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My name is Xu Xiaoqian, I am 46 years old and I am a strong woman. I've always been so focused on my career that I'm still unmarried and have no children. However, in recent years, as my parents and friends have entered into marriage, I have also begun to think about my relationship and marriage problems.
I have a college classmate named Liu Yang, who is from Beijing like me. He is one year older than me, and now he has a good career, mainly working as a sales manager in a foreign company. He and I know him well, at least a few times a year. And because everyone is an only child and is a native of Beijing, their personalities are also more compatible, and they always talk very speculatively.
A few days ago, Liu Yang asked me to have dinner together. At the dinner table he talked to me about the fact that he had recently divorced. I was very surprised, because I have the impression that he and his ex-wife have a good relationship, and the young couple often show affection. He told me that in fact, the personalities were incompatible, and after having children, there were more and more conflicts, and the two quarreled more frequently, and finally they had a lot of trouble and could only end in divorce. I heard that his divorce agreement clearly stated that his ex-wife could raise his 3-year-old daughter, and Liu Yang needed to pay a large amount of monthly child support.
He said to me with emotion: "Actually, at my age, I quite want a family, but unfortunately I can't get along with my ex-wife." Now I'm single again, it's so hard. I nodded, understanding his situation. It is indeed not easy for a man in his early 40s to be single again. He continued: "It's actually quite difficult for people like us to talk to right now. Generally, girls prefer those with better conditions, or those who want to be younger. Haven't you been single, too?"
I sighed softly: "Yes, a career-oriented strong woman like us is destined to find a difficult other half." I don't even have children, when will I be able to start a family?"
Liu Yang's eyes lit up, he clapped my hand and said, "It's okay for the two of us to make do with each other! You are also 46 years old, and I am also in 40 years, just right! I know you again, and you also know my personality." Why don't we try it?"
I was startled, and said with a red face, "What are you talking about? We have known each other for so many years, how can this be... ”
"What's not to do?" He was full of confidence, "My biggest need now is to start a family again, haven't you always had no partner? Why don't you just decide to try out a date with me first and see how it feels?"
I was still a little undecided, hesitated for a while, and finally nodded in agreement. Anyway, it doesn't hurt to try, if the two of them get along, it's also a good choice to start a family.
From that day on, Liu Yang and I officially started dating. Liu Yang was very good to me, often taking me to high-end restaurants and accompanying me to watch dramas and movies. He will also take care of my daily chores, such as helping me with laundry, moving furniture, etc. Gradually, I also Xi got used to having someone to rely on, and my life became a lot easier. I can see that Liu Yang is actually eager to start a family again and make up for the regret of his divorce from his ex-wife as much as possible. He often talked to me about his daughter, saying that he wanted to have a child with me in the future, so that his daughter would have a company to play with.
I was a little hesitant, after all, at the age of 46, it would be more difficult to get pregnant and have children. But in the days with Liu Yang, I did feel another possibility in life. Maybe I can really change my mind and start a family. Just as we were getting closer and more likely to discuss marriage, I began to dream a lot. There are always children in my dreams, and the beautiful little girl smiled sweetly at me and called me "Mommy". I began to really yearn for what it was like to be a mother.
So, I plucked up the courage to discuss my future plans with Liu Yang: "I want to marry you, but you know, at my age, it is more difficult to have another child." Would you mind that?"
Liu Yang said without hesitation: "No! It is enough to have my two children, I will treat you and my daughter as my own treasures, and give you the same love." Let's get married, and I'll make you and the kids happy!"
When I heard these words, my heart warmed, and I felt that maybe being with Liu Yang was a predestined arrangement from God. So, we got engaged and started planning for the wedding.
However, the night before we received the certificate, I suddenly received a message from Liu Yang, saying that he was going to cancel the marriage! I was completely stunned and didn't understand what was going on. He immediately called him and asked him, and he said with a sad face that it was his mother who did not agree to us being together: "My mother insists that I marry a woman who can have children! You are 46 years old, you will definitely not be able to give birth, my mother does not agree!"
I was furious and said angrily, "But didn't you say it was okay before, didn't you say that having you two children is enough?"
"I was so anxious to get married, and now my mother is so tough, I can't help it. He cried and cried, "I'm still young, and I can still have my own children! If I really marry you, I will regret it later." I'm sorry, I'm sorry, it's all my fault!"
When I heard this, five thunderbolts thundered. It turned out that in his heart, I was a barren evil body, not worthy of his life. His so-called sincere confession is just a play. I was about to collapse, grievances, despair, and anger all came flooding up. I took a deep breath and tried to calm my emotions. Despite the despair and pain inside, I tried to calm myself down.
"Liu Yang, I don't understand, are all the words you confessed to me before false? I thought you didn't care if I could have children, you said that it was enough to have two children of your own. ”
Liu Yang choked up on the other end of the phone and apologized incoherently: "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm too selfish, in fact, I still want to have my own children." I shouldn't lie to you, I want you to forgive me!"
I said coldly, "Forget it, you don't have to look for me anymore." In fact, you are no different from other men, and in the end, you are still reluctant to pass on your genes. Let us stop here, and rejoice, every life. ”
After speaking, I hung up the phone directly and blocked all of Liu Yang's contact information. This relationship came to an abrupt end on the eve of marriage.
The next few months were miserable. Every time I think of the bits and pieces of getting along with Liu Yang, I can't help but burst into tears. I thought I had met true love, but I was ruthlessly betrayed at the last moment.
Not only that, but it also made me re-examine my life. It turns out that in the eyes of many people, a woman is almost worthless if she can't have children. This fertility anxiety made me realize once again the injustice and prejudice of society against women.
In addition to the pain and despair, I have come to understand that fertility should not be the standard by which a woman is judged. I decided to show the strength of a woman and an independent personality.
Half a year later, I met Manager Zhang at an event in a literary salon. He is the new vice president of our company, with a gentle temperament and strong work ability. It was love at first sight and we quickly confirmed our relationship. Unlike Liu Yang, Manager Zhang respects my lifestyle choices very much, he said: "With you by my side, it doesn't matter whether you have children or not. Hearing Manager Zhang's words, I was moved to red eyes. Unlike Liu Yang, Manager Zhang truly accepts and loves me as a person unconditionally, rather than just treating me as a fertility tool.
In the days of dating Manager Zhang, I regained my hope for love and life. We share a common outlook on life and values, which is more important than anything else.
Finally, after dating for more than a year, Manager Zhang proposed to me. He solemnly assured me, "I swear that no matter what your physical condition is, it will not affect my love for you." Let me be your support for the rest of your life. ”
I excitedly agreed to his proposal. We were quickly naturalized and became husband and wife.
After marriage, life is very happy and happy, Manager Zhang and I are kind and loving every day, and colleagues and friends are also very envious of us. However, due to my age and physical reasons, I did not get pregnant. Manager Zhang comforted me and said, "Don't be sad, it's enough to have me with you." We can consider adopting a child to be his adoptive parents, which is also a great experience. ”
I nodded, relieved. Fortunately, I met such a reasonable man.
And just like that, we quickly applied for adoption. During this period, we also encountered some difficulties, such as some welfare homes did not accept couples of our age. But with perseverance and love, we finally adopted a 3-year-old girl. I named her "Xiao Huan".
Our family of three is loving and loving, and we live a happy and happy life. Watching Xiao Huan grow up happily every day, I sincerely thank God for giving me such a perfect family.
Once, when the neighbor's aunt saw me and Xiao Huan playing downstairs, she couldn't help but praise: "I didn't expect your family of three to have such a good relationship! ”
I smiled slightly and said softly, "Yes, Xiao Huan is my relative, my dear daughter." ”
Children are the inheritance of their own bloodline, this sentence is not unreasonable. However, the kinship of blood thicker than water is not only based on genes or blood ties. My husband and I, we are not genetically related, but we support each other and have a very strong relationship. The same is true for me and my adopted daughter Xiao Huan. Love does not need to be evidenced by genes, and the most precious thing between family members is unconditional acceptance and support.