"Good Will Hunting", I believe many people who want to learn or want to know about psychological counseling have seen this film.
So let's revisit "Mind Catcher" today, understand the process of psychological counseling, and see what characteristics a good psychological counselor has.
The mysterious mathematical genius Will is about to be sent to the detention center for fighting and causing trouble, and the famous mathematics professor releases him on bail, but puts forward two conditions: one is to solve math problems together, and the other is to receive psychological counseling.
After humiliating 5 psychiatrists in succession, the genius boy met a different counselor - Shane. Just like genius meets genius, two people are also teachers and friends, constantly passing tricks and duels, and their hearts collide with each other.
Let's first look at the visitor Will Will, what are the characteristics of this protagonist?
1. Genius
Will is a truly high IQ, so powerful in mathematics that even a professor who has spent his life studying mathematical problems cannot match, and his knowledge of history and law is admirable. On the one hand, they dare not show their talents, and on the other hand, they often use their IQ to crush the people around them, including Harvard students, psychological counselors, etc.
2. Problem teenagers
Will was abandoned by his parents, abused by his stepfather, and thrown between multiple foster families, and the pain of abandonment caused him severe psychological trauma, resulting in a variety of antisocial tendencies and behaviors: rebellious personality, trouble, emotional isolation, and fighting, self-deception.
3. There is both desire and fear of love and relationships, and there is always a belief that "I don't deserve it."
As a child who has experienced too much abandonment and abuse in his early years, instead of waiting to be abandoned in panic, it is better to actively seek abandonment. Therefore, whether it is a teacher-student relationship, a counseling relationship, or an intimate relationship, he will naturally destroy and successfully verify his inner belief that no one really likes him.
He always had a belief that "I don't deserve it." He thinks he doesn't deserve a good life, he doesn't deserve a genius IQ, he doesn't deserve the love of others.
Once things go in a good direction, the thought of "I don't deserve" jumps up and prompts him to do something to destroy it all. Then, go back to the odd jobs, which seems to be the pattern of life that people like him are allowed to live.
4. Forced consultation
For psychological counseling, Will is very resistant in his heart, he is full of distrust of the world, wraps himself in a thick shell, does not allow himself to show vulnerability, and in the first consultation with several psychological counselors, provokes and attacks everywhere, defeats the counselor, and makes the subsequent counseling impossible.
In psychological counseling, there are many people who are forced to come to counseling, such as "rebellious" teenagers who are forced by their parents, young people who have long-term social difficulties and are finally pulled by their families, and so on.
Often this type of client requires more work from the counselor to open their defenses.
As a counselor's assistant - the bridge between the counselor and the client, when watching the movie, I can't help but think, if I encounter this type of visitor in my life, what kind of counselor should I recommend to match it?
To deal with this client who is both a counselor and a genius, what wisdom and skill this counselor must need.
We can see what characteristics Shane, the counselor who is a perfect match for him, has:
First, there is strength, calmness, truthfulness and sincerity
In the first meeting, Will attacked the counselor as usual, poking the most painful part of Shane's heart, and Shane's reaction was very real, sternly posing that Will would not allow him to touch his bottom line. This shocked Will a little.
However, after being attacked, Shane quickly returns to his position as a counselor and sees the essence of the problem: Will is just a frightened and stupid child who protects himself through aggressive behavior.
In the second meeting, Shane still showed up, which was beyond Will's realization, and even if he deliberately provoked, Shane still did not give up on him, and showed the ability of the counselor and the sincerity of helping him: I understand you, I am willing to help you. I can't possibly learn about you from book theory unless you want to talk about yourself and who you are.
"You're just a kid, you don't know what you're talking about. Since you haven't left Boston, ask you about art, and you might come up with superficial arguments from art books.
You know a lot about Michelangelo, his political ambitions and his papal sexuality so works, right? But you don't know the smell of the Sistine Chapel, you've never stood there and looked at that beautiful ceiling, I've seen it.
If I asked you about women, you would tell the fallacy of personal preference, and you'd probably been to bed a few times. But you can't describe the happiness of waking up next to a woman.
You are a very stubborn child, I ask you about war, you will say Shakespeare's words, go to the battlefield together, dear friend. But you've never come close to war, never hugged your friend's head to your knees and watched him take his last breath and cry out for help.
If I ask you about love, you will quote sonnets. But you've never seen a woman's fragility that can knock you down with both eyes; Feel that God has sent angels to mortal for you, and she can save you from hell. You don't understand what it's like to be an angel and have her love forever. Going through it all, going through cancer. You can't experience the feeling of lying in the hospital for two months, holding her tiny hand. Because the doctor knows as soon as he sees you that the rules on meeting time are not valid for you.
You don't understand true loss, because you can only experience it by loving others more than yourself, and you should not dare to love others like that.
Look at you, I don't see smart and confident, I see arrogant children who are scared stupid. But you are a genius, no one can deny it, no one can understand your depth. But when you look at my paintings, you know me, and you tear my life apart.
You're an orphan, right. I think I'll know how hard your days are, how you feel, who you are. Is it because I've seen the fog all orphans? Is it too simplifying for you? I don't care, because you know what, I don't know anything about you. I can't get to know you from any books unless you want to talk about yourself, about the real you. Then I was fascinated and I was willing to join.
But you don't want to do that, do you? You're afraid you'll be frightened by what comes out, and it's your turn to say it, big brother. ”
When Will listened, his heart was disturbed and he fell into a deep silence.
This paragraph is simply the most wonderful monologue of the entire movie! As a moviegoer, after hearing such a monologue, I felt very shocked, not only for Shane's experience and knowledge, but also for his penetrating clear expression ability, the emotions infused with language, and the strength and sincerity of this consultant.
Shane's performance throughout the movie really explains the best state of a psychological counselor: resolute without hostility, affection without temptation.
Second, wise, inclusive, warm and complete
In the work of Shane and Will, it can be felt that he is a very warm and emotional counselor. He respects the client as a whole person. He is real and heavy, giving Will enough patience not to impose his own values on Will.
In the development of Will and Skyland's relationship, Shane never really "educated" Will what to do, but guided Will by discussing intimacy with him and sharing his own stories and emotions: To love someone is to accept his imperfections, and at the same time dare to confess himself and let the other person understand your imperfections. Man is unique because of imperfection and more beautiful because of his flaws.
"My wife farts whenever she is nervous, she has all kinds of wonderful little traits, and one night she was so loud that she woke up the dog. God, it's been two years since she died, and a wonderful little thing like that is what I miss the most.
Those little qualities made her my wife, and she knew all my little flaws, which people call imperfect, but they weren't, and they were good things, and they could choose who to let into our little world.
You're not perfect, I don't want to whet your appetite, and the girl you know isn't perfect, but the key is whether you fit into each other perfectly, and intimacy is what it is.
You can learn about everything in the world, but the only way to go back to the roots is to try it yourself. ”
This gave Will courage and a positive influence to make important decisions on his own (go to Skyland's dormitory to find her, and finally go to California to find Skyland).
In Will's future development, the mathematics professor hopes that the gifted Will can also be as successful as himself, while Shane hopes that Will can truly recognize what kind of life he wants and make his inner choice.
It is also clarified here that although psychological counselors are called "teachers" in China, psychological counseling is not psychological education, and it is not to judge and educate visitors.
◎ The concept of formal psychological counseling is to help others help themselves, help visitors grow up, and have their own strength to be responsible for their own lives and feelings.
Therefore, counselors are not teachers, and psychological counseling is not about changing people or manipulating people to make people become a certain right. Counselors are more of a companion and guide, helping you remove obstacles to growth and become better yourself in a healing and safe counseling relationship.
And what finally unties Will's heart is the two wonderful dialogues at the end of the film, Shane says to Will: "Do you have your own soul mate?" Have you ever worked sincerely on this?", at which point Will fell into reflection and self-remorse.
Shane repeated the phrase over and over again in a heart-to-heart tone, "It's not your fault", and Will's accumulated grievances, fears, and pains in his heart for many years all exploded. Will hugged Shane tightly, crying like a child.
At that moment, Will's defensive heart has been completely washed away, and he has been redeemed.
The relationship between people is wonderful, and a high-quality relationship is like a healing field where the tears and wounds of our growth are healed.
So, in addition to the relatively healthy personality and the need to undergo strict professional knowledge and skills training, in general, what personality traits does a good counselor have?
(1) Have a strong interest in people, full of curiosity and like to inquire;
(2) have the ability to listen;
(3) Good at communication, like to communicate with others;
(4) Empathy, good at understanding others, and putting themselves in their shoes;
(5) Strong emotional insight, good at dealing with various emotional problems;
(6) Introspective, have a clear understanding of their own abilities, and be good at grasping themselves in the process of psychological counseling;
(7) tolerant and have the ability to control their grievances;
(8) Humor, which can discover the positive and interesting side of life. ”
Finally, I hope you can find a consultant that suits you.