When Lily Chen was 38 years old, she met a man with a similar experience to herself and married him.
I finally had the crystallization of love with the man, and I planned to risk my advanced age to give birth to this child, but I didn't expect that my husband and in-laws strongly opposed it, and even ignored her.
After 100 days of the child, her husband still disappeared, and Lily Chen reluctantly contacted the mediation reporter and asked her to help find her husband and ask for an explanation.
Why is Lily Chen's husband's attitude so different before and after marriage? What is the contradiction between the couple?
All this also starts with the love between the two.
Frustrated encounter, unexpected second spring
Two years ago, Chen Lili was introduced by a friend and met Zhang Wu, who was 4 years younger than herself. Both are divorced singles in Hengyang, and as soon as they came into contact with each other, they opened the chatterbox.
Later, Lily Chen and Zhang Wu lived together, and the two became a close couple. During the relationship, Zhang Wu responded to Lily Chen's requests. At first, the woman felt that she was older and had little confidence in the relationship. In order to make his girlfriend happy and give her a sense of security, Zhang Wu bought a ring of more than 6,000 pieces to show his heart.
Not long after, Lily Chen saw that her colleague had a ring worth more than 10,000, which was very eye-catching. Zhang Wu also didn't say a word, and bought the same model with his pocket.
The mother saw that Zhang Wu was so considerate to her daughter and was very happy for her.
She knows that her daughter is a very cautious person who has not looked for a new partner for more than a decade after separating from her ex-husband. Now that her daughter is able to reconsider her life's events, motherhood is naturally gratifying.
It's just that her daughter is 4 years older than her boyfriend, and Li Fuxiang is worried that Lily Chen will have the upper hand in this relationship, and it is not clear how the man's family will view the relationship between the two.
In the subsequent relationship, Li Fuxiang found that Zhang Wu did not love Lily Chen so much. When the two talked about the object, there was a Chinese New Year's Eve that Lily Chen called her boyfriend to the house for Chinese New Year's Eve dinner. That night, Lily Chen had a headache, but before the meal was finished, Zhang Wu urged Lily Chen to go to her work unit to receive red envelopes.
Li Fuxiang said in front of Zhang Wu: "She has a headache, the unit is so far away, forget about the red envelope." But Zhang Wu didn't listen, he asked Lily Chen to simply clean up and went out.
From this detail, the future mother-in-law saw that Zhang Wu did not care about Lily Chen. In addition, Li Fuxiang also believes that Zhang Wu is not an emotionally stable man, sometimes angry and will move his hands and feet.
After contacting Zhang Wu, Li Fuxiang consciously or unintentionally reminded his daughter: This man is not worth entrusting, you better consider it again.
Unexpectedly, Lily Chen directly fought with the other party without telling her mother.
Three chapters of the covenant, a marriage full of gunsmoke
After all, the two are both second marriages, and both parties have clarified their respective boundaries before receiving the certificate. Lily Chen has a car and a house in her name, and she drafted a prenuptial property agreement.
Zhang Wu's mother clearly told Chen Lili: The Zhang family has more than one million debts, both sons have been divorced, and the children are currently being carried by the elderly. If Lily Chen wants to marry Zhang Wu, the family can no longer have children.
Lily Chen did not take these to heart, she felt that the debt did not need to be repaid, and the child's affairs would be analyzed in detail later. For her, the most unpleasant thing is her age.
Chen Lili believes that the reason why her mother-in-law said "ugly words" in front is because she is 4 years older than her son. During daily contact, she always felt that her in-laws were cold-eyed and did not pay much attention to this marriage.
Zhang Wu didn't worry as much as Lily Chen, he said: Since the two have decided to live together, the most important thing is to try to run the small family well. And the reason why he doesn't mind Lily Chen's age is because he sees her carefulness and steadiness, and believes that she will become a good stepmother and treat her and his ex-wife's son well.
After marriage, Zhang Wu found that things were not as happy as he thought.
He handed over the financial power to his wife, but every time Lily Chen asked for money to buy things for the children, the couple had to quarrel. Whether it is buying sneakers for her children or taking them to eat KFC, Lily Chen feels that she is consuming the common property of both parties. Zhang Wu was physically and mentally exhausted by this, and could only try to avoid confrontation with his wife.
Later, the interest relationship between the husband and wife became more and more complicated, and the two sides gradually tore their faces. After marriage, the two spent 80,000 yuan together and bought a car with a mortgage. After that, he also invested in opening a milk tea shop and started a business.
Zhang Wu said that it was also from the beginning of opening the store that he realized that his wife was a woman who valued interests very much. At that time, Zhang Wu opened the shop in a hurry, did not hire extra manpower, and could only be busy by himself.
And instead of helping, Lily Chen saw that the milk tea shop had just opened and made a lot of money, so she immediately asked him to sign a share agreement. She wants to ensure that the 30,000 yuan she invests can get the maximum dividend.
This made him feel particularly chilled. Unexpectedly, later, when the milk tea shop business lost money, Chen Lili was even more anxious like an ant on a hot pot, not only going to the store every day to make trouble, asking her husband to return his principal, but also doing something that made the Zhang family hate it so much.
Zhang Wu recalled that it was the darkest time in his life, when business was not going well and his family was not harmonious. It happened that at that time, my brother, who came to help in the store, broke his leg, and after a day of recuperation at home, he found that the injury was not right, and he rushed to the hospital for treatment.
Zhang Wu told Lily Chen to drive the private car that the two jointly purchased that day so that she could send her brother to treatment. Lily Chen said yes, but turned around and sold the car.
This made the Zhang family completely turn their faces: obviously it is the joint property of husband and wife, why did Lily Chen dispose of the car by herself? What's more, this is still at a critical juncture in the use of the car!
Zhang Wu felt more and more that his wife was a very cool person, and the relationship between the two became even more stiff.
Seeing that she was becoming more and more estranged from her husband, Lily Chen had an idea in her heart: or have a child to save this marriage.
Insist on having children, an uncertain future
At the age of 39, Lily Chen was pregnant with a child.
Upon learning of her pregnancy, the Zhang family asked Lily Chen to go to the hospital as soon as possible for an abortion, because the family was really unable to raise her.
In the blink of an eye, the fetus is four months old, and Lily Chen has not yet made a decision. At that time, she thought that her husband had acquiesced and decided to gamble, and when the child came to earth, maybe things would turn around.
When they were seven months pregnant, the couple had the most intense argument. The husband is dissatisfied with his wife's insistence and repeatedly emphasizes that his current financial situation does not allow him to raise children. Since then, Zhang Wu has left the house and blocked all of Lili Chen's contact information. But Lily Chen believes that the reason why the two have made trouble at this point is because Zhang Wu's mother and younger brother have been fanning the flames.
In this way, Lily Chen spent the third trimester of pregnancy alone, and Zhang Wu did not appear until after the birth of the child.
At present, the child has been taken by Lili Chen's mother, Li Fuxiang. In order to make a living, Lily Chen resumed interviewing to find a job, and after being busy every day, she went back to her mother's house to see the children.
It can be seen that Li Fuxiang loves her grandson very much, but when she mentions her son-in-law, she is indignant: "The child's father is dead, and he has no father." ”
The man left a son in his first marriage, and has been investing his main economic resources in the eldest son, resolutely refusing to have a new child. He resented his wife deeply, believing that she had caused trouble for everyone.
During Lili Chen's pregnancy, her in-laws' family repeatedly asked her to kill the baby. Li Fuxiang also revealed that such a thing also happened once 2 years ago.
At that time, Lily Chen completed the abortion under the pressure of her in-laws' family, and did not receive considerate care after that, but seamlessly helped in the store. As a result, she experienced heavy bleeding a month later due to overwork. At that time, the man also ignored the attitude, or the employee discovered Lily Chen's abnormality and sent her to the hospital for treatment.
Li Fuxiang was distressed by her daughter's experience, so when her daughter became pregnant for the second time, she did not hesitate to show her face in order to keep the fetus, and cried at the door of her relatives for most of the year.
However, the Zhang family's attitude has always been very tough: if your daughter has to give birth, then raise it yourself, and our Zhang family will not want this child!
After putting aside the cruel words, they really stopped interacting with their in-laws. Whether it was Lily Chen's birthday or the child's 100th birthday, no one in the Zhang family had come to visit their mother and son, let alone pay a penny for the child's living expenses.
When the reporter went to the Zhang family to mediate, he found that the Zhang family actually had good living conditions and lived in a magnificent country house.
But mother-in-law Wu Guihua and father-in-law Zhang Wei resolutely refused to admit that they had the financial ability to raise their children. said that it was in order to build this house that the family owed more than 1 million yuan, which was also confessed to his daughter-in-law before marriage.
As soon as they met, they counted Lily Chen, saying that she was clever and had clearly come to ask for money. They also talked about Lily Chen's behavior of seeing money, saying that the fate of the two families was over, and they would not recognize this grandson at all.
The two sides are deadlocked, and this negotiation can only be put on hold for the time being. On the way back, the reporter also tried to open Lily Chen's heart and asked her if she had divided her finances too clearly in this relationship.
Lily Chen said that she is a person with low self-esteem. She lost her father at an early age and depended on her mother for her life. After graduating from high school, Lily Chen went out to work to earn money to supplement her family. She started with real estate sales, climbed up step by step, and finally broke out of her own world, saving money to buy two properties and a car.
When her career was successful, Lily Chen was betrayed by her first husband. For a long time, she did not dare to start a new relationship, and her sense of security was extremely lacking.
After meeting Zhang Wu, she even held her property in her hands, thinking that this would avoid repeating the mistakes of the past. Unexpectedly, the relationship between the husband and wife became weaker and weaker, and even made a fuss to the point of turning over.
Now, the husband refuses to even show his ID card and get a birth certificate for his children. Lily Chen did not have the luxury of repairing the relationship, and only asked her husband to fulfill his responsibilities as a father.
After several rounds of mediation, the two parties finally reached an agreement, and Zhang Wu would pay 600 yuan a month for the child maintenance before the two divorced.
Lily Chen felt that the matter had come to this, and it could be regarded as a basic explanation for the child. From now on, she will raise her children alone.
Marriage is the union of two families, mixed with intricate relationships and interests. Lily Chen is an inferior and sensitive person, who is self-defeating because she values interests too much; And the Zhang Wu family does lack the empathy of empathy, only blindly considering their own situation, and do not care about their daughter-in-law's feelings.
In the final analysis, if you want to manage your marriage stably and happily, both parties are bound to make their own compromises and concessions in order to have contacts and live their lives. With pure egoism like Lily Chen and Zhang Wu, the marriage will fall apart sooner or later.
In fact, in the whole incident, the child is the most innocent. From the beginning, he was used as the glue of the family. After he was born, he was not treated well by his father's family and almost became a "fatherless child".
I only hope that Zhang Wu, as a father, can fulfill his responsibilities and obligations in the future and give his children a warm childhood.
@艾弥儿 says
If you want to deal with the second marriage very well, it is still quite difficult. When I do emotional counseling, I will find that couples who are married for the first time are rarely financially AA system, basically everyone thinks that getting married is living together, and having children is more of a family, and money is spent more and less, and finally it is left to children. Therefore, it is basically possible to share blessings and difficulties, and it will not be particularly clear. Of course, if one party is from a rich and noble family, and the other party is an ordinary family, some prenuptial agreements and the like may be signed, after all, this is a minority, and most of the people who combine are ordinary people with similar economic levels.
But the second marriage is often different, first of all, when the first marriage is still many people still hold the idea of living a lifetime together, but by the time of the second marriage, everyone has had a failed marriage experience, and they all know that the white head is a good wish, but it may not be really realized, so there will be a little selfishness and a little wait-and-see attitude. In addition, if one of the two people already has his own children in the previous marriage and does not plan to have children in the second marriage, then you will find that everyone will be inclined like their own children in terms of financial interests, and may not be fully committed to the family of the second marriage. This kind of thing is very common, because the vast majority of people are ordinary people, not financially to the extent of wealth freedom, they have to calculate how to spend money, pay off mortgages, get children a good education, and so on. When there is not enough money to spend, trade-offs will naturally arise.
Originally, the two sides had a little wait-and-see attitude, a little selfishness, coupled with the emergence of economic pressure, it was easy to be suspicious, feeling that the other party's mind was not on their side, which aggravated some economic contradictions between the two people.
In addition, there are many voices in society now, such as falling in love is better than making money, such as marriage is not as good as earning money to bring more security to yourself, and so on. That is, everyone's emphasis on economic interests often exceeds the importance of feelings. Whether it is a celebrity or an ordinary person, there have also been many examples of selfless dedication in marriage, and finally the other party changed his heart or divorced, making himself very embarrassed. So, a lot of people are becoming more and more afraid to invest.
So I found that many second marriages and third marriages are relatively independent economically, or sign a prenuptial agreement, or return their respective houses and property before marriage, or even if there is no explicit AA system, in terms of post-marriage expenses, two people consciously or unconsciously will each bear their respective parts.
But what is marriage? I personally feel that marriage is to a large extent economic integration, such as in ancient times when women could not go out to make money, then the division of labor was very clear, men made money to support the family, women married and taught children, this is a division of labor and cooperation that plays their own strengths, and then integrates economically. Another important function is the fusion of blood relations, where two people jointly produce and raise offspring. However, many second-married couples have neither economic integration nor blood integration, which is a bit like partnering to live a life, so it is easy to have some rifts and contradictions, and the divorce rate of second marriage is much higher than that of first marriage.