On the afternoon of December 5, 1982, when the nanny Kim Jong-young returned to Guan Lu's residence, she found that the door was locked, and after waiting for a long time and still did not see Guan Lu return, she jumped out of the window and entered the room. However, the scene in the room surprised her, and Guan Lu did not go out, but lay quietly on the bed, no longer breathing.
On the table next to it, there was a large envelope of kraft paper and two empty vials. From the label on the bottle, it can be seen that it is a pill bottle of stabilization tablets, and in the brown paper envelope is a photo of a young man, there are two lines behind the photo, and the following line is an ancient poem: "A ghostly dream is close to whom, and the lover of eternity is alone." ”。
Yes, a curtain of dreams, ancient lovers, seemingly independent and strong Guan Lu, is actually an obsessive woman in the red dust.
1
Guan Lu, whose original name was Hu Shoulin, was born on June 16, 1907 in the lunar calendar, to a family of declining eunuchs in Youyu County, Shanxi. The father is also a person who is full of poetry, taking the meaning of "giving birth to a daughter can also strengthen the lintel", and naming his daughter "Shou Frieze". When Shou Lin grew up, he changed his name to Guan Lu.
Two years later, Guan Lu's mother had another daughter named "Shouhua". After the death of her mother, it was changed to "embroidered maple", commemorating the meaning of her mother Xu Xiufeng.
When Guan Lu was eight years old, his father died in office, and his half-brother swept away the family's property. Fortunately, her mother saved some money and took her and her sister to hide in the countryside of Changsha, where they lived in poverty but also in peace.
However, the days of stability did not last long, and when Guan Lu was fifteen years old, her mother died of illness. Grandma and aunt brought the sisters to Nanjing, but they were not rich, although they were very distressed about these two bitter children, but they could not give them a good life. Grandma wanted to find her a good in-law family, and maybe live a better life.
Guan Lu did not want to marry and hoped that she could continue to go to school. In order to dream, Guan Lu left her grandmother's house with her sister and went to Shanghai alone.
After arriving in Shanghai, I first went to the home of a friend's brother-in-law, Liu Daoheng, a zealous person, who treated them both like his own children and sponsored them to go to school.
In 1928, her younger sister Hu Xiufeng was admitted to Shanghai Fazheng University, where Hu Xiufeng met Li Jianhua, a young law professor, and later they married and loved each other for a lifetime. Guan Lu was admitted to the Chinese Department of Nanjing Central University.
She left Shanghai for the ancient capital of Nanjing, and felt that a happy new life opened its doors to her, and she was very happy.
"Are you new here?" Suddenly, a voice came, waking up Guan Lu, who was still immersed in excitement. She looked up and saw a handsome and gentle young man standing in front of her, smiling at her. Her heart fluttered, and she whispered shyly, "Yes, I just entered school." ”
The boy generously introduced himself and said, "My name is Lin Hanqing, a second-year student in the Philosophy Department. ”
Everything is fresh, even the feelings are clear. Guan Lu, like all adolescent girls, unexpectedly encountered her own love, and her heart was full of expectations and fantasies.
And then there's what love looks like for all young people. On the banks of the high-walled Red Building, under the willow-lined cypress trees, is the figure of Lin Hanqing and Guan Lu. Lin Hanqing took Guan Lu to visit the school's auditorium, library, and classroom, and told her about the history of Nanjing Central University.
With the company of Lin Hanqing, Guan Lu's life is no longer lonely.
Lin Hanqing was also originally a Chinese, because Professor Zong Baihua, who worshipped the Department of Philosophy, transferred to the Department of Philosophy in the second year. When the first summer vacation was approaching, Lin Hanqing took Guan Lu to meet Professor Zong Baihua, and after that, Guan Lu also transferred to the Department of Philosophy.
She and Lin Hanqing met to work together, and later studied abroad together and formed a warm home together. Young people are always full of hope for life and always feel that time together passes too quickly.
One night, they were playing outside too late, and when they came back, the girls' dormitory compound was closed, and Lin Hanqing helped Guan Lu climb the wall and climb in. Unexpectedly, the next day, she was severely criticized by the girl instructor Li Mali, and even threatened that if Guan Lu violated school discipline again, she would be expelled from school.
Guan Lu was a little scared, but Lin Hanqing was not, but encouraged her to fight with Li Mali.
Li Mali, a doctor who returned from studying in the United States, used the methods of the American Church to make students believe in God, suppress students' personality, and even interfere with students' freedom to instill colonial ideas in them. Her practice has long caused dissatisfaction among many students, but everyone dares to be angry and dare not speak.
Lin Hanqing felt that Guan Lu should take advantage of this opportunity to join forces with other dormitory students to set up a dormitory student union and collectively demand the removal of Li Mali. Guan Lu they won, and the school was forced by the pressure of the students to resign Li Mali. But Guan Lu did not know that behind the seeming victory, there were huge hidden dangers that could affect her life.
In the summer of 1931, Lin Hanqing graduated from the Central University and went to Belgium to study as he wished. Guan Lu still needs half a year, and after completing enough credits, he can go to study with Lin Hanqing. Everything looks so good, so beautiful that it's a little unreal.
Just as Guan Lu was looking forward to the future with hope, a sunny thunderbolt made all this come to naught.
It wasn't long after the summer break that she received a letter saying that her secondary school diploma was fake and that the school authorities had ordered her to withdraw immediately.
Indeed, because at that time, there was a necessary condition for entering the Central University, that is, it was necessary to have a secondary school diploma. Guan Lu did not, just have a friend who can help her get a fake secondary school diploma, so she was admitted to central university with this graduation certificate.
Although the diploma was fake, her entry results were quite excellent. And in the past few years of college, her ability is also obvious to all, and she is indeed an excellent student.
Later, she figured out the cause and effect of the matter, because she organized the expulsion of Li Mali before, which made the school lose face and made the Ministry of Education feel very humiliated, so there was a series of subsequent investigations and the results of Guan Lu's treatment, which was the insidious practice of the Kuomintang education authorities.
The arm could not twist the thigh, and Guan Lu knew the reason and had no choice but to silently pack her bags and leave the school. Guan Lu was very disappointed when he left school, and he didn't know who to cry to if he wanted to cry.
There is also the once affectionate lover Lin Hanqing, since he went to Belgium, like the yellow crane who went away, he has not heard from him since then, and he has not even sent back a single word. It was not until the next year that Guan Lu learned from her college classmates that Lin Hanqing had committed suicide in Belgium because of her love triangle.
In this way, Guan Lu's first love ended with such a tragic ending.
2
Guan Lu returned to Shanghai again, and with the help of Liu Daoheng and his wife, she rekindled her hope for life.
At this time, Guan Lu's talent for writing had been revealed, she wrote poems such as "Hometown, I Can't Let You Perish", got acquainted with Ding Ling and a group of left-wing writers such as The Chinese Left-Wing Writers' Union, and joined the Left League, often participating in some activities of the Left League.
In the spring of 1932, under the introduction of Zhang Peilan, then director of the Shanghai Women's Anti-Japanese Propaganda Department, Guan Lu joined the Communist Party of China.
At an anti-Japanese national salvation federation meeting in Shanghai, she saw a young man with gold wire glasses giving a speech, and his infectious speech made Guan Lu can't help but feel surging with emotion, and shouted with the crowd attending the meeting: "Swear to die not to be a slave to the country!" The people of the whole country are united! Drive Japanese imperialism out of China! ”
Coincidentally, Guan Lu saw the young man again at her sister Xiufeng's house. His name was Shen Zhiyuan, he was thirty years old, joined the Communist Party of China in 1925, was sent to study at Moscow University in the Soviet Union, and after returning to China, he served as a member of the Jiangsu Provincial Cultural Committee of the Communist Party of China and a member of the Standing Committee of the Federation of Left-wing Chinese Social Scientists. He had a failed love affair in the Soviet Union, and his two sons also remained in the Soviet Union.
Because they have all had a sad emotional experience, they are more able to understand each other and are more likely to resonate with each other. Unconsciously, they got closer and closer, and eventually entered the marriage.
They also have a patriotic heart, hoping to fight the enemy and drive the invaders out of China. It should be said that they are like-minded and should be a happy pair of revolutionary partners. But what Guan Lu did not expect was that Shen Zhiyuan had deep-rooted machismo. Although he is enthusiastic, full of wisdom, and likes the passionate Guan Lu, he hopes that Guan Lu will return to the family after marriage and be a good wife and mother of a husband and son.
However, Guan Lu has her own ideas, wanting to take advantage of her youth and energy to do more meaningful things. At that time, Guan Lu was already the deputy director of the Propaganda Department of the Women's Anti-Japanese and Anti-Imperialist Grand League, and he was often busy from morning to late at night, and sometimes he could not even eat food.
One night, Guan Lu came home from a busy day, saw that Shen Zhiyuan was already lying on the bed, thought he was already asleep, did not bother him anymore, and began to lie down on the table to write articles. After the article was written, it was already late at night, and Guan Lu turned off the light lightly and went to bed. She was so tired that she fell asleep in a moment.
Shen Zhiyuan was actually not sleeping, he had been watching Guan Lu busy, feeling that she had no time to take care of herself.
Many love failures start from a small misunderstanding, Guan Lu is not aware of the dissatisfaction of her lover, and is still buried in her work. She was like a tightly wound gyroscope, running at high speed, taking care of all aspects of her work, the only thing she didn't see was Shen Zhiyuan's emotional loss.
Known as the "Red Cradle", Quanzhang Middle School has many members of the Left League, and even Communists teach here, and the revolutionary atmosphere is very strong, and the Kuomintang authorities have always regarded it as a thorn in their side. Before May Day in 1933, the Shanghai Education Bureau of the Kuomintang ordered the school to be suspended, and the teachers and students were excited and decided to ignore the Kuomintang notice.
Guan Lu was ordered to go to the school to give a lecture. At the venue, she spoke from five martyr writers such as Rou Shi and Hu Yepin to Mr. Mao Dun's "Midnight", and finally, she also recited Gorky's "Haiyan" aloud, which pushed the atmosphere of the venue to a climax. Suddenly, someone shouted: "A large number of police officers have come from the police station and surrounded the school!" ”
Police began beating students and even shooting at unarmed students. On that day, forty-eight classmates were arrested in the fight, and Guan Lu was able to leave the campus safely under the protection of his classmates.
Leaving the school, Guan Lu saw Shen Zhiyuan waiting for her in the corner near the school. When he saw Guan Lu safely walk out of the school, he was relieved, but his mouth complained: "You really make me worry about dying!" White terror is so serious, you are still running around, how dangerous, don't die! Shen Zhiyuan asked her not to participate in these activities in the future, to stay at home and take care of housework.
His concern made Guan Lu feel very warm, but she did not let her go out to work, and she firmly disagreed. For her, work is an important part of her life.
Shen Zhiyuan is not wrong, Guan Lu is not wrong, there is no one right or wrong in love. It's just that people's ideological concepts are different and their life goals are different, forming two parallel lines that cannot intersect, and the old man of the moon has mistakenly led them together.
Soon, Guan Lu found out that she was pregnant, and in order to work without worries, she chose to have an abortion, which made Shen Zhiyuan very angry, and they had a big fight. Since then, the rift between them has become deeper and deeper, and the relationship has become more and more rigid.
Finally, after Guan Lu's second abortion, the two men parted ways.
As a result, Guan Lu's only marriage in his life ended.
3
A dozen days after the songhu war of resistance began in 1937, Guan Lu's brother-in-law Li Jianhua introduced an underground party member named Wu Jianxi to Guan Lu, because he could not find a place to live for a while, so he temporarily stayed at Guan Lu's house.
One night, Wu Jianxi returned with a twenty-eighty-nine-year-old young man, and Guan Lu knew that they had something to talk about, so he found a reason to go out.
When Guan Lu returned, he met Wu Jianxi to send his friend away. After the friend left, Wu Jianxi told her that this friend's name was Wang Bingnan, who had just returned from studying in Germany, and was now working in the Eighth Route Army office, and was a scholar.
In the spring of the following year, Wu Jianxi took Guan Lu to visit Wang Bingnan, who was warm and cheerful, and both were scholars, and they talked to each other very well, and there was a sense of mountain flowing water meeting zhiyin.
Wang Bingnan told Guan Lu that he was leaving Shanghai, but did not tell Guan Lu where he was going. In fact, he didn't know it himself, only that Zhou Enlai had summoned him, and there was no arrangement for what to do.
Although there are many friends, it is difficult to find a voice, and Guan Lu suddenly feels a little reluctant when she hears it.
Unexpectedly, Wang Bingnan also said: "I just met and separated, and I really don't want to." But he turned and said, "However, Qingshan is buried with loyal bones everywhere, so why should Ma Ge wrap the body back!" "There is arrogance, there are also children's love, perhaps, this is the most perfect lover in Guan Lu's heart."
Guan Lu gave Wang Bingnan a copy of his newly published poetry collection", "Songs on the Pacific", and Wang Bingnan groped in his pocket while picking up the book.
Guan Lu asked, "What's wrong?" ”
Wang Bingnan said: "I didn't bring a pen, and I would like to ask you to sign your name!" ”
Guan Lu couldn't help but smile: "It's the same whether you sign or not, my name is not worth anything anyway!" ”
Wang Bingnan said very seriously: "That is not the same, you are a famous poet in Shanghai." One of your interludes in the movie "Cross Street", "In the Spring", has become popular all over Shanghai and is a household name. ”
Guan Lu listened to it and stopped prevaricating, took out the most beloved dark green Parker pen he carried with him, and seriously wrote a few lines on the title page of the book: "Drive away the Oriental ghosts, fight back to your hometown, and establish a new China!" And signed his name. After writing, he handed the book to Wang Bingnan and subconsciously handed him the pen as well. Wang Bingnan took the book, whether intentionally or unintentionally, and casually put the pen in his pocket.
Perhaps, this is providence in the darkness.
At the moment of receiving and handing it over, the hands of the two of them touched together, and Guan Lu felt that Wang Bingnan's hand was cold, and couldn't help but say: "Ah, why is your hand so cold?" Frozen, right? Don't put your hand in your pocket to warm up yet! ”
An ordinary sentence made Wang Bingnan feel a little warm in the cold wind, and there was a feeling of sudden heartbeat.
Love often arises in that instant.
Figure | Wang Bingnan
Soon, Guan Lu received a letter from Wang Bingnan, which contained a photo of Wang Bingnan's heroic posture and personable demeanor. On the back of the photo is written a sentence: "You care about me for a while, I care about you for a lifetime!" ”
Love once again quietly came to Guan Lu's side. But in a chaotic world, love is such a luxury.
Because Guan Lu's sister once saved Li Shiqun, and at this time Li Shiqun had become the number one person in the Headquarters of Wang Pseudo Secret Agents, in order to successfully plot against him, the party organization decided to let Guan Lu break into the secret service headquarters to do Li Shiqun's rebellion work.
Guan Lu felt that she was just a literati, had no experience as a secret agent, and did not want to accept this task very much. But now that the organization had arranged it, she decided to do her best to complete it. To this end, she tried to get close to Li Shiqun, listen to all the information useful to the party, and look for opportunities to plot against him.
In the end, Guan Lu successfully completed the mission, and Li Shiqun agreed to meet with Pan Hannian, the intelligence chief of the underground party at that time. But at the same time, Guan Lu also lost his identity as a former red literati and became what everyone called a "traitor poet". For the smooth progress of the underground work, Guan Lu did not dare to defend, nor could he defend, and could only cry silently when no one was there.
When will we be able to return her true identity and her innocence? She had been waiting.
Figure | Wang Bingnan with his German wife Anna Wang
When Japan surrendered, Guan Lu came to the base of the New Fourth Army in northern Jiangsu, and she could finally breathe fresh air freely and walk generously in the sun. And she also knew that Wang Bingnan, whom she had always been worried about, was not a person who specialized in learning, but a person who worked around Zhou Enlai. Wang Bingnan also wrote to tell her that he would fly with Zhou Enlai to Nanjing and win over northern Jiangsu to see her.
At this time, Guan Lu is like a little girl who has just stepped into love, looking forward to and hoping. Every night, I had to take out the photo that Wang Bingnan had given me and carefully observe it. The vibrant eyebrows and the flowing font made her fascinated.
She fantasized about the scene of meeting, and even thought of the future they were going to get married, to have children, and when they were old, they watched their children and grandchildren fill the hall and enjoyed the warm joy of heaven.
However, before she could see Wang Bingnan's figure, she was quarantined and censored, because no one proved her innocence in the history of her contact with Li Shiqun. Then she received a letter from Wang Bingnan, telling her that their love had ended here.
Guan Lu was completely crushed this time, and everything that had been there had become an illusion again. The impact of great compassion and joy made Guan Lu's fragile nerves break, she fell ill, and her spirit was also a little abnormal, sometimes talking upside down, making people confused.
Even so, bad luck did not spare her, and she was imprisoned again in 1967 because of that unproven history. One blow after another, so that Guan Lu is no longer the bright woman who loves to talk and laugh, full of passion, at this time, she is full of white hair, full of frost, and she does not like to talk much.
Figure | Ding Yanzhao and Guan Lu in his later years
On May 1, 1980, a sudden cerebral hemorrhage nearly killed her. Fortunately, thanks to the timely rescue, I was able to retrieve a life, but I could not walk freely, almost hemiplegia, often full of pain, and my memory was greatly affected.
Wang Bingnan learned of her situation and came to visit.
At the beginning, Wang Bingnan was not ruthless, but because of his special status, she could not walk with Guan Lu, and could only cut off their emotions. The world makes people, this is fate. After that, Wang Bingnan also encountered many things, and it was not until 1975 that he returned to Beijing and returned to work.
Looking at Guan Lu, who was now terminally ill, his heart was very heavy, in order to facilitate Guan Lu's treatment, he actively ran away, and finally applied for her in the city to a small room.
On March 23, 1982, Guan Lu finally waited for the results he had been waiting for for many years, and the Organization Department of the CPC Central Committee made the "Decision on the Rehabilitation of Comrade Guan Lu" and read it to her face: "Guan Lu's history has been clarified, and there is no problem of traitors. All the dust settled, and Guan Luchang breathed a long sigh of relief.
For the sake of the cause, for the revolution, she has never had children in her life, in fact, she likes children very much, watching other people's children jumping and running in front of her eyes, she can't help but look in a daze. Old friend Chen Huizhi specially bought her a large plastic doll, the little nanny also made small clothes for the doll, she was very happy, often hugged up, hugged and kissed, as if it was her own child.
On December 4, 1982, when her memoirs were finalized, she asked Chen Huizhi to show xia yan the manuscript and send it to the Shanghai Municipal Party Committee. The next day, she took the nanny and Chen Huizhi and swallowed a large amount of sleeping pills and died.
When she died, there were only plastic dolls lying next to her, and a brown paper envelope on the table, and inside the envelope was a picture that Wang Bingnan had given her. Wang Bingnan's smile in the photo is bright, but it no longer belongs to Guan Lu.
The ceremony for the placement of Guan Lu's ashes was held at the Babaoshan Revolutionary Cemetery in Beijing. On that day, the north wind whistled and rolled up the sand and dust, making people's mood even more gloomy. In the wind and sand came an old man in his seventies, who walked to the table responsible for check-in, took out a dark green Parker pen from his pocket, and neatly signed his name on the check-in book: Wang Bingnan.
Text | First brew