When playing with the children in the playground, I saw that the two children were making a little unpleasant trouble because of the grabbing of the ball.
One of the children was angry and loudly told his companion: "I'm not playing with you anymore!" ”
Not to be outdone, another replied: "You're no longer my good friend!" ”
When I was amused by the bluntness of the two little cuties, I couldn't help but feel a little poignant.
At the end of the children's friendship, they will tell each other loudly.
And the way adults end a friendship is quietly, do not turn their faces, do not ask, no longer bother, silently withdraw from each other's world.
Not turning your face is the last decency for adults
There is a saying in the "Four Disciplines of Fan": "Those who are not used to it, do not need to turn their faces, do not care, and silently stay away." ”
The young Zhang Ailing likes literature and does not like to socialize, and on the way to school, she met Yan Ying, who is outgoing and sociable.
The complementary personalities make the two naïve and romantic girls who are not familiar with the world become good friends who are inseparable.
For the next decade or so, they remained their closest friends. No matter what things and thoughts she encounters, Zhang Ailing always wants to share with Yan Ying as soon as possible.
After that, when Zhang Ailing married Hu Lancheng without hesitation despite external comments, Yan Ying accompanied Zhang Ailing as always, understanding and supporting her.
But then Yan Ying went to Japan, where the superior living environment made Yan Ying become worldly, and became proud and boastful, often treating Zhang Ailing in a commanding tone.
Zhang Ailing and Hu Lancheng divorced, and after she left the United States, she was once lonely.
And Yan Ying was in the United States at this time, she was living a prosperous life, she not only did not accompany and comfort Zhang Ailing, but showed off her good life in letter after letter and made a lot of money.
This made Zhang Ailing, who has always been proud and delicate, unbearable.
Although Zhang Ailing was not used to Yan Ying, who had become so shallow now, she did not openly turn her face with her, but slowly distanced herself from her. In the end, the relationship between the two people became weaker and weaker, and there was no longer an intersection since then.
There is a saying that turning your face depends on temper, and staying away requires wisdom. If you can't get used to seeing a person, you don't need to turn your face, just slowly stay away.
Milan Kundera said:
"Meeting is the beginning, leaving is to meet the next departure. It's a world where it's popular to leave, but none of us are good at saying goodbye. ”
As the saying goes, "Tao is different, do not conspire against each other". Once when they were young, they warmed each other's good friends for more than ten years, but because their lives changed each other's moods when they grew up, the two gradually drifted apart.
Although this is helpless, it also preserves each other's decency, so that people can occasionally recall the good times they spent together in the years to come, and smile.
Not asking is the last stubbornness of adults
In "Mountains and Rivers Departed", it is said: "Some people scatter while walking, you have to ask me the reason, I tell you, there is no reason." Just because people are in the wind, it is not up to you to gather and disperse. ”
Lili has a hardcore small text, not only is she a classmate in elementary school and junior high school, but it is rare that even high school is in the top class of the same key school.
They spent a carefree childhood together, as well as a youthful and ignorant teenage period.
They say everything, and the little secrets of boys and girls who have a crush on adolescence also share with each other. They survived the anxiety before the college entrance examination, shared their vision for the future, and promised each other to be good friends for life, the kind that they would be together when they were old.
Later, Lili and Wen Wen were admitted to different universities and reluctant when the school started.
They remained close to each other during their college years and shared their campus life. Every year during the winter and summer vacations, they get together as promised, or they cross thousands of miles to each other's cities.
Later, after graduating from college, Lili became a North Drifter, and Wen Wen returned to her hometown and was admitted to the civil service.
In the first few years of their work, they still kept in touch occasionally, and then gradually lost contact as they were busy with their own lives and work.
Once, Lili went back to her hometown to visit her parents, only to learn that Wen Wen had already married.
Once the words "no matter who gets married first, the other will be a bridesmaid" are still in her ears, but now, Wen Wen did not even notify her of the marriage, Lili was inevitably disappointed in her heart, and she really had an urge to ask Wen Wen, "Why didn't you tell me when you got married?" ”
When I think about it later, even if I ask it, what if I ask? At that time, Lily's work was on the rise, and she was busy every day, even if she was told that she would have time to come back? The distance between time and space has long been widened from each other.
Tagore has a poem: "The farthest distance in the world is not the trajectory of the stars that do not meet, but the fact that even if the trajectories meet, they are nowhere to be found in the blink of an eye." ”
There was such a dear friend in his youth, who walked hand in hand for a long time, accepting his goodbye and accepting that he was never seen again, and there was no need to ask anything.
It is enough to be grateful for each other's company in the past years and let them warm the memory.
Not disturbing is the last tenderness of adults
There is a classic dialogue in the movie "Later Us": "Later we have everything, but we are gone." ”
In Lu Xun's novel "Hometown", the friendship between Leap Earth and Lu Xun when he was young has always been fresh in my memory.
Lu Xun saw Leap Earth for the first time, and both of them were in their teens. At that time, Lu Xun was a young master, and Min Tu was the son of a long-term worker in Lu Xun's family, and followed his father to Lu Xun's house to help.
Leap Earth came to the city for the first time from the countryside, wearing a felt hat on his head and a silver collar around his neck, and he was very shy to see people.
The disparity in status did not become an obstacle to the friendship between the two, and the two became good friends in less than half a day.
In Lu Xun's eyes, leap soil is "well-informed", and there are endless rare things on leap soil, all of which Lu Xun has never heard of.
The leap soil depicts interesting stories of hunting birds in the snow in winter, beautiful shells on the seashore in summer, and stories of guarding melon fields to prevent stolen melons. All this made the young Lu Xun yearn and look forward to it for a while.
Soon, the first moon passed, the leap soil was going back to the countryside, and the two friends were reluctant to separate.
When we met again, it was more than twenty years later. At that time, Lu Xun returned to his hometown, and in order to sell the old house and move, he had the opportunity to see leap soil again.
And leap earth is no longer the spirited and sunny teenager in his memory, he has long been sharpened by life into a middle-aged country man with a face full of vicissitudes.
Lu Xun was still very excited when he saw him, and he had a lot of things he wanted to say to Leap Earth, but he was held back by Leap Earth's respectful "master".
Lu Xun couldn't help but shudder in his heart, knowing that they would never go back to the past. Because of their different identities, status, and environments, there was already a thick wall in the middle, and there was nothing more to say.
When we were children, we were all extremely eager to grow up quickly, and we longed to play with our partners who could still be together at that time, and we were still close.
And when we really grow up, work, and become financially independent, when we meet again, we are no longer the simple we used to be.
Some people ask: What should I do if I send WeChat to a friend, but I never hear back?
A high praise replied: Then you must remember not to disturb him in the future.
It sounds heartfelt, but it's true.
Those best friends in memory have long been unconsciously alienated, even if they meet, it is difficult to recount the old relationship, only by not disturbing can they leave good memories for each other.
The book "Tomorrow in Xville" puts it this way:
The real send-off did not have the Changting Ancient Road, there was no "persuasion to make a glass of wine", that is, on an early morning like usual, some people stayed yesterday.
The farewell of adults, with neither a prelude nor a follow-up; There is no anger, there is no sadness; There was no collapse, no retention...
It's more about silent withdrawal, and silent alienation. Don't turn your face, don't ask, don't bother, leave everything in your memories.
No matter what, I still hope that in the days to come, we can meet good people, make good friends, and have friends who talk to each other to accompany each other.