"Teacher, what's wrong with our family Zihan?"
The "Zihan" stalk that has exploded on the Internet recently originated from a chat map.
A "Zihan's mother" asked the kindergarten teacher in the chat group:
"Teacher, my family Zihan was still fine when he went to school in the morning, and he found that he was bitten by a mosquito after school, does the kindergarten look at the child like this?"
After the teacher explained that the kindergarten had insecticide every week, "Zihan's mother" still did not give up:
"Then why didn't you bite other children?"
So absurd and ridiculous. For a while, "Our Family Zihan" became a source of happiness for the whole network, and netizens made memes and ridiculed:
"Teacher, why does our family Zihan only have half a face in the photo?"
"Teacher, why is our family Zihan sitting at the back?"
"Teacher, why didn't you remind our family Zihan to drink water today?"
"Zihan's mother" in reality
Even more suffocating than memes is reality.
In a solicitation draft titled "When You Encounter "Helicopter Parents"", netizens have told the "Zihan's mother" style story that happened to them.
- I was in high school, and my mom rented a house nearby. The night before school started, she took me from my residence to school. Later, I learned that she was trying to determine the time on the road. School ends at 12 noon, and if I don't get home at 12:06, I'm bombarded with phone calls.
- Once I had dinner with my tutor and I didn't look at my phone for 4 hours, and of course I didn't get a call from my mother. Through my Weibo attention, she found the boys, high school classmates, and college classmates I had a crush on one by one for questioning, and also called the police. For a while, all the students in the class were looking for me.
- When I was filling in the college entrance examination, under my father's constant persuasion, I once again complied and filled in the school and major he chose for me. However, after getting the admission letter, my mother learned that there was a gang fight among the school teachers after counseling with someone, so she turned to me and said, "You should drop out of school and retake the exam!"
Source: Visual China
Similar reports have appeared in the news media.
Jiajia, a 17-year-old girl from Chongqing, suddenly found that her admission letter from the Central Academy of Drama was missing on the eve of the start of school.
Also missing out was her mother. The missing mother left a note that read "I'm sorry".
It turned out that the mother wanted her daughter to apply for the local normal school and stay by her side to be a teacher in the future, so she secretly took away her daughter's notice.
There is also an old father who is over 60 years old, chatting with more than 10 girls on the Internet for Bensan's son, and the father helped his daughter get a boyfriend on the Internet, and after chatting for one month, he was relieved to hand it over to his daughter......
And so on. You will find that the original jokes really come from life.
In the book "Parents and Teens", author Heim Jinert refers to those parents who, like helicopters, hover over their children's heads all the time, and whose children can only sneeze without reporting, are called "helicopter parents".
In the eyes of "helicopter parents", children are precious fragile objects. The best thing is to make a glass cover, put the child under the nose, and watch it 24 hours a day.
Their mantra is "I'm for your good" and "Can Dad/Mom still hurt you". If the child does not listen, of course, the child is not filial. It is only natural that others and society should make way for their "good for the child".
In playgrounds, communities, and schools, who hasn't met a few such "Zihan mothers"? After all, we can't afford to provoke, can we still hide?
Behind the hot stalks: thousands of "Zihan"
What can't be avoided is "our family Zihan".
"Our family Zihan", who seems to be cared for by "Zihan's mother", can't say the bitterness in his heart.
Among them, there is a 30-year-old Ph.D. who is still "afraid that his father will be unhappy", afraid of conflicts in relationships, and afraid of saying "no" to others.
Someone later did many rebellious things.
Someone wants to go incognito to a place where no one can find them.
Someone feels like they're slowly turning into a waste.
In the long life that follows, it may take a huge amount of time and energy to slowly fill the holes in their hearts and repair the invisible wounds.
In the fourth season of the British drama "Black Mirror", a crazy version of the story of "Zihan's mother" is told:
A chance disappearance of the girl Sara at the age of 3 aroused her mother's strong desire to protect, and she implanted an "Angel Ark" chip in her brain to monitor her daughter around the clock.
For example, when her mother thinks that the bloody images will frighten Sarah, she automatically mosaics the images in front of her eyes.
However, as a result of this all-round protection, Sara lost the ability to discern and feel emotions. Even though her mother later turned off Angel's Ark, Sara was no longer able to face the real world.
On the question of what is good for children, the cognition of "Zihan's mother" is often out of balance. They are eager to raise their children according to a standard child development checklist, but they never squat down and ask their children what they want in their hearts.
In the book "How to Make Children Adults and Adults", Julie Liscott Hyams, a well-known American educator, mentioned that 75% of parents would rather their children be depressed and depressed at Yale University than have a happy life at the University of Arizona.
Isn't this another version of "I'd rather cry in a BMW than laugh on a bike"?
Many of the "children of our family" who have grown up in the cramped parent-child space have become adults, but they are still an "overage baby": they lack the ability to survive, rely on the instructions of their parents to live, dare not go to the east, have no self-confidence, and have lost the ability to be independent, the ability to enter intimate relationships, and even the ability to be happy.
They are themselves, but they are not themselves.
Under the high pressure of "Zihan's mother", some of the overwhelmed children gave up on themselves and chose to be their mother's "good baby"; some suffered from mental illness; and some did not hesitate to take extreme measures: directly destroying the "helicopter" overhead or self-destructing.
After all, if you can ask the teacher such an outrageous question as "why do mosquitoes only bite our family Zihan", when you get home, "Zihan's mother" can turn her head to Zihan and ask: "Why didn't you get 100 points this time?" "Why didn't you get promoted this time?" "Why don't you have children yet?"
"The best way to ruin a child is to do everything. ”
Cai Zhizhong's sentence in his book "My Life is Determined by Me: Parents Are Bows, Children Are Arrows" is like an accusation shouted by thousands of "our family Zihan".
Only if you take it easy, they will fly higher
In a lecture, one parent told psychologist Professor Li Meijin: "When my child was young, I was afraid that he would bump into it, so I wrapped the corners and corners of all the furniture in the house with sponges. ”
Faced with such overprotection, Professor Li Meijin angrily asked her: "You can wrap up the corners of your home, but can you wrap up the whole world?"
Mr. Chen Heqin, a well-known children's educator, once taught earnestly in the face of over-educated parents decades ago: "It is best to be a mother with only one hand." ”
Source: Visual China
Sala, the author of "Special Cruelty and Special Love", was also a "Zihan mother" when her family just moved to Israel: she delivered meals to her children at noon every day, and even the school janitor knew this "Chinese mother".
Other parents advised her, "Do you really want your child to succeed? Only if you take it easy, they will fly higher. ”
Later, she stopped delivering food. The daughter also let out a long breath: "I finally don't have to be laughed at by my classmates anymore!"
Over-raising a child, thus ignoring the child's growth needs, is a kind of psychological aggression against the child, and will also reduce the child's immunity and adaptability.
After all, every child is an individual and has the right to experience the world.
Even parents should not deprive their children of this right.
Letting go is for the long-term sake of the child, and it is a deeper love.
This is a course that requires a lifetime of cultivation.
Source: Visual China
Resources:
"When You Encounter "Helicopter Parents"", public account: people
"Who is the "My Family Zihan" that makes the teacher nervous?", public account: CCTV
Author: Tingting. The picture in this article comes from the Internet, if there is any infringement, please contact to delete.