Friends, the large-scale reality TV series "Walking with the S Family" is afraid that it will be difficult to usher in the end of your and my lifetime.
On May 10, @大S工作室发布了一封由律师起草的声明, with a hospital B ultrasound map to illustrate: Big S had two births, one four days before the wedding in 2011, and the other seven days before the recording of the variety show "Happiness Trio" in 2018.
The origin of the statement is as follows: Taiwanese media Today Mirror Weekly published a report titled "As early as Mr. Wang Xiaofei and Ms. Xu Xiyuan registered their marriage four months after they held a wedding in Sanya, Hainan, Da S had just miscarried." It is said that this report is very sad for Big S, and in order to avoid groundless speculation causing rumors, Big S and his team personally threw out the truth and relevant details of the matter to set the record straight.
As soon as the statement came out, the boos basically focused on the impure motive - "Mother's Day is coming soon, why say this?" Obviously hype, right?! ”
But no one doubts the authenticity of this matter, because the hammer given by Big S is quite solid:
First, the black and white words are there, and it is a lawyer's speech, not a sentimental essay; Second, two miscarriages, the average person will not hype up this kind of scar; Third, corresponding to the time points of these two miscarriages, Big S's state is indeed not good, especially when "Happiness Trio", his body is bloated, his eyes are tired, and he has no past style at all, and it is not surprising to look at it at this time.
So Big S's move is a successful PR.
Regardless of whether the real motive is to establish a good mother's persona, the fact that "miscarriage twice, physically and mentally emaciated, but still 'on the battlefield' with injuries" is eye-catching enough, can win a lot of sympathy points and resonate with many women, and can also break back in the public opinion war with the ex-in-law's family - "There is no merit, there is also hard work, you are not suitable to arrange your ex-daughter-in-law so much, right?" ”
Whether Big S intends to sell miserable or not, the bitterness card is such a good card, because women in marriage are indeed generally not easy.
But privately, I really don't have to interpret and look at this matter with the logic of "I sacrifice so I am great, I am not wrong, and the fault is all in others", isn't this the same logic of many mothers' emotional kidnapping?
"I paid, you can't question me, you must obey me and submit to me infinitely", this is not right! Giving and suffering should not be a passport to greatness and innocence, much less a barrier to individual diversity.
Miss Xu Xiyuan, she suffered a lot in the previous marriage, but in the final analysis, it was her own choice!
Mistaking marriage for "paradise of bliss"
As we all know, Da S and Wang Xiaofei were flash marriages that year, met on September 30, announced their engagement on October 28, registered their marriage on November 16, and when the year was over, Kaichuner held a wedding on March 22, which is called a god speed.
Big S is a person with ideas, will take the initiative to attack anything, Wang Xiaofei is the man she chose at a glance, not the "age object" who was urged by her parents to marry and met casually on a blind date, so she ran to marriage with full yearning, not dragged over, dragged over.
It's embarrassing in hindsight, but she was synonymous with happy women back then, and marrying into a "wealthy family" was stable and ruthless, but it made other female stars anxious.
You know, around 2010, there was no popular "sassy sister" and "sober independent woman" character, the era of female stars being congratulated on divorce and being blessed alone is far from coming, marrying in a beautiful way, it is best to marry a rich man, is still the KPI that female stars are chasing.
Not to mention others, didn't Wang Xiaofei's ex-girlfriend Zhang Yuqi also make a sneaky love for Wang Quanan after her ex's big marriage? Didn't Miss An Yixuan, Wang Xiaofei's former ambiguous object, also entrust the second half of her life to Chen after two beard cuts?
There are also Yang Mila, Liu Shishi, Tong Liya... The 85 big flowers are famous and the flowers are basically in those years. Invisible competition and the dyeing of the atmosphere are difficult to make beautiful sisters feel at ease.
In this situation, the big S, who has always been competitive and not willing to lag behind, naturally has to strive to be the first and strive to become the best among them.
Not to doubt the purity of the love at first sight between Big S and Wang Xiaofei that fall, but to say that intuitive guidance is often the result of a combination of factors. You like Paris, he likes Zibo, but it is not easy to bring with just the phrase "like it makes no sense".
Behind the collective hatred of female celebrities to marry is the collective unconsciousness caused by the discipline of women in the patriarchal society, that is, "married is a complete woman" and "married can live an easy and happy life".
To this day, isn't it still the same set that our elders use to urge marriage? Common sayings include but are not limited to - "It's good to get married", "There is someone to be your backer, everything is down-to-earth", "No matter how successful a woman's career is, she can't compare to her children"...
This set of traditional discipline can be said to have both "coercion" and "inducement". The most terrifying thing is this "lure", which is like a gentle trap that makes you fascinated and irresistible, and finally willingly and spared no effort to jump into it.
Again to the passage of Beauvoir in "The Second Sex":
"The great fortune of a man is that he must embark on a very difficult path, whether in adulthood or childhood, but it is the surest path; The woman's misfortune lies in being surrounded by almost irresistible temptations, every thing tempting her to take the easy path, she is not asked to strive and go her own way, but she hears that if she slides down, she can reach the paradise of bliss. By the time she realizes she's been fooled by a mirage, it's too late and her strength has been exhausted in a failed adventure. ”
Many women, including female celebrities, have been seduced by the "paradise of bliss" called marriage, thinking that getting married is like going ashore, exchanging rings, handcuffing each other, and the rest of their lives will be secure, no longer have to wander around, withstand wind and rain, and then stop working in excitement, and start a happy life of a comfortable good wife with full of longing.
Of course, ordinary women may just think about it, but female celebrities who marry rich people (even suspected rich) will really do it.
First, they are all called rich, not ordinary wage earners, and they can afford it;
Second, the seemingly glamorous female star is not an easy job, filming often leads to lack of sleep and irregular menstruation, encountering explosive scenes, hanging Weiya and the like and the risk of injury, because she is beautiful, she has to be wary of being oiled from time to time. In addition, it is difficult to stabilize the mentality, when it is not red, I want to be red, and when I am red, I worry that I will not be red one day...
In short, it is physically and mentally exhausted and the future is unknown, a seemingly safe back road, some early retirement possibilities for them are simply like the dawn in the long night, the spark in the dark, old beautiful and tempting!
But then again, how can there be work that is not tiring and money that is easy to earn?
And, no matter how bad the bowl of rice of the star is, compared to the ordinary wage earner, it is always a well-paid, rewarding career, work well, manage your finances carefully, do not get the wealth of the sky, and can maintain a decent life.
For example, Big S, although she now has a very bad reputation and her appearance is not as good as before, she was also a bright female star back then!
If you pay attention to domestic movies and TV series more than ten years ago, you will find that Xu Xiyuan before marriage is a proper model worker, and she has been featured in various blockbusters and hit dramas, such as "Keep Talking", "Love in the City", "Sword Rain", "Dragon and Phoenix Store", "Bubble Summer", etc., are all big coffee, not only popular actors like Gu Tianle, Nicholas Tse, Huang Xiaoming, Ren Xianqi, but also the old drama bone Wang Xueqi, and Michelle Yeoh, who just won an Oscar.
The resources are very good, the momentum is very strong, the acting skills are not outstanding, but they can also bear it, do not collapse, and they are all very capable of fighting today, and it is by no means impossible to stick to it and become the next movie queen.
But who called Wang Xiaofei flashing the golden light of the four young masters of the capital and happened to appear?
After filming "Da Wusheng" (directed by Gao Xiaosong, male protagonists Han Geng and Wu Zun), Da S announced that he would suspend his acting career, drink chicken soup, eat goji berries, concentrate on preparing for pregnancy, and move to the marriage career that seems to be quiet and good but is actually heavy.
After coming back many years later, he only took on some easier work in variety shows and hosting. The actor's part, maybe she doesn't want to, but has reached the point where she can only play "Wang Continent's mother", there are many changes in the workplace, and opportunities are not waiting for anyone!
Anyway, the reality is that a destiny of fate completely ended her ascension to the stars.
A female star enters marriage with a relaxed attitude of getting out of the sea of suffering and embracing ease, which in itself is a life choice dominated by laziness and luck. I thought that I had taken a shortcut and once and for all, but I did not know that the door of this marriage was the beginning of another austerity.
When "playing ruthlessly" becomes a self-justification habit
Two miscarriages, once in the ICU for the birth of a baby, of course, the hardships of being a mother, is a very painful memory of Big S, but please forgive me for smelling the familiar smell of her early teenage gossip.
As we all know, Big S is a beauty maniac.
Her creepy beauty methods, I believe many friends know a little about it, such as drinking anticoagulants for whitening until the body's coagulation function is insufficient, in order to lose weight, only eat two mouthfuls of white rice with tofu milk a day, in order to catch up with the fashion to wear the umbilical ring and the result of inflammation, she took scissors to pull up the extra meat and cut off one cut after another...
It was as if her soul had been withdrawn and could stand by and "ravage" this physical body.
Objectively speaking, it is difficult to say that her miscarriage is not related to these "ravages"; From a subconscious level, whether it is miscarriage, or everything is used to become beautiful, is it possible that it is habitual "self-abuse" to achieve some purpose?
Big S also blew himself up, acting to temper his willpower, after a cold, he will deliberately not take medicine, see if there will be a fever after that, and it doesn't matter if the fever is, it depends on how many degrees the body can burn, and it takes a few degrees to burn before it will completely fall.
You see, it's still the paranoid "people are people, the body is the body, especially don't take your own body seriously".
I can't help but wonder, is this really just the reason for strong willpower? Are dedication and love of beauty really the whole motivation to be "cruel to yourself"?
She and Lu Yu said that her friends called her an ascetic, and she herself was the type who would be uncomfortable if she did not suffer hardships. I can only venture to guess that perhaps her family of origin does not allow her to lie down peacefully.
Big S is the second oldest in the family, with an older sister and a younger sister, and she herself is sandwiched in the middle, which is usually a very awkward position, and the lowest expectation and attention from her parents, and the most easily snubbed, isn't Deshan in "Please Answer 1988"? Breakfast only fried my sister and brother's eggs, and I had to spend my birthday with my sister on the day of my birthday, as if my existence was quite redundant.
But Da S and Deshan are different, and their mother and father divorced very early, pulling their three sisters, resulting in a long-term lack of a strong father role in the family to resist foreign enemies and protect family safety.
This is the deficiency of this ordinary city family, and it is also the opportunity of the second eldest Xu Xiyuan.
The "embarrassment of the second child" makes her have a strong need to be seen, and the absence of the "fatherhood" just provides her with a channel to win attention - by being as cool as a man who can carry things, so that others cannot ignore herself.
What are the elements of a man who seems to be able to carry things?
1. Pay
Can think about the big picture, willing to take responsibility, what is going on at home, she is really good. Her little henchman sister can have the current status, and half of the merit account is her credit.
2. Overbearing
Those who work provide convenience to others, gain the dependence of others, and have the privilege of commanding and high in their relationships. Not only is he the boss in the sister group, but it is said that Da S was a terrifying existence for all his classmates when he was at Huagang Art School.
3. Not pretentious
Do not hesitate, do not retreat, do not fear, but always act bold, courageous, and indifferent to harm. It's like smashing a wine bottle on the head, it's a way to gain trust, build prestige, and anger your presence.
Although it is a little naïve, it is at least very useful in the youth circle that has not yet matured. The subsequent pursuit of topic-hunting professional attributes and the admiration for self-discipline and hardship in universal moral evaluation have reinforced the bizarre behavior mode of Big S.
Then back to the two miscarriages and the ICU for childbirth, this is an accident, and it is like a cycle of Big S's fate.
From family to work to marriage, masochistic tricks continue to change forms, upgrade indexes, and continue to acquire a sense of existence and value in life games, at the cost of constantly overdrawing the body's endurance.
She used to be the winner and active promoter of this game, but the more she went on, the more she couldn't help herself, the sense of achievement became smaller and smaller, the cost was increasing, and the damage suffered by her body became more and more irreversible.
Her strength and willpower are amazing, but why is it not a rigidity? Knowing that his physical foundation is weak, why do he have to insist on having two children? Do people who don't take care of their bodies really know how to love themselves enough?
"How to Balance Family and Career"
The masochistic habits and tricks have promoted Big S's career development to a certain extent, but they have not been able to save the defeat of the marriage. Those who should cheat will still cheat, divorce or divorce, and yellow rumors must be created when they should be made.
This is also where many other women feel distressed and empathize: reckless giving, not in exchange for distress, but in exchange for parting and betrayal, alas.
Da S, who has always claimed that he will not go back, should have complained and regretted at some point, right? Otherwise, she would not have relived old dreams with her love partner twenty years ago, not so much nostalgia for that person, but nostalgia for the good times before marriage, and wanted to grab a key to open the door of colorful memories.
After all, in contrast, married life is simply not too gray, the body is collapsed, there are fewer jobs, there are fewer handsome guys in contact, the brilliant, smiling smart girl is gone, replaced by only emotional husband, difficult mother-in-law and children's playful crying.
Big S, who has a strong sense of purpose, stopped working and entered marriage without looking back, and must have made up his mind to make the marriage flourish like filming a play and hosting a show, but he really found that for women, it is not easy to take care of both ends of career and family, cutting off work to focus on being a wife and being a mother seems to be riskier.
At work, there are bonuses for completing KPIs, overtime pay, and the small and complicated efforts in marriage may not be rewarded;
The experience and ability accumulated in one company can become a negotiation condition for jumping to another company, and a person's forbearance in marriage cannot constitute the highlight of the resume when remarrying, after all, in the marriage market, where does the first marriage shine in the second marriage and third marriage?
Everyone says that the bald head is unreliable, but if you really want to cast a net to find it, the range of options for Big S to remarry is actually not very large.
Ten years ago, desperate; Ten years later, decisive stop loss, but even if the stop loss, the losses that have been formed are also there - the booming career is gone, the physical and mental pain of childbirth and betrayal has been suffered, and now he is free, but his ability to realize himself at work is not as good as before, and he has long lost the hard work of his twenties.
But the standard of living cannot be reduced: "After 10 years of suffering, does the old woman have to return to the pre-liberation overnight?" ”
Therefore, the youth loss fee, mental loss fee, and pension fee for the second half of his life, which are condensed with unwillingness, regret, resentment and disappointment, are all calculated on Wang Xiaofei's head, so that he can feel that this ten years is not too much loss - "I didn't get the rest, at least I got the money!" ”
It's like a small-town questioner, reading hard for twelve years, gray hair, short-sighted eyes, hunched back, not talking about a single game in love, and not playing the game a few times, but using these in exchange for scores, getting into a good university, can always balance a little.
People are like this, it is precisely because they feel that they have lost too much that they are particularly attached to material compensation; It is precisely because I want to block out the emotions of regret and self-blame that I will feel comfortable and unrelenting from my ex-husband - "Can I be blamed for marriage becoming like that?" It's not that you don't fight yet! ”
The more spiritually satisfying the relationship between people and people, the less chance it is for material things to stand on the home field; The lower a person's recognition of a certain period of their life, the more they will find a "pot man" to blame fiercely, just as unfortunate people in childhood will always complain about their original family.
It's not that Wang Xiaofei is right, individual parents are right, but when you can't reconcile in your heart and bite their problems, disputes and backlashes are inevitable, after all, who is willing to be the back-pot man as the wrongdoer, pay money and back the name?
So, what is inner reconciliation? It is to let go of the defenses and objectively and calmly admit that the marriage has come to this point, that there are problems with oneself, and that oneself has something in marriage.
Forehead...... For a woman who does lose a lot in her marriage, it does take time.
But I want to say that if you choose the wrong one, you will choose the wrong one, and there are many socialization factors that are secretly promoted, and it is not all due to themselves; Regret is regret, there is a movie line that says well, if life has no regrets, how boring it should be.
Maybe not every experience can give you plenty of nourishment, but at least don't let it be a stumbling block for you to move forward.
I'm still looking forward to Da S being on "Sister Lang", and I hope she can perceive one thing in the bouncing: what can unlock the girl's memories is not only the key to reuniting with your old lover, but also your talent, vitality and fighting spirit.
Author: Miss Bovary
Follow me, read people's hearts and understand the customs in the entertainment world.