The look in the interview of the Tsinghua boy broke my heart, and he tore the deepest pain of the original family!

Seriously, I never thought that watching a job search reality show would make me cry until I burst into tears.

It was this master's student of the Law Department of Tsinghua University who appeared in "Heartbeat Offer 5" - Huang Kai, who moved me so much. 👇

The setting of this season's program is to find 8 law students (both undergraduate and graduate) to intern for a month in the country's top red circle law firms, and finally select two interns to issue offers.

The interns who can be selected to participate in the show are all "proud sons of the sky", not to mention their good looks, and their resumes are even more cool one by one-

Qingbei is not unusual, there are also Oxford, there are not many people who have brushed experience points in the red circle, and there are people who have worked in the United Nations...

△ After seeing this group photo, I feel that the flowers of the motherland are really more and more vivid from generation to generation

So when Huang Kai first appeared in the camera, he was actually not eye-catching. It wasn't until one time, when Huang Kai's mentor inadvertently asked about his childhood experience, that I realized that this young man was unusual!

The first thing he said was, "I have lived with my grandparents since I was a child, which is equivalent to having no parents." ”

01

He was abandoned by his parents at the age of 1, and he was admitted to Tsinghua University for 5 years

When he was less than 1 year old, Huang Kai's parents divorced.

His parents regarded him as a burden, and he could only live with his elderly grandparents.

Since then, he hasn't seen his mom again. He hadn't seen all the relatives on his mother's side, including his grandparents.

When he was in elementary school, he received a letter from his mother, who said that she would come to see him when he was 20 years old. But when he was 20 years old, his mother broke her promise.

"I didn't add my mother's WeChat until last year, but my mother told me not to disturb them. Huang Kai described all this lightly, saying that he respected his mother's choice.

Dad basically didn't come back to see Huang Kai much, but just brought something to his grandparents during the Chinese New Year.

When Huang Kai was 8 years old, his father gave birth to another son, and he asked Huang Kai to help take care of his younger brother.

Then Huang Kai saw a room full of people, he didn't know these relatives and friends, and these people didn't know him.

"They asked me who I was, and my father said I was a child from the village and had come to help. Recalling the most hurtful words his father said, Huang Kai couldn't help but pause for two seconds.

In this childhood past, the only warm color is Huang Kai's grandparents.

Because his grandfather was older, relatives at home persuaded him to send Huang Kai to live with his father. But grandpa knew that if this was the case, Huang Kai might not have the opportunity to study. When he was very young, his grandfather told Huang Kai that reading was very important and hoped that he would seize the opportunity.

The grandparents did not ask Huang Kai to get ahead, and their biggest expectation for him was to hope that his grandson could have a happy life.

"In two years, when I graduate from graduate school, my grandfather will be 92 years old. When Huang Kai said this, he had been calm, but suddenly his eyes were red, and he didn't know if his grandfather would be able to see it when he was really promising...

Huang Kai's road to study is also extremely bumpy, and he has a nickname in the graduate school entrance examination circle, called "Tsinghua University's hardest graduate student".

He was the only child in the village who was admitted to university, and as soon as the college entrance examination scores came out, his relatives called him to study medicine, "studying medicine is good, the income is high, and the stability is stable".

So Huang Kai was ignorant and applied for a medical university in Fujian to study a four-year rehabilitation medical major.

When he entered this major, he found that he didn't like it, and it was very painful to study, and he was determined to go to graduate school in his senior year, but the cost of living was a big problem, and he could only review while working. I have been fighting 5 times before I was finally admitted to the Tsinghua Law Department.

02

What does the so-called family of origin limit us?

After understanding Huang Kai's first half of his life, and looking back at his performance on the show, you will understand why he is always cautious, and he will show a little cramped and unconfident.

For example, the interns chatted privately about their usual hobbies, and blurted out several musical instruments, guzheng, ukulele, piano... It was easy to put together a band, and Huang Kai could only ask in a low voice on the side, "Where is the crash course?";

During the first case assessment, the teacher had just finished assigning the exam questions, and everyone was immediately racing against time to type, only Huang Kai did not dare to start writing until he got off work that day, and he was the only one who did not hand in his homework;

During the moot court in Hong Kong, the other interns were comfortable in English to defend the trial, and he could only show full envy;

Many people have commented that this is probably the difference brought by the original family, and some people have been "Peking University one-stop" since birth - Peking University kindergarten, Peking University affiliated primary school, middle school, and then all the way to Peking University, and you were born in a small place, and you have to work hard for 28 years to get to Beijing.

But I want to say that where you were born, the talents and specialties you have learned, what material conditions you enjoy, etc., these exposed things are not the most fundamental and vital differences brought by the original family!

The most important thing is that most children from wealthy families, with the guidance of their parents, they generally have clear life goals, and with the support of family resources, there is very little internal friction on the road to growth, so the growth rate of their abilities will be amazingly fast;

On the contrary, in the case of poor family resources, children can only rely on themselves to stumble and explore the way, to trial and error again and again, in order to slowly grow a need for their own ability, to survive in society.

In the interview session at the beginning of the show, the tutor threw out a fairly conventional question "Why do you want to be a lawyer", which is very illustrative of this point.

The other interns' eyes immediately lit up, and they opened their mouths with a long list of passions and dreams:

"When I was a child, I watched the Japanese drama "Legal High", and at that time I was determined to be like the heroine. ”

"I was born into a family of lawyers, and my grandparents were lawyers, so I also aspired to be a lawyer since I was a child. ”

"People say the law is boring, but I just love it, and I find it interesting to read. ”

They brush up on grades, projects, competitions, certificates... It can be said that every step from high school is preparing for a future career.

However, when Huang Kai faced this ordinary problem, he thought for a long time, "What I can be sure of is that I don't like the rehabilitation therapy I studied before, and it is very painful to learn, so it is very likely that law is what I love and want to engage in." ”

This sentence was immediately caught by the tutor, "It's very likely, but it's also possible that it won't (be in this industry), right?"

Huang Kai is indeed not so determined to be a lawyer, and a large part of the reason why he spent 5 years in the postgraduate entrance examination is also because of the uncertainty of the direction.

In the first year, he was still admitted to medicine; in the second year, he heard from his classmates that there was a "money scene" in the financial industry, which was too tempting for children from poor families, so he changed to take the finance exam; in the third year, he became interested in law after watching the American drama "The Good Wife", so he fought three times in a row.

It is precisely because there are no reliable people around him to guide him, and he can't reach a broader resource and platform, so he has to step on all the pits by himself.

03

How to get out of a bad situation, he did the best example

But when the story comes to this, it seems that I have fallen into the difficult dilemma of "it is difficult to produce a noble son from a poor family", so I want to tell you something different, something brighter that can be seen in Huang Kai.

In the second half of the show, Huang Kai's ability still has obvious shortcomings, and his performance ranking has not been top-notch enough, but he unexpectedly received unanimous praise from his mentor and peers.

Every time he analyzes a case, he will be extremely careful, probing the clues like a microscope, and always digging out the details of his friends' negligence again and again, and proposing key winning points.

Huang Kai's roommate, Peking University bully Hu Minghao sighed: "There may be things in this world that he can't do now, but there won't be things that he can't know." ”

After repeated rehearsals, I finally confidently took off the script and talked eloquently in the latest PPT lecture.

Because he knows the gap between himself and others, he always grasps the people around him and humbly asks for advice, and sincerity is always the biggest nirvana.

Liu Siyuan, one of the best compliance lawyers in China, also posted a small essay to praise him: "He is the child who has the most contact with me after the show, and some abilities cannot be improved in a short time, but I want to be the one who can influence him for a short time." ”

Although the strength that Huang Kai is showing now is not enough to bridge the huge gap brought by the original family, it is undeniable that he is by no means cannon fodder for accompanying the "prince to study" in the show, he is using his own way, little by little, to break through his own limitations and shackles, and climb up step by step.

In fact, our children are the same, maybe the family situation is not so extreme, but they will definitely encounter all kinds of difficulties in the future, encounter the shackles of the objective environment, and even inevitably complain about the imperfection of the original family, so I especially want to talk about Huang Kai's rare 3 breakthrough abilities-

The first point is to learn to withdraw.

The off-site commentator of the show, after listening to Huang Kai's calm description of his family history, said something that touched me quite a lot-

Huang Kai's current state has completed his psychological relief step by step.

The reason why the original family is an enduring buzzword is because many people have a habit of throwing all the disasters and pains we encounter in our lives to the childhood self.

My parents, my environment when I was a child, they treated people like that at that time, so I have problems everywhere now, and my life is very uncomfortable. In this way, you can reduce the burden on your own life, and you will not be responsible for your bad situation.

But Huang Kai is obviously different, his narration is particularly calm, he uses the perspective of a bystander to re-examine his childhood, this step of detachment is very important - I can't change the past, my parents are not something I can choose, all this is not my responsibility. And what I can do now is figure out what I want, what I love, and where I'm going to go.

In this way, you can go from confusion to clarity, from fragility to tenacity.

The second point is the building of self-confidence.

The so-called self-confidence building is a way of thinking about evaluating oneself.

Huang Kai was asked, "You are now 28 years old, four or five years older than your classmates, and even many excellent lawyers have become partners at the age of 30, what do you think about this issue?"

Huang Kai replied calmly: "I will be anxious at first, but in fact, after a long time, I found that life is to be compared with myself, if I compare myself with others, I will not grow so well." ”

An important way of thinking to break through the shackles of life is to learn to "only compare with yesterday's self".

The third point is to establish long-term thinking.

Calm down and think about it, are you responsible for your current self or your future self with a lot of choices and efforts you make now?

Just like Huang Kai, after he graduated from his bachelor's degree, he could be assigned to a hospital in the system, and he could also have a fairly good fixed income, but at that time, he made up his mind to continue his studies and leave his hometown to see the wider world, so he chose to go to the institution as a physiotherapist, working and reviewing at the same time, so as not to be framed by the system.

Teacher Luo Xiang once said, "People who are not good in their original family are already very good if they are half a beat or a few beats slower." Don't blame yourself. ”

I didn't take a light boat, and I hiked over the Ten Thousand Mountains.

This job search show is still being updated one after another, maybe Huang Kai may not be the one who can get the offer in the end, he didn't show us the headwind in "Shuangwen", but his existence and his experience itself contain enough beauty and energy.