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Client's statement:
As soon as I talk to him about the future, I will change the topic, and then say why are you so aggressive, say these scary words, I don't understand, I think about our future is responsible for this relationship, I don't know why he is afraid, we have been together for more than a year, and I will graduate with him in more than a year after graduation, I don't think they are children anymore, at least the planning can be said, he also has more than a year left to graduate, long-distance relationship +Online dating, I haven't seen it yet, I met him in his junior year of high school, he only said that he would come to see me again after graduating from college, and then he never came, and he didn't take the initiative to call me, I called him, and he didn't take the initiative to send me a message, he said that he was not used to taking the initiative to find others, he was not used to doing anything, he never thought about the future, and as soon as he talked about this topic, he moved to another topic.
Since being with him, he has broken up many times, he has come to me many times to get back together, I agreed, and I am more and more insecure with him, after I put forward the plan for the future, I said very stiffly, he was still angry, and he kept standing still in a relationship, and he didn't even come to see me, saying that he didn't have so much money for a while, I said I would take the living expenses for you to pay for you, and he said okay, you pay, and said that it was still early, take a step at a time, and then after arguing, he said, if you like to be together, you can be together, I am like this。 I said something messy, and I hope you understand.
Yesterday broke up, deleted all his contact information, blocked QQ WeChat, today he QQ application came to me, said you believe me, he always thought that I didn't believe him, since that day after talking, I was completely disappointed in him, because I know what kind of character he is, I don't mention him has always been inappropriate, so I just know that his future is without me, although it hurts, but for this relationship without a future, I want to rest.
Thank you for your trust in the Psychology Studio~
From your description, I see that you haven't met yet, so I want to ask you, are you officially in love, you don't have the passion and curiosity that you should have in love, and what do you rely on to persist for more than a year? You may like him, but does he really like you? He said to break up, and he asked you to get back together? Imagine that he should need a person to confide in, the specific situation of your relationship is not very clear, but if you break up, end this deformed relationship, you can meet the person who really loves you and loves you.
Student Xiaomei and her boyfriend Xiao Ming have been dating for more than two years. Mei has always wanted to plan for the future with Ming, but whenever she brings up the topic, Ming always diverts her attention or avoids it. This made Xiaomei feel very confused and uneasy. After signing up for one-on-one online tutoring, the one-on-one mentor helped her reformulate her plan and put it into action.
Xiaomei's actions:
- Clear expectations: Xiaoli first clarified her expectations for the future, including buying a house with Xiaoming, getting married, and planning a career.
- Choosing the right time: She chose a relaxed, comfortable time to sit down with Xiao Ming for an in-depth conversation.
- Open Communication: Xiao Li is honest about her expectations and concerns for the future, and how she hopes they can face them together.
- Listening and understanding: Xiao Ming was a little resistant at first, but Xiao Li patiently listened to his concerns and worries and did not interrupt or criticize him.
- Plan together: Xiaoli suggests that they work together to create a long-term plan, including career, family, and life goals. She encouraged him to come up with his own ideas and suggestions.
- Give time and space: After the conversation is over, Xiaoli gives Xiao Ming some time and space to think about their future.
Outcome:
After a period of reflection and reflection, Xiao Ming realized that his escape from the future was not only unfair to Xiao Li, but also irresponsible to himself. He decides to face the future with Xiaoli and plan their lives together. Together, they set long-term goals and started working towards them. Eventually, they managed to buy a house, get married, and achieve many dreams together.
This case shows us how similar issues can be dealt with through open communication, shared planning, and mutual understanding. Everyone's situation is unique and cannot be generalized, but basic communication principles and problem-solving methods can be borrowed.
When your boyfriend never thinks about the future and always shifts the subject when talking about it, it can make you feel upset and confused. First, you need to be clear about your expectations and concerns for the future. Do you want to plan for the future with your boyfriend, and do you think his attitude towards the future has affected your relationship?
Communicate your expectations afterward: Talk openly with your boyfriend about your expectations for the future. Tell him that you want to plan for the future together and that you want him to take the topic seriously. Make sure your expression is peaceful and honest and avoid accusations or criticism.
Listen to him: Give your boyfriend a chance to express his thoughts and feelings about the future. Maybe he never thought about it, or maybe he had some doubts or concerns. By listening to his ideas, you can better understand where he stands.
Explore the why: Find out why your boyfriend is reluctant to talk about the future. There may be some deep-seated reasons, such as when he feels uncertain about his career development, financial situation, or family situation. By exploring these causes, you can find solutions to the problem.
Set common goals: Once you start talking about the future, try to set some common goals. These goals can be about career development, family planning, or something else. By working together to achieve these goals, you can strengthen your trust and understanding with each other.
Seek professional help: If you can't agree on a plan for the future, or if the issue is negatively impacting your relationship, consider seeking professional help. An emotional counselor or relationship specialist can help you find solutions to your problems and strengthen communication and understanding between you.
Most importantly, be patient and understanding. Everyone has their own rhythm and way of approaching things. Through open communication and working together, you can find a solution that works for both parties.
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Committed to family therapy, marriage and love and interpersonal communication · Psychological counseling and therapy