Hello everyone, I am @C mother to raise a baby, was a college teacher, with two big babies in one hand. Pay attention to me, not confused on the road to parenting
On the road of children's growth, each age group has different changes, but there has never been a stage that makes parents "discolored" like "puberty", and many parents even equate "adolescence" with "rebellion".
Parents begin to "shiver" at the thought that their children are about to enter puberty, as if a "terrorist" has infiltrated the family, and they have to be careful every day, afraid of accidentally triggering their "rebellious mechanism".
Su Youpeng told about his adolescence in the show
Adolescence is a period of rapid changes in the physical and psychological development of adolescents, a period of transition from childhood to adulthood, and a critical period for the gradual formation of a outlook on life and the world. In mainland China, the age group of 12 to 18 years old is generally regarded as puberty.
Anyone goes through adolescence, but not all children who go through adolescence are bound to have rebellious behavior. Girls' puberty may be "gentler" than boys' puberty, and in general, girls' puberty is about a year earlier than boys' puberty.
Whether a girl can smoothly pass through puberty determines her development for the rest of her life. During this period, the girl's body and mind will undergo tremendous changes, so the mother remembers to learn to "be soft", to be soft, to do a good job of three points to help her daughter pass smoothly.
The first point: the tone should be soft, careful and rational to help the daughter face the menstrual period scientifically
Many mothers have such an experience, after the daughter enters adolescence, she suddenly becomes mysterious, the original "talking dumb" is like gold, and the "little cotton jacket" that has been intimate for many years is not willing to be close to herself anymore, and even-for-tat.
In fact, this is the performance of girls in the menstrual period, especially when they have menarche, they may not want the family to know this "little secret", because at the beginning they will be nervous and embarrassed in the face of various changes in their bodies.
A girl who didn't know when she came to menarche
At the same time, the girl's menstrual period in addition to menstruation chest also began to develop, in the process of chest development will appear some slight pain and itching feeling, and then the chest will have a slight bulge, such a physical change will make the girl feel uncomfortable.
If the girl does not know what menstruation is, nor does she know why her chest has pain and gradually "becomes larger", she will think that she is sick, she will be nervous and afraid, and then she will be emotionally unstable and prone to tantrums, and even inferiority.
This kind of self-righteous psychology will make girls begin to consciously protect their privacy, and they will talk less and less to their mothers, and many problems will be ashamed to talk to their mothers even if they face them.
In the face of the daughter's physical and psychological changes, if the mother herself is not fully prepared, in the communication with the daughter seems to be the point, overwhelmed, will put up the parent's shelf, and then use a tough tone to discipline.
As everyone knows, in the process of growing up, the most trusted object of talk is the parents, but after entering puberty, it will become very sensitive. At this time, once the parents light up the red light at the intersection where they talk, they can't blame the child for losing the desire to communicate.
Therefore, at this time, the mother's tone must be soft, comfort the daughter not to have any psychological burden, and help the daughter to keep this "little secret", and then rationally and scientifically explain to the daughter that this is a normal phenomenon of the girl's growth.
The second point: the attitude should be soft, respect and positively guide the daughter's "love sinus at the beginning"
"If you dare to fall in love at school, break your leg", this sentence has almost become a magic weapon for Chinese parents to solve the problem of their children's early love, how can this not be a kind of bullying and suppression?
In the face of the daughter's "love sinus opening", "you should put your mind on learning", "a young age can understand what love is" and so on are the mantras of many parents, but adolescent children will not accept this "command" tone.
Because adolescent children are in a sensitive period of self-building, the attitude of parents can destroy the child's cognition, and can also build the child's cognition. The tougher the parent's attitude, the more likely it is to stimulate the child's rebellious psychology and work against the parents.
Therefore, parents should remember not to publicize the child's "initial opening of the love sinus", let alone to block it with a strong attitude, but to respect and communicate with the child in time, increase companionship, use a gentle attitude to give their daughter sex education, and establish a correct concept of love.
"Mother's Book to Adolescent Daughter" writes that girls who have received good "sex education" in adolescence are more likely to have a comfortable and happy life than girls who have not received it.
In fact, "the beginning of the love sinus" is not a mental illness, nor is it a terrible thing, but a manifestation of mutual attraction between the opposite sex in adolescence, a normal psychological change, and an emotional need of people!
However, the physical and mental development of girls at this stage is not perfect enough, emotional understanding is not rational enough, emotional control is not stable enough, and it is easy to brew bitter results because of a momentary impulse.
Therefore, parents should positively guide their daughters to maintain a certain distance from the opposite sex, learn to correctly use the wonderful "opposite sex effect", treat them as competitive partners, learn together, discuss problems or complete a task, and let themselves have more friends.
The third point: the behavior should be soft, and the daughter should be popularized in advance to prevent puberty knowledge before it happens
There is a saying that the adoptive daughter knows the dangers of the world. Parents who have raised daughters must have deeply understood that the process of raising an excellent daughter in today's society may be even more difficult than the ninety-nine eighty-one difficulties experienced by the Tang monks and the Western Heavenly Scriptures.
Some parents said that since having a daughter, they have been prepared to squat in prison, even the star Wu Zun, has the same attitude: afraid of being abducted when he was young, afraid of early love after going to school, afraid of being harassed by his boss after work, afraid of encountering scumbags when he got married...
Wu Zun and his daughter
It is better to teach people to fish than to teach them to fish. Parents can't always accompany their daughters to protect her and shield her from the wind and rain, so if they want their daughters to smoothly pass through puberty, mothers must make themselves "weak" and popularize puberty knowledge to their daughters in advance.
Because the mother herself has also experienced this "growing pain", the mother can best understand the uneasiness and confusion in her daughter's heart when facing various situations, and understand the helplessness and confusion of her daughter who is full of doubts but has no one to ask.
At this time, the mother puts herself in the perspective of being the same age as her daughter, making her behavior "weak", can close the relationship with her daughter, and then go together to find the answer to the solution. It can be said that the mother is the most suitable teacher for adolescent daughters.
If you don't know how to popularize adolescence to your daughter, or are ashamed to talk about it, you may wish to read the two books "Private Books for Adolescent Girls" and "Books for Adolescent Daughters by Mothers" with your children.
"The Private Room Book of Adolescent Girls" introduces in detail the 10 major problems that adolescent girls often encounter, and gives 63 corresponding solutions, parents can only understand the secrets of adolescent girls' growth to help their children smoothly pass through puberty.
After reading this book, adolescent girls can not only clearly and comprehensively understand their own physiological and psychological changes, but also grasp the measure and bottom line of interaction with the opposite sex, so that girls can more clearly understand the secrets of adolescence.
The author of "Mother's Book to Adolescent Daughter" tells the various happy, sad, trepidation and doubtful growth events that occur in adolescent girls with his daughter's dotted tone, and is a real "parenting heart sutra" that is worth reading.
In these two books, you can learn both theoretical knowledge and real cases, help adolescent girls understand the secrets of the body, deal with the relationship with the opposite sex, and unveil the mystery of "sex".
What if your daughter is in adolescence or has a curiosity about sex, but you don't know how to cope?
If you want to protect your daughter, but you don't know where to start with sex education?
If you want to help your daughter grow up healthy and have a confident personality...
Read these two books with your daughter, and the physical and psychological problems often encountered by adolescent girls can be found in the book. Moreover, the content of the book is told in the "identity of the third party authority", which is more easily accepted and convinced by the child, and will not feel embarrassed.
(Two volumes only cost 32 yuan, click the link below to place an order)
【Wait for the wind to come】All 2 books given by mothers to adolescent daughters + private books for adolescent girls ¥32 to buy
The ending is felt
Wanting to raise a daughter is really not easy at all, as a parent, want to make the daughter strong enough, independent enough, to defeat the temptation, it is indeed to be "fierce", but just is easy to break, so sometimes the mother has to learn to "soft".
In this process, we parents only need to watch and guard around, there is no big problem, there is no need to personally make decisions for the child, but to do a good job of prevention in advance of adolescence, and accompany the daughter through puberty smoothly!