#我的生活也是头条 #
Text/Lan's mother talks about parenting
A mother once said that after the child passes the age of 8, the pocket should achieve the freedom of pocket money, if the parents are still in charge of the east and west, and they are unwilling to give pocket money, maybe the child will "steal"
In the face of children stealing money, what do you as parents think? Is it to punish you severely, or is it worried that the child's character will be corrupted?
In fact, children stealing money is not only habitual and misbehaving, but also loopholes and defects in family education
The essay "Coward" written by Sanmao, a total of 3,500 words, is a story about her childhood stealing money
At the beginning of the article, it did not directly say about stealing money, but only described the matter in a bland way
The second part is to fully let the reader feel abstract psychological feelings with concrete facial actions
The third part portrays the psychological changes after stealing money, and the whole person is not sitting or standing, as if he is sick
In fact, when her mother found out that she had less money, she did not suspect Sanmao
And Sanmao did not enjoy the freedom of pocket money after stealing 5 yuan from the family, but began an uncomfortable period of mental suffering
After experiencing a series of psychological tortures such as refusing to take off clothes to sleep, not having the heart to listen to stories, and refusing to bathe, Sanmao finally gave up possession of the stolen pocket money
He quietly put the money into the gap between the wall and the cabinet, and then hinted that his mother was blown by the wind
Sanmao's story tells us that the taste of stealing money is not good, and the original intention of stealing money is not to do bad things, but to satisfy the abundance of money in your pocket when walking
That year, I was already in the third grade of elementary school, but I had never had pocket money, and the New Year's money was not for my own discretion, Chinese New Year's Eve put it under the pillow to sleep, and then after the New Year, I had to obediently give it to my mother, they said that this money was to be saved for future college use."
This is the motive of "stealing money" in the sense of youth and ignorance—the more you don't get it, the more you have to find a way to get it
Like Sanmao, there were childhood memories of "stealing money" and fidgeting when he was a child, and even a "cheating" experience that many people had, without reasoning or preaching, the intriguing taste of eduitating in humor evoked the memories of many people?
Why children steal money, I think the most should reflect on parents
My colleague Xiaofang once told me that when she was 13 years old, she had a good friend who had a birthday and asked her mother for pocket money to buy a birthday gift for her friend, and she was rejected
In the end, the money did not arrive, and he was viciously criticized by his mother, saying that "you are a thing that eats inside and outside, your mother has not seen to buy gifts for her birthday, and her friends are so attentive on their birthdays"
However, Xiaofang had already told her friends about buying gifts, and in terms of friendship and not getting pocket money, Xiaofang had no choice but to steal the hundred yuan in her mother's bag
After this matter was known by her mother, she was indispensable to criticize and scold, but compared to the hurt of language and scolding, what Xiaofang could not accept the most was that her mother always said about stealing money in front of outsiders, and every time she would be hurt to the end
At the level of Xiaofang's psychological activities, her starting point for stealing money is to fulfill the promise of friendship, and it is not an unforgivable crime of murder and arson, why do you say this matter so badly and badly in front of outsiders
Probably because she had such a "dishonorable" experience since she was a child, Xiaofang was particularly sensitive when she grew up, especially in matters related to money
When I was a child, I often heard adults say that "I stole needles when I was a child, and I stole needles when I grew up", and I always felt that stealing things was very shameful
But after really experiencing the empty pocket, licking your face and asking your parents for pocket money to return to ruthlessly refuse criticism, the kind of loss and obsession with not getting something will turn into a painful psychology of low self-esteem and even restlessness after stealing money
Children's "stealing money" is not as misbehaved and bad as I thought, and many times the most reflective is the parents themselves
As parents, they always feel that they have no worries about food and clothing every day, but everything they use, eat, and need is available at home, so children do not need money
However, they forget that even children have their own needs, they have their own hobbies, circle of friends, and their own consumption needs
If these cannot be decided by themselves, then how can children independently cope with more choices and consumer needs in society in the future?
Behind every child who "steals money", there is actually a scar that is not willing to be exposed
There is a boy who is usually more obedient and timid
After going to school, because he didn't want to be bullied and beaten, he went home to steal money to "curry" over his classmates
After my mother knew about this matter, not only was she not understood and comforted, but she also criticized that "it is really a shame to be bullied when you are so big."
Since then, the boy has become less talkative and keeps his distance from his classmates, especially those who often bully him, and even has to go to the toilet for ten minutes
And the cowardice and timidity hidden in the bones will also be the biggest pain in the boy's growth, and it may take a lifetime to heal in the future
There is also a girl whose family conditions were not very good when she was a child
Every time I see my classmates taking money to buy stationery and snacks at school, I feel very envious in my heart
Once, a classmate gave her a bag of snacks and was reluctant to eat them for a day
After returning home, I planned to share the food with my mother, but I didn't expect my mother to find the bag of snacks first and wronged the girl for stealing something
The girl closed the door and cried for a long, long time, no longer missing snacks, no longer coveting pocket money freedom, because she knew that even if she asked her mother for it, she would not give it, and she would even be scolded by splitting her head and covering her face
Later, when the girl grew up and could earn money, she still didn't buy snacks to eat, buy favorite clothes, and the money she earned every month was not only handed over to her mother to save, but also did not know what to do and how to spend it
Everyone says that the girl is a "mommy girl", but I saw her helplessness and sadness, because she was a child "not allowed to spend money", so she "won't spend money" when she grows up, and this childhood scar takes a lifetime to heal
On the topic of stealing money when children were young, I also interviewed some friends around me, and found that most children had the experience of "stealing money" when they were young, but they eventually grew up smoothly, and there was no problem with character development in adulthood
It can be seen that children's "stealing money" is a relatively common problem, parents should not talk about color change, it is better to reflect on themselves more, help children establish the correct sense of money
When children can be alone and healthy and have pocket money freedom, these bad behaviors will naturally be close to Zhu Zhi
Now that we understand the importance of pocket money freedom for children, how can we have pocket money freedom and what should parents do?
First, give the child some time and be more tolerant
Her 12-year-old daughter spotted a beautiful watch, and she and her 8-year-old brother took 200 yuan from their mother's bag
One and a half of them each received 100 yuan
The mother found that there was 200 yuan missing from her wallet, and did not make everyone know, but used her tolerance and giving the child more time to pull the child back from the edge of mistake
At dinner, the mother said to the two children:
"It's really strange, I didn't go anywhere today, my wallet is 200 yuan less, is it a thief at home?" If the 200 yuan is still not found tomorrow, I think the police should be asked to find out what happened."
My sister was more timid, and took advantage of her mother's efforts to wash the dishes and quietly put her 100 yuan into her wallet
The next day, the mother said to the two children:
"It seems that your mother is really confused, yesterday there was actually 100 yuan less in the wallet, I feel that the family should not be thieves, it may be that the mother is careless, accidentally where to put the money, if you find out, remember to tell your mother"
In the afternoon, under the signal of the younger brother, the mother and son found 100 yuan in the mezzanine of the cabinet where the wallet was placed
Since then, the loss of money has ended here, and the siblings no longer have the idea of "stealing money", because they have an understanding and tolerant mother who knows how to give time to children, even if they have material needs, they can directly tell their mothers
Therefore, the first step for children to have pocket money freedom is for parents to give their children more time to grow up slowly, even if they do something wrong, they must use a tolerant attitude to pull their children back from the brink of making mistakes
Second, pay attention to the child's "pocket money" needs
Every child who "steals money" has a motive for making mistakes, what is their motivation?
Quite simply, there is a material need for something
It could be liking something, it could be a friendship gift, it could be being bullied or threatened...
All in all, no matter what reason the child is "stealing money", all parents need to do is pay attention to understanding and listening
After all, who can be without a sage? The nature of every child is not bad, how parents guide, how children will develop
To use an analogy: children who have pocket money freedom begin to extravagant and wasteful, especially if classmates have things they must have
And this kind of overconsumption vanity, as a parent, must not continue to let go
At this time, the way of freedom of pocket money for children also needs to be changed, in addition to the Spring Festival money red envelope, every penny of children's pocket money should pay corresponding labor
For example, picking up bottles, selling cartons, or working part-time during holidays, exchanging their physical strength, labor, and wisdom for pocket money
Every pocket money earned will bring a strong sense of achievement to the child, and the most important thing is that after experiencing the hard-won money can the child truly learn to cherish it
Third, help children establish the financial wisdom of "money makes money"
Pocket money freedom is the first step in nurturing children's independent growth
But after all, the child is too young, and it is easy to be extravagant and wasteful and develop rebellious vanity when he has pocket money
Moreover, the freedom of pocket money that comes too easily will also make children feel the value of money and the difficulty of making money
This is also the reason why most parents are reluctant to give their children pocket money too early
Is there a way to neutralize the freedom of pocket money and the right consumption? The attitude of parents determines the habits and personality of children
How to let children really have pocket money freedom? The essence of freedom is independence
When children have the will to money, know that they can buy things with money, and need to find money for the amount exceeding the price of goods, it is the best time to cultivate children's financial management ability
If children are allowed to earn pocket money in order to experience money and cherish money, then financial management ability is the wisdom power of real pocket money freedom
For example, in order to avoid children falling into the confusion of vanity, parents can adopt the financial wisdom of "money makes money" and encourage children to treat their parents as a bank that is stored at any time
Among them, the amount of large amounts can be superimposed into time deposits, and the money can be withdrawn after maturity, and the corresponding deposit interest rate can be obtained
This kind of "money makes money" financial wisdom can avoid the child's character of "treating money as dung", and parents can also use idle money for valuable things like banks
This kind of "money makes money" financial wisdom that achieves mutual benefits with children and is jointly implicated with each other is also an education for parents