The child always washes the clothes corner, and is attached to the little blanket... The reason behind it is poignant

Text丨Fish Dad Image source: Meisu Gallery

A few days ago, a video posted by a mother went viral, in which a boy was quickly rubbing a very shabby dress.

Mom said that he always had to hold on to it, before going to bed, and when he was playing with his phone, and asked everyone what was going on.

And the comment area is lively, because it evokes many people's childhood memories.

"Do you like a washback corner, a jeans corner, or a cup corner?" , a large slice of respondents.

 But some people say, "This is what adults are used to, just snatch it away, and don't arrest it." ”

Others said, "It's a disease and you need to take your child to a psychiatrist."

Seeing such a message, I can't help but sweat for this child.

It is unacceptable for children to really do this.

Today I will share a previous article in the hope that more people will understand the reasons why children do this.

1

Some time ago, a mother said in the group: "My children are in the first grade, and when they sleep, they have to hold their old blankets, and when they wake up in the middle of the night, they can find the blankets before they can continue to sleep, is this a fetish?" Do you want to see a psychologist for advice? ”

In fact, when everyone comes together to talk about this topic, parents will find that their child will also have a special baby, which may be a plush toy, or a small towel or pajamas.

And every child is different.

I remember that after the little fish was weaned, I found that every time he drank milk, he would pinch the hem of his underwear with his hands, and rub it with his fingers regularly and repeatedly, keeping with the rhythm of his milk.

If you tear his hand off the hem of his shirt, he will immediately protest and look angry.

And this habit is maintained until the age of more than three years.

Later, I just pinched the hem of my pajamas before going to bed, and then slowly fell asleep.

At first, we were a little worried that this habit would always be like this.

Now I know that worries are unnecessary.

Now that he's in elementary school, he still grabs the hem of his clothes when he's nervous.

I think it's normal because it's the same as rubbing your hands and stomping your feet when you're nervous.

Before he goes to bed, he will also grab the hem of his clothes.

But it didn't affect anyone, and it didn't affect him himself.

So, we didn't interfere with him all the time, and just let it be.

When I understand the reasons behind these behaviors through child psychology, I am even more glad that I have given my children understanding and protection.

2

One of the greatest contributions of the psychologist Winnicott was the discovery of the "transitional object". 

He pointed out that in the early emotional development of children, the change process of children's emotions towards their parents is as follows: absolute dependence→ relative dependence on the emotions of the caregivers→ and their own emotions tend to be independent.

Boys and girls will begin to have their own unique "transitional object" a few months after birth, this "transitional object" becomes a substitute for the emotional dependence of parents, plays the role of an "emotional supply station", and helps children gradually develop in the direction of emotional independence.

We can understand that almost every child, including us who were once children and are now parents, has a special partner.

When mom wasn't there, the partner jumped out.

Accompany the child and give the child mother-like companionship.

Moreover, this partner always appears at a specific time.

For example, when it is almost time to sleep, the child must touch it to fall asleep.

Some children like to sleep with their mother's breasts.

And some children like to grab their mother's pajamas.

There are also children who gently rub the hem of their pajamas.

The way is different, but the psychological needs behind it are the same.

What parents need to do is to respect their children's psychological needs and give them appropriate care.

Let the child be with this object, and his relationship with this object is very peaceful.

This object is both subjective and objective.

It is located on the border between the inner and the outer. It is both a dream and a reality.

In the early years of a child's life, it is a necessary object and eventually dies like an old soldier.

3

In the children's psychological picture book "Arwen's Little Blanket", there is a very touching story. A little mouse named Arwen, he has a habit of always carrying his beloved little blanket when walking, eating, sleeping or playing with other children.

With a little blanket to accompany Awen, he is very stable in his heart, and he will not stick to his mother and father all day long. However, as he grew up and went to elementary school, he still couldn't leave the little blanket.

Ah Wen's mom and dad feel that they need to change this situation, not to let Ah Wen rely too much on the little blanket, but also not to make Ah Wen feel that he has lost the little blanket, what should he do?

Finally, Mom and Dad discussed with Ah Wen, cut off a piece of the little blanket and made a handkerchief for Ah Wen, so that Ah Wen could still carry his "little blanket", but he could also get along well with his classmates and adapt to school life.

Arwen is lucky to have a parent who is willing to listen to his heart.

Instead of a person who said to him, "There is no reason for you to listen to me, because I am your parents".

However, in reality, many children are hurt, and parents still think that their children are ignorant.

There was a mother who said that she regretted one thing very much.

It was a relative who was visiting the house with his children.

The daughter took her favorite bunny toy to share with her cousin, but she didn't expect her brother to have to, and when she left, she said she wanted to take it away.

At that time, she thought that her daughter had been playing for a long time anyway, and it was appropriate to give it to her younger brother to play, so she made the decision and sent it out.

As a result, the daughter was unusually sick that day, crying and making trouble. She thought it was a shame.

Locked the daughter in the room, and then sent the relatives away with a smile.

The little nephew walked away happily with the toy.

And that time the daughter was depressed for several days, but after a few days she was fine.

Unexpectedly, when I took my daughter to a relative's house as a guest, I really broke the child's heart.

That day, the daughter saw in her cousin's room that her little rabbit had been broken down and in tatters.

The child didn't speak, just put the toys away.

At this time, she saw it, and looked at her daughter's small body trembling slightly.

The child's heart was hurt again.

To the younger brother, it could be a stuffed toy rabbit.

But for my sister, it was her close companion, a good companion who accompanied her in the first years of her life.

We don't know how much damage this will cause to the child's heart.

But such an incident will hurt the child's emotions.

It means that the child's emotional sustenance is fragmented, like that broken toy.

4

As children grow up, they will always build a safe space for themselves.

In this space, children will have their own close companions.

Maybe it's your favorite toy, or maybe it's the person you're closest to. For them, these can give them a sense of security.

Sometimes it's an imaginary object, but it means a lot to the child.

For example, the four "popsicles" imagined by the little protagonist in "Mind Squad" are not like friends.

Its body is marshmallow, it has the tail of a cat and the trunk of an elephant, and some of the genes of a dolphin. It is colorful, has a lively personality, and the tears that come out of it are all kinds of candy... The whole body is full of elements that children love. 

This imaginary friend is the same attachment that a child finds in the real world.

Accompany your child's growth in the first few years of your child's life and give your child a sense of security.

And when the child grows up, it means that the child has become independent, begins to say goodbye to his childhood, and enters the teenage years.

Now, we know why children sleep with something to hold, this is not a fetish, this is the sense of security they want, this is the "emotional source" of children.

Parents choose to be respectful and accepting, and to believe that their children are capable of a "smooth transition".

The other is to give the child just the right amount of care, which needs to be done by parents.

Parents need to cultivate an intimate relationship with their children because of this foundation.

The child's attachment to objects will be moderate, and it will not show a pathology.

At an early age, parents can make their child feel cared for through play interaction or physical contact, which will reduce the child's attention to specific objects.

Encourage your child more than blame.

Give your child an unconditional hug, rather than giving a hug reward only when your child is obedient.

Even if your child does something wrong, you can hug him and dispel his inner fear and anxiety.

When your child feels your love and support, it is far more effective to talk to him about his behavior and give appropriate guidance than scolding.

Children who hug their parents often do not develop much attachment to external objects.

In general, this fetish behavior of the child will slowly disappear with age.

If it has always existed, or it has intensified, then parents need to see if they have really formed an intimate attachment relationship with their children. Is it safe to see if your child is secure?

Because the problems of children often reflect the problems of the family and the parents themselves.