The individualization of a person is harmed by the family of origin. Therefore, if you are willing to live happily in marriage and life in the future, girls still have to know how to easily take down their boyfriends' parents and communicate with them harmoniously. Perhaps the relationship between children and parents is very different from each other, and the personalization of children taken care of by different parents is also very different.
Today's manuscript and everyone sort out the four types of parents and parents, what kind of children do they create? This kind of child becomes your boyfriend after starting a family, so how can you get along with his family?
1. Four types of parents
1. Authoritative
The authoritative type can also be called the democratic type. This type of mom and dad will clearly propose effective rules for the child, and will carefully state the reason for the child to follow to ensure that the child can follow specific instructions.
Authoritative mom and dad will diligently "see" the child's request, give a lot of unconditional love insights and give replies. They also seek advice from their children on family matters. Therefore, authoritative parents can understand and value the child's opinions, and guide the child correctly in an effective, democratic, and not domineering way.
2. Authoritarian type
Authoritarian parents generally clearly put forward a variety of standards and expect their children to strictly implement them. It is generally not easy for them to express the importance of this standard to their children, but they are only forced to drive them to obey. It is good for the child to obey, and if he does not obey, he will be punished immediately.
Authoritarian parents usually do not have a keen sense of the crux of the contradiction between their children and themselves, and only expect their children to take what they often say as laws and regulations, and accept everything they give (often they believe in themselves too much and think that I am all for the good of their children).
3. Permissive type
The laissez-faire type is often referred to as the doting type. It is a child-based, boundless tolerance, unconditional love way of communication. This type of father and mother has few rules for children, allowing children to freely reflect their own experiences and desires, but they cannot closely monitor children's personal behavior, and rarely make decisive manipulation of children's personal behavior.
Instead of setting standards for food, clothing, housing and transportation for children, indefinitely considering children's chemical regulations, in the end, the child is arrogant and helpless to the child.
Teach you these common moves and easily take down your boyfriend's parents!
4. Non-participating type
Many uninvolved parents are absent from their children's food, clothing, housing and transportation, and do not pay attention to or know nothing about their children. For example, working hard for their own work, completely unable to take care of the parents who take care of their children.
Long-term migrant workers leave their children behind the parents of the elderly. This is a very indulgent and very evasive method of family education, this type of parents, either refusing the child's rules, or because they care too much about their own affairs and invest very little time and vitality in their children.
Second, how will the boyfriend suffer from the harm of his parents ?
The children cultivated by authoritative parents do not have too much pressure of family work, are positive, alone, have a sense of overall purpose, have a sense of responsibility and responsibility, and can carry out excellent cooperation with others.
The children raised by authoritarian parents will become "sensible children" in the eyes of many parents, but the long-term family atmosphere will also make the child's mentality and concepts more and more unstable, especially at that time of the child's rebellious period, and it is very easy to move towards extremes.
The children of laissez-faire moms and dads are usually not rotten in substance but very selfish.
Their ability to eat, clothing, housing and transportation, individual ability, bearing ability and interpersonal skills are relatively poor, and when they solve the pressure of social development and work in the future, without their parents as umbrellas, they will suffer greater hardships than the former two.
The harm of uninvolved parents to the direction of children's development is present, and such children are usually greatly affected, because of the long-term absence of parents and parents, children will become more and more alone, so that they are perfected too early. Perhaps, the lack of love in the natural environment will also make it impossible for such children to obtain satisfaction and superiority in the future.
Third, how to get along with his family friendly and easily win down his boyfriend's parents?
Authoritative parents are more democratic, they will effectively listen to the advice of their children, their rationality will prompt them to take into account the "unhappiness" that will occur in advance, and it is not easy to deliberately embarrass or be too strict with future daughters-in-law, but there are more effective estimates.
Therefore, looking at this kind of parents, it is easier to communicate, pay attention to the general code of conduct and etiquette knowledge, there should be practical topic discussion in terms of communication, be practical, concise and clear, try not to serve promises or sneak around, they are not sensitive to these words.
Their advice must be appropriately taken into account in daily life.
Authoritarian parents are more authoritarian, they are generally less able to listen to the advice of others, and they have strict requirements for themselves and their relatives, so that they have higher hopes for their daughters-in-law.
A more common situation in authoritarian families is the way in which mom and dad have monopoly on one side and silence on the other.
In this type of family style, the authoritarian party is a real lonely person.
They work wholeheartedly for their families, but their diligence is rarely "seen" by lovers and children, and they are less and less questioned and praised by their relatives. Therefore, they must be treated with tenderness by others.
Looking at this kind of boyfriend parents, the mentality should be gentle and intelligent, and also filled with carefulness. Be prepared enough time in advance, because they must be heard and understood, and verbally undoubted and praise the other party.
Perhaps, in the long-term daily life, it is necessary to effectively maintain the private space of one's own small family and the other party's father and mother family to prevent family disputes.
The laissez-faire type is also known as the doting type.
"There are many different reasons for pampering, and one of the most crucial reasons is the outward mapping of mom and dad's 'essential child'.
Pampered parents map their own 'essential children' to the actual children's hands, and they give to the children without limit, in fact, they are thinking about themselves without degree. ”
For this kind of family, the discussion between the two about how to mess with the boyfriend's parents is not as good as the discussion about how to take down the boyfriend.
Because of the children raised under the arrogant pampering, parents obey the child, the child is more seriously dependent on the relationship between friends, they cannot accept alone, must stick with others, they must be based on others' concern for themselves, so that they can feel that they have use value.
They rely first on their parents and eventually on their immediate family or their own children.
He is a purgatory for immediate family members and children, because he only understands the rules and makes his family care about him, but they turn a deaf ear to their family's experience. Second, inconfidence and arrogance follow them.
Therefore, in dealing with such a boyfriend, people cannot become the widening of his hands and feet, and continue the way his parents coddle him.
It is only in his interaction with him that he shapes his ability to perceive your experience and understand the experience of caring for you;
In addition, motivate him to do one thing after another alone, gaining confidence; So that gradually, he will accept delayed gratification.
Uninvolved parents are absent during the development of their boyfriend's childhood, and when the child grows up, the relationship with his parents is not intimate, and his feelings are less shared with his parents.
Therefore, his love and marriage parents will also participate less.
Solving the boyfriend parents under this type of family is relatively easy, and solving the authoritative parents is the same, maintaining basic etiquette knowledge and attention, moderate undoubtedness and praise in communication, and appropriate reference to the advice of the elderly in the size management decisions of daily life.
Marrying, marrying is actually the three views of a family.
Therefore, before marriage, it is necessary to clarify the other party's family method, understand how to look at it, and two people must also reach an agreement on the boundaries of the large family and the small family, so as to prevent the relationship between the two from being too much interfered with, and the food, clothing, housing and transportation are all chicken feathers.