Many people may have experienced bad relationships.
Maybe it's a bad relationship, maybe it's a marriage that brings you a lot of sadness, and any relationship that fails will cause both parties to suffer and cause some damage to the other person.
People who are "broken up" will fall into the shadow of heartbreak and will not be able to extricate themselves, and will always be unable to get out of the quagmire of heartbreak.
After a breakup, a person's situation and psychological feelings are an ever-changing process.
Psychologist Kubler Roth proposed the "5 stages of pain", including:
Denial, anger, struggle, frustration, acceptance.
Stage 1: Denial of the fact of the breakup
After a breakup, a person may fall into a state of confusion and be unable to distinguish between reality and dreams;
You feel that the breakup is a dream, not real;
But reality has hit you hard again, forcing you to recognize your current state.
You pester your exes, message them, compromise, please them, beg them to reconcile with you, and hope they will give you another chance.
Humility, giving up dignity in order to please the ex.
Zhang Ailing said:
"If you like someone, you humble yourself to the dust, and then the flowers will bloom. ”
This flower is the flower of your heart, not necessarily the flower that you two love.
You are constantly denying, constantly entangled, constantly restraining your own heart, giving yourself negative advice.
We haven't been apart, it's not true. I love him so much that it must have been a dream.
Changes in the wording of the party who broke up:
From shock, to confusion in the eyes, to dumbness, to nervousness and fear.
Stage 2: Anger and extreme love
At this stage, you finally realize that you have broken up.
The tenderness, delicacy, love, happiness, and various details of love in the past are constantly flashing in your mind.
"Love and hate" is the best portrayal of this stage.
How strong the love was at the beginning, and how deep the hatred was after the breakup.
The opposite of love is half indifference and half hatred.
Why is it easy for people to "hate out of love" after a breakup?
Sunk cost effect.
The more invested a person is in their relationship, the more reluctant they are to break up.
He would think:
"I have given so much for you, and you have abandoned me like this. I am also at a loss, and you must pay some price for your actions and decisions in order to make up for the damage you have done me. ”
Especially those with extreme personalities and a narrow view of love are more likely to engage in extreme behavior.
You were nice to him, but he broke up with you. Of course, you can't accept this fact for the time being.
At this moment, emotions are greater than rationality, and you can easily be led by emotions to do some bad things.
During this phase of anger, everyone should try to restrain their emotions, and only when they are emotionally stable can we better reflect on your relationship and the reasons for the breakup.
Stage 3: Struggle and Contradictions
It's your own inner struggle and confrontation, and your brain has two voices.
One voice:
"You should be strong, courageous, and open-minded; ”
Another voice:
"Don't provoke yourself and don't make things difficult for yourself. If you want to reconcile, go to him. What's your own difficulty?"
The two figures constantly confronted each other.
Occasionally I want to be rational, but I also want to chat with my ex, and I can't help but look at my ex's social media platforms.
Stage 4: Depression and Self-Redemption
Recognize reality and gradually accept it.
But the pain and emotional trauma of heartbreak still haunts my heart and cannot be dissipated.
Depressed, unable to be truly happy.
On the surface, it looks very happy and optimistic, but on the inside, it's still heavy.
intermittent optimism and persistent sadness;
Intermittent wakefulness and persistent romantic brain.
Stubbornness, attrition, and internal attrition.
Those who can redeem themselves are, after all, a minority, and most of those whose hearts are broken can only rely on time to forget.
Stage 5: Accept reality and return to normal life
People with broken hearts can basically return to their normal lives.
Although many times, I still think of my ex.
For guys, in the early stages of a breakup, they tend to behave calmly, rationally, and not sadly.
In fact, in the hearts of boys, this is already a magnificent journey.
For girls, all their emotions are written on their faces.
But girls have a stronger desire to share and will vent negative emotions by sharing.
Most of the time, the maximum number of words per day is 8,000 words for men and 20,000 words for women.
Men do not like to share, but hide in the "cave", thus falling into internal friction;
Women naturally like to share, so negative emotions are transferred through sharing.