#头条创作挑战赛 #
Writing has temperature, hot spots have attitude, and the distance between me and you is just one "concern".
01
Recently, Emma, a 42-year-old woman in the United Kingdom, posted a high-profile comparison photo of herself on the Internet, attracting countless netizens to watch.
She and her husband have been married for 18 years and have been torn between work and family.
During the day, she has to work in the local welfare agency, and when she returns home at night, she has to worry about housework, taking care of her husband and two daughters. Almost non-day, 365 days a year.
Emma felt more and more overwhelmed, and every time she looked in the mirror, she found that the signs of aging became more and more obvious.
Finally, the exponential pressure of life made the conflict between her and her husband completely explode, and both parties could not bear to decide to divorce.
After returning to singleness, Emma quit junk food and smoking 20 cigarettes a day, and began to brush up beauty videos and style her long hair.
Slowly, she began to switch from plain face to sky to skillfully switch different makeup looks every day.
After the change of living habits, Emma not only has smooth and firmer skin, but also has a very different figure from before, sexy and charming. She never imagined that after her divorce, there would be an endless stream of people pursuing her.
Emma once said with emotion that before the divorce, she was always exhausted for work and family, and only after the divorce did she begin to really pay attention to herself.
Later, in order to help more housewives struggling to support their marriages, Emma decided to post her comparison photos before and after her divorce online.
As a result, she was called by netizens that she looked 20 years younger after the divorce.
Of course, Emma is not alone, but there are very few people who really understand and can change.
Remember watching a video online before.
A middle-aged woman dressed plainly and with her hair casually pulled up, just came out of the supermarket with a shoulder bag.
Suddenly, she saw a piano that could be played for free in the lobby of the mall.
After hesitating for a moment, she walked straight to the piano, and before the satchel on her shoulder could be put down, she sat in front of the piano, tuned the tone, and played "Liang Zhu" selflessly.
Her skillful technique, her fingertips constantly undulating and jumping on the piano keys, the notes are as beautiful as flowing water, and she has not been able to achieve this state without more than ten years of hard work.
Therefore, when this video was uploaded to the Internet by passers-by, many netizens deeply regretted her:
It is said, who said that housewives do not deserve elegance?
Some people say that her mother's family turned her into a big girl, but her in-laws turned her into a housewife.
So, woman, whenever and wherever, whatever circumstances. You know, self-love is a prerequisite for being loved.
Blindly giving will never make a marriage, and only by knowing how to love oneself can we run a good marriage.
And many feelings cannot go on precisely because of the lack of this "ability to love".
02
Not long ago, the 58-year-old aunt Su Min, who was popular all over the Internet, finally decided to divorce.
And the trigger for this came from a return home after two years of "escape".
On the same day, after Su Min returned home, when her husband, who had not seen her for two years, saw her, there was no greeting and concern, and he came up with a scolding that covered his face: Do you still know to come back?
Then, don't forget to mock: Can't get mixed up, right?
But she still decided to give her husband one last chance, and said to him with a pleasant face:
I hope the two of us can talk calmly. I hope that our big family will live in harmony and harmony.
But her husband didn't buy it, and after some sneering, he even began to ask her about the toll. In the end, the more he spoke, the more angry he became, and he also dropped the bowl in front of his little grandson.
I still remember Su Min said in an interview with People magazine a month before returning home that he would not divorce. Because I still have expectations for my husband, I think he may reflect and improve.
As a result, even though she "escaped" for two years, her husband still did not change at all, which made Su Min completely collapse.
A woman who was looking forward to a big reunion, but finally had to go to the step of divorce.
Therefore, looking back at Su Min's broken married life, it is all caused by "not self-love".
Because women who "do not love themselves" in marriage have one thing in common, that is, they will not make demands on their other half.
And Su Min happened to be such a woman before she "fled".
In her 30-year marriage with her husband, she woven a net for herself, an impenetrable net.
In terms of money, she was sanctioned by her husband, and every month when she asked her husband for living expenses, he would ask her like a prisoner where she spent every cent of her expenses in the previous month.
He still doubted her at every turn and subsidized his mother's family with living expenses.
Once, Su Min's mother was sick, she took her husband's medical insurance card to the pharmacy to buy some medicine for her mother, but the next day her husband changed the password.
Later, they completely became the AA system, her husband no longer gave her a penny, even when she left relatives for the New Year, Su Min bought her own share.
Even if she doesn't give money, she is still a free nanny at home.
The daughter gave birth to twins and asked her to take them. While the child was sleeping, she finally had time to sit down, and as soon as she turned on the mobile phone, her husband's face collapsed and scolded:
Are you looking at your children, or at your phone?
Even when she was idle at night to watch TV, she had to wait for her husband to finish watching it.
She would never say "no" to her husband, let alone ask of him.
Once, she happily went to a classmates' reunion. As a result, her husband broke in halfway and said to Su Min's classmates: "She has a little mental problem, and the classmates should not participate in the future association." ”
In the end, the husband felt bored to go alone, leaving Su Min to explain and apologize to her classmates one by one.
03
In addition, the husband also turned insulting and denigrating Su Min into a kind of "fun".
Su Min clearly remembers that once she went to call her husband who was playing cards to dinner, but she was disliked by her husband and slovenly, and lost face for him in front of others, and without saying a word, she dragged Su Min into the room, kicked her, slapped her, and pulled her hair.
Su Min did not dare to resist, so she could only endure silently.
In a later interview, when talking about this experience, she was silent for a long time, but did not shed tears.
She said she didn't want to shed tears because the tears were already gone.
The most basic conjugal harmony with the husband cannot be achieved, let alone the life of husband and wife.
Su Min recalled that she had not lived with her husband since she was 30 years old, and the two had always slept in separate rooms.
After more than 30 years of marriage, she has spent more than 20 Spring Festival alone.
In the end, money, freedom, love, dignity, she has none.
Fortunately, when she was diagnosed with moderate depression, she woke up and began to find a way to rebirth for herself.
On September 24, 2020, she began an "escape" journey in the car her daughter raised money to buy her.
On the way, she finally found herself, and although she had suffered a lot to save money, she felt that she could finally be herself.
And this is also the beginning of her "self-love".
In two years, she drove more than 80,000 kilometers and traveled more than ten provinces, feeling that "the wind is free."
She never dressed up before, began to pay attention to her appearance, tried different shapes and makeup, walked to places with national characteristics, and took a set of artistic photos as a souvenir.
She not only received advertisements from luxury brands, but also appeared with celebrities such as Tan Zhuo and Fu Seoul.
He also served as a promotion ambassador for Shanghai Disneyland and shared the amusement park with Disney bosses.
Not only that, she also appeared in the New York Times in the United States, and many foreign netizens were moved by her story. Leave a message cheering her and saying that she will share her story with the women around her.
This trip allowed her to gain attention, money, fame, and find herself.
Not only did she stop her medication, she also learned to surf and change an RV for herself.
It's just that many people praise her courage, but she doesn't feel that her running away from home has anything to do with courage.
She prefers to refer to this experience as:
To the point of being unbearable, "courage" is forced out.
In the end, she attributed her failed marriage to "character" because "I was too weak."
Therefore, those who do not want to make demands in marriage, your contribution will always be taken for granted in the eyes of others.
In marriage, the first manifestation of self-love is to learn to express yourself.
04
Let's talk about particularly "self-loving" women in marriage, who do you think of first?
I first thought of Angelababy.
In the recent issue of the love variety show "Heartbeat Signal", as a resident guest, she talked about her feelings for the first time.
She said that when she is in love, she is used to being together. If you suddenly separate, you will feel very unaccustomed.
Then, she said, if you force the other person to change, sooner or later the problem will explode, because no one wants to be changed.
Although Huang Xiaoming was not mentioned in the decision, everyone could hear the real reason for their divorce:
Between her and Huang Xiaoming, it is likely that because of less gathering and more separation, and then quarrels continued to break out, and finally gradually drifted apart.
This relationship between her and Huang Xiaoming, people who understand naturally understand, how sweet it was at the beginning, how regretful it is now.
So much so that she has not been able to come out of the shadow of divorce now.
When talking about whether she would start a new relationship, she said that the older she gets, the more worries she has about repeating the mistakes of the past.
It can be imagined that in this relationship, she was hurt a lot.
Remember in "Heartbeat Signal 4" last year, Angelababy said:
If one partner has withdrawn, or is not so loving, it will not be happy to be together reluctantly.
Although it has taken a lot of courage to change yourself, it is still useless, so be yourself and look forward to another paragraph dashingly.
You see, if a woman does not "self-love" in marriage, she will never be able to say such a thing.
And to say that people who can be sober in marriage, I really have to admire her.
She and Huang Xiaoming met in 2009.
At that time, Huang Xiaoming was already a popular student in the mainland, but she was still an 18th-line tender model in Hong Kong.
Whether in terms of social status or economic status, the gap between them is not the slightest.
But the two fell in love like this.
Huang Xiaoming likes her weakness and kindness, she likes Huang Xiaoming's warmth, enthusiasm, and the shadow of a bit of a domineering president.
Later, they got married.
At the wedding, Huang Xiaoming's hegemonic speech is still fresh in people's memories:
You're... I've never been so nice to a woman, except my mom.
I feel like I was really born to protect you and fulfill your wishes.
You always say what if I spoil you, I spoil you, others can't take you away.
Indeed, at first glance, this sentence is the dream love words of many little girls.
But when you come to your senses, you will soberly know that Huang Xiaoming doesn't care who you are at all, he just wants to marry a little wife.
Otherwise, he would not have said in front of the camera "many people think she is not worthy of me, but I really like her", "I am at a relatively high apex, but she is nothing", and so on.
I have to say that this is really a bit similar to Kwok Fucheng.
Of course, with Huang Xiaoming's status in the entertainment industry at that time, he was fully worthy of such a character.
On the other hand, it can be seen that he has always defined himself as a dominant and decision-maker in marriage.
05
Angelababy, who can become Mrs. Huang Xiaoming, is not limited to being a little wife.
Although he is married to a popular boy, even if he gives up his career to meet his husband and godson at home, he can completely live the life of Mrs. Kuo.
But she confided her "ambition" in the variety show "Strange Life":
I want to have a good work, be affirmed by everyone, and be remembered by everyone.
When talking about the topic of men pampering women, she also said lightly:
Care and pampering are equal, and you can't be loved without yourself.
Really, she came out to make money at the age of 15, and it's hard to imagine that she didn't get lost in the overlord's script, but wanted to rely on herself from beginning to end.
Therefore, from their announcement of their relationship to marriage, there are always people who say that Angelababy's purpose is not pure, but she just wants to rely on Huang Xiaoming to take the position, and she is a scheming girl.
It is undeniable that Huang Xiaoming has indeed provided a lot of help in Angelababy's career.
But if a woman does not love herself, does not work hard, and does not struggle, even if she has more resources, it is a "Adou" that cannot be supported. Even together with Huang Xiaoming, he will become the laughing stock of others.
But Angelababy understands very well that women must rely on themselves and have their own careers in order to take control of their own lives.
She works very hard in her career, although she is often complained that she is not from a science class, and her acting skills are very poor.
But she never frightened each other with netizens, nor did she find any reason for herself, but silently became a resident guest of the national variety show "Let's Run".
With the explosion of this show, Angelababy, who does not have a little idol baggage, has slowly exchanged for the public's favor for her.
Subsequently, her fans skyrocketed and now exceed 100 million.
Looking back at 2015, she is still working with her pregnant belly, and you know that this woman is really not simple at all.
Three months after giving birth, she quickly returned to the recording scene of "Let's Run".
In acting, she has always been criticized, she may not be born with this material, but she has been working hard.
Here, it is entirely possible to borrow a sentence from Wong Kar-wai's evaluation of her:
I think the hardest working actor is Andy Lau, and after I met Angelababy, she could fight better than him.
You can tell how hard she really works.
It is said that "the gifts given by fate are secretly priced", and Angelababy once said that "it seems to have been obtained now, and it is faster than others, and it will be returned in the future." ”
Therefore, she always has a very clear understanding of herself. Both in marriage and after divorce, she is very "self-loving".
Because of "self-love," she has self-esteem, money, fame, and everything she wants.
What about leaving Huang Xiaoming?
If loving someone really can't come together through hard work, then she won't be wronged by herself, but let go happily.
So, you can see an Angelababy getting better and better.
It is said that "a coquettish woman has a good life", but in fact, "a self-loving woman has a better life".
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