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In the first issue of the "Annual Comedy Competition", there is a program that is very novel - the musical "The Voice of Father and Son".
It first used the way of musical drama to spit out the various "grinding" before the mother went out, and then the perspective changed, and the mother also expressed her "tiredness" of the family, and finally reversed, spitting out the father who must go to the toilet before going out.
The work is very real, and when everyone looks at it, they may think of their mother, the mother who is sometimes very nagging and abrasive, but also really hard.
So did I, and I thought of my mother, who was sometimes nagging and sometimes silent, sometimes irritable and sometimes sensitive and vulnerable.
And she became like this because she was about to enter menopause.
Yesterday, October 18, it was World Menopause Care Day, so today, let's talk about "misunderstood menopause".
<h1 class="pgc-h-arrow-right" data-track="19" > she is no longer God, she is afraid</h1>
Tell me a little story about my mom, when I called my mom a few years ago, I asked her if she was afraid of menopause.
Her answer to me was, "What are you afraid of?" That's a natural physiological phenomenon, and it's normal to be old. ”
And just a few days ago, when I was on the phone with my father, he suddenly said: "Your mother often said recently that she is very afraid of amenorrhea, and you have time to persuade her more." ”
The woman who had previously vowed to say "not to be afraid" was like a frightened child when menopause really came.
In the Korean drama "Please Answer 1988", when Luo Meilan, who has always been fierce, chatted with her sisters, she suddenly said very seriously: "I announced something, I seem to have amenorrhea." ”
The leopard lady, who seemed to be unable to defeat anyone, could only pretend to be strong in the face of amenorrhea.
These are women's menopausal fears, which stem from women's anxiety about age, from the discomfort of menopausal physiological responses, from their inability to age or even death...
But these are only superficial factors, women's fears of menopause, and the deeper level comes from society's "stigmatization of menopause".
She's no longer her, she's "disappearing"
Let's think about a question: What comes to mind when you think of the word menopause?
Irritable, inexplicable, incomprehensible, crazy shrew...
Objective descriptions of menopause are gradually imposed with a derogatory and discriminatory connotation.
What about people who encounter menopause? What might you say?
"What's wrong with you lately?" Wouldn't it be menopause? I guess it is! ”
"People who are so old, what can't go through a menopause?"
"What is menopause, there is no need to take medicine at all, just think too much, don't take care of it!"
The contempt and ridicule of "menopausal disease" has also become a contempt and ridicule of "themselves".
But what about the facts?
According to Wikipedia, menopause can lead to a series of symptoms such as sexual aging, psychorheological symptoms, cardiovascular symptoms...
These menopausal women, in addition to suffering from the disease, continue to bear the misunderstanding of the disease by others, and the harm caused by this ignorance.
They label them with indifference or labeling as "menopause," and then they can rightfully ignore their emotional expressions.
Their depression, helplessness, and anger can all be hidden in the phrase "Are you menopausal?" "After that.
Menopause is no longer a physical fact for them, but instead becomes a weapon against them.
Other than that?
Menopause means that a woman is no longer a teenage girl, and she loses two "values as a young woman" at the same time: one is that youth is no longer there, and the other is no longer functional.
Her youth is gone.
It is as if, at the moment when menopause comes, the "death" of "adolescence" is officially declared. Go to bed early and get up early to drink more water, skin care products, medical beauty, these tools and means in the face of the 50-year-old sentence, lost their efficacy, she is no longer as beautiful as a girl.
Her function is no longer.
It was as if, after losing the reproductive function of the uterus, she was also forced to lose the function of the person. When one of the physical abilities possessed by a woman is lost, she thinks that she is no longer needed by society.
These external "rules" make her feel that after menopause , "she is no longer her" .
So this is where all the stigma that comes in—when she's no longer her, she's justified in being unjustified.
But is that right?
Does she have to have youth capital and fertility value to be eligible to be confronted?
Shouldn't it be: whatever she looks like, whether she has "functional attributes" or not, she should be respected?
Shouldn't it be: whether she is a menopausal woman or not, as long as she is a woman, her "place of use" can only be "to be herself"?
She is her in adolescence, she is also her in menopause, she will always be her, she will always belong to herself.
<h1 class="pgc-h-arrow-right" data-track="97" > Don't be afraid, I'm here</h1>
Maybe you, who are reading this article, also have a woman in your family who is going through menopause.
I can understand that at some point, her emotional outbursts can indeed put a lot of stress and even boredom on the child, but the argument or comfort in that moment is not enough to solve the problem.
The root of the problem is to heal her. The premise of healing her is to recognize her, to see her, to respect her.
In "Please Answer 1988", Dog Huan gave Ms. Luo Meilan a wedding, which gave the menopausal Leopard Lady great comfort.
We may not have to prepare for such a grand wedding, but there is still a lot we can do—
For example, when she loses her temper, don't scare her "can you please stop shouting", but comfort her not to be angry, or talk to her quietly for a while, and if it is really not possible, wash her an apple and say "hurry up";
For example, when she is in a low, depressed state, don't blame her for "who messed with you again", but ask her softly, "What happened to you, I can help you solve it", or if you really can't do it, just pat her;
For example, you can be more tolerant of her, just as she was tolerant of you when you were adolescence.
(But at the same time, I also hope that a small number of mothers will not hurt their families in the name of menopause, oh, tolerance is not unilateral, but mutual ~)
Let's tell a little story.
When I came home on National Day last time, I brought home two pairs of jeans from Beijing, and I said to my mother: "These two leglets are not suitable, you change it for me, and it is valuable to change a trouser cuff in Beijing." ”
She took it, took the needle and thread very carefully, unbuttoned the cuffs of her pants little by little, cut them short, sewed them, and then happily gave them to me and asked me to try to see if they fit.
I took it and tried it, and then I said, "It's so fitting, it has to be my mom." She was happy after hearing it.
But in fact, what I didn't say was that it wasn't that Beijing was too expensive to change the leg of your pants, but that I wanted you to understand that I needed you.
Yes, even if you're in your 50s, even if you're menopausal, your kids still need you to be there for even this little thing.
You are being needed and you are always being needed.
What I didn't say was —
Menopausal mom, this time, let me protect you.
Like you once said to me, "Don't be afraid, Mommy is here."
This time, I was there too.
Do you have people around you who are going through menopause?
How did you get along with them?
Let's discuss it together in the comments section