Author: chestnut + feather
The Mom and Dad Institute (ID: mama_cn) was originally launched
01
Some time ago, Guo Jingjing posted a photo of her husband Huo Qigang and her three children appearing in Beijing's famous tourist attraction "Forbidden City and the Great Wall" on her social account.
In the photo, the three brothers and sisters stand in the Forbidden City with their backs to the camera, and his brother Huo Zhongxi is wearing a baseball cap, wearing a dark blue cotton coat and jeans, holding the small hands of his two younger sisters.
And six-year-old Huo Zhongyan and four-year-old Huo Zhongyi both wear high ponytails, wearing the same cotton clothes, standing very obediently on both sides of their brother, and the picture is also very warm and loving.
From another photo, it is not difficult to see that the weather on that day was also very good, sunny, blue sky and white clouds, and the scenery was pleasant.
Guo Jingjing was dressed as low-key and down-to-earth as ever, and I saw her wearing a light-colored fisherman hat, a black down jacket, light blue jeans, and 100-yuan sneakers on her feet, looking very simple.
I saw Guo Jingjing smiling, facing the camera sideways, standing obliquely on the Great Wall, forming a 45-degree angle with the ground.
And the cute little daughter Huo Zhongyi stared at her mother seriously, and the frontal photos were also rarely exposed, with beautiful eyebrows and exquisite facial features, and her mother Guo Jingjing was like copying and pasting.
There is also a photo of his son Huo Zhongxi imitating his mother's actions just now, standing leaning with a happy face, carrying a small schoolbag on his shoulder, holding a camera in his hand, his face looks kind and kind, and his father Huo Qigang's demeanor and temperament are also very similar.
Aren't these photos the same as the tourist photos I took?
In fact, the operation of Huo Qigang and Guo Jingjing has always been very "civilian".
As we all know, Guo Jingjing is a well-known thrift among wealthy daughters-in-law, using a 5-haired head rope, carrying a hundred yuan bag, and usually dressed plainly.
Moreover, her children do not pursue famous brands, she will also shop for children's clothes at roadside stalls, and even the shoes she buys for her children are only more than 100 yuan, and the proper "my family also has it" style.
And what about her husband Huo Qigang?
I like to take my children to the subway together, accompany my children to interest classes, and eat in ordinary restaurants, without the baggage of wealthy families at all.
Little children also need to earn pocket money by washing cars, and the "son of a wealthy family" should also sigh "It's not easy to make money!" ”
On holidays, they also specially take their children to the countryside to plant rice with their children, and let their children feel the hard-won food comes by.
It is clear that they are in the top wealthy family, but for so many years, they have always kept a simple and low-key, never deliberately rich children or pursuing famous brands, they just use the normal values of ordinary families to guide their children.
It can be said that compared with material support, Guo Jingjing and his wife pay more attention to the quality cultivation of children.
No matter how busy they are, they will make time to spend with their children.
Guo Jingjing and his wife not only gave their children the most loving companionship, but also insisted on teaching by example and setting an example for their children.
Li Bangxian of the Song Dynasty said: "Those who make rich and noble plans for their descendants are defeated nine out of ten; Those who do good and convenient things will benefit later. ”
Educate children, it is better to stay rich than to stay in Germany.
The most admirable thing about Guo Jingjing and his wife is that they clearly have indulgent capital, but they choose restraint.
But in many families, parents choose to respond materially to their children.
02
Raising children into a "rich second generation" is a tragedy
After becoming a parent, the child becomes a weakness. Most parents will feel that no matter how hard they are, they can't suffer their children, and no matter how tired they are, they can't tire their children.
Therefore, even for children from ordinary families, parents are spoiled and responsive to their children.
But we forget that once the time goes by, "responding to requests" becomes "taken for granted".
Children who do not understand the price of firewood and rice will only end up ignoring the height of the sky.
Just like the Weibo hot search that opened the eyes of netizens a few days ago.
A 13-year-old girl, Fufu, claimed to be an adult on social platforms, and spent 700,000 yuan in 6 months to buy several two-dimensional paintings on the Internet that "cannot be commercialized or disseminated, and can only be enjoyed by themselves". Among them, the most expensive painting cost 70,000 yuan.
When Fufu's mother learned about this, she angrily asked the seller to return the money, and said: "If my daughter can spend 70,000 yuan to buy a painting, I can spend 7 million to turn your circle upside down." ”
"If there is a daughter, there must be a mother", at the very least, one sentence reveals where Fufu's arrogance comes from.
What bad can a 13-year-old have?
Her boldness also comes only from habit.
Accustomed to the wealth of their parents, accustomed to the fact that they can spend it at will.
So, when children "see money as dung", who is responsible?
I don't know when the term "card stir-frying" spread among elementary school students.
A 10-year-old boy in Nanchang once swiped his father's Alipay for 1763 yuan and bought a large bag of Ultraman cards. He claims the cards could sell for 10 million in the future.
The truth is that these cards are worthless, just toy cards.
Only spending money on children and not telling children how to spend money will make children lack the concept of money.
It is precisely because children think that their parents' usual efforts are "taken for granted" that they lack gratitude to their parents and awe for life.
I once saw a story that was very touching.
A single mother, Haley, although her salary is small, she usually responds to her daughter's needs.
Once, my daughter said that she wanted a pen bag, and the price was equivalent to more than 100 yuan. Although she felt a little expensive, in order to satisfy her daughter, Hailey still bought it.
But when her daughter received the pen bag, she not only threw it away, but also lost her temper: "Everyone has that pen bag now, I don't want it." ”
At that moment, Hailey was furious, feeling that she had been trying her best to meet her daughter's needs, but she was so ignorant.
So, she decided to give her daughter a punishment so that she could learn to cherish what she had.
Hailey then took out a clear sandwich plastic bag and wrote her daughter's name on it, then said to her daughter: "This is your new pen bag."
And the pen bag that was thrown, Hayley asked her daughter to personally give it to someone in need.
To give away the new pen bag, and she can only use this transparent bag, her daughter is not a taste in her heart, and she gradually regrets her previous behavior.
Seeing her daughter's transformation, Hayley patiently explained to her why she did it, telling her children to cherish what they have, rather than treating everything as "should".
After that, she also selected more stationery with her daughter and gave it to families in financial difficulties along with the previous pen bag.
Hailey also reflected, she said: "I sometimes overreact and respond to children's needs, which leads to children not knowing how to cherish." ”
There are always parents who complain that their children do not know how to be grateful, but they do not expect that it is the self who coddles the child everywhere that wears out the child's grateful heart.
There is a law in psychology called "Beber's Law", which means that unilateral giving, not only does not get the expected return, but also makes the other party feel accustomed to it. If there is a little less love, the other party will feel annoyed and even speak ill of each other.
The child's ungrateful appearance now hides the bottomless efforts of the parents.
As parents, should we reflect on how our wholehearted dedication to our children should be expressed in money? Or should we cultivate a more correct worldview for our children?
03
The best love for children is to lead by example
The behavior of parents will subtly affect the growth of children.
When we use our own actions and patterns to influence children's words and deeds, and establish children's correct understanding of the world, children's spiritual world will become rich.
Just like Guo Jingjing and his wife educating their children, they have always taught by example.
Although they are in a wealthy family, Guo Jingjing and his wife take their children out relatively low-key, and they have never had luxury cars and groups of bodyguards.
The family of 5 dressed like an ordinary family, and his father Huo Qigang walked in front, checking the situation on the side of the sidewalk, like a bodyguard. And Guo Jingjing carefully taught the child how to ride.
When the children were tired of riding, Huo Qigang held them closely, and Guo Jingjing domineeringly moved 3 strollers alone, without pretentiousness, it was simply a mother's strength.
Unassuming, not material, Guo Jingjing and his wife are like this, subtly affecting children, so that children can feel the warmth of the family while also perceiving the simplicity of life.
And a father in Wuhan.
While passing through the subway station gate, his son, who followed him through the gate, inadvertently "escaped" the turnstile.
The father who was walking in front found out, immediately stopped, and said solemnly:
"Don't you have a card? Why don't you brush ah! ”
As soon as the boy heard this, he immediately took out his subway card and re-swiped it into the station.
Every detail can determine where the child will go later.
Parents who lead by example can take their children further.
Zhang Xiuting, a 36-year-old construction worker in Xi'an, works at the construction site from 7 a.m. to 8 p.m. every day, but she reads for two hours every night after work.
Zhang Xiuting said that because of the poor conditions at home when she was a child, she had little opportunity to study, and now she wants to improve herself and set an example for her 13-year-old children.
She said: "It can't be that you talk about the child, the child does it for you, you have to lead by example." ”
Just one sentence makes people empowered.
Yang Wei said: "Good education is not passively accepted and disciplined, but enlightens its consciousness and unconsciously being taught. ”
The best love for children is to subtly give children more energy and psychological nutrition.
Parents and children are actually a farewell that is gradually drifting apart.
Since we can't accompany our children through the whole of life, why not give them an example of facing their own life from an early age?
04
Mo Yan said: "Everyone is the first to receive family education, and it is also family education that is most affected. ”
Parents are your child's first teacher, and what kind of person you are, what kind of person your child will become.
The wealth of the family will eventually disperse, and spiritual prosperity is the greatest wealth you leave to your children.
For the rest of their lives, may parents lead by example and have a sense of measure;
May the children have gratitude and smiles on their faces.