I remember when I was in school, the teacher said such a sentence: The test Qingbei depends on strength, and the top student depends on luck.
Yes, the birth of a top student in the college entrance examination is somewhat accidental.
But there is such a person, with absolute strength, who took the college entrance examination twice and won the champion crown.
Her name is Liu Dingning, and in 2013, with a score of 668, she was admitted to the University of Hong Kong on a full scholarship.
However, only a month later, she chose to drop out and repeat her studies, and in 2014, she was admitted to the Chinese Department of Peking University again with a score of 666.
Because Liu Dingning's experience is too legendary, the whole Internet was overwhelmed with reports about her. Over the years, some netizens have always been curious about her current situation, but unfortunately there has been no news.
You should remember that we wrote an article before, about the blogger @ in Xia Huizi, interviewed his former classmates, how are they doing 10 years later.
His classmates, in addition to the "talented girl of Peking University" Li Xueqin, there is also this long-lost legend of the college entrance examination.
Some time ago, under the call of netizens, Liu Dingning finally accepted an interview with Huizi.
Since graduating with a master's degree from Peking University, she has been working in the education industry, and as for more secular news, she is reluctant to disclose more.
It can be inferred from his mental appearance that Liu Dingning's life does not seem to be too bad.
She has many hobbies, likes music, likes painting, likes traditional culture, talks elegantly and freely, and has a strong bookish atmosphere.
But obviously, this is far from the life that everyone imagines to wear the halo of the champion and walk to the top of life.
In the interview, Liu Dingning also said such a paragraph, which aroused heated discussions among netizens: "You pursue gentleness, courtesy, and frugality, and others treat you as a cheater, abduction, and stealing." ”
Being admitted to Peking University was a deliberate choice for her to give up the excellent scholarship of HKU. However, this experience at Peking University has become an indelible shadow in her heart.
I think her story is actually worth thinking about as ordinary parents, where there are people, there are rivers and lakes, in addition to learning Xi test-taking knowledge, children actually need to learn the course of "getting along with others".
Peking University experience, I'm sorry for me......
It undoubtedly takes a lot of courage to drop out of HKU and retake the college entrance examination.
But for Liu Dingning at that time, Peking University, which had a strong atmosphere of Chinese studies, was his ideal university.
For this reason, she made this choice under the multiple pressures of others' incomprehension, public opinion and rereading.
But it's a pity that the study career of Peking University is not as good as Liu Dingning imagined.
She used this sentence to describe her college life:
"Before the boys had time to like it, they were excluded by the girls first. ”
Liu Dingning revealed in the interview that he was bullied on campus and was ostracized and isolated by his classmates.
According to her, once the school opera club had a performance, and she spent half a year rehearsing, but was finally "kicked out" by her classmates.
The other party directly said to Liu Dingning: "If you come to rehearse again, I will call the police", and said, "Don't think you are the best in the world." ”
This experience obviously caused great harm to Liu Dingning, so much so that she was very confused for a long time.
Her disappointment was beyond words, and she said bluntly: "The experience of Peking University, I'm sorry for me." ”
Of course, different people may have completely different views on the same thing.
After Liu Dingning's interview video became popular, Peking University students from the same class and club also came out to respond.
In the opinion of another alumnus, everyone did not deliberately exclude Liu Dingning in the matter of club activities.
In the performance rehearsal, Liu Dingning's skills were not as good as others, and the club did not eliminate her at the beginning, but added a classmate to share the performance.
But Liu Dingning was very unconvinced, insisting that he was a high and a widow, and others deliberately excluded him.
For this reason, she even affected the rehearsal of the entire band, and finally the club expelled Liu Dingning, more because she completely disrupted discipline.
What is the truth of the matter, we are not the parties involved, and it is difficult to say much.
However, this kind of situation of "paying a lot for a goal, but in the end it may not be able to get what it wants" is something that every child will encounter when they are growing up.
Maybe you are desperate to brush up on the questions, and the test score may not be as high as the peer at the table; maybe you actively help your classmates, but you fall behind in the evaluation of class selection cadres; maybe you have worked hard to Xi your talent for a long time, and finally the place is given to another classmate......
Children may be angry, disappointed, unbalanced, or even lose confidence in themselves and behave excessively.
But sometimes the world is like that, it doesn't always work as you want it to, and it doesn't mean that if you work hard enough, you will be successful.
In fact, we can give our children more vaccinations in our lives to teach them to face problems, be more "good communicators", and have strong psychological resilience.
For example, if the child wants to play the princess in a fairy tale drama, we can accompany the child to simulate and rehearse similar scenes several times in private.
Let's analyze with children, what should many people do when they want to play a princess.
After repeated attempts, it will be easier for the child to understand:
If you blindly respond to and please others, you will never be able to meet what you want.
If you blindly consider yourself, it will not be easy to reach a negotiation, and in the end everyone will not be able to play.
If you consider the interests of others first and take into account your own interests at the same time, such as letting the other party play the princess first, and then play it yourself, it is easy to reach a consensus.
This ability to balance the interests of all parties is especially important for children to earn friendship and respect at school, as well as to develop children's leadership skills.
In addition, we can also do some mental guidance, for example, for example, after rehearsing for a long time, but not performing on stage, we can tell children:
It doesn't matter, at least your playing skills are better than before, and it's fun to rehearse with friends.
Even if it is not successful, at least there is progress, at least it is very happy, and with such a concept, the child can still move forward and bravely follow his own path.
Learn to get along with others, children can go further
In addition to the club performance, Liu Dingning's alumni also revealed many details about her time in college.
According to the description of netizen @my, I want to explode:
At that time, the classmates were more because Liu Dingning was too "maverick" and had to stay away.
Liu Dingning would practice playing the flute Xi in the dormitory building, and play opera loudly, which has interfered with the lives of other students.
In the process of interacting with people, she also does not pay much attention to social etiquette and a sense of boundaries.
When something happens, Liu Dingning will add the other party's WeChat, and as soon as the matter is over, he will delete the person coldly. If something happens again, add and delete again...... And so on and so forth.
Liu Dingning also likes to swipe the screen in notification groups such as course groups and class groups, and talk about his private affairs in public.
For example, once, she and her roommate had an argument over "whether to open the window on a hazy day".
This is not a big deal, and it has nothing to do with right or wrong, it is purely that the two people's life Xi are different, and there are some small frictions.
But Liu Dingning chose to post a tirade about this matter in the large group of grades and poured out his grievances.
In fact, Liu Dingning's words are very sincere in sharing her own journey. But from another point of view, such a long-form sharing is not suitable for a large group of more than 90 people.
Communication is about solving problems and finding solutions that are acceptable to both parties. Things like whether you can open windows on smog days don't have to rise to such a serious contradiction.
Liu Dingning himself said in an interview:
"Before the college entrance examination, it is exam-oriented education, and the university is vocational education, and then go directly to work.
But the lack of adult education from school to society is a regret for her. ”
I think there is a lot of truth in what I said.
In the relatively simple environment of school, everyone pays more attention to children's grades and rankings.
As for how to get along with people and the ability to adapt to society, they are often overlooked.
However, the society's assessment standards for people are often more comprehensive, not only based on grades, academic qualifications, and work ability.
Whether children can respect others, empathize, regulate emotions, observe words and feelings, and have good coordination skills when dealing with disputes......
These directly determine the popularity of the child in the future.
Maybe a simple-minded child like Liu Dingning just does what he thinks of, and he doesn't understand:
Similar frictions and disputes should be dealt with in private, rather than being condemned in a large group, which will not solve the matter and will also be a kind of interference to irrelevant people.
If you want to solve the conflict, you should calmly talk about what your demands are, and then propose a mutually acceptable solution.
For example, discuss what time of day to open the windows, or make sure to close the windows when you are in the bedroom......
If you have to be like a debate game, you will be divided in words and tense, then in most cases you will end up unhappy, and even if you win, you will lose.
In the collective, people should not only make themselves comfortable, but also empathize and think about what others want.
When dealing with disputes, it is necessary to have good coordination and communication skills, learn to maximize benefits, and minimize harm.
These "unspoken rules of socialization" need to be taught and used by us, and it is not that children will understand it when they grow up in nature.
At the end of the interview, Liu Dingning said: I was interviewed because I wanted to take off the existing label and explore and recognize myself.
To be honest, watching the whole video, I was quite emotional.
The end point of the chicken baby is never to let the child be fed and clothed, and be admitted to a prestigious school or a champion, but the child has the ability to live a happy life.
These could be the love of life, good relationships, finding self-worth...... But it is also often the most neglected by parents.
Tsinghua professor Zhao Yukun once made a very vivid analogy:
"The tiger in your eyes may be a wild cat. ”
When children grow up, they will also encounter various problems;
Tigers can eat people, which directly threatens the life and health of children, and parents must not dare to ignore them.
Foxes can eat chickens, which is a major property loss and is not fatal, but it will affect the child's future;
Wild cats steal fish at most, although it is also a kind of property loss, but a little harder, more fish can make up for it.
The most fearful thing is that parents try their best to chase the small goals in front of them, but they miss the long-term life plan for their children.
Not only will it be very hard and hard, but it will also be difficult for the child to have a happy life.
Finally, let us wish Liu Dingning can get rid of the shackles of the past, set sail again, and live the pure poetic life he wants.