely, without the presence of young children, it would be difficult for older children to practice important skills such as sharing, tolerance, adaptation, and coping with stress, and it would be difficult for them to play such a special role in the lives of others and exert their own unique influence!
Our children shape each other and grow together.
If there's anything good that an extra child can bring, I think, that's it.