Children always make you emotionally uncontrollable, and anger hurts you the most
Recently, I was reading the Tibetan Book of Life and Death, and there was a poem entitled "Five Chapters of Life" in the book, which made me ponder the habits of human beings:
1. I went out on the street,
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk,
I fell in.
I'm lost...... I was desperate.
It's not my fault,
It took a lot of effort to climb out.
2. I walked on the same street,
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretended not to see,
Or fell in.
I can't believe I could have fallen in the same place.
But it's not my fault,
It still took me a long time to climb out.
3. I walked on the same street,
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it there,
But it still fell in......
It's a habit.
My eyes are open,
I know where I am.
It's my fault,
I immediately crawled out.
4. I walk on the same street,
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I took a detour.
5. I went another street.
For me, my habit is anger. It will suddenly jump out of my mind when I am too busy to touch the ground, and drop a giant bomb in the already chaotic reality, it will take advantage of my confusion and physical and mental exhaustion, it will manipulate my words and expressions, and instantly make me hoarse and hideous, it is like a child, the busier you are, the more troublesome it becomes, and the trick is to add fuel to the fire, plus set yourself on fire.
I often wonder, why does anger haunt me so much, does it have something to say to me?
I'm curious that others have
Do you have the same habits as me?
From birth to growth, everyone is immersed in a different family of origin, and the personality framework and core of the harvest are also different.
When I was growing up, my mother attached great importance to my education, and the side effect of this attention was that after being interviewed by a teacher, she couldn't suppress her parenting anger and went home and beat me up. When I first entered elementary school, one day at noon, my father angrily tore up my test paper because I made too many math mistakes. Because there are no test papers, I can only go to the neighbor's classmates to copy the questions and do homework, and I can only go to the same classmates at night to handwrite and transcribe the test papers.
Standing in the present, looking back at childhood, what I see is my mother's face all the time. Because of the heavy farm work and low education, which led to an inferiority complex in my heart, I forcibly sealed the smile on my mother's face. What can also be seen is Dad's innate temper. As a contractor, he will inevitably encounter unpleasant things at work, and his coping strategy is to be angry and blamed, and even bring the anger that has not been eliminated home, and wantonly act as a demon at home.
In my childhood that I never returned, I could see and remember the upright, honest and kind qualities of my parents.
However, I have also learned from them to use anger to deal with the backfire.
When I was in junior high school, because I couldn't do math problems, I would angrily smash the stationery box and draw lines on the scratch paper in anger.
When my studies are interrupted, I slam the door in anger. There was a hole in the door of the house that I kicked out in anger and a piece of broken glass;
When I grew up, I listened to my mother's complaints, and I went back with anger;
After I got married, I told my dedication with anger and accused my teammates of not understanding me;
When raising children, I use anger to fight parenting anxiety.
The first thing I learned from anger is that angry people have a timid child living inside.
This child does not like sudden accidents and unexpected changes, and the slightest disturbance in the outside world will make him feel that the grass and trees are all soldiers. When the amygdala in the mind is kidnapped, reason chooses to disarm and surrender, allowing anger to reign supreme.
Why besides anger,
I'm at a loss for life?
The difficulty of calming down when I was angry again and again, and the self-blame after being angry again and again, I was deeply trapped in it like a reincarnation, which made me extremely painful in my heart.
And behind the pain, there is also my wordlessness for myself.
I perfectly inherited my parents' stress response to emergencies, and I also chose to use anger against my temporary inability to do so.
Fortunately, from the volcanic eruption of anger again and again, I tried to see a little bit clearly, the anger behind the me, who was tightly wrapped in fear, helpless, and powerless.
With each understanding, I have a better understanding of myself and a clearer understanding of the initiation patterns of anger.
I found that as a child, I would get angry and broken down because I couldn't do it and was disturbed;
When I grew up, I would be angry and blamed for my mother's grievances about life;
In the relationship with my teammates, I will be angry and complain because my inner child is not seen and not satisfied;
When I am with my own children, I feel angry and accountable for their disobedience.
In a word, I have a heart that wants to control everything.
But the funny thing is that I can't even control my own emotions, so how can I control the outside world?
But it was this self-questioning that gave me a glimpse of how to deal with anger.
The more time I spend with anger, the more I want to get rid of it from my heart at its roots. To this end, I have read a lot of books, met a lot of people, listened to a lot of stories, and taken a lot of twists and turns.
At this moment, my heart is at peace, and I want to tell you the story of extinguishing the anger in my heart.
Whoever started the trouble should end it
In April 2022, when the epidemic was raging, I had a big fight with my family because I couldn't suppress my anger when I accompanied my children to do their homework. When I calmed down and looked for a way out, I came across the "No Anxiety Parents Club" course of Tongxing Academy.
From here, I embarked on the path of growing up to embrace my inner child. It was also here that I had the opportunity for the first time to return to my inner childhood and see myself who had been locked in my inner darkroom for a long time.
I used writing to recall and reproduce the grievances and fears experienced by my inner child in my childhood again and again, and soothed the sadness and loneliness in my inner child's heart little by little.
Compared to my present, my childhood was gray and bleak.
I spent a lot of time talking to my inner child, telling her about my present and inviting her to live my present life with me.
I happily tore down the door of my inner darkroom, letting the sun shine in, trying to dry out the darkness and dampness in my heart.
After doing all this life lesson, my inner child showed a smile that I hadn't seen for many years, so long that it seemed like a lifetime away, so long that I forgot that I could still smile. When I saw my calm toothy smile in the mirror for the first time in many years, I was amazed that I could smile so beautifully. A lyric rings in my ears: You smile so beautifully, like a spring flower.
God treats me well, so I have the fate to meet Tong Xing and embark on a road to look back on the past.
When I returned to real life with my inner child, I felt from the bottom of my heart that my heart had become softer.
The heart that used to be as hollow and fragile as a bitter walnut has become a heart like a bouncy ball that can jump three feet high when it is happy.
With curiosity in his elastic heart, he began to hunt for treasures in real life, constantly exploring the unknown and novelty.
This time, it was still in Tongxing, I deeply linked to other parents in the group, chatting with them, talking about education, life, hobbies, reminiscing about the past, and talking about growth.
One of the wishes I wrote on the first day of joining the Children's Walking No Anxiety Parents Club: to publish an article on the Tongxing official account, which has been successfully realized at the end of 2023. With Tong Xing's company, I successfully obtained my high school English teacher qualification certificate.
In the process of writing about the past, I saw the predicament of my parents back then, understood their love for me from the bottom of my heart, and understood the understanding and listening that my mother wanted in her complaints. I also sincerely want to spend a little more time with their hearts in the company and words when I go back to visit them in their lifetime.
My mother was very surprised by my change: she praised me, a 30+ child, for really growing up.
Thanks to chatting with parents in Tiannan and Haibei about education online, listening to the live conversation between teacher Jingfang and professionals online, and reading the cutting-edge concepts of education in the official account of Tong Xing. I found that when I returned to real life, my anxiety about education was barely nowhere to be found.
Instead, there is a clearer and more executable parenting growth path and inner navigation.
The children's family bucket audio + AI course bought for children is like a fertile soil for raising seedlings, laying a solid foundation for the growth of children's general education.
Tongxing Academy's online and offline PBL courses lead children to seamlessly connect with their own interests step by step.
The camp activities during the winter and summer holidays allow children to grow and behave in an immersive way under the deep participation and life scene.
The Youth Growth Program leads the children who have grown up immersed in the general education environment, and under the company and guidance of mentors, they are making great strides towards the fruits of their dreams.
This is the path of general education that I have seen for the little teenagers who have grown up in Tongxing.
Although my child is only in the first grade, I know that his growth and interests, and I have the soil and environment to protect him to grow up with peace of mind.
In order to cope with the anger in my head that is in autopilot mode, I chose to use active learning to seek more solutions to the problem.
Tong Xing's general education concept has allowed me to see the infinite possibilities of education, and after the anxiety of coping with the educational environment is stable and steadfast, I have more time and energy to pay attention to and explore the educational micro-environment and the mental environment of parenthood.
Even if life is a chicken feather,
I also try to turn it into a feather duster
A few days after the start of the first grade, I took the initiative to participate in the work of the school's parent committee, which not only helped the teachers, but also added a certain lubricant to the home-school interaction.
However, when the child is not comfortable counting from 2 to 100 with an even number, and then counting back again;
When a child is punished by the teacher for writing 4 texts because he does not open his mouth to read at school;
When the child writes slowly because of a lot of homework, and the sleep time at night is severely compressed.
My ultimate reaction was to be angry, and I would still yell at the child. And I also heard the different forms of fear of the inner child in these cries:
She is afraid that her child will not read well and be criticized by the teacher for not doing her mother well;
She was afraid that the child had just learned to write and would not be able to successfully complete the penalty homework;
She is afraid that the child is small, and going to bed late will affect her height and development......
All sorts of inner fears would kidnap me in an instant, and the mother who loved her children was hijacked by fear and anger, replaced by an angry mother who was at a loss, her mind was on fire, and her wisdom was sealed.
After a howl, the child was frightened into tears by me, and became timid, not daring to continue trying. I could only try to calm the anger in my heart, take a deep breath and encourage my child to try again.
But in that incident, the child's attitude towards the punishment of writing really taught me a lesson.
When I was still complaining about why my child was punished by the teacher for writing, my child had already opened the textbook and copied it carefully. When he encountered a word that he couldn't write, he took the initiative to enter pinyin search on the stroke software. During the whole process, the mood was stable and the attitude was correct.
Half an hour later, a text was copied, the handwriting was clear, the writing was neat, and it was pleasing to the eye.
I was deeply impressed by the child's lack of panic when encountering problems, isn't this the emotional stability that I want to cultivate but have been fruitless for a long time!
What I can't do, my child can easily do.
At that moment, a sentence came to my heart: who is teaching whom to raise children, I really can't say!
Whenever I end the day with anger, I can't calm down for a long time, and I feel deeply ashamed of my anger afterwards.
After sending my child to school, I will embarrass my own thinking pattern and open-mindedness in self-talk that digests the ashes of my emotions.
After the child got out of school, I held the child's hand with a sincere and apologetic heart, and was extremely formal and embarrassed to dissect my various sins with the child.
Sometimes, the child will cry because of the grievance, but more often, the child will hold my face and say to me, "Mom, I have forgiven you a long time ago." ”
The more tolerant my child was with me, the harder it was for me to accept my anger.
I often ask myself in my heart: Why is it so difficult to be an emotionally stable mother?
What do you want your child to learn from you as an emotionally unstable mother?
In order to go further on the road of eradicating anger, I have conducted an in-depth review and comparative summary of my anger path.
This vipassana and reflection allowed me to see the whole beginning of my anger: whenever I encountered something that I felt like I couldn't do in a limited amount of time, there would be various voices in my head that were trying to come up with brilliant countermeasures to make things go smoothly.
But when the effort fails, the mind chooses to shut down, and the inner child appears with her mask of fear.
She has only one purpose, to bring this matter to a close as soon as possible.
In the mind's space-time algorithm, real-world time has long since ceased to exist.
And the mind's coping strategy at this time is to use anger to speed up and adjust the progress of things.
Things were finally hastily settled, and my heart was already deep in the whirlpool of emotions, exhausted, and my vitality was greatly damaged.
In addition to this, I have seen that my anger is often mixed with other unseen or unfulfilled desires.
When I took good care of my child and didn't get him to be sensible and obedient;
When I don't fall behind at work, family, or education, my teammates don't give me, and my children don't cooperate;
When picking up and dropping off children eight times a day, plus cooking and tutoring children's homework, there is no time for self-solitude and deep rest.
All kinds of grievances, dissatisfactions, unwillingness, and resentments will take advantage of the small things in life to run out one after another, trying to seek a balance and self-consistency.
Anger and reflection after the incident have taught me to quickly identify and avoid the emotional traps that have made me fall into the pit repeatedly before anger comes.
In the past, because I never stood with my inner child, I lived like an angry hedgehog.
The sun and the moon are scared of the sky and the earth, and living in a pot of porridge is chaotic and difficult to move forward.
Today, although anger has not been eradicated, the frequency of anger has decreased significantly, the cycle of anger has been significantly shortened, and the triggers of anger are more clearly visible.
Anger and I used to look at each other and didn't want to see each other, and I hope to forget about each other in the future.
For this, the antidote I prescribed to myself is:
1. Read more books, such as "The Tibetan Book of Life and Death" and "How to fight", and educational books such as Shafar Sabari's Awakening Trilogy, "The Awakening of the Family", "The Awakening of Parents" and "The Awakening of Women".
These books should be read in depth, and after reading, the ideas in the books should be put into practice.
Allow yourself to be angry again, but from each anger, deepen your self-awareness and try not to fall into the same well on the same path;
2. Devote yourself to your work, gain a controllable sense of achievement and a sense of stability from your work, create social value that meets market demand in your work, and let yourself live with spirit;
3. Art for life: Drawing, dancing, and integrating love into life. Recently, I started to read Dai Yanan's aesthetic education trilogy "Moms Are Artists", "Life Partners: Aesthetic Education Starts with Mother", "Life Partners 2: Family Aesthetic Education Compulsory Courses", and I also signed up for the parent-child ink painting winter camp.
In this way, I want to add some nourishment and moisturization of rain and dew to my little heart, so that my heart is more abundant;
4. Let go of what you can't do for the time being, and give yourself more time to slowly avoid pitfalls and grow.
When I have enough permission and support for myself, I can see and understand my teammates and children more appropriately.
5. Subtract from the outside world. In the past, I always wanted to find a way out from the fragmented information online, but now I know that only I know the best way to solve problems.
The key is hidden in the path of knowing oneself again and again, and only by exploring inward can we seek a piece of peace and tranquility in our hearts.
Every human being is born with a full nature, but if we have traveled too far and too long in the unconscious time, we will inevitably get lost in it.
Fortunately, we all have a way to go.
Then in the honest meeting with yourself, live a shining inner vitality.
I wish you all a better understanding of your true face of wealth and a comfortable and ordinary life in the new year!
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#e17719;--weui-TAG-BACKGROUND-ORANGE: rgba(225, 119, 25, .1);--weui-TAG-TEXT-GREEN: #06ae56;--weui-TAG-BACKGROUND-GREEN: rgba(6, 174, 86, .1);--weui-TAG-TEXT-BLUE: #007dbb;--weui-TAG-BACKGROUND-BLUE: rgba(0, 125, 187, .1);--weui-TAG-TEXT-BLACK: rgba(0, 0, 0, .5);--weui-TAG-BACKGROUND-BLACK: rgba(0, 0, 0, .05)}}@media screen and (min-width:1024px) {body:not(.pages_skin_pc) .wx-root[data-weui-mode=care][data-weui-theme=dark],body:not(.pages_skin_pc) body[data-weui-mode=care][data-weui-theme=dark]{--weui-BG-0: #111;--weui-BG-1: #1e1e1e;--weui-BG-2: #191919;--weui-BG-3: #202020;--weui-BG-4: #404040;--weui-BG-5: #2c2c2c;--weui-FG-0: rgba(255, 255, 255, .85);--weui-FG-HALF: rgba(255, 255, 255, .65);--weui-FG-1: rgba(255, 255, 255, .55);--weui-FG-2: rgba(255, 255, 255, .35);--weui-FG-3: rgba(255, 255, 255, .1);--weui-FG-4: rgba(255, 255, 255, .15);--weui-FG-5: rgba(255, 255, 255, .. 1);--weui-RED: #fa5151;--weui-ORANGERED: #ff6146;--weui-ORANGE: #c87d2f;--weui-YELLOW: #cc9c00;--weui-GREEN: #74a800;--weui-LIGHTGREEN: #3eb575;--weui-FIRE: #07c160;--weui-BLUE: #10aeff;--weui-INDIGO: #1196ff;--weui-PURPLE: #8183ff;--weui-WHITE: rgba(255, 255, 255, .8);--weui-LINK: #7d90a9;--weui-TEXTGREEN: #259c5c;--weui-FG: #fff;--weui-BG: #000;--weui-TAG-TEXT-RED: rgba(250, 81, 81, .6);--weui-TAG-BACKGROUND-RED: rgba(250, 81, 81, .1);--weui-TAG-TEXT-ORANGE: rgba(250, 157, 59, .6);--weui-TAG-BACKGROUND-ORANGE: rgba(250, 157, 59, .1);--weui-TAG-TEXT-GREEN: rgba(6, 174, 86, .6);--weui-TAG-BACKGROUND-GREEN: rgba(6, 174, 86, .1);--weui-TAG-TEXT-BLUE: rgba(16, 174, 255, .6);--weui-TAG-BACKGROUND-BLUE: rgba(16, 174, 255, .1);--weui-TAG-TEXT-BLACK: rgba(255, 255, 255, .5);--weui-TAG-BACKGROUND-BLACK: rgba(255, 255, 255, .05)}}@media screen and (min-width:1024px){body:not(.pages_skin_pc) .wx-root,body:not(.pages_skin_pc) body{--appmsgExtra-BG: #F7F7F7}}@media screen and (min-width:1024px){body:not(.pages_skin_pc) .wx-root[data-weui-theme=dark],body:not(.pages_skin_pc) body[data-weui-theme=dark]{--weui-BG-0: #111;--weui-BG-1: #1e1e1e;--weui-BG-2: #191919;--weui-BG-3: #202020;--weui-BG-4: #404040;--weui-BG-5: #2c2c2c;--weui-FG-0: rgba(255, 255, 255, .8);--weui-FG-HALF: rgba(255, 255, 255, .6);--weui-FG-1: rgba(255, 255, 255, .5);--weui-FG-2: rgba(255, 255, 255, .3);--weui-FG-3: rgba(255, 255, 255, .1);--weui-FG-4: rgba(255, 255, 255, .15);--weui-FG-5: rgba(255, 255, 255, .1);--weui-RED: #fa5151;--weui-ORANGERED: #ff6146;--weui-ORANGE: #c87d2f;--weui-YELLOW: #cc9c00;--weui-GREEN: #74a800;--weui-LIGHTGREEN: #3eb575;--weui-BRAND: #07c160;--weui-BLUE: #10aeff;--weui-INDIGO: #1196ff;--weui-PURPLE: #8183ff;--weui-WHITE: rgba(255, 255, 255, .8);--weui-LINK: #7d90a9;--weui-TEXTGREEN: #259c5c;--weui-FG: #fff;--weui-BG: #000;--weui-TAG-TEXT-RED: rgba(250, 81, 81, .6);--weui-TAG-BACKGROUND-RED: rgba(250, 81, 81, .1);--weui-TAG-TEXT-ORANGE: rgba(250, 157, 59, .6);--weui-TAG-BACKGROUND-ORANGE: rgba(250, 157, 59, .1);--weui-TAG-TEXT-GREEN: rgba(6, 174, 86, 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