Adler, a psychotherapist, said, "The fortunate man heals his whole life with his childhood, and the unfortunate man heals his childhood with his whole life." ”
I believe that all parents want their children to be lucky.
With good wishes, parents should learn to enlarge their own pattern, change the pattern of the family, and think about the future of the child from the beginning of the child's birth, so as to avoid trapping the child's life because the pattern is too small.
There is an animal called "ants", they are a large collective, although weak, but they can occupy all corners of the world. And the weight that ants can lift is several times that of their own bodies, and they are also "strongmen" at another level. Through observation and analysis, people have derived many laws of survival of ants.
With the help of the "Ant Law", it is also very enlightening to analyze all aspects of family education for children - most of the children who are not outstanding when they grow up have the following three patterns in their families, and smart parents will do the opposite.
01
Families with unclear division of labor cannot raise children with "clear goals".
The evolutionary biology research team of Hokkaido University in Japan conducted an experiment to observe the whereabouts of ants many times, and found that in a group of ants, most of the ants were doing cleaning, carrying, care, building houses, etc., and a small number of ants were watching.
The diligent ants keep the family neat and tidy, and the ants who are watching are not idle, but are thinking and scouting, discovering things, and taking everyone to avoid disasters.
This is known as the "law of the lazy ant". The division of labor and cooperation is very important for the development of the family.
As husband and wife, we Xi the inertial male protagonist and female protagonist, as parents and children, parents are in charge of making money, and children are in charge of learning and Xi. Once offside, the family will be chaotic and difficult to reconcile.
There are often women who have to take care of the children, do housework, and make money, and men eat and drink at home all day long, and stretch out their hands to eat and open their mouths.
Women inevitably complain, "Why am I so tired and have to keep a useless man?" Over time, women will find ways to leave the family.
Parents are idle, causing children to earn their own money from their teenage years to study. It is difficult to balance reading and making money, resulting in children achieving nothing.
In addition to the unclear division of actual work, it is also taboo to have no clue in parenting, resulting in children not knowing how to study, what is it for?
In some families, the children are admitted to university, but the parents think that it is useless to study too much, so it is better to go to work. Girls, in particular, are often forced by their parents to give up their studies and marry early.
In "Guiguzi", it is said: "If you want more, your heart will be scattered, and if your heart is scattered, your ambition will decline, and if your ambition is declining, you will not be able to reach it." ”
With a united family and a clear division of labor, children can focus on studying and pursuing careers, and their goals in life will be natural and clear, and the future can be expected. Otherwise, the parents' misalignment, the children will also be confused, and the efforts will not be fruitful.
02
Families who don't live a down-to-earth life can't raise children who "insist on deep ploughing".
John Nash, a famous mathematician, economist and Nobel laureate in economics, is envied by everyone when he talks about his aura, but his upbringing is extremely painful and little known.
His father is a veteran, his mother is a teacher, and the family is in good condition. But he himself was considered by his teachers to be a student whose Xi performance was below the level of intelligence tests.
When he worked hard to go to college and had a certain score in mathematics, he developed a strong schizophrenia, and all kinds of hallucinations and fantasies appeared.
Once, he appeared at a party dressed like a baby.
In the office, holding a newspaper, he told the people around him that he had mysterious powers and could know the codes of aliens, which caused everyone to laugh.
In the face of pain, he felt that people were about to collapse. Crying to my mother.
The mother told a little story: "In the Masai Mara National Park in Kenya, there is a great rift valley with lions in the east and not in the west. But on both sides of the road, there are ants. ”
Then, the mother said earnestly: "Biologists have found that the rift is so wide that lions can't jump over it. But ants can slowly reach the bottom, slowly climb up, and shuttle freely. What ants can do, lions may not be able to do. Why do you have low self-esteem?"
His mother's words made him feel empowered, and finally he no longer felt inferior because of his illness, and Xi used to bowing his head to research, and making contributions in game theory and other aspects.
Cao Cao during the Three Kingdoms said: "A leap of a horse cannot take ten steps; ”
At present, there is a very practical way to grow, called "deep cultivation". That is, live every day steadily, take every step well, and accumulate time to reach the goal.
It's a pity that too many adults always go for a "crash course", to make money quickly, preferably to win the jackpot, and children to make rapid progress and be able to take a class to know everything.
There are also adults who arrange for children to learn several hobbies, but in the midst of their busyness, they don't learn anything well.
Excellent children, in fact, are only excellent in one aspect, and they are not quick to succeed, and they may be late bloomers.
Life is like a big tree, don't just see the branches and leaves, but also think of the roots in the mud. This is the big picture of the family.
03
A family that nagging all day long can't raise a child who is "quiet and far-reaching".
There is a proverb that says, "It is better to be an ant's leg than a sparrow's mouth." ”
Confucius also said: "A gentleman wants to be obedient to his words, but sensitive to deeds." ”
The chirping sparrows are really annoying, even under the eaves, they will be driven away.
Ants are also under the roof, but live a slow life underground, do not disturb their owners, and are therefore not driven away.
If it's a. The ant colony slowly expanded, and before you knew it, the levee collapsed. Hence the saying that the embankment of a thousand miles was destroyed in an anthill.
I have to know how powerful the ants are. If people can also go far in obscurity, they will also have great power.
Feng Menglong, a writer in the Ming Dynasty, wrote about a father named Guo Shan, who forced his son to move to study every day, and also followed his son to school to inquire about the situation.
But when a son is disobedient, the father reprimands.
Guo Qian couldn't stand his father's discipline, became more and more rebellious, and lived with a group of bad boys.
Later, when I grew up, I didn't achieve anything.
Seeing this, Zhang Xiaoji, the brother-in-law who had moved, arranged for him to move to farm, and let it go.
In the process of farming, I experienced hardships and began to comprehend life, but became mature.
Preaching and scolding are really not as good as adults teaching by word and deed, guiding with actions, and proving themselves with achievements. As for what will happen to the children, we will see in the future.
A quiet family atmosphere, parents will work silently, which is more conducive to children's growth and Xi.
04
The Tang Dynasty poet Luo Yin said: "If you can give birth to it, you can't get rich, and if you can get rich, you can't teach it." Dead and alive, poor and rich, villain and gentleman. ”
Having children is not as simple as letting the family have more people, but to know how to educate and how to enrich the children's hearts.
Everyone hopes that children will become big things, as powerful as lions and tigers, and have the charm of dragons and phoenixes, but they must face the reality and learn the survival wisdom of ants, which is hardworking, division of labor and cooperation, quiet, down-to-earth, and has a clear route.
After all, you will understand that the real excellence of a child does not necessarily mean that he becomes a big person, but that he lives his life in an ordinary and calm manner, and lives a life without being spoiled.
A family with a pattern can not only accommodate scientists, but also migrant workers.
Author: Cloth Clothes Coarse Food.
Follow my words and go into your heart.
The pictures in the article come from the Internet.