#这才是家庭教育 #
Author | Ye listened to Feng
Every morning, the neighbor's "Roaring Aunt" urged her first-grade son to resound throughout the corridor.
"Don't get up soon, you're going to be late!"
"Brush your teeth and grind, hurry up!"
"There are 5 minutes left to go out, hurry up and eat!"
Neighbors often complain to me: "I exhaust the strength of the day in the morning, and children without a sense of time really can't afford to hurt!"
Indeed, many children without a sense of time have problems such as procrastination, grinding, lack of concentration, self-control, and inefficiency.
A study in the United States showed that children's time management ability directly affects academic performance and efficiency.
Only when children have a sense of time will they understand time management.
However, children's time concept and time management ability are not innate, they need to be cultivated.
We need to understand the child's rubbing before we can solve the child's rubbing problem.
Children who are always grinding may have been wronged
Sometimes we will find that it seems that the more urged, the slower the child, it is really urgent to die!
In fact, the children have really been wronged.
Children under the age of 6 love to grind and have no sense of time, because they really don't know time.
In the adult's mouth for 1 minute, 5 minutes, 10 minutes, the child does not know how long it is, and therefore cannot complete the task within the specified time.
Psychologists have found that:
When the child is 2.5-3 years old, the concept of time begins to develop.
By the age of 6, most children still can't read watches, and they don't have any feelings or concepts about how long it takes.
It is not until they go to elementary school at the age of 8 that children have a little concept of time, know to go to school on time, and know when to do something.
Children under the age of 6 love to grind, but also because of insufficient physiological ability and lack of motivation to do things.
Once I had to drop off my 5-year-old son and grandma to the zoo and then rush to a 9 o'clock company meeting.
He slowly swallowed his shoes at the door, the Velcro was glued and torn off over and over again, and then he said that he was going to the toilet to pull the stench, so anxious that I kept shouting at him: "Hurry, hurry!"
And the son sat on the toilet and replied unhurriedly: "Why be fast?" We're going early, maybe the animals haven't eaten breakfast yet, so they won't come out!"
It's funny and crying.
From the age of 3 to 7, the child's brain has been developing, the brain capacity is increasing, and the neuronal links are increasing, so that the child can slowly respond quickly to the requests made by the parents.
Therefore, in the face of children's grinding, what parents need to do is to let the child repeat the same behavior at a certain time frequency to improve proficiency; At the same time, it mobilizes the enthusiasm to do things, so as to improve the efficiency of doing things.
The child will do it, want to do it, and of course do it quickly!
It takes time to grow, and parents need patience.
Many children who grind are raised by their parents
Mothers feel that life of constant nagging and urging is extremely painful, but for children, why not the same?
One child said, I really don't want to go home, and when I got home, my mother would nag like a machine gun, so noisy that I couldn't do anything, I couldn't do it.
Grinding, children without a sense of time are often raised in this way.
1. Parents urge too much, disrupting the child's rhythm
Once at a friend's house, her son came back from kindergarten, and as soon as he entered the door, his friend shouted, "Go wash your hands, it's dirty outside!"
As soon as the child walked to the bathroom, his friend screamed again: "Why don't you change your shoes, go change your shoes quickly!"
The child ran to the slippers again, and the friend went to pull the child's clothes again: "It's all dirt, take it off quickly!"
Finally, the child was angry and anxious, did not take off his clothes and did not wash his hands, and gambled into his cabin.
The friend sighed: "This child is abrasive and disobedient, it's really hard to manage..."
In fact, where is the child's problem, it is clear that the adult supervises too much and worries too much, which completely disrupts the child's attention and the rhythm of doing things.
The child's brain development is not perfect, can not receive more than two required instructions at once, otherwise the thinking will be disrupted, busy hands, easy to make mistakes, not to mention planning, organization and time concept.
2. Parents do too much, causing children to be inert
My best friend's son is 6 years old and has a kindergarten class, but the family still treats him like a baby.
Every morning, his mother dressed him, his grandmother helped him wipe his face, brush his teeth, and feed, and his father helped him carry his school bag and put on shoes...
Originally, the child could do things on his own, and the whole family did it for him.
The girlfriend said helplessly: "No way, the morning time is too tight, and he can't do a good job!"
In fact, many children who grind, procrastinate, are lazy, and lack self-care ability are cultivated by parents who love to do things.
From the beginning of the child's grinding and being urged and scolded, to the later parents to save time, slowly let the child form dependence:
"I can't do it well anyway, anyway, if I don't do it well, I will be scolded, so it's better not to do it!"
A middle school in the United States has a rule: parents are not allowed to help their children bring lunches, textbooks, homework, sneakers and other items forgotten at home to school, which is to let children take responsibility for themselves and learn to solve problems on their own.
Only when children have a sense of responsibility and know how to do their own things can they establish a sense of time.
3. Parents don't trust their children, which makes the grind worse
My cousin has a mantra for her son: "Look at your grind, exactly like your father!"
Every time he heard this, the boy always bit his lip sadly and then quickly lowered his head.
This quote sends a negative suggestive message to the child:
"You are a child who is born to grind, and no matter how hard you try, you can't change."
"I don't have confidence in you, I don't monitor what you do, you can't finish on time!"
Children who are labeled by their parents have a hard time experiencing happy, positive emotions, and they will be more abrasive and lazy - "Yes, you see, I'm so slow."
This is how the vicious circle is created.
If you want your child to be efficient and have a sense of time, positive encouragement is more effective than harsh language suppression.
Children who do not grind and have a sense of time
Their parents did it
Smart parents know how to let go appropriately, give their children the power to spend their time, and the opportunity to bear the consequences, so that children can slowly learn to arrange their time and develop the habit of self-discipline and self-management.
Give your child active, purposeful instructions
Instead of constantly urging the child to "hurry, hurry", a better way to solve the child's friction is to give him a motivated, purposeful instruction - "What you do well, we will do..."
Like what:
"If we put our pants on quickly, we will be the first to go to the amusement park!"
"If you quickly carry your school bag, you will arrive at kindergarten earlier than your good friend Kiki."
In this way, the child can realize the tight time and work hard to increase his speed.
Get your kids up and play games with them.
There was a time when my son didn't want to get dressed when he got up in the morning. The child's father took the clothes and got into the "quilt tent" with him, competing to see who got dressed first and who got out of the tent first. Every time, my son had a lot of fun and tried it again and again.
Help your child build time perception
When we give instructions to children, we often say vague words such as "how to do in a moment", which is not conducive to children's perception of the length of time.
To cultivate children's sense of time, we must let children see and perceive real time.
It is better to inform the specific time and agree in advance, such as:
"Let's play for another 10 minutes and go to practice!"
"Watch TV for another 5 minutes and you're going to bed!"
In this way, the child will gradually have a perception of the length of time of 1 minute, 5 minutes, and 10 minutes, so that he can better adjust his rhythm.
It is also important that parents remind or set an alarm clock in advance, and keeping promises is something that children are willing to do.
For example, every time I make an appointment with my son to come home in 30 minutes, I set an alarm and remind him in advance: "There are 10 minutes left!" "Five minutes to go!"
When the time comes, the alarm clock goes off, and I shout, my son will go home with me very cooperatively, instead of sawing back and forth, grinding and refusing to go.
Help children to have a regular routine and form habits
Studies have shown that 0-6 years old is a critical period for children to form good behavior habits.
After entering elementary school, the pressure of schoolwork increases, and the child's time becomes more stressful.
A primary school homeroom teacher once said, "Of the 40 children in the class, all the children with good academic performance and stable academic performance have good study habits and a very good sense of time. With the concept of time, children can be more self-disciplined and more efficient."
Mr. Covey said in "7 Habits of Happy Children":
Work should be prioritized, work first, then play.
Don't do things, have the courage to say no, and spend time on important things;
Learn to set priorities, make schedules, and execute plans;
Be disciplined with yourself and be organized.
Parents can help their children record in advance what to do in the day by making lists, drawing time pies, and establishing regular schedules, and determine what must be done and what should be done at what time.
When children accomplish something, they can put a tick or a small star to let them experience the sense of accomplishment of taking time into their own hands.
It's better to encourage in time than to keep blaming
In order for children to form a good sense of time, it is important for parents to give timely rewards, such as "This time is much faster than the last time!" "It's so good, this time I didn't need my mother to remind me!"
Through rewards and encouragement, this behavior of the child will be reinforced, making the child more self-disciplined and beneficial for life.
Psychologists say that it is true that children need discipline and guidance, but if they are under discipline and guidance all the time and everywhere, they will not learn self-control and self-direction.
As parents, we should not always rush to judge our children for good or bad.
Give the child a little time to adapt, a little space to show, a little self-release, and a little parental appropriate traction, I believe that the child will be able to grow from young shoots into towering trees, flourishing leaves, bathing in sunlight, shining.
Perhaps this friction is the cutest look of growth.
- End -
Author: Master of Educational Psychology in Children, Family Education Trainee, Reading, Cooking Tea, Bringing Dolls. Some of the pictures in this article are from the Forbidden City Taobao and the Internet, and the copyright belongs to the original author. Some of the pictures come from the Internet, and the copyright belongs to the original author.