Your education may be "draining" your child's energy, especially since these 3 ways are the most common
Author: Peng Xingzhi (Parent Intensive Reading Author)
Ma Hao, a professor at China University of Political Science and Law, once said: "If a family wants to go up, the biggest obstacle is not poverty, but the internal friction in the family." ”
For children, the most painful thing is not the poverty of the family, but the parents who consume energy.
Many parents like to do some behaviors that consume their children's energy in the name of loving their children:
When the grades are not up to standard, the child is forced to go to tutoring classes at night and Xi on weekends;
When the child is awkward and disobedient, in order to keep the ears clean, use threatening words to intimidate the child;
When I don't have a good job and is stressed, I can't find anyone to vent, so I use my child as a punching bag.
Especially the following three bad Xi, parents' casual behavior, is the most likely to consume children's energy.
Crush the child with pressure
There is a good saying: "Parents should use energy to believe and convey positive expectations to their children, and their children will get better and better." ”
However, many parents are too worried about their children and always put pressure on their children, making them more and more depressed.
In the TV series "Little Shede", Tian Yulan forced Ziyou to study Xi day and night in order to let him be admitted to a famous junior high school.
He wanted to play with insects for a while, but Tian Yulan not only objected, but also attacked him: "Playing disgusting things, can you be admitted to Hanlin?"
He wanted to play football, but Tian Yulan repeatedly stopped him: "Have you scored full marks in the exam? If you don't Xi study hard, I'll throw your snails and ants out." ”
As long as Ziyou wants to play for a while, Tian Yulan will be furious: "I count to three, if you don't learn Xi, I will ......"
Under Tian Yulan's constant pressure, Ziyou began to hallucinate.
I was distracted in class, tore up my test papers, flipped the table, talked to myself, and was finally diagnosed with schizophrenia.
Excessive pressure suppresses the child's nature, causing the child to fall into internal friction and mental problems.
Coincidentally.
I saw a news item on the Internet some time ago.
A 9-year-old girl, because she couldn't do her homework, jumped from the stairs and ended her life in a hurry.
Her grades were not good, and her parents enrolled her in various cram Xi classes and could not go out on weekends.
As soon as her grades failed, her parents criticized her with red ears and red faces, which made her particularly afraid.
I didn't know how to do my homework, and my parents first concluded that she was lazy, and they provoked and persecuted her in various ways.
That day, she did her homework and asked her mother for help when she couldn't solve the problem, but her mother put pressure on her to finish her homework on time.
As the saying goes, when an avalanche occurs, no snowflake is innocent, and she jumps into the ......
She left the last line:
Why, I can't do anything?
It was a beautiful childhood, but I was burdened with too much pressure and didn't feel happy at all.
Appropriate pressure can stimulate the fighting spirit and make the child work hard, while too much pressure can weaken the enterprising spirit and make the child passive and sluggish.
The child's world is small, and every request and expectation is an invisible pressure that allows the child to carry the weight forward.
Parents should not impose desires on their children, but should consider their children's physical and mental health.
Create a relaxed family atmosphere for children, and children can accumulate more energy when they are sunny and cheerful.
The threatening tone intimidates the child
When educating children, it is inevitable that children will be angry and act against themselves.
As a result, angry parents always like to intimidate their children with threatening tones:
If you do this again, I will give you to someone else;
If you are disobedient, I will let the police uncle arrest you;
If you are naughty, Mom and Dad won't want you;
Even many parents will make up scary stories to scare their children, so that they are scared and obedient.
These words seem ordinary, but in fact they are full of a strong "sense of crisis".
Although the child is young, he also knows how to pursue advantages and avoid disadvantages, and over time, he will naturally listen to it.
The neighbor's daughter, Liu Li, is very well-behaved, and she follows her parents every time they meet, not noisy or noisy.
I often meet her in the community, I have never seen her have a temperament, and she immediately obeys what her parents say.
Occasionally, there are small emotions, but the parents coax them in a few words.
I have always been very envious of her parents, who educated Liu Li so well-behaved.
It wasn't until we took the elevator together once that I understood the reason behind Liu Li's well-behaved.
At that time, a man wearing a hat and a mask came in the elevator, and Liu Li suddenly trembled and hid behind her mother for help.
I was surprised why I reacted so much to strangers, and only after asking did I know that as long as Liu Li was not well-behaved, they often told her:
If you cry again, there's a bad guy in a hat and a mask in front of you who is going to take you away.
Therefore, when Liu Li saw people wearing hats and masks, she had a psychological shadow and had bad associations.
Even Liu Li was afraid of the night, she had to turn on the light when she slept, and she didn't dare to be at home alone, because her parents kept telling her:
There are monsters outside at night, and if you don't sleep, the monsters will climb through the window to come in.
A few fluttering words made Liu Li timid and cowardly, and she had an extremely low self-esteem.
Threatening the child, the child did become well-behaved, but left a deep shadow.
The child has serious mental stress and fear, which troubles the child's daily life.
Timid in doing things, suspicious when alone, and shrinking into a turtle when encountering difficulties.
When I went out and hid behind my parents, I didn't dare to speak up if I was wronged, and I didn't know how to resist when I was bullied.
Children who are originally healthy and sunny are surrounded by negative energy and become introverted, withdrawn, and insecure.
In fact, there is no perfect child in the world, children will be naughty, parents can criticize, but please don't threaten children.
The words that parents blurt out are likely to be the shadow of their children's lives.
It is far more useful to set the reasonable consequences of a child's mistake and let the child suffer the consequences than to threaten the child.
Use your child as a punching bag
Psychologists have done research that parents have long used their children as punching bags, and children often have the following characteristics:
Constantly apologizing, thinking too much, being easily anxious, being afraid, ignoring one's own feelings, always pleasing others, insecure.
The book "It's Not Your Fault" also mentions:
Children who are used as punching bags by their parents will internalize abuse into shame, which can affect self-perception and self-judgment.
They will feel bad, unable to hold their heads up, and may even act in extreme ways to protect themselves.
I once saw a news on the Internet that there was a violent argument between my father and mother, and my mother suddenly picked up a stick and swung it at the three children in the room.
The three children were beaten and cried, crying and scurrying around.
And while holding the mobile phone video, Dad was still sneering: If you have the ability, you will kill them.
It was a conflict between husband and wife, but they pointed the finger at the weak children.
Treat the child as a punching bag, and don't care about the child's feelings at all, leaving a deep psychological shadow on the child.
Later, when the child saw his parents' displeasure, he trembled and avoided them.
It also has a great impact on their personalities, and they dare not communicate with others, and they have very low self-esteem.
Button family education experts have also shared a case.
A boy named Mingyu, although he is at the top, is not treated well by his teachers.
He had a short temper and often had verbal and physical altercations with his classmates, and was later forced to suspend his studies from school.
After education experts intervened, they found out that Mingyu's psychological problems came from his parents.
Mingyu's parents often have conflicts, as long as they are not happy in their hearts, they will vent their anger on their children, beat and scold him.
Mingyu has long accepted the negative emotions of his parents, and has fallen into serious uneasiness, always frightened.
His emotions could not be relieved, and he could only protect himself with degenerative behavior.
When parents don't know how to respect their own feelings, we can't respect their children's feelings.
When parents can't live peacefully with their emotions, our children will also give up on themselves.
The bad mood of parents can never hurt others, and it can always hurt the children who love you the most.
When a child falls into the abyss of the family, it will only overdraw the child's energy and make the child physically and mentally exhausted.
Parents use their children as punching bags and quickly drain their children's energy.
There is a sentence in the book "Parental Love" that reads:
There is no greatest, primitive, most wonderful, and most mysterious force for the preservation of human life than the love of parents.
The best education is not how many scores you have to score or what school you go to, but about equal communication between parents and children, mutual respect and love, which is the best education for children.
Learn to decompress your child appropriately, let your child travel lightly and keep up with his own rhythm;
Learn to communicate positively with your child, so that your child can be sunny in her heart and unload your heavy psychological burden;
Learn to digest negative emotions, so that children can feel loved and gain a stable sense of security.
There is no home remedy for children's growth, and only responsible parents can provide stable and healthy soil for children.
May parents be helpers on the road of their children's growth and change the bad Xi of consuming their children's energy.
作者简介：彭幸知，富书作者，一个人要想成功，不被阻挠，不被诱惑，这就是屏蔽力，文章：爸妈进化论，富书重磅推出第4本新书，本文版权归富书所有，未经授权，不得转载，侵权必究
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