An unpleasant scene in the mall
On a warm weekend, the sun poured in through the glass windows of the mall and shone on the family of three. Yang Suo, a 5-year-old boy, followed his parents in high spirits and shuttled through the colorful shopping mall.
His eyes lit up as he looked around, and finally, his eyes locked on the toy store in front of him, and his heart moved, and he ran quickly. A cool off-road vehicle immediately caught his eye, and Yang Suo bent down excitedly, carefully studying the details of the red body and tires.
At this time, he eagerly asked to buy this beautiful off-road vehicle for 600 yuan. The mother, who was wearing a green T-shirt, hesitated for a moment, looked at her father, who was anxiously rummaging through her wallet, but shook her head and refused.
The evil consequences of spoiling children
The reason why Yang Suo is so domineering is completely the result of being pampered by his parents. This kind of education method of doting on children will only raise a selfish "little ancestor" who cannot survive independently.
There have been many such lessons in history. For example, 23-year-old Yang Suo, he has been cared for by his parents like a treasure since he was a child, he never eats and drinks Lazar himself, and when he is a teenager, his parents have to serve tea and food, and wait for feeding.
After the death of both parents, Yang Suo had no independent ability, was unwilling to work, lazy all day long, let relatives and neighbors persuade him again and again, and resolutely did not change, and finally he lived by selling all the things in the family for money, until all the belongings were exhausted, and then he was starved to death.
Another example is the parents of migrant worker Liu Liang, who went out to work in the city, endured hardships for two years, and finally accumulated 12,000 yuan. Who knew that his 9-year-old son squandered this hard-earned money while playing games at home in the past two days, which made the already difficult family situation even worse.
After being spoiled by their parents, these children are completely unable to think and survive independently, and must parasitize and depend on their parents. When their parents leave one day, they will inevitably be abandoned by society.
The root cause of parents' misparenting of their children
At the end of the day, these parents have the wrong way of raising their children. First of all, they have a strong compensatory mentality. Because of poor family conditions, parents feel that their children may have low self-esteem or be ashamed of themselves.
In order for children to feel like their peers, they unconditionally fulfill all the extravagant and unreasonable demands of their children. Secondly, these parents also have a false protective mentality, and they can't bear to let their growing children go through any hardship or toil, so they take all the responsibilities that should be borne by the children themselves.
This kind of thinking is understandable, but the price is that it almost destroys the space for children to grow independently.
In fact, a difficult family environment can also be a powerful motivator for children to strive for self-improvement. There is no shortage of heroes from poor families in history, and it is through hard work and struggle that they finally serve their families and countries and become famous through the ages.
In contrast, those pampered flowers born in greenhouses often lack the will to think independently and overcome difficulties. Therefore, parents of poor families must not misplace their love and hatred and embark on the old road of doting and destroying their children.
Correctly understand the reality of the family and stimulate the inner strength of the child
In fact, if parents can correctly understand the reality of the family and let the child understand the real situation, this can cultivate the child's sense of responsibility as a member of the family, and it is also the basis for cultivating a positive and optimistic character.
For example, when I was a child, my four siblings and I lived in a desperately scarce family in the countryside. In order to make ends meet, we had to go to other people's fields all summer and work under the scorching sun until our backs ached.
However, I never complained, because my mother's health was not good, and it was difficult for my father to support the family with his carpentry work. I knew I had to take on the responsibility of caring for my sick mother.
It was this recognition of the reality of my family that inspired me to strive for self-improvement, and in order to change my family's circumstances, my sister and I were later admitted to graduate school and now live in the city.
Another example is my classmate Li, who is worse off than our family, his father can only farm, his mother is mentally ill, and he has a younger sister who is hearing impaired. However, the difficult environment did not knock Li down, and he later entered Tsinghua University with his own efforts, and now works as an executive in a large company in Shenzhen, and his family is happy.
Therefore, children born in poor families should not be limited by the environment, on the contrary, face up to the reality of the family, stimulate the inner strength of the children's struggle, and they can also shine on the stage of life.
High-achieving students may also become "low-income families"
In fact, children born in poor families, even if they are gifted and academically successful, if they lack the ability to survive independently, they are likely to become outcasts in society in the future.
This is the lesson of 42-year-old Dr. Li Mingliang and 54-year-old Peking University Ph.D. Zhang Jinsheng. They all come from ordinary families in remote rural areas, but they have excellent grades since childhood, and their parents have made great sacrifices for their education.
Parents only value their academic Xi and performance, and never let their children engage in any housework or social practice.
As a result, they lack the most basic social life skills, and they quickly fall behind in society after graduation. In the end, they can only rely on the government's subsistence allowance to survive, and they are reduced to "subsistence allowances".
Therefore, no matter how high their intelligence is, if they do not have the courage and skills to face the real society, they can only fall deeper and deeper into the bottomless pit. Parents of poor families should not repeat the mistake of providing food and lodging for their children, while neglecting to cultivate their children's independent survival skills.
That kind of "success" is meaningless to the child.
Give children the love of independence, the love of respect
In general, parents of poor families should jump out of the psychology of compensation and protection, and face the family reality rationally. For example, you can let your child take on some housework and experience some hard work, which is very helpful for cultivating children's ability to survive independently.
Labor will make children healthy and strong-willed, and it can also stimulate children's endogenous motivation to work hard. Of course, parents should also use positive and gentle language to motivate their children, so that they can build self-confidence and not be crushed by poverty.
Parents should give their children enough space to grow and cultivate their upward strength. For example, when I was a child, I often starved and cold, but my parents never let me feel the slightest pity, and they helped me build my self-esteem and self-confidence with encouragement and praise.
Now I have managed to find a stable job and live a prosperous life.
Therefore, parents of poor families should give their children the soil to grow up independently, and give their children respectful love instead of doting. We may not be able to give too many material resources, but we must give our children sunshine, rain and air to grow up.