I am a 37-year-old middle-aged woman, which is neither too big nor too small. Some of my peers are unmarried, divorced, remarried, unemployed, and self-employed... But I found a real phenomenon, that is, it is difficult for ordinary poor people to really feel happy in marriage, on the contrary, it is always full of all kinds of contradictions!
Let's talk about a few typical examples of marriages around me:
(1) A best friend and her husband are typical 4+2+1 model families, both of them are only children in rural areas, and they only dare to have one child after marriage, but fortunately, it is a boy, and the in-laws did not give birth to a second child.
The conditions of the original family of the two people are very ordinary, neither of their parents has a pension, and they each have savings, but not much. There are four old people on the ground, a son under them, and her best friend and her husband work in other places all the year round, and they will only go home during the Spring Festival. When I returned home, I also adhered to the principle of "two-headed marriage", took my children to live on both sides, and accompanied the elderly on both sides with a bowl of water as much as possible.
When my best friend and I chatted, I regretted getting married very much, and the only child was already facing heavy pension obligations, and the combination of the two of them was equivalent to doubling the obligation. Especially in the past two years, several old people are old, and they have begun to have various diseases, their son is also in junior high school, and the family is at a time when the expenses are large, her husband was laid off by the company in the first half of the year, and now she can only run Didi to drive to earn some living expenses.
(2) A classmate in elementary school, who has achieved nothing at the age of 37, has never married a daughter-in-law.
His father died when he was a child, his mother remarried, he was hit by his father's death, and he had no intention of studying, dropped out of school early to work, and for many years he ran around, his girlfriend talked a lot, but he never got married, and he didn't save much money.
Last year, with the help of my stepfather, I bought a house and a scooter in the county town with all the money, planned to get married, and asked people everywhere to say goodbye, but I couldn't find a suitable girl. Most of the matchmakers introduced them are divorced with children. In the end, it was not easy to find a divorced twice without children, and the other party asked for a bride price of 500,000 yuan.
The matchmaker helped to talk and bargain, and finally pressed the bride price to 300,000, and happily got married, and the woman was offered as a young grandmother, but after less than a year of marriage, the woman's nature was exposed, and she went to the mahjong table to play mahjong every day with a big belly, and sat for a day. The mother-in-law was angry and didn't dare to lie, thinking about the grandson in her belly, and she had to send a meal over...
The salary earned by the man was not enough for the woman to lose, and the woman was angrily scolded for "no ability". Later, after giving birth to a son, the man planned to go to his mother to keep his son and have a showdown with the woman for divorce, but he was told by the woman that the 300,000 yuan had been lost, and the divorce was okay, and it was unspeakably miserable to take another 300,000 yuan...
(3) A junior high school classmate, with 4 sisters in the family, originally married a foreign daughter-in-law, lived a good life, and gave birth to a daughter.
But the family is poor and can't afford to buy a house, and the only son in the family, the two husbands and wives have been living with their parents and have not separated. The old parents in the countryside are sixty or seventy years old, stubborn and arrogant, and they look down on their daughters-in-law from other places, and they often make noise at home, beating and scolding their daughters-in-law, and several sisters-in-law even instigate them in the middle, brainwashing their younger brothers so that they don't marry their daughters-in-law and forget their mothers.
The family is full of chickens and dogs jumping every day, and the man can't stand it so he packs up his things and goes out to work, his daughter-in-law is reluctant to take the child, and he is afraid of delaying the child's school, so he grits his teeth at home and takes care of the child. The old family praised his daughter-in-law for being a good girl who was hard-working and hard-working, but three months ago, his daughter-in-law still couldn't stand it anymore and committed suicide by drinking medicine, leaving behind a 5-year-old daughter...
When this classmate arrived at home, everything was late, and after dealing with his wife's funeral, he left the house as if he had escaped, leaving his daughter to his old parents, poor girl, who had no mother at such a young age, and her grandparents also loved her on the surface, and often wore dirty clothes.
Marriage is originally a desirable thing, it is the only opportunity in life to choose one's own family, now the society is getting more and more difficult to marry, it is difficult for men to marry a wife, women are becoming more and more materialistic, more and more demanding, and there are more and more men and women left in the elderly, why? People are too sober and self-conscious, they are afraid of losses, they are afraid of falling short, they are all weighing, and they are calculating.
However, there are so many marriage dividends in each class, and everyone wants to take a little more, and they are not willing to pay more, and they are not willing to regress, so marriage has indeed become a difficult thing.
Marriage is not so simple, it is not just to find someone, commute to work together, start a family together and have children. Marriage means starting a family, it means that two families derive a new family, to deal with various relationship conflicts between the three families, to earn money to support the family, to take care of each other's common interpersonal relationships, to be clean and self-conscious, to take care of the emotions of each family member, to have a certain financial ability to support all kinds of trivial things in the marriage...
In the current society, the marriage of ordinary people is indeed very tired, both men and women are performing their duties in marriage, and what is even more tiring is the incomprehension and indifference of each other, complaining and blaming each other when encountering problems, and the calculation and defense without a position, which makes people feel suffocated in married life!