Title: I chose to leave Ma Xiaojuan, but I never forgot
As a self-media creator, I often use explosive headlines to attract readers' attention. In this article, I want to tell you the story of my rural girl Ma Xiaojuan, and I still can't forget her. Let's recall the twists and turns between me and Ma Xiaojuan.
I am Zhao Jianjun, and my father gave me this name, hoping that when I grow up, I can go to the army to serve the country like him. However, I did not live up to my father's expectations and ended up becoming a retired agency employee. After idleness, I felt that life had become boring, and I had only one regret, and that was to be sorry for my ex-wife and son.
I was married twice, my second wife was a college classmate, and we spent more than forty years together. Unfortunately, in 2018, she left before me. For life and death, I have already seen it very lightly. However, my heart is often filled with guilt because I am sorry for my ex-wife and son.
I was born in Tianjin in a family that is not very wealthy, and being able to eat and wear warm is already a blessing. However, at my father's expectations, I was sent to the army as a soldier. Unfortunately, my medical examination did not pass and it did not work out in the end. Since I was a child, I didn't like to be restrained, so I reluctantly went to the uncle's repair shop as an apprentice. Two years later, when the state called for intellectual youth to go to the countryside, I told my father that I was going to join the queue, and he actually encouraged me. This decision changed my life.
In 1969, I and 25 other Tianjin educated youths came to the Majiagou Production Brigade in northern Shaanxi Province and began a hard life of young people. It was at that time that I met Ma Xiaojuan, a rural girl, who was my first love and the woman I owed the most in my life.
Ma Xiaojuan is the daughter of Captain Ma Juemin. When we first met, she cooked my first meal with her own hands. Although the taste was average, I ate four bowls in one go because of my hunger. My first impression was that "I can eat".
Coincidentally, my first Spring Festival was spent at Ma Xiaojuan's house. In those days, three young people had Chinese New Year's Eve dinner at Ma Xiaojuan's house. I prepared a gift for Ma Xiaojuan, which cost me more than a dollar at that time. I also drank too much and spent the night at her house. It was the first time in my life that I spent the night at someone's house, because Ma Juemin wanted me to play chess with him, and I won him in all three games.
While staying at Ma Xiaojuan's house, I was deeply impressed with her. Although she is not highly educated, she is cheerful, virtuous, gentle and considerate. I wrote a note to Ma Xiaojuan with only seven words: "I want to fall in love with you." She also wrote me a note with only five words on it, "I like you too." In this way, we secretly fell in love.
No one knows the secret of my love with Ma Xiaojuan, including Ma Xiaojuan's parents. It wasn't until 1975, when I plucked up the courage to propose to Ma Xiaojuan, that everyone knew about our relationship. Ma Xiaojuan supported me to go to university, and I always felt guilty because I left her with a jade pei when I left, but I couldn't take her with my children.
After returning to the city, I broke off contact with Ma Xiaojuan and began to fall in love with my classmate Wang Lina, and got married after graduation. In 1986, I learned about Ma Xiaojuan from the young people who cut the queue. I learned that Ma Xiaojuan was pregnant, and then she got married again. The news made me feel very guilty, and if I had known she was pregnant with a child, I would not have chosen to divorce.
Although I searched around for the whereabouts of Ma Xiaojuan and her child, I never found it. As I grew older, I missed Ma Xiaojuan and my children more and more, hoping to have the opportunity to see them in my lifetime.
Life is a novel, and each of us is a character in it. Ma Xiaojuan is an important figure in my life, and despite our regrets, I will always remember her. Under the washing of the years, looking back, I find that leaving Ma Xiaojuan was not a wise choice. I've always looked forward to one day being able to reunite with her and her children and apologize to them, even though it may be wishful thinking.
Despite my regrets and mistakes, these experiences have made me stronger. I would like to share my story with you, and I hope that this article will inspire myself and its readers. Cherishing the present moment and caring for the people around me is a valuable lesson I learned from my own story.
May each of us draw strength from past experiences and grow into a better version of ourselves.
