Does the university still have a parent group?

The notification of the parent group was sent out suddenly. In December 2023, a message popped up in the class group of Xu Ran, a first-year student at a key university in Hunan, that in order to facilitate the promotion of various affairs, the college is now establishing a parent group, and students are asked to notify their parents to add the counselor's WeChat. On that day, the class group without teachers was "about to explode", and the students, who had just walked into the university campus for less than half a year, felt "betrayed" by the school for the first time. Xu Ran heard that the college counselor was also helpless, but he could only obey the rules of the college.

Knowing that the parent group was established, Xu Ran's parents agreed very much, they wanted to know what their daughter was usually doing, and they could also remind her what to do. At this time, when the final exam was approaching, the counselor sent the exam arrangements to the parents, and it didn't take long for Xu Ran to receive a reminder from his parents to "prepare well for the exam". She seems to have been pulled back to high school, and her parents always pay attention to her studies, and even remember the ups and downs of most of her classmates in the high school class in the past three years. Xu Ran's biggest motivation for the college entrance examination was to escape from his parents and take the entrance examination to a university far away from home, "the parent group beat me back to the original point".

Recently, the topic of "universities also have parent groups" has sparked discussions on social platforms. In the public perception, parents only exist in primary and secondary schools, college students have become adults, and the intersection between college students' parents and schools is probably just to send their children to college or attend graduation ceremonies. But this is not the case, and the trend of universities building parent groups is spreading. College is a critical stage for students to think independently and deal with problems independently, but parents are more eager than ever to approach their children. Is it necessary for universities to have a parent community, and what should be the boundary between parents, students, and schools?

Photo / Visual China

From the information bulletin board to the "AI Q&A Robot"

There are two main forms of parent groups: one is set up by a college of the university, with the counselor as the group leader, mainly publishing school notices and grades, etc., to strengthen home-school communication;

The parent group of Zhou Ke, a sophomore at Shanghai University of Finance and Economics, was established even before the new students enrolled. In the summer of 2022, she received a notice from the school, and before the school started, the counselor added Zhou Ke's parents' WeChat and pulled them into the parent group. There are more than 200 new students in Zhou Ke's year, and there are more than 300 parents in the group.

Zhou Ke had a hunch that "he would be jointly restrained by parents and teachers", and this fear was soon fulfilled. During the university period, when the competition notice, scholarship winners, poor student subsidy application and other information are sent to students, the parent group will receive a notification at the same time. Zhou Ke's father cares about grades, and when he sees the list of scholarships in the group, he will ask his daughter, "Why didn't you get a higher scholarship? Do you know a classmate who won a national scholarship? You have to have a good relationship with an excellent classmate." Zhou Ke's mother pays attention to the game, and she believes that the counselor sends the information in the group in the hope that parents will play a role in supervision. Zhou Ke will soon receive a series of questions from his mother: did you participate, why didn't you participate, did other students participate, why didn't you participate?

Parents will also take the initiative to consult the counselor about the school situation in the group. As early as the beginning of the fall semester of 2022, a screenshot of the parent group of a key class at Wuhan University sparked heated discussions on the Internet. Parents of senior students proposed to the school in the group that the students in this key class "should all be guaranteed graduate school, and they should be guaranteed to a higher school", and some people demanded that boys and girls should be separated from graduate school, and that more places should be given to girls in engineering majors.

Lin Hong, who works in a municipal university in Heilongjiang, has been a college counselor for nearly 30 years. She told China News Weekly that in recent years, the parent group she managed has evolved from the original school information bulletin board to an "AI Q&A robot", and the counselor herself plays the role of AI. Parents are generally most active in the first semester of freshman year, and parents of new students are eager to know whether their children are adapting to college life, and their demands are often "what I want to see, what do I want to know". All kinds of questions came to Lin Hong - some parents wanted to know the arrangements for their children's military training, and some parents did not come to see their children off and wanted to know how the dormitory was going, so they asked the counselor to introduce them and send photos and videos.

Parents could not find an "organization", so some people spontaneously formed a "civil" university parent group. This kind of parent group does not have teachers to join, but it is strictly managed. The mother of a senior at China Agricultural University told China News Weekly that her son was a freshman and recommended her to join a QQ group for parents of Agricultural University. To join the group, you need to go through the review, submit the child's school information for certification, and after passing, you must change the group nickname to the network name + the abbreviation of the student's province of origin + the child's grade major. There are more than 2,800 people in her parent group, close to the upper limit of 3,000 people in the QQ group.

In addition to sending notices, no one speaks in the class group of college students all year round, in contrast, the "civil" parent group is much more lively. The above-mentioned parents saw in the group that some parents would ask how to change their children's majors and how to change their household registration after graduation. Others could not reach their children and asked for help in the group, and soon someone shared the phone numbers of the school's boys' and girls' dormitories to the group. There are even parents who post love and dating posts to their children in the group, "Some people will say that their son is going to work in a certain city after graduation, and there are local parents in the group, and they will ask if they can introduce a girlfriend to their child."

Abu, a senior at a medical school in Zhejiang, discovered soon after entering school that his father had added a group of "private" school parents through some channel. Abu's father rarely takes the initiative to speak in the group, but he will carefully read the content of the group chat and forward some information to her. November 2023. She received a school research document from her father in the group, which included many personal information such as the student's chosen graduate school direction, ID number, and grade ranking, which was transmitted from a parent to the parent group. "I can't tolerate them posting such detailed personal privacy information to a mixed group for everyone to discuss and compare. Abu told China News Weekly.

"Helicopter Parents"

Lu Yajie has been a counselor at the School of Finance of Capital University of Economics and Business since 2019, and every year after the opening ceremony of new students, parents will always take the initiative to ask her, does the college have a parent group? She found that some parents naturally continued the habit of home-school communication in secondary school, believing that universities should also have parent groups. Some parents from other places are caught in the "separation anxiety" of their children going to college and out of their sight, and they are eager to establish a connection with the school.

She noticed that there are two types of parents who take the initiative to consult the parent group: one is more in control of their children, they are worried that their children will not be self-disciplined enough after they go to college, or it is difficult to believe in their abilities, and the other is that their children's psychology needs special attention, and parents want to pay close attention to their children's school status through the parent group.

When did the number of parents begin to increase? Many college counselors interviewed could not say an accurate time node, but they all mentioned that the post-95 generation, especially the post-00 generation, has changed significantly compared with the previous generation. Xu Lan, a professor at the Higher Education Development Research Center of Xiamen University, has communicated with a number of college counselors and class teachers about home-school communication and parent groups. She told China News Weekly that the parents of the current generation of college students are more educated, and most of them are beneficiaries of higher education, expecting their children to replicate their past successful experiences and more confidently believe that they have the right to speak in the education of the next generation. In contrast, the parents of the older generation of college students, who are usually busy making ends meet or are not highly educated, want their children to receive a better education, but are limited by their own experiences and do not know how to do it, so they will not interfere too much.

Zhou Ke is a very typical case. She grew up in a family of double teachers with strict parents, her father was a college teacher, and her mother was a high school teacher. When she was in middle school, her parents disciplined her strictly. At that time, high school classes also had parent groups, where teachers would publish the results and rankings of each test, or inform which students were late for class. Zhou Ke's parents are more serious about the rankings, and every time she fails to do well in the exam, she will be reprimanded by her parents. The pressure peaked in her junior year of high school, where she argued with her parents a few times and eventually convinced them to quit the parent group.

Zhou Ke performed abnormally in the college entrance examination, and after that, she obviously felt that her parents had lost trust in her examination ability, and thought that it was more secure for her to study abroad than to take the postgraduate entrance examination. In Zhou Ke's opinion, her parents always pay attention to her every move, and never regard studying and going to school as their daughter's own business.

The term "helicopter parenting" was first used in the American education community to describe such parents of college students who often intervene or directly substitute for their children to make many choices, because they hover over their children's heads like helicopters. This kind of care is not only worried about the child's food, clothing, housing and transportation, but also more concerned about grades. Bao Wei, an associate professor at Peking University's School of Education who has studied the home-school relationship in higher education, told China Newsweek that Chinese society is also experiencing a paradigm shift in parental involvement. Xu Lan noticed that the goal of such parents to enter the parent group is very clear, that is, "I hope that children will seize the opportunity in the competition for resources".

Counselors in different cities and schools have described a similar detail: when new students enter the school, many parents are concerned about the employment or further education of their children's majors, and they invariably express that they want their children to go to graduate school, and then work backwards on how to arrange the four years of college. Lin Hong remembers that there were parents of new students in the parent group who asked for the documents of the research institute and asked to see the class schedule of each semester. If parents realize that their children have no hope of studying for graduate school, they will quickly change their direction, further inquire about the criteria for selecting students, civil servants, and examination editors, and ask in detail whether they need to be student cadres, volunteer teachers, or other award-winning experience.

The answer to the question of education is often outside of education. In 2022, China's new college graduates exceeded the 10 million mark for the first time, reaching 10.76 million. According to Xinhua News Agency, the number of college graduates in the class of 2024 is expected to be 11.79 million. Affected by various factors such as the increasing downward pressure on the economy, the competition for talents in the job market has never been more fierce. In Bao Wei's view, this generation of parents perceives the employment pressure of the labor market, which triggers their anxiety about their children's future, which is further transmitted to the college stage, accelerating the catalysis of their deep participation in their children's college life.

Some schools have formed parent groups for the purpose of informing school affairs, ensuring the safety of students, or improving employment rates, and to a certain extent, parents are also being actively pulled into universities by the school. A counselor at a university in Sichuan mentioned that in recent years, the management of colleges and universities has become increasingly refined and strict, and to some extent, it is also a choice made by the school out of "self-protection".

At present, colleges and universities are approaching the winter vacation, and some counselors mentioned that not all students will tell their parents the holiday time truthfully. If a student encounters a safety problem when going out, parents will be the first to hold the school accountable. In the parent group, the counselor sent the arrangement of which day the student left school and which day the school started to the group, and some teachers even asked parents to report the safety of the student in the group. The announcement in the parent group also divides the rights and responsibilities of campus safety to a certain extent. A college counselor admits that if the counselor sends the notice and precautions to the group, regardless of whether parents and children can do it, "at least there is no problem with the counselor's work."

Parents' "marionettes"

After the college established a parent group, Zhou Ke felt the double distrust and disrespect between parents and the college. Every time Zhou Ke's mother saw an important notice from the parent group, she sent her a long voice WeChat advice, most of the time, Zhou Ke just converted it into text, probably glanced at it, and fooled the past with the words "okay, okay", "next time", "thank you, mother". Sometimes, there are too many such messages, and she directly pretends not to see them, and waits until the next day to reply that she "didn't look at her phone".

A first-year student at Nanjing University told China News Weekly that his college had recently set up a parent group, but the students did not approve of it and could not refuse, so many people joined the group as parents themselves, or asked other students to "act" their parents. In his view, after the establishment of the parent group, the main position of students in the university has been neglected, "We are people who actually live on campus, and we have needs or opinions about learning and life, but the school tries to understand through parents." For parents, students should be the best bridge between parents and the school, and there is no need for teachers to convey them.

On the Internet, the most representative voice around the parent group of college students is that college is an important stage for students to grow into independent individuals, but the university parent group still regards students as managed, which is a weakening of the concept of university education and the creation of "giant babies".

The parent group of college students is only the tip of the iceberg of some parents' excessive intervention in their children. In addition to the parent group, almost every teacher interviewed could easily list the performance of parents who "crossed the line". A college counselor Xu Lan came into contact with received a call from a parent at 3 a.m., who asked the counselor to wake up early to wake up the child in the student dormitory so as not to miss the 7 a.m. flight. Bao Wei mentioned that some studies have shown that children raised by "helicopter parents" are more likely to become "giant babies" who are "dependent", "willful", "pampered", "self-centered" and "lack of social responsibility".

Xu Lan found in the survey that parents are overly worried about the lives of college students, causing some students to be more rebellious, quarrel fiercely with their parents, and even block parents when they post on Moments, further aggravating the desire for connection between parents and schools. There are also some children who turn on the "power saving mode" and are at the mercy of their parents. She noticed that in the stage of exam-oriented education, parents only pay attention to their children's academics, which leads to problems in the formation of students' values and personality, so this generation of college students encounters many obstacles in the process of socialization, such as the later and later time of mental maturity. Some university teachers shared with Xu Lan that in recent years, the number of college students with poor psychological resilience has increased, and they are more inclined to adopt an ostrich-style evasive attitude when facing difficulties.

"In the past, college students would never ask their teachers about 'where to buy toothpaste'. One counselor sighed. Nowadays, counselors need to spend a lot of energy on solving the daily chores of college students, such as instructing students on how to buy clothes, how to buy electricity in the dormitory, and telling students what to do if the door of the dormitory is broken. The overall proportion of such college students is not large, but it has increased significantly compared with before.

Lin Hong has served as a college counselor for nearly 30 years, and she sees that compared with the students of the past, the current college students are still like high school, and they are the "marionettes" of their parents. She told China News Weekly that students are often described as "flowers in a greenhouse", but many of them in this generation have "not even bloomed their own flowers". Some people look at excellent grades, but they are precocious on the surface, but they are actually late maturing, "I hope that the maturity is that he can be himself, not that everything he does seems to the outside world is meaningful and can be rewarded in a tangible way." Growth can be slower, you can suffer a little loss, you can suffer a little bit."

Many of the counselors interviewed disagreed with the existence of a parent group of college students. Lu Yajie will clearly inform parents that the university should cultivate students' ability to handle personal affairs independently, and hopes that parents will not get too involved. She is also worried that parents in some "non-governmental" parent groups are overly concerned about grades, which may lead to a comparison mentality and cause family conflicts. This can also affect the self-orientation and expectations of college students. "Is it because some parents judge universities by the standards of high schools in the past, and they don't know that the evaluation system of universities is multi-dimensional. Or even if they knew, they wouldn't be able to look at it with a peaceful mind. She told China News Weekly.

From a practical point of view, some counselors believe that it is "unrealistic" for the college to build a parent group. When Xu Lan communicated with the counselors, she found that building a parent group would greatly increase the workload of the counselors. According to the regulations of the Ministry of Education, institutions of higher learning should set up full-time counselor positions according to the ratio of teachers to students not less than 1:200, that is, a counselor is responsible for a maximum of 200 students. However, Xu Lan learned during the interview that there is a serious shortage of college counselors, and the school actually calculates the teacher-student ratio in a flexible way. After graduating, one of her students became the only counselor in her college, working with more than 600 students with bachelor's, master's and doctoral degrees. If a parent group is formed, it will be difficult for counselors to cope at all.

In Lu Yajie's view, the operation of the parent group of universities is fundamentally different from the parent group of primary and secondary schools. The administrative system of the university is complex and huge, and the teachers of the Academic Affairs Office are responsible for the information that parents want to know, and the financial reimbursement and student career development are all completed by different departments. It's hard for the college to pull all the teachers in through a parent group. If you set up a group, it is difficult to meet the demands of parents by simply transmitting some of the school's daily policies, which can be found on the school's official website, WeChat public account and other platforms.

Colleges and universities do have some issues that need to be communicated with parents, such as employment and further education. The employment rate is a very important assessment indicator for colleges and universities, and this generation of college students will have "slow employment" and other phenomena, and the school also hopes that parents can guide students in advance, or provide students with some employment resources and support. However, this does not have to be achieved through parent groups, some schools originally had their own mass messaging platforms, and many questions were more suitable for one-on-one contact. In addition, parents' understanding of university policies is uneven. A counselor once told Xu Lan that there are also individual parents in the parent group who have a biased understanding of school policies and publish their imaginary speculations in the group, which is easy to mislead other parents and brings challenges to school management.

On September 8, 2023, the Xiangshan Campus of Anhui Huaibei Normal University ushered in the registration of new students.

The extent to which parents should be involved in university life

"The problem (of late blooming among college students) is largely caused by family education and test-taking education, but in the end, the university is responsible for it. This is a dangerous trend that expands the responsibilities of university teachers and counselors indefinitely. Xu Lan told China News Weekly. Behind the establishment of a parent group, the more critical question is how to communicate healthily between home and school to truly help students grow independently.

A number of university teachers and counselors interviewed mentioned that the home-school relationship is changing. Earlier, it was believed that universities were places for teaching and nurturing students to think independently, and parents trusted schools first and foremost. However, in recent years, many counselors have clearly felt that parents regard school as a service industry.

Lin Hong bluntly said that now some parents think that sending their children to college is like "buying goods", parents pay money, and school teachers must provide meticulous services in "pre-sale, sale, and after-sale". Because of this, parents demand that schools and counselors take care of their students with great care, and by extension, many demands.

Many respondents did not deny the need for parents to be involved in their children's college life. In recent years, there has been an increasing focus on home-school cooperation in the field of higher education. Bowie mentioned that in the face of increased parental involvement, U.S. colleges and universities are building positive partnerships with parents through home-school cooperation or the establishment of specialized centers. In 2003~2015, the proportion of U.S. colleges and universities offering parent/home education increased from 61% to 98%, and the proportion of colleges with parent-facing websites increased from 8.3% to 100%.

What is the boundary of home-school cooperation? A counselor at a university in Sichuan mentioned that some students have seriously failed their studies at school, and their parents may not be aware of it when they receive the notice of withdrawal, and some students are facing serious psychological problems. For such students who need attention, the counselor will want to seek parental intervention if the situation does not improve after the active conversation. In addition, the school will also confirm with parents through the school's mass messaging platform about students' trips and safety issues, but there are many other questions about children that parents repeatedly ask that make it difficult for counselors to answer.

In 2018, the School of Education of Peking University conducted a survey of first-year undergraduate students in colleges and universities across the country, covering more than 20,000 students from 72 universities in China. In 2020, based on these data, Bowie's team explored the impact of parental involvement on the adjustment of college freshmen, and found that moderate parental involvement, with communication rather than intervention, can effectively help freshmen make the transition from high school to college.

In Powey's view, in today's social and economic environment, it is difficult to simply criticize the excessive intervention of parents. However, she pointed out that teachers and counselors at the current tertiary education level take on too many tasks that should not be undertaken, and the problem is that the boundaries between home and school responsibilities are not clear enough. She called on parents of college students to participate rationally in their children's education, whether at the emotional or behavioral level, and the participation model in the basic education stage obviously cannot be replicated in the higher education stage. At the university level, parental involvement should be supportive, rather than direct intervention and control, which is essential for the independent development and interpersonal adaptation of college students.

Xu Lan believes that both parents and universities themselves should correctly understand the essence of universities, and universities are places to cultivate talents. Taking the university's performance appraisal system for counselors as an example, it relies heavily on student ratings, which is equivalent to "customers rating businesses", and counselors may change their focus on educating people because of the scoring indicators, which is contrary to the university's positioning. "University management still needs to return to the essence of education in order to better solve the problem of education. Xu Lan told China News Weekly.

(Xu Ran, Zhou Ke, Lin Hong, and Abu are pseudonyms)

Published in the 1127th issue of China News Weekly magazine on January 29, 2024

Magazine title: Are there still parents in college?

Reporter: Yang Zhijie