"Sister Lang" 3, Aya's "Wallflower March" is hot to explode.
The song is adapted from her famous songs "Miss Wallflower" and "File Ice March".
The person singing is still the same person, and the tune is still that tune, but the state presented to the audience is completely different.
At the age of 21, Aya sang energetically in "Miss Wallflower":
“OH. I AM A SUPER DANCING QUEEN, beautiful men are pouring for me. ”
It always feels like she's shouting with all her might: "Come and see, you see how good I am." ”
And now 43-year-old Aya sang in "Wallflower March":
"Step out of the comfort zone rap dance is not a word, let the gentle wisdom of experience fill me with buff."
As she stood there, she felt that she herself was the beam of light, and she didn't need to rely on external forces to prove anything.
At that time, Aya became popular in Taiwan with "File Ice March", positioning herself as a "witty ugly star", and "flattering personality" was a lingering label on her body;
Today, she has turned gorgeously and become recognized as the most talented producer and the host with the highest emotional intelligence.
From "pleasing others" to "pleasing yourself", how did Aya experience this life practice?
With "please others",
to prove that "I can"
In the past, Aya has always been a supporting role, or a clown.
Xiao S once joked: "Making friends with Aya is to set off her own beauty." ”
At that time, Aya, inferior and confused, seemed to be able to gain friendship and attention only by "flattering".
She wrote about the friendships of her youth:
Once, Big S said to eat buns in the morning.
Aya silently remembered, the next morning to go to the queue, but unfortunately did not buy, she bought soy milk, egg cake, rice balls, radish cake, anxiously hoping that Big S can see one of them.
But when she carefully put these breakfasts on the big S table, big S didn't care at all.
Aya quickly explained, but Big S threw breakfast in the trash.
Aya was aggrieved.
She described herself at the time: "I flattened my mouth and tried not to let the tears fall. ”
Years later, Xiao S asked Aya, "Have you been angry with my sister several times before?" ”
Aya covered her eyes, hid her emotions, and said a very transparent sentence:
"She's a lesson for me."
Aya, Big and Small S, Wu Peici, Fan Weiqi, etc. are very famous sister groups in Taiwan, known as the "Seven Fairies", but everyone tacitly acknowledges that Aya is the most inconspicuous one in it, and also the one who likes to be ridiculed by everyone the most.
Many times, Little S was on the show, telling Aya's "flattery" as a joke.
Although it is a joke, it also shows that in everyone's view, Aya is such a being:
Use humility to please friendship, use funny to entertain the audience, she is a comedian.
She herself said: "I lower myself too hard, talk about my own troubles in the show, and self-deprecation must be kept to the minimum." ”
She became very popular later, working more and more, but she became more and more sad: "When you come home from work, you have to cry in the car first, and after all your emotions are vented, you dare to go home." ”
Aya commented on herself at that stage:
"A lot of times, we will be arrogant because of inferiority, we will use that very hard thing to cover up the inner uneasiness, that kind of lack of confidence, will make me shake every time before going on stage, only I know, that feeling is really too uncomfortable, I don't want to be trapped by the feeling of not being confident and inferior." 」
This is actually what many of us have in common —
Obsessed with their own inadequacies, trying hard to change;
And too afraid of their own shortcomings being discovered by others;
So he tried his best to cover up the flattery, trying to cover up the inner uneasiness.
However, the more experienced, the easier it is to find that a person's life is just a contest to please others and please himself.
From pleasing others,
To accept yourself
Aya's transformation came from her father.
Before her father died, the words left to her were:
"Xiao Ya, you have worked hard, I hope you can do something for yourself."
Her father's heartache gave her the courage to "do something for herself".
So, she gave up her career of being popular, studied abroad, and recharged her batteries.
This charge is 10 years.
Then, as a producer and host, she returned with the in-depth programs of "Strange Life" and "Nice to Know You".
In fact, in the fast-paced society, everyone was not optimistic about this kind of program of thinking about life at first, but Aya was very insistent:
"In the environment I am familiar with, I can meet the same, I can think of what it is like, I hope to break the circle and meet some different people." 」
From "pleasing" the audience to "guiding" the audience at a deep level, this is a huge transformation in Aya's career.
Behind this is also her successful cultivation of her "flattering personality".
Aya candidly:
"I am definitely a flattering personality, I will find a way to please everyone around me, but I don't think that the flattering personality is bad, from another point of view, this kind of person is very understanding, but I understand now, and at the same time know how to please myself." 」
Aya accepts her character and sees the shining point of "warm understanding".
It was not easy for her to comfort Mao.
Mao did not easily say that his most regrettable thing was that he did not let his mother see his success before he died.
Aya's words were really instantly healing, she said:
"You don't think like that because I'm a mom, she'll never feel like you're an unsuccessful person, she'll just worry that you won't be able to take care of yourself."
Aya also put her focus back on herself—deeply pleasing herself.
And size S, Fan Xiaoxuan girlfriend tour, big S is still so poisonous tongue, teasing Aya wearing pants to make the figure 55 points.
The difference is that the current Aya is no longer the "humble friendship" she was then, in the face of big S's ridicule, she simply smiled, did not respond, there was no ripple in her heart, because she had already found a way to please herself.
After a drink, Little S cried and said to Aya:
"You quickly find your most comfortable position - producer, your show has won awards, you really step by step to achieve your dreams, but my dreams are not yet, I also want to act in movies, and I also want to be recognized." 」
In fact, I am really proud of you. ”
In such a praised situation, Aya once again showed high emotional intelligence, she sat down next to Little S, hugged her, and encouraged her: "I am also very proud of you." ”
Little S burst into tears: "I have nothing to be proud of, I've been doing the same thing." ”
Aya's consolation brought tears to her eyes:
"There is only one small S in this era, and I hope that our dreams can be realized."
At that moment, we also truly understood the tenderness and wisdom that experienced Aya.
After fully accepting herself, Aya truly achieved inner forgiveness, external accommodation without losing her position, and this pleasure made her charming.
This also makes us think, is it necessary to completely negate the "deficiencies", "shortcomings", "bad characters", and "negative emotions" that are generally considered to be completely rejected.
Can we, like Aya, turn away the shortcomings of the "flattering personality" and become a positive driver for the growth of life?
Turning to "inadequacy",
On the contrary, it can bring positive impetus to life
Life goes up and down, emotions are positive and negative, and anything that comes into our lives actually has its meaning and value.
Delphin Consulting had received such a girl.
She is very good, but very inferior and often self-attacking.
Later, we found that her inferiority came from her father's denial and attack on her from childhood.
As a result, her relationship with her original family has always been bad, and negative emotions have always plagued her life and career.
After studying and consulting, she suddenly realized:
"I used to think that all the problems in me were because of my father, but everything has two sides, and if I think about it, if it weren't for the proof to show him, I wouldn't have worked so hard, and I wouldn't be where I am now." 」
Amazingly, when her consciousness began to change, the pain brought to her by her original family seemed to fade away.
Just like the "flattering personality", many people think that this is a negative personality that has wronged themselves, but in fact, everything is one or the other, and when we choose to accept, this personality also has a unique power.
Just like Aya, pay attention to proportion in "flattery", she has become a warm and high emotional intelligence sister that everyone likes;
At the same time, her strength continues to flow, and she also "pleases" herself with her heart, and slowly, her inner enjoyment begins to be extremely enjoyable.
Many times, our eyes like to stare at what we think is a shortcoming, and gradually become screwed.
But when we change our perspective, we will see the back of the shortcomings, but there is actually a light hidden.
We can try to do it like this:
1. Let go of the negative focus on "shortcomings"
Many people are trapped in the high walls of the buildings they have built for themselves.
The walls seem to be filled with the negation of the self, as well as those who think of themselves as "shortcomings."
The reason why Aya was able to transform the "flattering personality" into a forward force was that in addition to acceptance, the important thing was to learn to appreciate herself.
When we let go of the negative attention to our own "shortcomings", it is the key to a person's transformation.
You can try to write down the positive effects of this "disadvantage":
For example, your sensitive personality may make you delicate and bring better empathy to the artistic creation of writing and painting;
You are very anxious, which may make you super mobile and do things vigorously.
2. Positive drive with acceptance "seeing"
In fact, the problem itself does not bring suffering, and the attitude toward the problem is the source of the suffering.
Confronting shortcomings will produce a lot of internal friction, either attacking yourself inward or using too much force to prove yourself outward.
On the contrary, when we choose to accept, we can also see positive drives in silence and allow energy to flow smoothly.
3. Move first, then find meaning
Letting go and accepting does not mean being unmoved.
It means not comparing shortcomings with the strengths of others, thinking about what we want, how to find what we really want to do...
Aya once said, "If you want to be what kind of person you are in 5 years, you have to go in that direction from now on." ”
Acceptance, let people have strength;
Action, let people find their way.
Meaning is to find out, dreams are to come out.
In short, in the face of all the "lessons" that appear in our lives, focusing on the positive drive it brings to us, it will slowly take root and sprout in life, and blossom into a tree.