A 44-year-old sister adopts a 38-year-old best friend as a daughter: to provide for each other 

Text | Mi Li's mother

Recently, Mi Li's mother saw a strange adoption incident in South Korea, two girlfriends went through the adoption process and became a mother and daughter, one is 44 years old, and the other is 38 years old, although the age difference is really small, but think about it carefully, who stipulates that you can't be a mother and daughter if the age difference is small?

It is really not easy for two girlfriends who are unmarried and have no children to establish a stable relationship with each other in law to support each other.

However, with the advent of the era of women's independence, everyone is becoming more and more sober, and it is bound to give birth to many new ways to provide for the elderly.

The female version of Bo Yazi period

It's a basic exercise to use girlfriends as a pension partner, and I heard that someone around me did this, which made Mi Li's mother envious for a while.

I have also brushed up on two single mothers to raise babies together, and it is really healing to see the daily life they share, because the atmosphere of this "restructured family" is really better than many families:

Before the children got out of school, the two mothers washed the vegetables together, cooked, and chatted while working, and soon a table of fragrant dishes came up.

When the children come back, they will play with the children, and if one party has something to do, work overtime, make an appointment, etc., the other party will be responsible for taking care of the baby at home, and there is no need to worry about the safety of the children and the problem of eating.

The child's illness is the most headache for single mothers, but because of the companionship, the burden has also been reduced by half, whether it is taking the child to the hospital or taking care of it at home, there is someone to help, no longer have to run helplessly alone.

When they have nothing to do, the home of the two mothers will become a college girls' dormitory in seconds, chasing dramas, chatting about gossip, watching little fresh meat, and talking about everything.

The days of the gods are nothing more than that, this is simply the utopia with a baby in my dreams!

Speaking of the best friends in South Korea who are paired together in the form of mother and daughter, the combination of these two is different. Their appeal is not to realize the freedom of bringing a baby, but to realize the freedom of old age when both of them are single.

"Mother" Eun is 44 years old this year, in the original family, her mother has worked all her life and grew up in a family relationship of "widowed parenting", which makes her feel that marriage is quite boring, and she has no confidence in entering marriage.

Because she didn't want to repeat her mother's mistakes, she didn't get married and had no children.

In order to escape the stress of living in a big city, Eun chose to move to the countryside. There, she met her lifelong confidant, Lee.

Like Eun, Lee is single and unmarried, and has also moved to the countryside because he is tired of life in the big city.

Two like-minded people have become good girlfriends in this way, they discover novel plants together, cook all kinds of vegetarian food, do some original crafts, and the more they play, the more fun they become, they can't be more compatible.

This is simply the female version of Boyazi hidden in the mountains and forests!

After knowing each other for less than a year, Eun and Lee decided to move in together. According to their plan, living together can reduce the insecurity of living alone, while also ensuring that they can take care of each other when they are older or if they fall ill suddenly.

Once they moved in together, they tried to share bills, chores, and even decided to buy a house they lived in together within a few months.

So they began to plan for the long term, thinking that it would be very good to live like this.

Become a mother and daughter

After being hospitalized with chronic headaches, Eun discovered that in South Korea, many important decisions are made only by family members.

Although the relationship with Lee is like family, in the end, they are just friends and have no legal ties. In this way, it is very difficult to take care of each other when you are old.

They also thought about marrying as homosexuals, but South Korean law does not support gay marriage, so this path will not work.

So they thought about adoption.

With such a brain-opening operation, the two of them thought they would face many obstacles. Unexpectedly, the procedures were unexpectedly simple, and the adoption procedures were completed unimpeded.

In South Korea, the adoption of a child by an unmarried person is subject to a review of factors such as age, financial stability, and the environment in which the child is raised, and the standard of approval is high.

But adopting an adult is much simpler, and there are hardly any prerequisites.

If you want to make your friend your daughter, you only need to be older than your friend, get the approval of your friend's mother, and prove that the other party is not related to you.

How simple is it? Just fill out a form, go home and wait for news, 24 hours of approval, and the adoption is complete.

The whole process gave Eun a new understanding of family and family. She wrote a book about her experiences and wanted to record these new reflections.

In her opinion, South Korean law should allow more single citizens to legally create a family of their choice. Family is the bond between people, regardless of gender or age, and people who can trust and rely on each other can be "family".

In fact, family is more of an emotional link and spiritual dependence.

If the husband in "widowed" parenting can also be regarded as a family, and the two people who are forcibly bound for economic reasons after cheating can still be regarded as a family, then the concept of family has become an empty shell.

The real "family" is actually a relationship in which the heart is closely linked, trusting and relying on each other. And only in such a relationship can people live a healthy life, and the sense of security comes from this.

The number of "one-person households" in South Korea in 2021 has reached more than 7 million.

Looking at South Korea's marriage and fertility rates, which are among the lowest in the world, it is estimated that by 2040, 4 out of every 10 households will be "one-person households".

Young people in Japan have also begun to spread a "frogification phenomenon".

It refers to when a person who is in love with him or her also shows affection for him, but suddenly loses interest in continuing to associate with him. Young people would rather stay in a comfortable environment than venture into the palace of marriage, preferring to choose a single life.

When marriage is no longer mandatory, and you can freely choose whether to have a baby or not, then a new question arises: what to do when you are old?

In fact, in the traditional concept, the so-called concept of getting married and having children, raising children to prevent old age, also points to maintenance. Society is developing, and people's mentality is also changing, but the law of birth, old age, sickness and death will not change, and the demand for the elderly to rely on does exist.

In France, which advocates romance, few people have been married for a long time. They have already introduced bills that are more suitable according to a specific relationship structure.

For example, in France, the "PACS" (Mutual Civil Assistance Contract) can protect the rights and interests of two people who are not married but have lived together for a long time.

The parties who sign the PACS can be of the opposite sex or the same sex, and its overall constraints on responsibilities are much smaller than those of marriage, but there are corresponding guarantees in terms of economic and mutual aid obligations.

There are also many folk self-help methods, and 26 women in the UK have established OWCH, a community for elderly women, to explore new family forms and ways to care for the elderly.

When the system becomes more and more sound, the new relationship structure becomes more and more diverse, and marriage and childbirth are no longer the source of security, this is self-fulfillment.

Self-fulfillment

In fact, for a long time, we have misunderstood the source of our sense of security. Especially those elders who are bent on urging marriage, thinking that only the other half of the marriage is a dependent.

But in fact, this idea really does not stand up to scrutiny, and it can be easily overturned.

There are countless examples of celebrity divorces, a few days ago, Mi Li's mother just wrote the story of director Er Dongsheng, he and his wife have been dating Dink for 20 years, but in his later years, he suddenly broke out that he had an illegitimate daughter, and his wife, who had already lost her fertility, could only choose to divorce and leave: "The 63-year-old well-known director and his wife Dink have been in 20 years, and their illegitimate daughter has transferred hundreds of millions of property in her later years?! 》。

There is also Su Min, who has a husband and children and brings up grandchildren, and when she was 50 years old, she decided to travel around the country by car, only to find herself, and found that the source of her sense of security was not her husband who had been cold and violent and spoke viciously for many years, but the car that took her to a distant place and found herself.

When the concept of finding a person to rely on and raising children to prevent old age has suddenly failed, more and more people have found that in fact, we have been with ourselves, and the ultimate support we need to look for may be a partner, a child, or not, and the probability can only be ourselves, when a new social form emerges.

Actually, it's easy to use too much force. As soon as the force is too strong, what kind of arguments will appear about "leaving the father and leaving the child" and "giving birth to a baby without marriage".

But Mi Li's mother thinks that of course the partner can be our pig teammate, or it may not be. But whether it is or not, you should not reject the line of marriage, it is just a choice, you can choose it or not, depending on your own situation, you decide whether to choose it or not, but you don't have to say that it is not good.

Mi Li's mother has seen a data, among the 20 million single mothers in the mainland, more than half of them have a monthly income of less than 4,000 yuan, and every penny has to be spent tightly, and every minute has to be broken in half - half to earn money, half to take care of the baby.

Mi Li's mother is also an old man who has to trouble his niece in his old age when he sees a doctor. They will say from the bottom of their hearts that it would be nice to have a child of their own.

Of course, there are also chic and free Ye Haiyang among single mothers, and there are also a large number of people in the Dink family who live their lives idyll.

There are so many forms of life, maybe you have the best relationship with your girlfriends, the kind that can be trusted with each other that cannot be replaced by any opposite sex, and it is not impossible to really grow old with your girlfriends.

The advantage of this era is that it is becoming more and more diverse, and when you have the right to choose a variety of life forms, and the pattern is opened, you will find that in fact, different paths are the same.

Getting married and having children is self-fulfillment, growing old with girlfriends is self-consummation, collective pension is self-consummation, going through the adoption process with friends to become a mother and daughter is self-consummation, Dink is self-consummation, single is self-consummation, marriage three or five times is self-consummation......

When we know ourselves well enough, pay attention to our needs enough, know what kind of life we want to live, and what kind of life we are suitable for, we have true freedom.

This freedom refers to the freedom to choose the way you want to live, and once this way is guaranteed in the legal sense, you will gain unlimited security regardless of the form.

Personal Profile: @米粒妈爱分享 Mi Li's mother, American returnee, Haidian parent. Focus on learning, educational experience and further education.