Let's start with the story:
The conflict between Xiaoyu and her mother has existed for some time. "My daughter is precocious than girls her age, and when she was in the fifth grade, she began to pay attention to food and clothing. At first, she didn't like the clothes her mother bought for her and lost her temper with her. Mom tried to instill in her hard and simple values, but Xiaoyu didn't say anything. Later, although she no longer spoiled her mother, she refused to wear the clothes her mother bought for her, and even borrowed them from her classmates. The mother sighed: "Why is this girl not sensible?"
In the first year of junior high school, Xiaoyu was addicted to romance novels. At first, her mother mistakenly thought that she was studying in her room, but one day when her mother brought milk, she found a romance novel pressed under the textbook. Mom angrily tore up the book and even slapped Xiaoyu. However, after Xiaoyu waited for her mother to leave, she cried and picked up the torn book and glued it with transparent glue page by page. When my mother saw this scene through the crack in the door, she felt very conflicted in her heart: "My love for my daughter is no match for a romance novel." ”
Since then, Xiaoyu has basically ignored her mother. She expressed her ambivalence: "My mother will tell others how hard she is, I don't understand her, but does she understand me?" Xiaoyu complained that her mother peeked at her diary, restricted her from answering the phone calls of her male classmates, and even prevented her from attending her classmates' birthday parties. She sighed: "I'm growing up, so I don't want to be led by her nose." What is there to communicate with your parents, is it not the same? All they want is an obedient puppet. ”
Rebellious psychology is a state of mind in which the other person's demands are contrary to the other person's demands in order to maintain self-esteem. By the time girls reach the age of twelve or thirteen, they are prone to feelings that conflict with their parents. She prefers to share her thoughts with her peers rather than with her parents. In the face of criticism and persuasion from her parents, the girl often retorted and antagonized, which surprised and heartache her parents. Rebellious psychology is not accidental, but a phenomenon that deserves widespread attention from modern parents.
Girls with a rebellious mentality usually show an attitude of "you let me do this, I don't". This situation was frustrating to the parents, and the reprimands of the parents did not have the effect of persuasion, but only intensified the resentment of the girls. Parents need to properly understand and deal with the girl's rebellious mentality, otherwise she may take the path of skipping school, running away from home and even committing crimes. Parents should not let it go, but should respond in a more sensible way.
There are both internal and external reasons for girls' rebellious mentality.
First of all, a girl of twelve or thirteen years old is in a transitional period in her life, her independence and self-awareness are increasing, and she wants to escape from adult care. In order to demonstrate her unique thinking and abilities, she tends to be critical and negative about everything. However, when she discovers that the outside world is indifferent to her independent existence, she may take more extreme measures to prove her uniqueness.
Secondly, family and school factors also play a role in the rebellious mentality. Improper educational methods and requirements that do not meet her developmental needs can make her feel frustrated and exhausted, resulting in strong antagonistic feelings. Therefore, parents need to take into account these internal and external factors and adopt appropriate methods to understand and guide girls towards a healthier development path.
The girl's rebellious period is even more helpless for our parents. They don't talk to their parents, they go against the grain, and they even go down the wrong path. In the face of these problems, as parents, how should we guide our children correctly and help them get out of the confusion of the rebellious period?
First, we must have a correct understanding of the rebellious mentality. Rebellious psychology is a manifestation of the enhancement of girls' self-awareness and independent consciousness, and appropriate rebellious psychology is a good psychological quality. However, how to distinguish between an appropriate rebellion and an excessively strong rebellion has become a question that parents need to think about. Inappropriate and excessively strong rebellious psychology is harmful, and we need to guide girls to express their thoughts correctly and avoid the negative effects of rebellious behavior.
Second, we need to learn to educate our daughters in new ways. As girls enter the special age of puberty, family relationships need to be adjusted accordingly. We can no longer insist on the old way of parents deciding everything and daughters only need to obey, but we must start from the perspective of daughters and establish an equal and mutually respectful relationship with them.
This needs to be based on mutual understanding and effective communication. A non-face-to-face approach to "parallel conversations" is a viable way to make both parents and girls feel at ease.
Third, we need to create an atmosphere of listening and be an advisor to our daughter. Parents should try to create an atmosphere of listening at all times in the home, so that girls feel that their words are valued. Make time to spend time with the girl, such as listening to her at dinner, so that she feels that she is being seen and respected.
Fourth, in the same way, we can't give our daughters too much love. Adolescence is a time of longing for independence, and too much protection can make girls feel irritable, resistant, and rebellious. We need to allow our daughters to have their own choices and decision-making, so that they can learn to manage themselves and think independently.
Fifth, we shouldn't always ask our daughters about our teenage years and experiences. Everyone grew up in a different social environment, and the society they felt and the values they formed with it were very different from their parents. The limitations of their age and experience mean that they are not yet able to cope with many challenges and temptations on their own. We should understand our daughters from a parent's point of view, giving them understanding, support, encouragement and guidance.
Sixth, don't judge your daughter according to your likes and dislikes. Daughters have their own independent thinking and values, and we can't insist on holding them to our own standards, but respect our daughters' choices and decisions. If our daughters behave in a way that is unacceptable to us, we should guide them in a constructive way and work with them to find a solution to the problem.
Dear friends, having a rebellious girl in the family is a problem that needs to be understood and guided by our hearts. As parents, we need to pay attention to their inner world and give them enough love and understanding. Let's educate our daughters in new ways, listen to them, build equal relationships with them, and help them grow up healthy.
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