It's time for the summer vacation to end again, and the few girlfriends who have played well can't make an appointment, and it turns out that they are all tired and anxious from the noisy children. The author, Kaedeko, sent a message to her girlfriends asking them where to have fun during the summer vacation, but got this reply: "Mom keeps calling all day long, and it's a luxury to want to lie quietly for a while."
"As long as the baby is there, the house is the scene of the crime every minute, and I am either cleaning up, or on the way to clean up." "I can't control it, if I say one word to him, he will say ten sentences! If I don't start school, I'll go crazy first." It turned out that they were all tortured by their own "divine beasts".
Kaedeko herself is deeply touched by this. When she thought that the summer vacation was coming to an end, she couldn't help but feel a little nervous - she was also choked by her 5-year-old son this summer. As soon as she was on vacation, her head began to hurt.
The son cries and fusses at every turn, wants this and that, and often makes a mess in the house. Kaedeko felt that she had made a washing machine, holding a mop in her left hand and a trash can in her right hand all day long, and she had to keep an eye on her son who was fleeing around, for fear that he would get into trouble.
She was really worried that she would be exhausted as soon as the vacation was over.
Faced with the anxiety of the end of the summer vacation, Kaede decided to find a solution. Inadvertently, she saw the word "reverse parenting" in the parenting exchange group, and out of curiosity, she found relevant parenting experience articles to study carefully. It turns out that reverse parenting is to adopt a strategy that is the opposite of traditional parenting, and its core idea is to "go the way of the child, so that the child has no way out".
The article introduces many tips for reverse parenting, and Kaedeko feels a little counterintuitive at first, but when you think about it, it makes sense. For example, in life, you can deliberately coquettish your child and express your tiredness, stimulate your child's empathy, and let your child take the initiative to take on some housework; In learning, you can pretend to be stupid and ask your child for tutoring, throw questions to your child, and stimulate their learning initiative; In education, it is possible not to reason with children, but to set consequences for children to experience their mistakes.
These reverse parenting techniques may seem simple, but they incorporate the heuristic educational ideas of psychology with the aim of stimulating the child's intrinsic motivation rather than forcing commands. Kaede thought about it and found it very inspiring, so she decided to give it a try.
Fengzi started from life first, learned to express her tiredness to her son, and asked her son to share some housework. At first, the son was not very happy, but Kaedeko persevered and praised him at the right time. Slowly, my son was stimulated with a sense of responsibility and took the initiative to take on some cleaning and breakfast preparations, and Fengzi finally became much more relaxed.
After experimenting with reverse parenting, Fengzi gradually applied it to life, learning, education and other aspects.
In life, Kaede learns to express her sleepiness and vulnerability to her son and asks for his help. She would say that she was tired after a hard day, and could she ask her son to help clean the room. At first, her son was not very happy, but Fengzi said coquettishly that without a good helper like her son, how hard she should be.
After a few times, the son was inspired to empathize and took the initiative to take on some household chores. Kaedeko remembers that once after staying up late to watch a TV series, his son not only made breakfast by himself, but also made one for Kaedeko. Fengzi saw his son's mature appearance, and sincerely sighed that he should know how to rely on his children and not work hard for himself.
In terms of studying, Kaede will deliberately say that she doesn't know her son's homework and ask her son to teach her. The son was very proud at first, but he also deepened his understanding in the process of repeated explanations. He began to carefully review the knowledge points and found his weak points.
Once Fengzi couldn't learn any math problems, and his son explained in a hurry, and said Mom, you're too stupid. Fengzi was happy that her son finally took the initiative to take responsibility for his studies.
In terms of education, Fengzi no longer talks to his son about reasoning, but formulates relevant rules for his son to experience for himself. If her son is bedridden, she lets him decide how to explain the consequences of being late to the teacher. Her son was addicted to playing games, so she made a rule that she could only play games after completing homework.
At first, his son protested vigorously, but after several lessons of the consequences, he gradually learned to regulate himself.
Through practice, Fengzi gradually realized the unique advantages of reverse parenting, which not only relieves the pressure of parents, but also promotes the growth of children.
First, it subtly stimulates the child's intrinsic motivation. Children feel a sense of accomplishment after taking responsibility and develop self-discipline. This internal motivation is more durable than external compulsion.
Second, it brings a more harmonious relationship between parents and children. Parents are no longer the agents of orders, but the ones who need the care of their children, which brings the two generations closer. Children also understand the difficulties of their parents better.
Third, it allows children to learn by doing. Theoretical teaching cannot be compared to personal experience, and reverse parenting allows children to get feedback after full attempt.
Fourth, it also gives parents breathing space. Parents are no longer fully responsible and can take appropriate rest, which also optimizes family relationships.
Kaedeko realized that reverse parenting is like a battle of wisdom. It requires parents to use their brains, adapt parenting styles, and skillfully stimulate their children's growth. Parents must not be constrained by the frame, but must learn to press the gourd to float the scoop.
Reverse parenting broadened her parenting thinking and allowed her to regain the joy of motherhood.
After practicing reverse parenting, Kaede feels that her life has taken on a new look, and she seems to be a new person.
In the past, Kaedeko often had headaches for her son to the point of fainting, and she also suffered from the sequelae of myocardial infarction. She was always exhausted, physically and mentally exhausted. Reverse parenting changes all that.
Now Fengzi is much more relaxed every day, she can sleep in, watch a TV series, and go out to party with friends. She no longer has palpitations and can enjoy life to the fullest.
This is all thanks to the new ideas opened up by reverse parenting. It's like a magic spell that frees Kaede from her pain and regains her dignity and joy as a human being.
But Kaede also understands that this magic is not magical, it requires wisdom. Parents like her should know how to retreat without retreating, and inspire their children to grow up just right.
She now praises her son in due course to make him feel needed; It will also increase the responsibilities of his son step by step and cultivate his life ability. In reverse parenting, she felt a sense of accomplishment as a mother.
Reverse parenting not only allowed Kaede to reap free time, but also made her a better mother. It brings not only life changes, but also the sublimation of mindsets and relationships. That's the priceless magic of it.
Through reverse parenting, Kaede has gained a new parenting experience.
She found that the simple truth is not as intuitive as letting the child feel it for himself. Reverse parenting may seem counterintuitive, but it opens up new ideas about parenting.
It cleverly throws responsibilities and problems at the children and stimulates their growth motivation. This kind of trust and inspiration can educate children better than commanding discipline.
Parents must not be limited by frameworks, but learn to be flexible. Reverse parenting has provided Kaede with a new perspective and made her discover that parenting can be more possible.
Kaedeko now understands better that the essence of education is to guide, not command. She learned the wisdom of parenting without losing love.
Reverse parenting also allowed Kaede to regain the joy of motherhood, and family life was more harmonious.
It opens up new ideas for parenting, but it still needs to be carefully practiced and used appropriately by parents to be most effective.
Fengzi hopes that more parents can soften their thinking, use wisdom, and establish a good relationship with their children through reverse parenting and grow together.