Text | Rice grain mother
A few days ago, the term "invisible elderly female poverty" was on the hot search, and Migrain's mother read the various stories and messages inside, and really sighed again.
The aunt in the story, who has dedicated her life to her children, is ruthlessly driven back to the countryside after bringing her son to the child.
The aunt had to go back to her own home. Even when the summer was hot, I couldn't buy a piece of underwear to open my mouth to my son, so I was forced to ask my niece for help.
Such old people actually abound in rural areas. They are not very happy in marriage, they have served their husbands all their lives, and they have to help their children when they are old.
When he was older, his body was inconvenient, and he was kicked back to the countryside by his children like a leather ball, and became the first to be abandoned by this society. And the sons they worked so hard to raise were the first to abandon them.
This reminds Rice Mother of a Japanese movie she watched before: "Abandoned Mother Mountain".
In a poverty-stricken area of ancient Japan, old people over the age of 60 would be carried by their children to the depths of the mountain to "worship the mountain god", and that deep mountain was called "Abandoned Mother Mountain". Although the male protagonist Taiji is timid and afraid of things, he is a filial son, and he is unwilling to abandon his mother.
But his wife Arin didn't care about this, she was bent on getting Taiji to get his mother away as soon as possible, so that the family could save a ration.
In order not to let his mother die, Taiji hides his mother. But at the end of the story, the mother drank rat poison herself in order not to burden her son.
The joy and hope of having a child decades ago have become empty. Raising children to prevent old age has also become an unreachable end, which is the reality of poverty for elderly women.
Mothers who have raised children have not been able to prevent aging
The aunt in the hot search gave birth to two sons, and in the countryside, it is very enviable to give birth to two sons in one breath.
Maybe her aunt at that time never thought that she would be abandoned by these two children who made her proud in the future, and after her last drop of value was squeezed by her two sons, she couldn't even buy a lingerie.
Because this kind of family is full of men and only elderly women, the situation of the elderly will be more difficult.
They may not be able to speak out to their sons, and their relationship with their daughters-in-law may be very distant.
What's more, most women in that age have no access to education, no stable jobs, no pensions or health insurance, and after giving everything for their children, how well they live in their old age depends mainly on whether the children are filial or not.
Rice grain mother has read a book called "Bankruptcy after Old Age", which is about the real situation of poverty among elderly women in Japan, and it really makes my spine chill after reading it.
In the book, an old man lives with his daughter, son-in-law and grandson.
In order to take care of their elderly mother, the daughter and his wife worked while making ends meet with their mother's pension, barely making ends meet. However, this life did not last long.
The mother was seriously ill, but the family did not have enough money to pay for the surgery and hospitalization. The old man said:
"If I have to let my daughter's family pay for my medical expenses, then I might as well die..."
The desperate mother eventually committed suicide.
The book calls this cruel reality a "drifting society in old age", that is, it is not only the elderly who live alone, but also the elderly who live with their children, but also face a very serious dilemma.
Abandoned older women
The lack of ability makes the elderly have no right to speak, and they are forced to turn to young people, and in many cases they have to look at the faces of young people. Many elderly people even choose to seek death: "The mother who "committed suicide" with pesticides in Hubei made me see so many people apologizing for being alive."
Of the six siblings in Grandpa Mi's family, only he walked out of the cold door. He now fully covers my grandmother's life and pension, buys her a house, and hires her aunt to take care of her daily at the market aunt's price. Grandma became the oldest old man in the village, but she was always sorry for it.
When my dad called home, I often heard my grandmother say, "I've lived too long, I've lived enough." "I've lived so long, I'm causing you too much trouble."
The implication is a kind of guilt for being alive. It is said that "raising children and preventing old age", but in the eyes of the old people, they are all "spring silkworms to the end of the silk, wax torches into gray tears to dry".
There are many elderly women who abandon themselves because they do not want to drag down their children, and there are many grassroots women's patriarchal social concepts that are deeply rooted, and women themselves are even more misogynistic than men, which will also lead them to become the object of abandonment.
I read a post before, the po owner said that his senior sister refused the maintenance obligation because her mother was not ready to leave the house to her.
Senior sister is a very good girl, the college scholarship is enough to pay tuition, after graduation originally planned to work in other places, but because of the poor health of parents stayed in the local area, get a salary will also pay money subsidies to the family.
She also has a younger brother studying at home, and in order to reduce the pressure on her parents, she has also been saving for a down payment and trying not to "gnaw the old". Later, her parents told her in person that the money for her brother to buy a house was ready, and the conflict broke out at this moment.
The senior sister told her parents: "It's not my share to share the money, then don't look for me for your pension." ”
Because of the limitations of patriarchal concepts, many elderly rural women suffer from the double abandonment of daughters and sons. There are really many ethical dilemmas like this.
The son's family is controlled by the daughter-in-law who holds the economic power and the right to speak, and if the relationship with the in-laws is not good, the elderly woman is likely to not get the care of the son at all.
Coupled with the patriarchal concept, they gave their property to their sons early, and daughters were unbalanced and easily abandoned them.
Because grassroots elderly women are likely to be jobless for a long time, they are excluded from society and the market, so that the policy system will unconsciously favor the male group and gradually ignore the needs and voices of women.
Older women become neglected victims of the entire social system. Elderly poor women have fewer voice channels and weaker social support, and are more likely to become the first to be abandoned by the social part, and are a veritable vulnerable group.
Just like Su Min, who left home by car, she spent most of her life raising her daughter, watching her marry, give birth, and bring her grandson to school.
But if she doesn't decide to go out of the house, obviously she will be the first to be abandoned by her family and society.
Su Min's husband's native family is not rich, so he attaches great importance to money. For a period of time after marriage, Su Min was laid off from the fertilizer factory, and he had to rely on him to maintain the expenses of the two people.
He was so meticulous that he had to ask where every money was spent, and he spoke viciously to each other if he was not satisfied, which made Su sensitive to be particularly insulted.
The first time I went out by car, Su Min's ETC was tied to her husband's bank card. Even if he deducted 100 yuan, the husband had to call to question, and before spending this money, he did not ask about his wife's safety.
Most rural women like Su Min who have completed their motherhood do not have the courage and courage to go out of the house and live again, and they are likely to face abandonment in their old age and material and spiritual poverty.
I am the strongest confidence
There is a Japanese documentary called "Women's Poverty", in which the life of 40-year-old Harumi is the epitome of many people.
Before getting married, Harumi was a regular employee of a listed company.
After having children after marriage, Harumi, like most women, had to leave her job and become a housewife.
As a full-time wife, she was often severely abused by her husband. Her husband would often insult her for being a white eater and supporting herself.
He also mocked her with disdain that even if she went out to work again, there would be no company to ask for.
This is very similar to Su Min's husband's long-term mental abuse of her, and he often uses a contemptuous tone to count his wife who can't do anything, and the first time he drives home, the first thing he says is:
"You still know to come back? Can't fool around outside, right? ”
Harumi's husband cheated unscrupulously, and also took it upon himself to invest all the money he earned in the stock market, and lost a fortune.
In the end, the family was reduced to a point where they could barely make ends meet by borrowing.
After more than ten years of this tormenting day, Harumi couldn't bear it anymore.
She resolutely divorced and left the man who abused her and didn't take her seriously with her with her two children.
However, after the divorce, her life not only did not improve, but fell into the abyss of poverty unexpectedly.
With two sons, she was penniless, and in order to survive, she began to look for work day and night. But at the age of forty, coupled with a long-term disconnection from society, no employer was willing to hire her.
Finally, with the help of a talent dispatch company, she barely managed to find a job in customer service.
But that pitiful salary could not guarantee even her most basic livelihood.
In order to support herself and her two sons, she had to work alone and three jobs, working as customer service, clerk, and miscellaneous, as long as she could make money, she ran faster than anyone.
At work, when she was ostracized by her superiors, she endured; When asked to work unpaid overtime, she endured it.
She is hardworking, hardworking, and hardworking, but her income is less than half that of a regular employee.
This is the current situation of poverty among women at the grassroots level, and many women will face this kind of life when they enter old age.
When the reality of poverty among elderly women has not been seen for a long time, raising children and preventing old age has finally become a luxury, and only ourselves can protect us.
If you are lucky enough to be educated, you must take advantage of your youth and strive to grasp your pension capital.
Don't love the brain, don't love others more than yourself, when you are immersed in the self-sacrificial feeling of "everything for children", in fact, you don't blame society for giving up on you, it's you who gave up yourself first.
Buy good insurance for yourself, buy a good pension, save a sum of money, work hard to exercise, and stay healthy. Read more, learn more, earn more.
When I was young, I felt full of flowers, noisy and crowded around me, and my life was busy. But when old age poverty does come, it may be only a momentary thing.
When we love ourselves enough, the people around us will learn to love us as we are.
About author:@米粒妈爱分享 (welcome to pay attention), American returnees, Haidian parents, when the first place in the new book list "Parent-child English Books that Affect Children's Life" author. Focus on the scientific upbringing, learning enlightenment, and novel good things around the world, welcome to follow! (5-12 years old mother, please pay attention: @米粒妈频道)