There is a dialogue in the Analects:
Zigong asked, "Who has a word that can be practiced for life?"
Zi said: "If you forgive what you don't want to do to yourself, don't do to others." ”
Personally, I think that Confucius's "forgiveness" should be followed by a question mark.
A lifelong doer. It is a lifelong practice, a lifelong practice. Therefore, the "one word" that Zigong asked, the pattern should be quite high, and it may even be the highest.
Is it going to be forgiveness? It's probably forgiveness, right?
So, what is forgiveness? As far as I understand it, doing unto others as you would have them do unto you is not forgiveness. In other words, it is only a part or an aspect of forgiveness, and it does not fully represent forgiveness.
Forgiveness, the correct understanding should be "let go".
Note that "let go" and "let go" are two different concepts. Not to be confused.
Lu Xun said that money can solve 80% of troubles.
And "forgiveness" can solve at least 99% of the troubles and psychological problems. Otherwise, we will not be able to afford the pattern of lifelong practice and lifelong practice.
Then there are psychological problems, such as depression, etc., that is, there is not enough practice in "forgiveness" and insufficient understanding and cognition of "forgiveness".
Again, letting go and letting go are two different concepts. Don't get confused.
Maybe my ability to express myself is limited, so I can barely explain it.
To let go is to let go, whether it belongs to the psychological and the mind, and then what to do or how to do it. Those who should be held accountable should still be held accountable, those who should admit their mistakes should still admit their mistakes, and those who should be corrected should still be corrected.
To let go is to let go.
There may be some mediators or people who act as mediators who confuse letting go with letting go. This often leads to appeasement and difficulty in achieving the goal of mediation.
Therefore, as far as I understand: forgiveness. You can not let it go, but you must put it down. If you don't put it down or can't let it go, you will inevitably be haunted or even cynical. Your own troubles, pains, and depression will continue to generate yourself. It is easy to explode at some point, resulting in excessive words and deeds, and even revenge on society.
Note: My personal understanding is that cynicism should not be an extension of "cynicism", but two different concepts. Definitions are not discussed or explained here.
In life, there will inevitably be conflicts and bumps. Life is not as expected, and birth, old age, sickness and death are inevitable.
Therefore, forgiveness has the conditions for lifelong practice and practice.
There are three forgivenesses in heaven: forgiveness of heaven, forgiveness of others, and forgiveness of oneself.
People have three forgivenesses: unintentional mistakes, good intentions and bad deeds, and compassion against oneself.
There are three forgiveness: unreachable, inferior skills, poor state and bad luck.
What is the meaning of the three forgiveness of heaven? The operation of the way of heaven has its own natural laws.
Sheep eat grass, wolves eat sheep. Providence so. Even if you are a sheep farmer, you can stop and prevent wolves from eating your sheep, you can not let the wolves eat your sheep, but you must let go. Because it is providential for wolves to eat sheep, it is necessary to forgive heaven.
Some people have dogs just to eat. You can skip it yourself, but you shouldn't object to it. Because if he can't eat it, then he won't keep it, and the number of dogs will drop dramatically. Then these dogs would not have existed or survived.
For example, if you want to be promoted and raised, others also want to be promoted and raised, but there is only one position, and in the end, others become you and you don't. If you can't let go, you will only be troubled, painful and depressed. Therefore forgiveness.
And in life, it is impossible to do what you want, you can do what you want. Even if he is currently known as the most influential US president in the world, he cannot do whatever he wants, he must fight for the interests of those who support him, otherwise no one will support him, he will not be the president of the United States, and he will not be able to sit firmly when he becomes a US president. Therefore forgive yourself.
This is the day with three forgiveness. If you can't do it or you don't do it enough, then your troubles, pain and depression will inevitably happen.
Everyone lives for themselves, and you can't and can't get everyone to do what you want. Since they cannot be equated, conflicts and intersections are inevitable. Therefore there must be forgiveness.
Of course, you can't let others bully and hurt you. Again: forgiveness is to let go, and letting go and letting go are two concepts that should not be confused.
If someone else deliberately bullies and hurts you, even if you have to let it go, but you shouldn't let it go or there are corresponding conditions for letting it go. The apology should be apologetic, the apology should be apologetic, and the sentence should be sentenced. Including bullying and hurting others. Otherwise, unconditional indulgence is appeasement and nurturing adultery, which is not good for others, oneself, and society.
The three forgiveness mentioned here refers to the fact that these three situations happen to oneself, and one should first let go unconditionally, and then depending on the situation, whether to let go or not, and lower the standards and requirements for letting go.
Unintentional. Others are not intentional, not deliberate.
Good intentions, bad things. Others were well-intentioned, but they did their own things when they helped.
These two are relatively easy to understand. However, in specific situations, sometimes it is difficult to distinguish whether the other party is unintentional or well-intentioned. Therefore, there are still some requirements in terms of the criteria for letting go. Even if it is not for himself, he must make a little request, let him have a long memory, so that he can correct his reckless temperament by himself.
Mercy against oneself. Suppose an event is illustrated.
Let's say I'm a hunter and I hit a deer with an arrow or gun (which doesn't involve illegal hunting) and the deer gets injured and runs away. I chased after the blood. Wait for the deer to bleed too much and lose strength, and I will naturally get this deer. Before I catch up with the deer. The deer fell by chance in front of a monk who happened to be passing by, and the monk was merciful, saved the deer and let it go. So I lost a deer that I was about to get.
Then the behavior of this monk is compassion against oneself for me.
It's one thing to let go, it's another thing to let go.
For example, if you accidentally hit me, you should also say sorry and sorry or something like that, right? If you just say: "Are you blind?" Good dog doesn't get in the way, you don't deserve to be hit by me for a long time. Then I should naturally raise the conditions for letting you go.
If you accidentally drive wrong, the accelerator and the brake knock me off, then put it down, what should I do.
What do you mean by having three forgivenesses?
For the vast majority of people, there is always a gap between the ideal and the reality. Therefore forgiveness.
Out of reach. Everyone's ability and strength are limited, and even if his ability and strength can continue to improve, his time and energy are limited.
Let's say that the parents are seriously ill, but the cost of treatment exceeds their means. This is the typical unreachable.
And as far as I understand personally, we can only heal the sick, and no one can cure the dead.
Sometimes healing is not necessarily good, because no one can cure life, and no one can change life against the sky. Some things may or may not be easy to say, so stop there.
Skills are not as good as people. It is the norm that skills are not as good as people. Because theoretically, there can only be and only one person who is the best in the world.
Skills are not as good as others, and they are willing to bow to the wind. There can be a certain way to deal with it. For example: dislocation competition, changing course, promoting strengths and avoiding weaknesses, and learning from others to improve themselves.
But in the moment, you must forgive yourself. Otherwise, it is easy to produce all kinds of bad emotions. Emotional instability will inevitably lead to one wrong step, one wrong step.
For example: jealousy and hatred, how can I not even be as good as him.
Poor form and bad luck.
Theoretically, it is possible to always be in the best condition, but this is only theoretical. There will inevitably be times when you are not in good shape. And reality is always realistic, it's not a single-player game, and it won't give you the chance to save and start over.
If you can't forgive yourself, it's hard to get out. Even if sometimes you only have one chance, if you miss it, you miss it. But now that it has come to this, why add to the troubles?
And luck is not up to you. What you can decide for yourself can't be called luck.
It's just that there are some masters, he is good at grasping the timing, and can feel the luck more accurately, he can lie dormant when the luck is bad, and have the courage to attack and win when the luck is biased towards him, and become famous in one fell swoop.
To sum up, it is for the three forgiveness.
If you don't forgive, your character won't be good.
If you don't forgive people, your popularity will not be good.
If you don't forgive yourself, your mood won't be good.
It's just relative. In fact, it will affect your personality, popularity and emotions, but it is relatively larger.
If you have a bad personality, it will naturally affect your popularity and emotions. Bad mood will naturally affect personality and popularity. It is also difficult for a person who is not popular to imagine how good his personality and emotions will be.
Three three get nine, and ninety-nine return to one, which is for "forgiveness".
A "forgiveness" that can be practiced and practiced for a lifetime.