[Author Tina, only write deep text]
The following idea would be painful.
Imagine that your children, lovers, parents one day left this world, the culprit is you, how will you face the rest of your life?
If the suffering of life is unavoidable, how do we adjust to it? If we create these sufferings, how can we redeem ourselves?
Self-redemption is a heavy topic, and today we talk about it through two classic films of self-redemption.
<h1>1, "Seven Pounds": a seven-pound redemption, a memory that cannot be looked back</h1>
A man sat in the cold bathtub, gasping for breath, and dialed the police: "I'm going to call the police, someone has committed suicide." ”
"Okay, what address?" Who is the suicidal person? ”
"It's me..."
As soon as the film opens, Will Smith firmly grasps the audience's attention with superb acting skills. Why suicide? If you committed suicide, why did you call the police? A heavy story of self-redemption unfolds slowly.
Will Smith plays the protagonist Ban, who has a list of 7 people whose names he has carefully selected, including beef salesmen, housewives who have been abused by domestic violence, and congenital heart disease patients...
The male main suicide, and then donated his cornea, heart, lungs, liver, kidneys, bone marrow, and house to these seven people.
What exactly does a person go through to make that choice? The film is constantly flashbacked through the male protagonist, slowly piecing together those memory fragments.
Ban is not actually his real name, his name is TIM, because while driving, he looked down at his mobile phone, which led to a serious car accident. In that car accident, he lost his lover and also killed 6 innocent strangers.
TIM became the only survivor, but the 7 lives taken by this car accident were like a heavy mountain on TIM's body, he was sleeping soundly, living in a huge self-blame, and every day he wanted to die.
"I can't forgive my own mistakes, I don't know how to redeem myself, I am bent on death, just to break free from the shackles of my soul as soon as possible and be liberated as soon as possible."
Later, his brother got lung cancer, which inspired the male protagonist, he gave one of his lungs to his brother, since he was going to die, he had to redeem others as much as possible, only in this way could he forgive his crimes. So he started looking for targets, and he had the list at the beginning.
But life is so helpless, when he carefully carried out his suicide plan, he fell in love with the heart patient Emily, he was hesitant. On the one hand, he hopes to live and marry Emily and have children; on the other hand, Emily's illness does not allow them to have such a good future.
In the end, he chose to kill himself in the bathtub with a jellyfish, the shower curtain was pulled down little by little, and finally lost his support and fell into the bathtub, and Tim's life was like this shower curtain, struggling to the end.
At the end of the story, Emily, who transplanted Tim, went to a concert, and the person who played the piano was the same man who received Tim's cornea donation.
Emily was so overwhelmed with emotion that she was almost in tears that the man looked at her and uttered one of the most painful and comforting words of the whole movie: "Oh, you must be Emily."
"I saw with my eyes my heart beating in your chest." - So poignant and sad.
Why is the film called "Seven Pounds", which actually has a profound meaning, "Seven Pounds" originated from Shakespeare's "Merchant of Venice", the debt owed must be repaid, if you can't afford it, you must cut a pound of meat to repay, one of the stories is a businessman creditor who has to cut a pound of meat to collect debts.
The male protagonist believes that he owes seven lives, so he has to pay it back with seven pounds, so he has been looking for seven people to redeem, to redeem them, and to redeem them.
For TIM, the car accident was not entirely his fault, his momentary mistake was only the fuse of the tragedy. For those of our unintentional negligence, which leads to an unbearable ending, how to face it is tortured in everyone's heart.
<h1>2, "Manchester by the Sea": The pain has come, and not everyone has the ability to reconcile with the past</h1>
This is another story of self-redemption, and the film also tells us that not everyone has the ability to reconcile in the past, and they punish themselves by allowing themselves to live in pain day by day. In their conception, never forgiving themselves is the last thing they do for their dead loved ones.
Lee, the protagonist of "Manchester by the Sea", has a very sad life: he is not angry with the landlord, he has no feeling for the girl who talks to him, and the whole person is in a lifeless state.
But he was not in this state, and the transformation occurred in that fire.
At a party, because of one of Lee's negligences, the fireplace matches fell to the ground, burning his entire house, and all his children were burned alive except for his wife who was rescued.
Since then, Lee has become taciturn and even suddenly angry. The wife could not forgive his mistake and the two divorced.
Lee couldn't forgive his past, so he moved away from the sad Manchester and came to the small town of Boston to start a decadent life that did not go by day.
Compared with her husband, Randy, the wife, not only came out of the pain earlier, reorganized the family, but also had children again. And Lee seems to prefer to end up alone, and he ignores any woman who talks to him.
In this way he expressed loyalty, loyalty to the dead child. When a fire destroys everything good about him, suffering becomes his only legacy and compensation.
This kind of compensation actually implies a psychology, when he clings to the pain, his child seems to have not left himself; when he has been living in pain, as if he can alleviate his guilt.
Like the male protagonist in "Seven Pounds", the tragedy actually happened Lee is not the culprit, let alone intentional, but because life is too heavy, death is too cruel, they will carry all kinds of shackles, not at peace.
There are countless funerals in the world, but few people are willing to bury the pain. Sometimes it's just because pain is useful to people who live in pain and can help them through senseless disasters.
We must acknowledge that not everyone has the ability to reconcile with the past, and on the other hand, that each of us has the right not to reconcile with the past.
<h1>3, the truth of life: the first half of life is responsible for creating regrets, and the second half of life is responsible for embracing them</h1>
Why are those pains so heavy? This can be explained by psychology and brain science.
The amygdala is an important structure for emotional learning and memory. Simply put, emotional memories, especially memories of fear, are stored in the amygdala, so people have a deep memory of emotional experiences.
Stimuli of emotional significance cause a strong reaction to almond nuclear power activity and form long-term traces stored in the brain. Therefore, events that trigger people's emotional reactions can leave people with long-term memories.
The self-hatred area in the human brain exists in the amygdala of our brain, and when a tragic scene occurs, our hatred of ourselves will rise sharply, and it may accompany us for a lifetime.
What if it hurts so much? Let's start with a concept in psychology.
The word "boundary" is a high-frequency word in psychology because it is very important, and everyone establishes clear and unambiguous boundaries, which will reduce a lot of psychological problems and emotional confusion, because most of our troubles are caused by unclear boundaries.
What is a sense of boundaries? The popular understanding is that your affairs are under your control, my affairs are under my control, and we do not interfere with each other or force each other.
If the boundaries are clear, we can see that there are only three categories of things in this world:
The first category is things that cannot be changed no matter how hard we try, including what has already happened and the laws of nature. For example, broken cups cannot be restored, and the sun rises in the east and sets in the west. This kind of thing can be called "god's thing."
The second category is, through effort, things that can be influenced, but cannot be decided. For example, children don't like to learn, husbands like to smoke, you can influence them through your efforts, but you can't make choices for them. This kind of thing is called "someone else's business."
The third category is the things that we can change through hard work, the things that we can be responsible for, for example, you are too fat, you can lose weight through exercise dieting, this kind of thing can be changed as long as you want. This kind of thing is called "your own business."
The root of our suffering is caused by a lack of a sense of boundaries, forcing ourselves to change the first two types of things, do you recall?
For example, thunder and rain you are angry and bored, this is an objective law you can not stop; for example, the husband loves to play games you are angry, the child does not love to learn your anxiety, these things you can only influence, can not decide, because in essence, this is their own business.
The example of thunder and rain is well understood by everyone, but there is another type of thing, the same nature, we will not face it so freely, this is the fact that has happened.
Because it is very painful, we are reluctant to accept it, grumble, and cling to it, just like the two male protagonists in the film.
Mistakes made cannot be repaired, lost lovers cannot be recovered, lost time cannot be repeated, who does not regret life? We will eventually have to spend the rest of our lives with regrets. This is the fate of ordinary sentient beings like you and me, and no one can escape it.
What we can't forgive is that many times, we ourselves are the makers of regrets in life, but this is life, Zhang Ailing said: "Life is a gorgeous cheongsam, which is full of lice." ”
Even if you don't create regrets, the regrets of life will still not go anywhere, accounting for about half the length of real life. If you didn't mean it, let yourself go.
Throughout the ancient and modern times, no one's life has no regrets, and the truth of life is that in the first half of life, we are responsible for creating regrets, and the second half of life is responsible for embracing them.
It's just that a lot of people don't have the ability to embrace them.
<h1>4, the pain of life is like a shadow, you have to learn to live to death</h1>
It hurts hard isn't it? Don't be afraid, everyone has such a time, and holding on means being together. But if you don't accept yourself and redeem yourself, you'll live in a cage forever.
The healing of pain is not strictly a cure, it tears apart a person's tragic trauma for you, because if you do not accept and face it calmly, you will never be able to get out of the trauma. What we need to learn is the way to live with low grief and pain.
"Deep sadness, there will not be a good prescription for taking a dose, but on days as sunny as possible, don't try to close your eyes and see the scars that were once there."
Avoidance is not the way, the first thing we need to do is to accept, accept the established facts, accept the self.
As mentioned above, the facts that have happened cannot be changed, so we should not use them to torment ourselves and immerse ourselves in pain, which is not what those who have passed away want to see, nor is it the way to be loyal to them. Those who truly love us must want us to be happy and happy.
Accepting myself is a lifelong task, as Ryunosuke Wasagawa said: Delete any moment in my life, and I can't be who I am today. Don't worry, take your time.
The next time you are invaded by pain, tell yourself: I accept the past, I don't want those pains to happen, I am sad, but they have happened, I accept them, and I accept my pain. The established facts cannot be changed, I am no longer responsible for these tragedies, I do not need these painful emotions, please leave me slowly.
Every time the pain strikes, find a quiet place and talk to your inner self like this, and the situation will improve.
The second suggestion is to try practicing meditation, which is an activity that can quickly immerse yourself and return to yourself, as long as you practice diligently and turn it into a habit, you will gain more and more peace of self and more and more peace of mind.
Finally, you can heal yourself in a relationship. Love and tolerance are the best medicine for a person to heal, and for any pain, love is the best antidote. Be brave enough to step into a relationship, it may be friendship, it may be love, it may be family affection, as long as you can continue to feel loved, understood, and accepted, your sense of self-hatred, your pain will slowly decrease, and the sunshine will slowly increase.
<h1>epilogue:</h1>
The topic of self-redemption is a bit heavy, but it is necessary to explore, because too many people are imprisoned in self-made cages and are not allowed to be free.
The thought of everyone having to spend the rest of their lives with regrets can't help but sigh, but this is the real life, this is the fate of our human beings, may we slowly master the ability to get along with regret and pain, and live a freer life.
[Original article, piracy must be investigated.] The author is Tina, Master of Journalism from Zhejiang University, has many years of experience as a media journalist, brand public relations manager of a fortune 500 group, and a psychological counselor. If you like, welcome to like and pay attention to the psychology of @Tina, continue to output original good articles on psychology, and help you interpret life and see through the essence from a psychological perspective. 】